Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Lee the Therapist

Chapter One: Victims: Hinata, Shino, and Sasuke

Lee awoke feeling brilliantly youthful, and jumped out of bed and went to his closet. "What youthful outfit should I wear today?" he wondered, looking through all the sets of green spandex.

After carefully choosing one, he got into the shower and then brushed his teeth. Then he walked out of the door with a couple of wooden boards and nails. Youthfully hammering together a small stand, he then came out with three chairs and then with a large sign that read: LEE THE YOUTHFUL THERAPIST. He imagined Gai-sensei saying, "GREAT JOB, LEE!" and flashing a thumbs-up. Lee sighed in delight. Then he sat down and waited.

It was now 2:00 and still no one came. Lee forced himself to stay alert, but on the inside he was already knodding off.

"L-Lee? Wh-What are you doing?"

Lee immediately turned on and stood up. "YOUTHFUL HINATA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS FINE MORNING?"

"Um…it's afternoon…nothing, really. Kiba went to a dog show and…well…Sh-Shino's…um…gardening…" the shy Hyuuga looked again to the sign. "What are you doing?"

"I am being a VERY YOUTHFUL THERAPIST! Would you like to sit down and tell me every single one of your problems, even ones I shouldn't be hearing?"

"I—"

"YES! I KNEW YOU WOULD!" Lee dragged Hinata down into the other seat. "So, what are your problems?"

"I…I, um…I would like to be more confident…and less quiet…so Naruto-kun would notice me a little."

"YES! YOU MUST BE YOUTHFUL!"

"H-Huh?"

"YOUTHFULNESS IS THE BASIS OF EVERYTHING! WITHOUT YOUTHFULNESS, EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE AND WE WOULD BE NOTHING MORE THAN UN-YOUTHFUL PEOPLE! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING MUST BE YOUTHFUL!"

"I—YES! YOUTHFULNESS!"

"YOUTHFULNESS!"

"YES! I UNDERSTAND NOW! I HAVE NOT BEEN YOUTHFUL ENOUGH! I WILL BE MORE YOUTHFUL AND NARUTO-KUN WILL NOTICE ME!"

"YES, HINATA!" Lee was crying tears of joy.

"I WILL GO AND BE YOUTHFUL NOW!"

"YES! YES!"

"YES!"

"GO DO THAT!"

"YES!"

Hinata ran off, and Lee danced around, singing in his happiness.

"GAI-SENSEI, MY FIRST CUSTOMER AND IT HAS ALREADY BEEN A BIG SUCCESS!"

"…Lee?..."

"SHINO! My SECOND SUCCESS!"

"…Hn?..."

"SIT DOWN, AND LET THE YOUTHFULNESS FLOW THROUGH YOU!"

Shino sighed. "Alright, Lee, but only if you stop that. You're really embarrassing me."

"OF COURSE!"

Shino sat down reluctantly, and Lee continued. "So, tell me your problems!"

"Well…"

"I KNOW! I KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS!"

"STOP THAT!"

"IT IS YOUR RIDICULOUS FASHION SENSE!"

"…Fashion sense?..." Shino asked slowly. "What's wrong with…my sense of fashion? I think that I am very fashionable, and my glasses make me look very mysterious and cool."

"NO! IT IS HIDEOUS! YOU MUST WEAR SOMETHING MORE YOUTHFUL!"

"…like what?..."

"GET A BOWL CUT, PUT ON A LOT OF GLOSSY HAIR GEL, AND WEAR GREEN SPANDEX AND TRAIN DAY AND NIGHT!"

"…no…"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER IDEAS?"

"I…YES!" Shino stood up with a spark in his…sunglasses, and sprinted away at the speed of a caterpillar.

Tears ran out of Lee's eyes. "No…GAI-SENSEI! I HAVE FAILED YOU! I WILL PUNISH MYSELF—"

"Lee?"

"WHAT IS IT, SASUKE? CAN YOU NOT SEE I AM BUSY PUNISHING MYSELF?"

"Well…I just thought…that Hinata said that you were good, so I thought I could use some…counseling."

"OF COURSE! I WILL NOT FAIL YOU THIS TIME, GAI-SENSEI!"

"…okay then…"

"SIT DOWN! What are your problems?"

"Well…I just thought I might rethink my life. Living to kill someone is sort of depressing, and I don't even know what I mean by, "restoring my clan." I can't really bring them back from the dead."

"I KNOW! YOU WANT TO FIND YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE!" Lee winked.

"I…what do you mean?"

"THE SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE YOUTHFUL WITH!"

"I…I know! SAKURA! REVENGE! REVENGE! REVENGE FOR EATING ALL MY TOMATOES AND ONIGIRI! YES! AND I KNOW THE PERFECT REVENGE! MAKING HER DRINK SO MUCH SODA SHE IS HYPER FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE!" Sasuke stood up and ran away, in search of the unlucky pink-haired kunoichi.

"NO! NOT MY SAKURA-CHAN! REMAIN SINGLE FOR ME, SAKURA-CHAN! NO! I HAVE FAILED YET AGAIN, GAI-SENSEI! I WILL PUNISH MYSELF!"

"I think he lives for revenge…" Kiba sighed and sat down. "Don't punish yourself yet, Lee. I want counseling."

"I—THIS TIME, GAI-SENSEI, I WILL NOT FAIL YOU!"