Yes. I yelled "IDIOT!" at my screen when Booth left and chose to be with Hannah rather than celebrating his friends' pregnancy. And yes, I'm pissed at him for being so cold towards Brennan. BUT, then I started thinking that maybe, maybe there was a reason for him to be acting so out of character. And then I wrote this story. :)
Sorry in advance for the mistakes you'll definitely find here and there while reading. Like most of you know, English is not my first language and I don't work with beta-readers, so, sometimes my eyes skip the typos and sometimes I have a hard time with prepositions, but I think you'll get everything anyway. Don't feel bad to point me out the mistakes. It's pretty helpful.
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It was almost midnight when Brennan left the Founding Fathers that night. She was feeling warm and happy. It had been a great night celebrating her friends' happiness. The only thing that saddened her was the fact Booth wasn't there to share that moment with them. For the past six years, they all had become a family. Each one of them, with all their issues and flaws, ended up getting close and finding in themselves the family they didn't have in their own. And now, when a new member in that different yet amazing family would arrive, he wasn't there with them.
Not that she blamed him.
He surely missed his girlfriend. She'd been out of town for the weekend, after all. And Booth was in love, wasn't he? She'd known people who were in love didn't like being away from their loved ones. She had experienced the missing thing herself.
Still, she couldn't help wishing he'd been there with them. The old Booth, who'd made a joke and then a beautiful and warming speech welcoming the addiction to the Montenegro-Hodgins family. The old Booth, who'd take her home and wish her a good night. It was partially her fault that he changed so much and found someone else, she thought. She had her chance and she blew it away, not even giving them a try. But she couldn't, could she? The thought of losing her partner forever due to a failed relationship scared her much more than losing him to someone else.
But he'd changed, nonetheless. Their relationship had changed. He wasn't so playful as he used to be anymore. He'd become more serious and less patient. They didn't see each other not even a bit as much as they used to, and she never thought she'd miss what they had so much. A surrogate relationship, Sweets once told them. Maybe it was. But now it was over and he'd move on. And there was nothing she could do but be happy that he was happy. And be happy that they were still able to keep being partners and friends, doing their jobs just as well as they always did.
She was about to get in the cab – alone, like she was getting used to do now – when she felt her cell phone vibrating inside her purse.
"Brennan." She answered, not checking who was calling.
"Temperance! Thank God you answered me." A relieved person said on the other side of the line.
"Hannah, hi." She said, not sure why Hannah would call her that late. "Is something wrong?"
"I don't know…" Brennan could see the woman was confused. "Is Seeley with you?"
"No." She knitted her eyebrows. Why would Booth be with her?
"No?" Now it was the blonde's turn to be surprised. "I arrived over five hours ago and he isn't even answering his phone. I thought he was with you."
"No, we were heading to the Founding Father when he received your message. He said he would go home to be with you." Brenna explained. "That was over four hours ago, Hannah."
"Well, certainly home wasn't the place he went to." She said wryly. Then something hit her. "Do you think something happened to him? Oh, God. What if someone caught him?"
"I highly doubt that. Booth is a trained sniper and he's been a cop for years." Brennan tried to calm the other woman, although terrifying thoughts were running through her head. Yes, Booth was a terrific cop, but that didn't prevent him of getting caught by the Gravedigger. She pushed the pessimistic thoughts away.
"Then why he isn't here?"
"I don't know." She said honestly. She really thought he was excited to go home. "Look, Hannah, maybe he got a call from the FBI and had to go back to his office to check on something." She tried to think rationally. "Here is what I'm going to do. I'm near the Hoover's building, I'll go there and check. Booth is a really easy sleeper, maybe he fell asleep in his office and isn't hearing his phone. I promise I'll call you as soon as I find him."
"Thank you, Temperance." Hannah sighed. "You're a really good friend."
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He wasn't at the FBI. Nor at the diner or at the other ten bars she went to trying to find him. There was only one other bar left in the region and she promised herself to never step on that place again, but she was worried about him, so when the cab stopped in front of the Checker Box, she took a deep breath and walked in.
