What She Wants
One shot: Lena is attacked and wakes up, however, Stef is not there, her unfaithful ex is.
Hi guys! So I love Necar Zadegan (the actress who plays Gretchen, especially when she's in Bravo's 'Girlfriends Guide to Divorce') and I kind of wanted to portray Gretchen in a kinder light than how she is usually portrayed in fanfiction; after all - Lena obviously saw something in her to be with her for a year and a half. So here it goes and I hope you like it. - Oh, and in this Lena was never pregnant with Frankie. Hope you enjoy and please review! :)
Stirring from her dosed-up sleep Lena felt numb to the world. She was fighting her nightmares, desperate to wake up, yet the drugs were keeping her down. All she had wanted to do was have a night out with her colleagues, soon enough she was battling for her life. She rarely had nights out with her friends, when, by chance she did have the time to go out, she chose her wife's company. For they rarely got time alone raising five kids and all. Yet tonight she had chosen to go out with a few of her friends: Ellen, Jan, Rose and Monte on a girls' night out to drink away and potentially hook Rose up with someone for not hers, but their own sanity.
FLASHBACK
"Oooh! What about him!" Lena pointed out a man, mid-thirties, stood at the bar alone, obviously looking for some company. Monte's gaze followed her finger into the direction the man was sitting.
"OH yes!" She joined. "And if you don't I will!" She winked at Rose playfully as Rose blushed. Rose taught the kindergarten class, and her love life was as well established as her class' maths skills. The other women always pulled up Rose on how they were going to find her a man, she never took it personally, always played along, but she was so fussy it made the whole process that little more hilarious yet impossible.
"Yes, okay if you all want to be godmothers to babies with premature receding hairlines!" She blurted. The small group erupted into laughter before buying the next round of drinks.
As the night went on Stef checked in with Lena before notifying her she was gonna go down for the night as she had to be up early tomorrow.
Okay my love. I'll just finish this drink then I'll get a cab. I won't disturb you when I get in, sleep well beautiful. I love you Stefanie Marie x
Not even a minute after having sent the text her phone was pinging again.
Lena please catch a taxi with someone, you know I hate you in one alone. Please wake me up later, I wanna kiss my woman goodnight ;) I love you too baby x Full name, ooh I should get your drunk more often ;) and I hope you've had a lovely night out with the girls. I love you and stay safe my love x
Smiling and locking her phone Lena gulped the last of her drinks and told the girls she was going.
"Can't you just stay for one more round then I'll get a cab with you?" Monte asked, not wanting to leave just yet. "It's just we rarely all get out together, one more drink won't do any harm - unless you're under strict orders." She winked.
Sighing, Lena looked around, seeing it was evident none of them would be ready to go, even after the next round.
"No, its okay, I'll erm.. I'll go by myself, it's only like ten minutes in a cab I'll be fine." With that Lena made her way around the group saying her goodbyes, promising to text when she got home.
Getting out of the bar, the cool Californian evening breeze hit Lena sending shivers down her spine. Walking down the street, she went towards the corner where she knew cabs always waited.
"Ooh look at that!" She heard a male voice husk no more than a foot behind her. Her step quickened at her breath caught itself in her throat. "Don't mind if I do."
Lena felt one hand grab her waist and the other grab her mouth, muffling any noise she was struggling to make. Her eyes bugged out in panic, her whole body tensing in fear. She was paralysed, her head was telling her to fight but she couldn't. She didn't feel in control of her body. His hands smelt of alcohol and tobacco, his skin rough, his told tight. Trying to wriggle from his reach only made his grip tighter, hurting her delicate frame, making him more violent.
"Oooh we have a squirmer." He snarled, dragging her to the side alley. Lena looked frantically before the street disappeared as he took her further down the alley. There had been no one there. No one. No one on a summers night in California. No one to help her.
