Author's Notes

I've posted this part here in order to get some information out since I won't be posting long notes in the next chapters. I would advise everyone to read this part first before heading on to the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the vampire knight characters that would be appearing in this story. This story is only done for fun and entertainment. J

Title: The story begun as I was writing the new chapters for my other ongoing stories. I had originally planned this as a one shot story but it ended up turning into a series as well. The story was inspired by lots of things mainly the Japanese song I was listening to while writing. I used the song's title as the title to this story. It was called "Destiny's People."

Ratings:Unlike my first story, Final Code Arcana, this story is already rated to M. The main reason is that it would contain themes that would definitely not fit at the other ratings.

Textual/Content Notations: I've decided to use the first name, last name structure since there are several characters here with names from other nationalities. I've retained Japanese suffixes where I feel that they are appropriate. Some Japanese words would be used from time to time like onii-san, onee-san, and so on since it seemed to fit better than their English counterparts.

Back Story: Kaname Kuran and Zero Kiryuu had been going out with each other for almost a year and a half. After the battle with Rido, Zero had thought that everything was going to return back to normal again. He had begun thinking about the future despite the losses he suffered in the past. But he never expected that he would lose something or someone again. Kaname left a few days later with a hasty goodbye and Zero watched him go. Not realizing that it was a true farewell.

Four years have passed and Zero had given up on ever seeing Kaname face to face again. He lived in anger and sadness, not knowing why Kaname left him. He worked at the Hunter's Association from time to time and also worked in his other normal profession. Yet despite all of that, he could not leave behind nor forget the memories he shared with the pureblood. An unexpected assignment. A new enemy. Chances that would bring them together once again and reform the severed bonds.

Time is finally running out and the two must find closure once and for all before the enemy forces them to sacrifice something far more important than anything else in the world. Each other's life.

Story Summary: He left the academy after that battle. He kissed me good-bye. He told me that he loved me more than life itself. Then he stepped through the car. And he never came back. All of it happened four years ago.

Feedback and Length: This is a long story as well. Chapter length will vary between 5000-10000 words on average but it will be shorter compared to final code arcana and return to innocence. It will stretch to 10 or so chapters.

Feedbacks and comments are always appreciated. It would help in developing this story and possibly inspiring me to continue on with this new project of mine.


Destiny's People

Chapter One – Broken Bonds

-Zero-

There were so many words to describe these whirlwind of emotions plaguing me whenever I remembered what happened to me almost four years ago. In my seriously messed up life, I thought that I had a chance to regain the happiness and normalcy I lost since my transformation as a vampire. But I guess I was terribly mistaken. Because as soon as I found my happiness, I lost it again.

And this time, I believe it was for good.

I looked out of the window to the streets outside. My room is located at the fifth floor of the apartment I am currently residing in. The streets were dark, despite the many streetlights along the road. People moved like ants on the pavement below, avoiding the small pools of light. There was almost no telling which were human and which were vampires. I wondered briefly that if the sun suddenly rose and bathed them all in light, whether they would scurry away and seek their darkness elsewhere.

Getting bored with the sight, I walk barefooted across my room and slump heavily on the duvet. I place my arm in front of my eyes and sighed.

I had decided to move to this apartment while I was still studying my last year at Cross Academy. The others thought that it was because I wanted to be independent given my attitude during my years as a student at that school. But the main reason I left was because my old home reminded me too much of him. I needed to get away. To go someplace else. To leave that painful past behind because if I stayed, I would have ended up losing more of myself. I didn't want to mope around all the time and think about everything I've lost during the course of my existence. I had more pride than that and I'm sure that everyone I knew would not want that from me. I can keep on going no matter what happened.

But I know deep inside that I was just lying to myself to make me feel better.

My whole, fucking life is just one big lie.

I had never forgotten the pains in my past. I had never gotten over the betrayals. I had never so much as accepted that I was not human anymore. I have never forgiven myself from loving that bastard.

People always thought that I was so strong to have overcome all the trials I faced. I kept up my mask of indifference, my strong-willed attitude, my defiant nature. I know that I came across as rude and cold-hearted but it was the only way I could hide my weaknesses. The only way I could force myself to keep on living even after knowing that I had nothing left.

