The Adventures of Galadriel, An Incompetent Wood-Elf
Part 1: Honeydew Caves and a Grizzly Discovery
It was a horrible, dreary day, and my horse trotted along quite merrily like the annoying beast he is. Damn thing is better at fighting off wolves and bandits than I am. As soon as I'm off his saddle, off Horsie goes, bucking and kicking until the wolf is very much dead and I'm still fumbling to get out my battleaxe. Of course, I really should be reaching for my bow and arrow, but I'm a progressive wood-elf, and find the stereotype of 'Elves are archers,' to be as old fashioned as doilies and flowery wallpaper. So yes, I was specialising in two-handed weapons with a bit of good ol' fire magic to back it up.
Where was I? Oh yes, I was trotting along with Horsie, enjoying the winter shower that chilled me through my light armour when I spotted a cave. My adventurer's sense (other people call it Looter's sense, but I'm an adventurer, I swear!) went tingling off the charts, so I parked Horsie under a nice tree to keep him dry and went to investigate.
My map called it Honeydew Cave, and I could see a beehive attached to the roof that presumably gave it the name. Then I realised that something big and heavy was clawing at my back in a rather unsettling and health draining way. I turned round as quickly as I could and lit my hands with magic flame. I swear, I didn't scream when I realised it was a bear. No, you must've been hearing someone else. Yes, there was no one else around. Shut up.
So, with my battle cry sounded, I sent all the fire I could at the bear, never letting up for a moment. Of course, the damn thing decided that getting a tiny bit roasted alive was no reason it shouldn't continue to try and claw my spine straight out of my torso. I probably should've tried to block the bear or use my trusty battle-axe, but sometimes getting clawed at by a bear really puts a stop to any higher brain functions.
It eventually succumbed to my magic, and I stood in triumph over its corpse, rifling through the fur to see if there was any loose change caught in the hairs. Why are you looking at me like that? If giant frostbite spiders can carry loose change, then why are you discriminating against bears you racist?
So, my foe defeated and the corpse several pounds lighter since I skinned it and pried off it's teeth and claws (leaving behind a fun surprise for any small children gallivanting through the forest), I went into the cave to snoop around for any treasure.
Then I came face to face with two more bears.
My magic was depleted, my fingers were fumbling around to get my battle-axe ready and all I could do was quickly run away like a brave hero who knows when to back down and not like a coward. Really, I mean it!
Back with Horsie, I grabbed a quick Potion of minor healing and used a bit of my recovering magic to heal up all the way. Then I prepared myself. I went back into the cave, promptly ran out of magic again, and came back out. I swear, those bears were far more angry than they had any right to be. I was the one getting mauled!
I finally realised that if magic wasn't working, then maybe I should use that battleaxe I was neglecting. Only because I knew I could take those bears on with magic, see. Not because I forgot about it or anything.
So, third time's the charm, right? Right!
The two bears got a hefty battle axe to the face, payback for my ruined shirt and armour. They didn't stand a chance!
So, with the cave finally cleared of unreasonably angry animals, I went to peruse the rest of the cave. I was really hoping there'd be some bandits around. Those guys were so fun to mess with. And there was a bandit. Except he was dead, which really takes the fun out of things. Still, you can't just leave a money-laden corpse lying around, so I searched through the pockets and found a pretty good stack of gold. Why are you looking at me like that? If I left the gold, no one would have found it and it would've gone to waste, and if I left all the gold in the pockets of slain bandits, why, the entire economy of Skyrim would go under! I'm doing the world a favour here!
There was also a huge chest with an open lock on it. It was practically shouting 'LOOK AT ME, I HAVE PRETTY THINGS INSIDE! YOU WANT TO HELP THE ECONOMY DON'T YOU?', so of course I rifled through it.
Coming out of that cave 50 gold pieces richer and closer to reaching my next level in skill, I didn't mind the rain, or the Skeever running around. Horsie could take care of it I knew, and then the two of us would be off again, headed to the next money-rich bandit ca...I mean, the next town. So I could spend the money. Y'know. Because that's why I looted those corpses. Economy and such...
- Galadriel Lv.7
I don't own Any Elder Scrolls copyright, but I do own Skyrim and have been playing it. Badly.
Writing style is borrowing heavily from Hajime Kanzaka's Slayer's series.
Inuchron