He pushed her body against the brick wall; the forced winded her, making her dizzy, decreasing her very little strength. Taking his hand away from her mouth and hips, he placed one holding her shoulder to the wall and the other to his zipper of his jeans.
"Please no, please don't." She begged. "I have kids. Please. Please just let me go. I'll give you money. Please. Just please." Sobs began to take over.
"Stop crying goddammit! You think you didn't ask for this? Walking around in a dress like that! You're a slut!" He growled.
Lena tried to stifle her sobs, allowing her to hear voices from the street.
"Help! Please, someone! Help!" Her scream ripped out of her.
A flash of annoyance and fear of being caught swooned through the man's eyes. Knowing that people heard Lena, and knew she was there his hand went to his pocket, pulling out a large knife and pushing into Lena's soft, mocha skin. She fell to the ground shrieking, screaming out in pain from the pit of her stomach. Bellowing over on the floor she clutched her stomach, her dress becoming more and more blood-stained by the second. Blood seeping out over her hands, her head going dizzy, spiralling. She saw the man run further down the alley as her eyes begun to close shut, regretting the decision to not have another drink. Regretting the decision to go out at all. Regretting the decision of not being with her wife and children.
END OF FLASHBACK
Still not opening her eyes Lena tried to move. Her whole body felt heavy, suffocatingly so; she felt like dead weight, drowning above water. She managed to make a slight movement with her right hand, the movement feeling like an irritating twitch. However, reacting to her movement another pair of hands masked hers; it wasn't those set of hands she was used to though. The hands were unfamiliar, like a strangers. At this, Lena's eyes stuttered open, her vision hazy and weak, as though she were wearing steamed up glasses. Turning her head to the side to see who's hands were holding on to hers, there sat someone whom she hadn't seen in years.
"Gretchen?" She managed, her voice husky and slightly slurred. "W-Where's Stef? Where am I?" She felt her heart beating through her skin, it was as if she could hear each pulse.
"Lena." Gretchen's eyes welled once she realised Lena was responsive and recognised her. "Stef left about a half hour ago to sort out those beautiful children of yours. You're in the city hospital Lens, you were attacked and got a nasty wound in your stomach. We are presuming it was so you couldn't get away quickly. I work here now, I'm the attending physician, I saw your name come through in the ER last night. Seeing you in that state kind of tore me, they said it was a conflict of interest for me to work on your case. I managed to get some time off so I could sit with you as Stef said she needed to sort out the kids, tell them whats happening. I reassured her you wouldn't be alone and have someone here if you woke up."
"Tha-" Lena cleared her throat before trying again. "Thank you."
"Here, have some of this," Gretchen said, getting the white plastic cup of water and bringing it towards her chapped lips. Lena tried but failed to sip as she began coughing.
"Ow!" She cried, the cough agitated her stomach, leaving her with stabbing pains.
"Oh Lena," Gretchen smoothed over the top of Lena's hair that acted as an extra pillow for Lena. "I take it you stopped straightening it?" Gretchen smiled, trying to distract Lena from her pain and the thoughts of her previous night.
Lena smiled weakly. "Too much maintenance." She said in a slightly louder whisper than her previous comments. Gretchen fumbled with Lena's curls before pulling away, reminding herself Lena was no longer hers, and how easily it looked as though she were stepping over the boundaries. "You haven't changed."
"No, I haven't." Gretchen sadly smiled, seeing Lena in this way was pulling at her heart. How could she have done what she had done to her? Lena was such a wonderful, beautiful, caring woman who simply deserved the world. And Gretchen had done everything in her power to mess it up. Inside she was internally kicking herself when she saw Lena's brow furrow. "What is it, Lena?" Her voice soothed. No, she thought, she was not going to think about herself now, and how awfully she screwed Lena over. Lena needed her right now.