I took out Bloody Rose from my bedside drawer. I remembered that I haven't gone on missions lately. Maybe I should drop by the Hunter's Association later and see if I could go on one as soon as possible. Hunting Level E's seemed to distract me from thinking about depressing things.

Shit!

I couldn't help but curse myself as I feel the wetness in the edge of my eyes. I wiped them away hastily. Not again. Why does this always happen unexpectedly? God, I'm so pathetic.

Every time I looked at Bloody Rose, it reminded me too much of him. Maybe because back in the days, I used to draw it and threaten him despite knowing that I would never pull the trigger. But then, everything in the goddamn city reminded me of him. There was no escape. At night I dreamed of him, of our year together, of how we would sleep, back to back. I would remember how his hair smelled after a shower, or how his eyes crinkled when he smiled at me. If only I could forget about him. But my very blood yearned for him, for his soft lips to kiss my neck, for the feel of his fangs as they pierced my skin and filled me with an overwhelming wave of contentment. My entire body was attuned to the loss. It grieved and mourned along with my soul.

It was ironic really.

The truth was that I fell in love with a pureblood vampire.

A damned bastard who managed to break through the walls I built so hard in order to protect myself from the pain I would undoubtedly experience by getting close to others. I knew that I needed it after my parents' death and my twin brother's betrayal. I couldn't suffer another loss and expect myself to still be okay. But of all the people I met; only he broke through my defenses and showed me that even someone like me could still have a fairly normal life.

But in the end, just like everyone I knew. He left. Kaname Kuran left me without even telling me why.

I did everything I could and fought Rido for him. We won the battle just as he had predicted so long ago. I was even willing to leave the Hunter's Association behind so I could be together with him. But he decided to leave the academy for a while to settle things in the Vampire Council after that battle. I still had a year of schooling to finish and I knew that I owed Cross to finish my education for having taken care of me for years. For not giving up hope on me when everyone else did. That is why I stayed.

Before he left, we spent the night together. Just the two of us. I didn't know that those few hours was the last time I would have with him. The next morning, he kissed me good-bye. He told me that he loved me more than life itself. Then he stepped through the car. And he never came back.

I remember being anxious for days and I called a couple of times only to get a message from the receiver telling me to call again. I tried asking his acquaintances but they wouldn't tell me anything. I tried to find him but I didn't catch a glimpse of him anywhere. It was like he disappeared from my life in an instant.

I rolled to my side and gazed at the night sky from the window.

I would have thought that he had the decency to tell me that he was breaking up with me. But he didn't do that, he just dropped from my life without even a fucking reason. How cruel could he be to make me wonder for years? To make me suffer without even trying.

I know it's really crass – stupid even – to compare my being dumped to a family member's unexpected death, but I can't help my line of thinking. Because for me, at any rate, the aftermath felt exactly the same. For the first few months, I'd wake up in a fog of disbelief. That didn't really happen at all, did it? Oh fuck, it did, you big idiot. It took another few months for it all to sink in. But unlike with a family member's death – other people are there, other people are present, other people help you, other people are there to lean on – after Kaname left, I was all alone. There was just nobody to step up to the plate for. So I in the end just let everything fall away and everything just sort of stopped.

My hope. My future. My heart.

Everything became a void.

"Zero, you in there!"

Someone calls my name and knocks heavily on the door. I sighed deeply and get up half-heartedly on the bed. I've been feeling more tired than I've ever been in my life. I just couldn't shake out the lethargy even after all these years. I opened the door to see Kaito Takamiya on the other side.

"Took you a long time to answer the door," he tells me as I step away from the threshold.

He enters and takes off his long coat before sitting at the couch in the living room. He studies me intently and I wonder what the hell he's thinking about. Kaito was also a student of Yagari-sensei just like me and Ichiru. We didn't get along well at first but things change after a few years. Sometimes this guy crashes in my apartment and sometimes we also go out on missions together. I know for certain that Cross and Yagari was using Kaito to keep an eye on me.