Images of Booth getting shot and lying on the floor bleeding under her hand flooded her mind. She didn't realize she was shivering until she almost lost balance and had to hold on a chair not to fall. She felt like she was back to her worst nightmare.
She was almost turning back to leave when she saw him sitting at the bar, a glass of whisky placed in front of him.
"I thought you were going home to have sex with Hannah." She said taking the available seat next to him.
He jumped startled. He was not expecting to see his partner there.
"You really thought, didn't you?" He let out a sarcastic, sad laugh.
"What are you doing here?" She asked and looked at the almost empty glass. Booth enjoyed one drink or twice once in a while, but he wasn't really what you'd call a drinker. And he certainly didn't use to go to a bar and drink by himself. Especially when he had a pretty woman who loved him waiting for him at home after she arrived from a trip.
"What are you doing here?" He asked confused and a bit annoyed. Why did she always have to haunt him? Why was she there? The more he tried to forget her, the more she seemed to get stuck in his mind. He went there to try to forget how miserable his life was and the main reason of his pain showed up there.
He was just that lucky.
"I hate this place." She said ignoring his question, her heart pounding inside her chest while she looked around. She felt numb.
"Bones?" His protective instincts quickly hit him when he noticed how pale she was. He cursed himself for feeling like that. "You're okay?"
"It's just… I… I had nightmares about this for months." She confessed, her gaze fixed at the little stage where she once sang cheerfully to her favorite song, until she was stopped by a gunshot. "Sometimes I still do." She added in a whisper.
He took all his strength to not reach out his hand and take hers.
"You still didn't tell me what you are doing here." He said, eager to change the subject. The last thing he wanted was to discuss important moments of their past right now.
"Hannah called me." She told him, her eyes finally leaving the stage to land on his face. "She was really worried you hadn't come home and that you didn't answer your phone."
"And you started searching for me?" He snorted, running the tip of his finger around the edge of his glass.
"Why, yes." She furrowed her eyebrow. "I got worried when I didn't find you at the FBI, and you weren't answering your phone."
"Maybe I just wanted some time alone." He shrugged. "Didn't that come to that genius mind of yours?"
She noticed the bitterness in his tone, but he seemed pretty upset, so she decided to ignore it.
"Booth, what's wrong?" She asked, taking his hand in an effort to make him look at her. He quivered at the touch. "You never drink alone. The woman you love is waiting for you at home, she'd been away for the weekend and she certainly misses you."
The woman he loved. He almost laughed hearing that coming out of Brennan's mouth. God knew that was all he asked Him every night. To love that amazing woman. To daydream about his girlfriend during the day while she was away, to count the seconds to meet her again at night. But he didn't. And lately all he felt when he was with her was guilty. Guilty for not being able to give himself completely to her. Guilty for wishing she was another woman. Guilty for using her to release his frustration.
He lifted his head to look at his partner. She was beautiful, even though he could see she was tired after the long day, her make up almost gone and her hair a bit messy. But still beautiful. He could see the concern in her eyes and he hated her for that. Why was she so blind? Why couldn't she see what her concern for him and interest in his happiness with Hannah was killing him inside? That working with her was a daily battle with his heart? That he hated her for not caring that he had a girlfriend? That she was happy for his happiness when the last thing he was at the moment was happy?
That the more he tried to get out of the hole he'd gotten himself into, the deeper he fell?
"You really don't get it, do you, Bones?" He snorted sadly. "How painful it is for me."
"Painful?" She was genuinely surprised. "What's painful?"
Sometimes he really wished she wasn't so oblivious.
"To see Angela and Hodgins' happiness." He looked away again. "That they found each other and were able to work on their differences. That they are happy and starting a family." He took a sip of his drink and focused his eyes on the girl singing, although his mind was far away. "Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them. But it hurts. It hurts seeing that they are having everything I know I'll never have." Brennan was about to open her mouth, but he cut her off before she spoke and continue. "Being there, with you and the squints, and act like nothing happened, like nothing changed. It's painful."
"How- how is that painful?" She was almost afraid to ask, but she did anyway.
"I'm trying to move on here, Bones. I really am. I'm making a great effort, but little celebrations like that… it makes things pretty hard." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Being with you every single day and seeing you acting like nothing changed, that makes things even harder."