"He came out of nowhere Gretchen." She said, her eyebrows raised, tears welling in her glassy eyes. "I was out with the girls when I wanted to go out with Stef. No. I should have gone out with Stef. And he just followed me and grabbed me out of nowhere." Her body shuddered, and Gretchen scooted over to her side placing her arm around Lena's shoulders, Lena put her head against the other woman's side. And there she sobbed, trying to move the rest of her body as little as possible to prevent further pain or damage.
Gretchen held her while she fell apart. She was more present now than she had ever been during the course of their relationship. Smoothing over her hair with her free hand, she tried to comfort Lena whispering soothing comments and just letting her know she was no longer alone. She was safe.
Around a half hour later, Lena was calmed back down and was thankful for Gretchen's company.
"God knows what's taking your woman so long." Gretchen chuckled looking at the watch on her hand, to which Lena smiled.
"Well, with five kids, you can't exactly sort everyone out quickly." At this, they both let out quiet laughs. Gretchen saw Lena's eyes twinkle at the mention of her children, her family.
"So tell me about them." She offered, pulling her legs up and curling up on the small, uncomfortable chair next to Lena's bed.
"Well, there is Brandon, he's 18, he plays the piano and is very musical." She begun, her eyes lightening up, colour soon coming into her face. "There's Callie, she's 17, she loves her art and is a brilliant photographer. Jesus, he's 16, he's on the wrestling team, he's very athletic. Mariana, she is also 16, she and Jesus are twins. She's extremely intelligent, she does hundreds of extra curriculum activities and is the ruler of the house. She has us all under her little finger, I think she's going to make quite the lawyer one day. And there's my sweet boy Jude, he's fourteen, the baby of the Brady Bunch, he loves writing, and those god awful video games."
Gretchen smiled as Lena spoke about her children. Children she knew Lena had so desperately wanted for so long and had now obviously got.
"I take it you didn't carry them all?" Gretchen joked. "Five kids? Ouch!"
Lena inhaled softly. "I didn't carry any of them actually."
"You didn't? But Lena… you wanted to get pregnant so badly!"
"Well, when I met Stef she already had a little Brandon. Nearly a year into our relationship we talked about expanding our family and erm…" Lena's voice cracked slightly. "Well… she did. She brought the twins home. I guess I didn't really fully tell her how I wanted to expand the family and to be honest…" Lena paused looking down, eyes welling before she looked up and continued looking directly into Gretchen's eyes which were sympathetic for the woman. "I know this makes me sound like an awful mother and an awful person… But I really didn't want them." Lena stopped, a tear trickled down her cheek. She could not believe she had just said those words out loud. Thoughts she had tried to compress for so long. She loved the twins now and wouldn't trade them for the world. But at the time, Lena couldn't have been more detached if she tried. But she wanted to please Stef; she didn't want to let her down or disagree with her. Now she had grown as a person, and their relationship had matured she had no problem speaking her mind, but at the time, she was so scared of losing her, as she had lost Gretchen, that she did anything she could to keep her.
"Hey, hey." Gretchen soothed, rubbing her thumb over Lena's hand. "But you love them now Lena, I can see that. It doesn't make you a bad person and far from a bad mother. You're human Lena, it's okay to admit to things we're ashamed of thinking."
"When did you get so wise?" Lena smiled through her tears, making Gretchen laugh.
"Sweets I wouldn't go that far." No. Stop Gretchen, she thought to herself after letting the little name slip out. From that moment on she made a promise to herself to not use any little pet names.
Without barely noticing Gretchen's slip up Lena continued. "I love them now, honestly I wouldn't trade them for the world. I started to be the mama they wanted and needed, and everything just seemed right… Then, anyway, I was going to talk to Stef about having a baby, and then Jude and Callie came along… and so yeah… I guess we just got busy." Lena smiled at Gretchen who could see the pain in her eyes that she was so desperately trying to mask.
"But do you still want a baby?"
"I guess. But it's stupid right? Wanting six kids?" Lena shrugged, with a slight blush blooming over her defined cheeks.