But I decided to let this go. In the end, Kaito was one of the closest friends I had just like Yuuki and Sayori.

"Are you feeling all right? No offense, but you look like shit, Zero," he says after a while.

"Is there anything you need from me?" I ask him tonelessly, hoping to change the subject.

He sighs heavily as if knowing that I was dodging his question on purpose.

"The Association wants you to go on another mission tonight. Or rather, they want us to go on another mission," he tells me seriously. He hands me a folder and I decide to take a look at it later on. "By the way… Here. Yagari told me to give it to you."

I catch the bottle that Kaito throws in my direction. It was the prescribed medicine that the doctor had been giving me for the past few months. Despite the fact that it helps me forget my loneliness and such, it isn't enough. Because the memories are still fresh in my mind. And there was no forgetting any time soon.

"So… What have you been up to lately?" Kaito asks in an attempt to fill the silence that undoubtedly suffocates us both.

"Nothing," I reply instantly.

"Why don't you play for the band once again?"

I didn't reply and opt to stay silent as I dropped my gaze to the floor.

The band. I hadn't thought of that until today when he mentioned it to me. With all of the things happening all at once, it was pushed at the back of my mind. I remembered that Kaito started the band just to take our mind off our problems. I thought it was childish and a rather stupid idea but I was surprised that he managed to recruit people. I joined later on after being pestered to the point of annoyance. The other reason was that it helped me forget a little about Kaname leaving me.

Trinity Cross.

It was the name Kaito came up with and I had no objections. Or rather, he didn't give room for one. The first time we played at a club in town, I thought that we would majorly suck. Sayori also thought so and we were prepared to be embarrassed for the rest of our lives. Only Yuuki and Kaito thought that we would do well. Damned optimists. That day, Kaito persuaded me to sing the new song I wrote entitled 'Perfect World.' We began playing and afterwards, to my surprise, the crowd liked us and shouted for an encore.

It was funny to think that song would make us well-known. I wrote that song the night I was plagued by the memory of Kaname's departure from my life. I was angry and sad and confused. I sat at the desk then and began writing the lyrics. Every single one of those feelings I had were put onto those words. Words that describe what I felt as he abandoned me. Words that describe what I still felt for him.

"I don't know," I answer finally.

"Well… uh… if you know…" Kaito tried to scramble for words. "You decide to play again; you know where to find me."

"Yeah, thanks."

"No problem."

As I spend my time with Kaito's company, I manage to push away my thoughts from earlier. But I know that as soon as I'm alone, I would begin to remember once again. I only hoped that the mission tonight would do me justice and blow away the emotional roller coaster I am on right now. Because I can't take it anymore.

I don't want this anymore.

-xxXxxXxx-

-Normal-

It was cold that night, much colder than the other nights he had gone on a hunt. And of course there was the fog, which laid itself over everything like some blanket and softened the glow of the lights in the city to a haze. The fog came almost every night this time of the year according to the residents in this place. Zero Kiryuu was miles away from his own home and he knew little of this place. He wondered how the others were doing. He was sure that Kaito was silently waiting while Akira, another young hunter, was complaining to himself about the cold.

There were a few of them here since the hunt involved a number of level ends. He could take care of it alone but he guessed that Yagari-sensei didn't want him to take chances. Given how recklessly he had been for some time now, he knew that his teacher was right in his judgment.

His footsteps echoed loudly through the silence and he cursed himself when he accidentally hit a rock. He combed the deserted building for any sign of his enemy. The clouds shifted and he was illuminated by the moon's pale rays. His unique silver-amethyst eyes bore no hint of emotion and his silver hair was tucked under a black gastby hat. His knee-length coat rustled as he walked along the silence. A glint of light bounced on his chest as the rays caught the silver cross on his neck.

He turned around the corner and came upon a new set of hallways leading deeper inside the huge building. The windows were boarded up by planks of wood and only a few rays of light streamed through its gaps. There were also a number of rooms in here but none seemed to hold his interest. He didn't feel any sign of life in each one. He was sure that there was nothing but a dead end. No point in wasting his time there. He tuned back to the previous path and tried to find another route.

