A/N: If you haven't read or seen Lord of the Rings, it doesn't matter. But this does mention it, please review!
When the one you love leaves you, what do you do? Do you fight for them? Do you run away and hide, hide from everything that makes you you? Do you pine after them, wishing for your loved one back?
Or do you simply pretend? Pretend that you are not troubled by their absence at all, that you never truely loved them back?
He left me. Not the other way round. So how can it be my fault, my fault that I'm spiralling into a black hole of nothing? My fault that my life has changed, that it can't go back to the way it was before him?
My fault that I have changed?
I can't just blame him, though. He is my life - nothing can change that. But I know I should blame him, I've been told that enough already.
So who can I blame? Because I have to blame someone, but I can't blame myself.
And I can't blame him.
Life wasn't fair.
That is a familiar phrase for most children. Thats what your parents tell you when your screaming because your little brother got more lollies then you, and you just can't understand why no one cares.
Thats what they tell you when you didn't get the lead in the school play, and your best friend got it instead.
Thats what they tell you when everyone in the class but you got invited to the cool girls birthday party and you're crying in your bedroom.
Thats what I tell myself when my perfect, amazing, boyfriend left me for his career.
Which, I guess, I should understand. I mean, last year, I would have done the same, wouldn't I? And I would have told everyone it wasn't my fault and that my singing was everything to me, so I couldn't let it go for some boy.
Even if that boy had loved me, loved me than his own life.
Jesse should have been the same. If life was fair.
But I knew it wasn't fair.
A small glint of silver caught my eye. It was my ring, my ring from him. I didn't know why I still had it, but I did know that I hadn't taken it off since the day he gave it to me, almost three years ago.
That thought made me sad. Three years, and he hadn't attempted to contact me. Three years, and I still hadn't gone out with a single boy since him. Three years, and he was probably off doing amazing things, while I was stuck back in Ohio alone, still pining after him.
He would've moved on ages ago. So why couldn't I?
I knew the answer to that. I couldn't move on because for me, every momement was real. I wasn't on some mission to break Vocal Adrenaline, or break the boy who loved me. I was simply like any other teenager - love crazed and convinced he would be the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
It obviously wasn't the same for him, if he could just let me go.
He had wanted an epic career from me, and I had wanted an epic romance from him.
So it was never meant to work, even if I had so badly wanted it to. Love isn't a one way road, for it to work, it had to be mutual.
Did that mean he never loved me, just the tiniest bit?
I loved you. That was what he had said, on that fateful day so many memories ago. But even after all this time, the day was one memorie that still stuck in my head, one that still teared me apart.
He had said 'I loved you', so did that mean he had loved me, even though he wasn't prepared to give his career for me?
I twirled the beautiful ring. Then I suddenly thought of a date with him, over at his house, when he had dared me to watch 'Lord of the Rings'. I had never seen it before, since I was in love with musicals, but I agreed. We sat there and watched all three movies, sitting on the couch, lying in his arms.
That was the reason that when the Hobbit had come out, I couldn't go and see it. Because it brought back memories, good memories, but ones that made me cry.
I could relate, the tiniest bit, to Lord of the Rings, because my ring was also making me fade away, bit by bit, until there was nothing left at all.
I was already under the power of him, though, I always would be.
My own ring was a silver band, with a diamond rope twisting around it. It was quite simple, but I had loved it anyway.
He had put the ring on for me, and when I looked down to admire it I saw that he had put it on the wedding finger.
Maybe he knew it would break me even more when he left, and make my fading away come quicker.
Or maybe, like me, he had fantasies of big white dresses and five layer cakes. Maybe, he wished that for us one day.
But I couldn't be sure. Maybe it was nothing at all, that he hadn't realised what finger he had put it on.
But I still wished.
Thinking that the ring was stopping me letting go, I had an idea. Slowly walking out the front door, I headed for the small river that ran past our house. It always reminded me of the river in the movie, the one that Gollum had found the ring in. It might give me comfort knowing that it would still be there, still connected to any memories of him I might have.
I stopped just under a tree, and slowly, carefully, I pulled the ring off my finger.
I held it up to the sunlight and watched, amazed, as the diamond threw sparkles in to the air. But this ring was a tricker, just like the boy I still loved.
Without really thinking about it, I dropped the ring into the flowing water. The river was clear, and I could almost see it as it drifted to the bottom.
The ring made the tiniest thud as it hit rock bottom, just like I had three years ago. Maybe it had now taken my place and I could be free.
Then I turned and walked away, feeling strange as I went back to the house. It might have been that I was finally ready to move on.
But I knew, a part of me, would always love the boy who had stolen my heart.
Jesse St James.
I let out a small cry at his name in my head. I had tried to forget it, and I almost had. I never thought of his name if I could avoid it.
Then I realised, maybe, this was all part of moving on. So I said it, out loud.
"Jesse St James."
It felt good when the name didn't stab me in the heart like it usually would have.
I could have been right about the ring, I probably would never know.
But I did know, that after years of death, I could finally start living.
A/N: I know it was sad, but I might continue if I get enough reviews.
Please read my other fics, 'Mine' and 'When it Rains'. I really want more reviews!