"I don't think its stupid Lena. It's something you want. It's something you've wanted for a very long time. Hell, it was a deal breaker when we were together!" Gretchen smiled. She couldn't understand how or why Lena pushed something which was so important to herself under the rug. "I mean Lens, imagine when you get to fifty and can no longer have kids and wish you would've, how do you think you'd feel knowing that you hadn't even tried? I know you. You're such a passionate person, and I honestly believe it would eat you up alive."
"I know, I know." Lena sighed, shrugging in defeat, she knew how badly she still wanted a baby, someone who she was biologically related to. "But five is enough."
"Is there something more to it all?" Gretchen pushed, aware she may have been taking advantage of Lena's vulnerable state. She just wanted to figure out what was going on in Lena's beautiful mind; she wanted to make sure she was happy, it was the least she could do.
"It's just-" Lena stopped herself, looking away from Gretchen to the other side of the room. Smiling in anger at how stupid she was to even think of such a thought.
"It's just what Lena?" Getting Lena to turn back around to her. Lena could see how genuine Gretchen was being to her, how sincere. Lena trusted her right now, more than she had ever trusted the woman in the time she had known her.
"I know it's such a selfish thing to think… But, everyone in our house is related some way by blood. Brandon is Stef's son, I'm just good old good time step-mom. Mariana and Jesus are twins, and Callie and Jude are half siblings. I guess I just want someone to be linked to me. To share some of my heritage. Someone who won't forget about me, who will love me unconditionally."
"Lena, you of all people should know that that is not a selfish thing to think. And I can assure you, the way your wife's phone was being bombarded with texts wondering how their wonderful mama was, those children, or should I say, teenagers, love you. They love you and they care for you." It pained Gretchen to speak of things so highly that she could no longer give to Lena. But she had to make the woman see how valued she was, how loved she was. How without her, things would never run the way they did.
"Callie doesn't even call me mama. Brandon too, he calls me Lena most of the time, even though I practically raised him when Mike went awol and Stef was always at work when we got back home from school."
"Well from what Stef was telling me, that girls been through a lot Lena. I'd say give it some time and keep doing what you're doing. And as for Brandon, relish in the moments he does call you mama. And, if it does bother you so badly, talk to Stef, I'm sure she'd speak to him or offer you some decent points to put your mind at ease."
"God," Lena chuckled. "How long were you two talking for?"
Gretchen laughed. "You have no idea." She stopped, looking into her eyes. "You know I've been working in this profession for a long time now. If I need people to calm down or if people need a distraction, most of the time if you bring up family it works. It's worked for both of you two. I can tell your family means so much to you both. That you've both worked so hard for what you have. And not only have you worked hard but you love hard. The relationship you have with Stef, that is not just an everyday thing, you two are so in love, and after all these years I don't know how you do it. The love and the family you have is what matters Lena."
"It means a lot Gretchen, thank you. And honestly speaking, you should write a book. God, you have a way with words." The two of them quietly laughed. It had been so long since they had sat and talked in a civilised manner. Lena didn't realise how much she missed Gretchen's company. Although their relationship had ended toxically, they still had many happy memories together. She wished she could be friends with her now, they had so much more to learn about each other's lives and from Lena had learnt, maybe Gretchen and Stef could become friends too.
"But honestly Lena," Gretchen's voice hit a serious note as they both looked into each other's eyes. "I think you should talk to Stef about this whole baby thing, before it's too late…"
"I will." She whispered, squeezing Gretchen's hand which was still rubbing hers.
Then, a small knock at the door filled the room, Stef's blonde hair peeping round the door she saw she was awake. She saw her love. Lena's eyes filled with tears, Stef's too as she walked over to her and to hold her. Holding her like she was never going to let go.
On second thoughts I'm gonna turn this into a two parter. The second is gonna have a flashback of Stef being notified of Lena's attack and the baby talk. - please let me know what you think & please review - Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!