His earpiece went on and he heard Kaito's voice amidst the static interference.

"How's the search going in the second floor? I managed to take down three Level E's in the first floor and Akira killed one in the basement."

He came upon a set of stairs leading to the third floor and he took a step towards it, he knew that there was a vampire close to him. He went up slowly and knew instantly that there was something in the corridor.

"There's nothing in the second floor. But I can sense a vampire in the third floor," he replied as he held the sword tighter on his hand. He didn't want to use his gun this time. Not when it ended up distracting him on a mission. This sword was Ichiru's and he also treasured it just as much as Bloody Rose. He managed to reconcile with his younger brother before Ichiru died. That is why this sword was left in his possession. He walked cautiously on the third floor corridor, keeping all of his senses on high alert as he treaded on the enemy's den. There was a sudden echo of footsteps and he stopped in his tracks.

"I'll head to the upper floors soon. Be careful and don't be reckless," Kaito told him as the communication went off.

The silence stretched on as he stood in the middle of the hallway. He closed his eyes as he expanded his senses and concentrated deeply. As he opened his eyes, gone were its normal color and instead in its place was a bright shade of crimson that shone like rubies in the darkness.

The Level E's rushed towards him without hesitation. Zero ducked under a strike aimed for his head and easily grabbed the vampire's hand, gaining leverage and throwing her over his shoulder towards the others aiming for his back. He sidestepped as another came after him this time aiming for his heart. The vampire's attacked him ferociously and he avoided them with ease. His eyes focused on each movement, taking in every minor detail while memorizing the pattern of the attacks.

I haven't fought like this in a while, he thought as he backed away a couple of steps from the Level E's.

He slowly unsheathed his blade, the silver katana glinting dangerously in the darkness. The sound of metal being drawn from its scabbard echoed amidst the growls of the insane vampires. The remarkable blade shone fiercely as it was fully drawn. He passed his fingers through the metal and invoked a charm to activate its anti-vampire properties. The sword glowed momentarily to reveal a set of mysterious letters in ancient language.

How long had he lived in fear that he may hurt someone unintentionally? He knew that his level of control was different from normal vampires but it didn't mean that there wouldn't be occasional slips. He did care about others despite their belief that he was too cold and apathetic. Though back in high school, people seemed to think that it was pretty cool. He never really figured out that kind of thought.

It was part of his nature to desire blood and to need it despite the blood tablets being produced to counter the effects of bloodlust. In a way, some would think he wasn't really different from those so-called monsters. That thought hurt quite a bit and he was well aware that some humans still think of them that way. Especially considering what kind of vampire he was. They had reason to be cautious of him. Maybe it was this kind of desire to prove to something to himself that drove him to do this job despite what he was.

Zero stared at the level ends with his crimson gaze as he finally shifted the sword and readied his stance. The same one he had been using for years and one that was taught to him by his parents' and Yagari-sensei.

The heavy scent of blood filled the air as Zero swung his katana in a deadly arc and instantly sliced through a level ends body. He didn't break any concentration as the body thudded to the ground, the blood from its torn flesh staining the floor in a darkened shade of red. He maneuvered to the right as he avoided a fatal blow to his heart and brought down his blade vertically before the enemy could evade, decapitating it.

A split second later, he thrust it forward to another vampire, straight to its heart. Zero was sure that the level ends didn't even feel their life being snuffed out as he continued with his assault. He tried to make it as painless as possible with his katana. Always making sure that he hit the vital areas instantly.

I don't know why I'm doing this anymore. I don't understand what I should do.

Even those thoughts in mind, Zero still continued his attacks and hoped that these fallen vampires had finally found their peace at last. He easily avoided every blow sent his way and countered it with one of his own. Despite the blood bath in the third floor corridor, it seemed that it didn't affect him entirely. The clothes that he had been wearing were still in their normal condition. There were a few flecks of blood in his coat but none too noticeable.

He knew that a minute or two later, the bodies would soon disintegrate to dust. Silence soon followed as he lashed out for the last time and he stood there in corridor as though deep in thought.

