Embracing change

Chapter 1: I am so screwed

Edwards POV

"Edward, why did you not allow me to turn when James bit me? And why have you not turned me yet?" Bella asked.

This has become a daily question, if she wasn't asking why I haven't turned her or why I didn't allow her to be turned, she was asking, when would I turn her.

I understand it must be difficult being surrounded by other beings making her desperately want to fit in however, I refuse to turn a living soul into the monster I am. Especially one I love or think I love… No, I love.

Recently I have been conflicted about my feelings for Bella. I now know that she is not my mate but my singer, meaning her blood sings to me, beckoning me to have a taste and sate my hunger for the life-giving substance pumping through her veins… Oops sorry, I went off track there.

The problem is that if I were to break up with her now, she is aware of my secret which would put my entire family and the rest of the supernatural world she has knowledge about in danger. Just one little slip from her to the right people (I should probably say wrong people) would start a witch hunt or should I say a supernatural hunt. It would have been easier I could hear what she was thinking to better judge her character.

Let's take a step back so I can introduce myself. My name is Edward Cullen, I am vampire. You see I was born Edward Anthony Masen Jr., on June 20, 1901 in Chicago, Illinois. In 1918 my parents and I became sick with the Spanish Influenza. After my father died my mother on her death bed begged the doctor who was taking care of us to do everything in his power to save me. When I was at death's door, Dr. Carlisle Cullen due to his compassionate nature acted on my mother's wish and turned me into a vampire and became my sire and father. I know what you are thinking how can a vampire be a doctor and be surrounded by humans all day but still resist the temptation? What can I say, my dad is just that awesome.

Honestly though, it boils down to his compassionate nature. While other vampires after their vampiric birth consume human blood, my dad since is second birth could not bring himself to harm a human life by feeding on them so he only fed on animal blood. Although it does not sate our hunger like human blood would, he kept with it, even trying to convince other covens to make the change, only one coven did though. We were dubbed vegetarian vampires due to our diet. Vampires have certain similar traits and characteristic, not like the crap Hollywood sprouts, such as, vampires can't go out in the day, sleep in coffins, can't walk on holy ground, have to be invited in, repelled by a cross or burn when you throw holy water on them. Our main similarities are our strength, marble like sink, cold touch and our blood based diet. Vampires that consume human blood are generally very strong but you know them by their characteristic red eyes, while those of us that consume animal blood have golden eyes. But I digress.

My mother Esme Cullen, joined us in 1921, when Carlisle turned her after he suicide attempt. There are some people in this world that are born to be mothers, Esme is one of them. After the death of her child two days after he was born, she was consumed by grief and could not think of any reason to keep on living which resulted in her jumping off a cliff. Luckily Carlisle found her and in order to save her life, changed her. She turned out to be his mate and they lived happily ever after adopting four more children.

My sister Rosalie Hale, is the most beautiful person in the world even for a vampire, she is outrageously stunning. Carlisle turned her after he found her left for dead, hoping she would be my mate and I would no longer be lonely but it wasn't to be. Rosalie eventually found her mate, Emmett, she saved him from being completely mauled by a bear and resisting his blood carried him to Carlisle so he can change him. It's a good thing she found Emmett as he is the only one that can calm her equally outrageous temper.

By 1950 we were sought out by Alice and Jasper who were already vampires. Alice has the ability to see the future and she saw herself and Jasper being a part of our family. After she had found Jasper her mate, they then came to us and adopted themselves into the family after escaping their tragic past. Jasper has the ability of pathokinesis meaning he as the ability to both feel and manipulate the emotions of those around him. And me, I'm a telepath meaning I can read the thoughts of anyone in close proximity to me, with the exception of Bella. It's quite annoying as I cannot turn off the buzzing of the thoughts around me. To make it even more annoying the thoughts of the one person I really want to know is the one I can't read. Anyways that is my family, my vegetarian vampiric family. After a few years of moving about we settled in Forks, Washington

Oh yes and back to Bella, or Isabella Swan. She moved to Forks, to live with her father, Chief of Police Charlie Swan. This seemingly average girl attracted my attention, the scent of her blood pulled me in resulting in her being involved with the supernatural world. I made the mistake of referring to her as my mate and now all she talks about is the fact that I am forever frozen in my seventeen-year-old body while she will age and eventually die. After being attacked by James – a tracker that caught scent of her and eventually captured her with the intent to drain her, she has been obsessed with the idea of becoming a vampire. I am getting sick of it now.

"Edward, Edward! Why are you not answering me?" I heard her ask, "whose thoughts are you listening to, that you have that far-off look on your face?" she probed.

I thought the question was a bit stupid considering we are sat in a private clearing in the woods with no trails for miles. This is where I go when I want to isolate myself from all the voices in my head. But I guess I should humour her, "No one Bella, I was just deep in thought".

"So, about my question, when will you turn me into a vampire so that I won't age and be with you forever?" she asked. I guess she is not going to let this go easily today.

"Bella, have you really thought about what you are asking? Have you considered what you will have to give up? Your friends, your family, what they would go through when you just disappear out of their lives? What about your humanity?" I asked her seriously. I needed her to understand that this is not a decision to be made lightly. That this decision would not only affect her but everyone she knows. "And I have said many times, I will not turn you into the soulless creature that I am. Why do you really want to be a vampire? I really need you to consider this"

The look Bella gives me is one of contempt and anger. The same look she has every time we argue about this same topic. Quickly the look is gone, as if it was never there to begin with,

"Edward, I can see that I need to really think on this so I can properly convince you. That's okay", she says sweetly with a slight grin. I wonder what she is really thinking. "Oh my gosh! I completely forgot, I made plans with Jake to hang out with him at the reservation today. Can please drop me other at the treaty line? I am sorry to cut our time short". I'm sure she means to say this in an apologetic manner but I can still hear the slight malice in her tone. "You understand my wanting to remain friends with Jake right, even though you guys can't stand each other. I will never understand the issue between vampires and werewolves. I guess because I am neither huh", her tone is so airy and laced with false remorse.

I can tell she is only bringing this up to make me jealous. There was I time I used to be but not anymore. Well two can play at that game. I calmly replied, "Oh that's fine, friends and family are very important. This is what I have been saying. You know what, it has been a while since I've just spent the day chilling and catching up with my siblings. I wonder what car Rosalie is under the hood off". The glint of anger is back. Bella and Rosalie do not get on. Or I should say, Rosalie is the one person in my family that does not like Bella and she has made her dislike known to everyone including Bella.

"I'm glad you are so understanding of my wanting to spend time with Jacob and that you have moved pass the fact that he has a crush on me", I know what she is trying to do, "I've been meaning to ask Jake if the wolves in his tribe are able to bite and change people into wolves like you see in the movie?" she says with a smile. Under her breath I hear her mutter, "This will be my backup route to longevity, if Edward doesn't turn me", if not for my enhanced vampiric hearing I would have missed it.

Well this just made things more complicated. I must find a way to rid myself of this girl without endangering my family. We get up, dust ourselves off and Bella hops on my back so I can run us back to my car.