How Warriors-Into The Wild Should have Started
WARNING: Spoilers And Extreme Randomness
(duh)
By: Echotrail and Mallowbloom
-Prologue-
A half moon glowed on smooth granite boulders, and somewhere, far, far away, in the jungle, the mighty jungle... (Oops, wrong scene)
Suddenly, the rocks were alive with screeching cats.
And then, an overweight cat named Tigerclaw pinned Oakheart down.
"Oakheart! Were you... Tresspassing?!" (DUN, DUN, DUN!)
"Well, after tonight, Tigerclaw, I`ll die, Redtail will die, and my arrogant Riverclan Warriors will rub this victory in your faces, by doing absolutely no hunting on these rocks, and just sun ourselves!" Oakheart began to laugh, but it was cut short when he started choking on a fur ball. (By the way, he already read the warrior books)
"Spoilers dude!" Tigerclaw meowed.
Suddenly, there was a weak, video game style death shriek after a player receives damage."AUGHHH!"
Tigerclaw spun around to see Riverclan Warriors leaping up the slippery rocks, but it was futile, they continued to slip, fall and trip.
Finally, after almost five minutes of mindless tripping and slipping, the cats gave up, and went around.
"You may swim like penguins," Tigerclaw yelled, then paused, glancing around. "Um, sort of, but you do not belong in this forest!"
"Well why not?" A random cat that we are making for the sole purpose of saying one line that you are supposed to ignore and move on said.
"Hmm, I don`t know actually..." Tigerclaw admitted. "I mean you`re a cat, I`m a cat, well except you, Oakheart, I think you`re a squirrel, but uh... I had a bit of catnip this afternoon and these ghost like figures, uh... Told me to fight y`all to the death so... I`m going to listen to em..." He said, swaying slightly, eyes crossed and pupils dilated.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" A Thunderclan she-cat screeched.
Tigerclaw heard the cry, looked up from Oakheart, and hollered back. "Everything okay, Mousefur? You get hurt or something?"
"Sorry, I stepped on a Lego!" She called back.
Tigerclaw turned back to face Oakheart, fuming. "You sick monster! How dare you drop Lego like three year old! Have you no manners?"
"OW I stepped on it again, damn it! I'm telling mom!" Mousefur complained.
"Mom's not here!" A random cat mocked.
"I'm going back to camp then, losers!" Mousefur retorted, stomping off with a hurt paw.
"Tigerclaw, this is useless!" Redtail yowled. (He's the Victim. Told You There Were Spoilers.)
"Well I'm not listening, I'm going to kill you so that I can become leader after I kill Bluestar!" Tigerstar growled. "Er, I mean, I have no plans!" (The Killer. DUH.)
Tigerstar then lunged at Redtail and violently killed him, so violent that we can't even describe it.
At that point, both clans had left. Thunderclan's reason: Tired of stepping on lego. Riverclan's reason: Half of them unable to get on Sunningrocks.
In the Thunderclan clearing, Bluestar sat alone while being stalked by the medicine cat, Spottedleaf.
"How's Mousefur?" Bluestar asked, clearly noticing Spottedleaf's heavy breathing.
Spottedleaf stepped out of her hiding spot. "She stepped on a lot of Lego, but she'll be fine, she's not that old."
"And yet, Redtail mysteriously died when he was left alone on Sunningrocks with Tigerclaw... I wonder who killed him?" Bluestar said. "Oh! And you are a very useless cat, Spottedleaf, go die."
"Yes, master..." spottedleaf meowed, going to her den to dig a hole.
When Spottedleaf had left, Bluestar, being the old cat that she was, began talking to herself, as usual.
"I lost... I never lose... Of course, Sunstar lost, he's a loser, but me...? Lose? I need more warriors, to win..."
Suddenly, a well placed shooting star darted across the night sky.
"OOH! A shooting star! I wonder what it means?" Bluestar shrieked.
A voice whispered into her ear. "Tiger will rule."
Bluestar frowned. "That can't be Tigerclaw!"
Somewhere, Starclan, the poor spirits all facepawed. (Facepalmed)
Yes, more chapters will be coming soon my little followers, and as Echotrail always says, "PATIENCE!" So yes, this is quite random, but it's just all in good fun. Hope you enjoyed! :)