He swung his blade to the side, sending away the blood staining it. A few seconds later, he inserted the sword back to its scabbard. The bells tied to it jingled and Zero was reminded of the old days. So much has changed all these years. His eyes returned to their normal color and he instinctively looked below as he detected the only presence to be there.

That's weird, I passed that place a few minutes ago, he thought deeply.

There was a flurry of movement and he watched as if in slow motion. Another vampire made a straight course towards him, a rabid gleam in its eyes. It leaped into the air and Zero kicked out hard, sending it sailing down the hall. He pulled out Bloody Rose and shot it straight to the heart before it could attack again.

Upon seeing the gun, he was once again plagued by the memories of a time best forgotten.

No good. I can't lose concentration now of all times, he told himself firmly.

"I'm heading down to the second floor, I missed the enemy there," Zero said as he opened the communication.

"Got that. Everything else is clear at the other floors," Kaito responded immediately. "I'll meet you at the second floor soon."

He rushed down the stairs and headed to a particular room where he felt the vampire. The lock on the door was broken. He pushed in open cautiously; he put down the katana by the side of the door and pulled out his gun again.

Nothing was inside.

Was he imagining things? But he was fairly certain that there was still another enemy here.

The room smelled musty, with a faint sickly-sweet edge to it. Zero waited a moment for his eyes to adjust to the gloom and then stepped inside without a sound. The Level E would run if it knew he was coming; his only hope of catching it lay in stealth. Quietly, he shut the door, and the chill darkness consumed him. Satisfying himself that the vampire was not in the immediate vicinity, he pushed quietly onwards.

He ascended the steps into the waiting darkness above. Here, ragged cloth curtains had been left hanging over the pair of windows that allowed the muted gaslight glow inside. It was even darker than the last, and smelled of animal – a musky scent that made him gag as he crept up. This one was scattered with boxes and old crates, a hundred hiding-places, any one of which might conceal the vampire he sought. Quietly he stepped into the room. The night air seemed to exude menace, a cold deeper than the night chill that slipped through his nostrils and down his throat to cool his heart.

A thump on the ceiling made him lurch in alarm, and he instinctively brought up his gun. He crossed the room soundlessly, his anti-vampire gun trained on the hatch at the top of a rickety ladder.

He pushed down the trepidation in his gut and put one hand to the ladder rung, the wood rough beneath his palms. His weapon aimed up the ladder, he crept slowly, silently, praying that the aged wood would not creak and give him away. Miraculously, it held his weight with ease, making not a sound.

He poked his head out of the hatch. There were few nauseating moments when he expected to be hit from any direction – he was sure to check up, as well – but nothing came. Cautiously, he ascended until his head and shoulders were in the room.

It was a bedroom, the same size as the other rooms he had been in. A single bed stood aslant against one wall, its bedcovers long disintegrated into a cobweb of frail strands. Where the window should have been, a great hole gaped in the wall, allowing in soft wisps of fog and the glow from the lamp-posts. Zero clutched his coat tighter to his chest with one hand and climbed into the room. The Level End was not here.

He looked down. The fog prevented a clear view of the grounds beneath him, a dozen meters below, but he did not think it would slow his fall very much if he should slip from the ledge.

There was really no question of turning back, however. Not this close.

Treading with care, he stepped out on to the ledge, testing its stability by steadily applying his weight until he was certain it would not crumble. His gun in his right hand, his left trailing along the wall from the safety of the hole and began to shuffle along the ledge. Beneath his feet there was scarcely twenty centimeters of granite and mortar holding him aloft.

The enemy came for him halfway there. He was deeply intent on keeping himself from falling that he was a moment too slow in raising his gun. A dark, scrawny shape, a flash of insane crimson eyes and then the roar of his firearm and the terrifying sensation of weightlessness as he knew his balance had failed him. For a moment that stretched into eternity, he hung above the fatal plunge to the street below; and then he fell.

His hand snapped out, instinct driving him faster than thought, and before his rational mind had caught up, he had already grabbed the ledge with one hand. The jolt as his shoulder took his weight almost tore his muscles there, but it was enough to make him swing round so that his other hand could grab the ledge too. Before he knew what had happened, he was holding on for his life above the fog-shrouded grounds.