"I'm- I'm just trying to keep things between us the way they were." She felt a lump on her throat. It wasn't like she wasn't making a great effort there either. He wasn't the only one struggling with his feelings everything single day. He wasn't the one having to witness him doing everything he once did with her with another woman.
"Well, I'll tell you some news, Bones, things will never be the way they were again." He said, starting to get angry. "Like it or not, what happened between us changed our relationship forever."
"I thought you were happy with Hannah." She caught her bottom lip between her teeth in an attempt to hold back her tears. "You keep saying you love her and how happy she makes you."
"I really do, don't I?" He chuckled, even though he wasn't one bit amused. "The thing is, I'm trying to put a distance between us, trying to cut that dependence we built of each other, but it's impossible when I see you every day, it's impossible when I get to witness every day everything that made me fall in love with you." He let his head fall on his hands. "I know I'm not being the nicest friend lately, but all I'm doing is trying to make this work, but the truth is…" He let out a long breathe and raised his head again. "I don't think I can handle it anymore. It's killing me, Bones."
Brennan felt like gagging. She didn't believe in such things, but that place was certainly cursed.
"You- you want to server our partnership?" Her voice was cracking.
"It's not fair to me, it's not fair to Hannah, and it's not fair to you to keep things the way they are." He said, his own voice starting to fail. He hated to hurt her, but he really couldn't keep living that way.
"You love me?" She asked in that little girl's voice of hers when she's about to break into tears.
He almost laughed at that. She was probably the only soul in the world who didn't know how much he loved her.
"I wasn't lying when I told you about fifty years, Bones." His voice was soft, although he sounded just sad and conformed. "But I can't blame you for not returning this love. But I also can't hurt Hannah nurturing it being with you every day." He wasn't holding his tears anymore and stood up. "I'm sorry, Bones. I gotta go."
Turning his back to her, he started to walk away.
"Booth, wait!" She called him out desperately.
He stopped and felt her hand on his shoulders. Biting his lips, he turned his head to face her.
"What if-" Damn, that was so hard to say. But she had to. "What if that love is returned?"
He looked at her, looking so anxious and scared, and stroke her face with his knuckles.
"Maybe it's too late now." He said sadly. "Maybe there is too much at stake now. Too many people involved."
Her tears were falling loosely down her cheeks now. He tried to wipe them away with his thumb. "But maybe it's still worth giving it a try."
Her eyes doubled the size, hope rising inside her chest. "You think?"
"We'll never know if we don't give it a chance." He said sincerely. "It will take time, and patience, and I have to end things with Hannah before anything. She deserves that at least." He sighed. "We'll have to work pretty hard to get things right between us, Bones, it will be a long and complicated journey, but I think we can do it."
"So do I." She smiled between tears and held his hand tightly. He surprised her when he took her in his arms and held her in a hug.
They didn't say anything for a while. But then Brennan broke the silence, not letting go of the embrace. "I missed you so much."
"I know." He hid his face on the crook of her neck. "I missed you too."
When they finally let go of each other, she remembered something. "You should go home now, Hannah sounded pretty worried on the phone."
"Yeah, I'll go home." He inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly. "We have a lot to talk anyway."
"I'm sorry." She said honestly. She liked Hannah. She was a good person. Her only mistake was falling in love with the wrong guy.
"Well, I guess things between us would never work out anyway. Hannah likes her freedom." He said. "Do you need a ride?"
"You came here driving?" She raised one eyebrow, the picture of him and his scotch coming to her mind.
"No, I took a cab, but I don't mind dropping you off at your home."
She smiled. Maybe things were going to work out in the end.
Maybe everything wasn't lost yet.
"Fine, then." She said as they left that scary place, her arm linked with his. "Let's go home."
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I didn't intend to end it this way. It would end with Booth walking away alone, but then Brennan surprised me. hahaha
I'd love to see your thoughts about it.
And hopefully this will help us watch jerk!Booth, because I really think jerk!Booth is actually Booth in pain.
Is anybody else excited to see Brennan really showing her feelings about Booth and Hannah's relationship in the next episode? I know I am! =D