The female vampire cursed herself as she seemed to have sustained an injury and she disappeared into the building once more, knocking something over as she ran down the stairs, intent only on escape.

Zero barely had time to feel the shock of his brush with death; he was already pulling himself up, cursing, his wiry but strong muscles lifting his light frame with ease. One knee, then another, and he got to his feet, shuffling hurriedly back along the ledge. He drew back the gun by the chain connecting it to his coat as he reached the door that admitted him back to the upper floor of the derelict building. He had hit the vampire but it was a light shot. He would not let it run again.

-Zero-

The scent of my blood came about in the air. No doubt it would attract the damned vampire.

I tighten my fist and lift it in front of my face. Through my almost silver eyes, I watch the blood squeeze through my fingers. The skin is cut deep in a few places, torn by the jagged ledge. It was deeper than I thought. Some drops fell to the dust covered floor. This was nothing at all. I sighed as I concentrated in tracking down the last Level E in this place, the one that attacked me. The cut in my hand began to heal in an alarming rate and in a few minutes, there was no mark that I was injured. My pale skin remained unmarked.

Suddenly, I found where the enemy was.

My caution forgotten in my haste, I ran across the room and slid down the ladder, blundering through the darkness in pursuit of my target. Down the stairs, towards the door that had been left often by the vampire I am currently chasing.

There was only a moments notice when the Level E crashed into me, chest high, and I was knocked flat on my back. My head thudded against the concrete floor, sending a bright pillar of pain shooting into my brain. The crazed vampire landed on me, straddling my waist, the awful smile plastered on her face. I saw Kaito grab for her neck with his gloved hands, but she swung an arm and sent him sprawling backward. The back of his legs collided with one of the old desks, and he went over it, his head smacking hard on the ground. I saw all of this happen through a thick fog of pain, my eyes were trying to close despite the deafening high-pitched sound ringing through my head.

My eyes widened in surprise as it bore me down to the floor, I struggled beneath her grasp; but she attacked in frenzy, and was too wild for me to find the chance to escape. My right forearm blazed from a deep scratch, and I ached from the numerous other bruises that had been inflicted in the struggle. I couldn't get my muscles to work as the Level E bore down its weight upon me.

The girl lunged forward, opened her mouth, exposing glistening white fangs, and then buried her face into my neck. A searing pain lit up in my neck as she bit into my artery. I felt a sudden ache tear through me as the blood was sucked from my veins. I gasped, more surprised than scared, and forgot to fight back. The vampire pulled away. I suddenly felt very dizzy and wondered briefly if that was an effect of being drunk from so deeply.

Before I could retaliate, she sat up and placed her hands around my throat, cutting off the air supply to my lungs. I looked up dimly at the damned vampire that was slowly killing me. Was this the end? She was bleeding again, dark red sports on the clothes she wore, a result of my attack from earlier. She was howling and screaming and tightening her grip on my neck with every passing second.

I could hear voices yelling from a long way away, and I saw two more figures – I couldn't make out their features but I was sure they were the back up from the Association – grab the girl and try to pull her off me. Both were sent sprawling by casual flicks of the girl's left arm, which left my throat for a millisecond before returning to exert its deadly pressure.

"Someone fucking shoot her before she murders Kiryuu!" I heard someone shout in a voice that sounded like it was coming from underwater, and it was followed by a series of loud cracks, like fireworks.

The vampire bucked and jolted, and blood soaked her clothes more, some of it landing on my face in a fine mist. But still she did not release her grip.

My head was pounding, my vision darkening, my chest burning. I needed air now, or it would be too late. But maybe this would be better. If I die, I wouldn't have to feel anymore pain. As I felt my eyes beginning to close, something dark flew across my narrowing field of vision. There was a loud crunching sound, and suddenly, blissfully, the horrible pressure on my throat was gone. I opened my mouth and took a giant breath of air, coughing and sputtering all the while. My chest was screaming and my pounding head was thrown back as oxygen flooded into my desperate lungs.

The vampire tried to lunge for me again but she was blown away by a strong force and she crashed to the opposite wall with a sickening crack.

There was a volley of shots once again and the vampire's body fell with a loud thud on the ground and stained the floor crimson with her blood. Just like all vampires even me, her body would turn into dust after some time.

Looks like my mission is over.

But the thing I can't wrap my mind around is why he was here? I just lay there at the floor in stunned surprise as I tried to catch through the blur of events. I didn't need to see him to know that he was here in this place. After the times I spent in his presence, I know it like the back of my hand. I tried to contain my feelings because I know that it wouldn't matter. This person wasn't here for me. Maybe this was a joint mission and I missed that part in the mission statement.

"Here," Kaito said as he offered me a hand up. "I've got your katana, by the way. I'll hold on to it until we get back."

I took his hand and stood up. I brushed my coat of the dust that settled on it with the struggle earlier. I covered my injured arm with my other hand and did my best to ignore the pureblood right in front of me.

Damn it!

I cursed myself as I realized that I just screwed up. I was quite careless and this was the result. The Level E's were equipped with poison and I was not only scratched deeply, I was bitten badly by one. Being a vampire as well, it wouldn't kill me. Probably. I could feel the effects and I only willed myself to keep on standing and act normal. I can do this. There was no way I'm going to show how weak I am.

"Have you gotten weaker, Kiryuu? You shouldn't have dropped your guard down earlier," Kaname told me and though I didn't look at him, I know that he is staring fixedly at me.

I see that we're back to last names. Figures.

I didn't know why I expected things to be back to normal after what he did to me. At least this time, I understand that there is no going back. He and I are already over. I should just accept that fact for good.

I didn't offer him a reply and instead walked past him, I only caught a glimpse of his black coat and the silver cross that bounced on his wrist. That cross. It was the same one as I wore on my neck all the time. I reached inside my coat and clutched the pendant. Why was Kaname still wearing that?

I've imagined a lot of scenarios over the last four years. Most of them versions of this all being some kind of huge mistake, a giant misunderstanding. And a lot of my fantasies involve the ways in which Kaname asks for my forgiveness. Apologizes for returning my love with the cruelty of his damned silence. For acting as though the year and a half of my life – those year and a half of our lives – amount to nothing. But I always stop short of the fantasy of him apologizing for leaving. Because even though he might not know it, he just did what I told myself he could do.

I guess I brought this upon myself.

I closed my eyes as a wave of pain came through me. There was no way in hell I'm going to lose my consciousness here of all places. I didn't want to be vulnerable. Not again.

Kaname followed me out of the building and I did my best to ignore his presence. There was no way I'm going to run back to him after all these years. I pushed myself to walk even though I was having some difficulty in breathing properly. I know it must be because of the Level E's poison. Kaito must've noticed something was wrong.

Kaito cursed under his breath and muttered about me not taking properly of myself. "Come on, we should hurry back to the Association and get you to the hospital wing," he told me seriously.

I couldn't look at Kaname in the eye as all of us headed out of the building. I kept my arm firmly on my wound to hide the fact that it was starting to heal in an abnormal rate. I didn't need to freak out the other new recruits by showing them how unnatural I was. I know that in a few seconds, my skin would not show any evidence of what had occurred earlier on.

Why did you have to appear before me now? Why did you have to show yourself to me after all these years? Why did you have to save me when all I wanted was to die?

Why did you abandon me, Kaname?

There were so many questions but I was afraid to ask any of them. I know that I'm afraid that if he answered it, it would give me the sense of finality. That everything I hoped for was never going to come true. I am so filled by many contradictions and confusions.

I tried to clear my blurring vision but it didn't work at all and the pain I felt intensified. After a few seconds I couldn't see anything clearly and couldn't feel anything. I was slowly being swallowed by the darkness. In the haze that settled in my own mind, I thought I heard Kaito shouting my name and before everything went black, I wondered if I was imagining seeing Kaname's eyes widen in surprise and worry.

Because there was no way, Kaname would worry about me. After everything that happened, I was nothing more than a fling for him. Maybe I should let go.

Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it's the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist for four years now; it's frozen shut. All of me is frozen. And I'm about to shut down completely.

-chapter one end-