Not mine, no profit garnered. For the trope bingo spots: EPISTOLARY & ROAD TRIP. Also for the gwyo setting bingo spot seen below. Thanks to A for beta help! Title and opening quote from Aaron Samuels's born - after Jeanann Verlee.


ran my fingers along the edges that once screamed danger
tipped my salted tongue to the top part of the ocean and pretended
to crunch TAKE THAT GLASS AWAY FROM YOUR FACE
my mom had a fear (love) that any broken thing would break again

Natasha leans over and says to Tony, very quietly, "I know about you and Pepper."

He looks straight ahead, ignoring her. "What's there to know?"

"I'm sorry," she says.

"How do you know about that?" Tony turns his head slightly. They're reveling in their victory, grabbing Loki's scepter, defeating Strucker. Hydra and Loki, done and done. "Hill doesn't know about that and she works for Pepper."

"I know you," she says.

"Thanks for the sympathy and keep your mouth shut," he says. "It might not take."

She smiles at him and walks over to talk to Bruce. She does that a lot. He'd be happy for both of them because he really does like both of them, Bruce more than her. Mostly, though, he's a little miserable. It might not take, he thinks. Pepper might be there when he gets home.

When he gets home from what's left of Sokovia, there's no Pepper and no Bruce.

He mopes a lot, sure. He also does a ton of work coordinating for the Avengers, making new equipment, designing demolition devices to help the clean up in Sokovia. Only Happy and Rhodey and, apparently, Natasha know he and Pepper have broken up. It's not like they were ever super public with their relationship. He tried not to be.

Of course, when Pepper starts dating again it's all very public. That's when he gets all the calls of what can I do for you and did you really think it would last? Vision expresses his sympathy in Jarvis's voice and it's doubly wounding.

Natasha, oddly, sends him a handwritten note. It's ridiculously florid. At least it appears ridiculously florid, he starts to notice a pattern, hid in all the words. "You sent me a damn coded message." It only takes him an hour to figure out the code which is actually incredibly complicated but Tony is a genius. It's still a kind of sympathy note but now with more fun.

He writes her a letter back using the same code but in base 8. His letter says you think you're so smart? Nice try.

She replies two days later with a completely different code that he thinks is easier to figure out until he sees the code beneath the first code. The full message she's written is in transliterated Russian. It still only takes 45 minutes. All so he could read but wasn't it fun? You should come visit.

Both her letters have come from different places, neither in the US.

"Someone likes puzzles," he mutters. He sends her a reply in transliterated chinese and base 7. He mails it to the same mailing address he's always used for her, the one somewhere in Nebraska. He highly doubts she's ever even been in Nebraska. No time for visiting, Nat. You can find me.

Because he figures he'll be in the same place and easy to find. But the next three weeks he gets drawn into some ridiculous crap for SHIELD where he's stuck in a basement bunker for a week building a better mousetrap for 12 feet mutated mice, then another week deep in the Andes since Pepper asked him to help her boyfriend's non-profit with rural renewable energy projects. Pepper's boyfriend is really involved with that kind of stuff. Tony only hates him a little. Mostly because Tony is an envious jerk.

Thanks to Pepper's damn boyfriend, Tony spends the week after using the suit to explore the bottom of the ocean off the Chilean coast to help chart damage from pollution. He's in a blind panic for ten minutes going up and going down every day but it's a good cause and Pepper asked him.

When he gets home to the US, he goes to his mostly super secret home in Utah and starts working on scrubbers. All that time in the ocean inspired him.

One day after he arrives, he wakes up to Natasha standing at the foot of the bed. "What, fuck. That's incredibly creepy," he mumbles, pulling up his blankets.

"You said come find you," she says. "Don't worry, I only got here an hour ago."

"Still creepy," Tony says. "Can you turn around or leave the room so I can go to the bathroom or shower or do, possibly, anything?"

"You sleep naked, huh?" She smirks a little and walks out of the room.

He wraps the blanket around his waist and then scurries to the door to close it. He asks the house AI how the hell she got in while he goes to the bathroom. "She's on the list, boss."

"What list?"

"The list of people who you always want to let in: Rhodey, Happy, Bruce Banner, Black Widow."

"I have no memory of making that list," Tony says. He turns on his shower.

As he's getting dressed, Friday chimes in saying, "Boss, it looks like someone altered some of my records. Sorry."

"She's a wily Widow," Tony says. He opens the door and goes straight to the kitchen where Nat is. She's made herself coffee and he starts his morning shake preparation. "I withdraw my invitation, by the way."

"Then I'll just leave," Nat says. She doesn't get up, of course. "Are you only having one of chlorophyll monstrosities for breakfast?"

"I find them tasty, and no," he says. "You didn't already search the fridge and pick out what you wanted?"

She just smiles at him. He starts cutting up fruit and takes his morning mush out of the pressure cooker. She says, "That smelled good, I'll have some of that."

"Maybe I didn't make enough for two," he says.

"You made enough for yourself for a week," she says.

He finds himself smiling at her. "So where have you been hanging out?"

"Nowhere fun," she says.

"I thought you went to the Barton happy family compound," Tony says. He could swear Cap told him that.

"A month ago, for a week. It's been Avengers work since then. While you were in your bunker and then Chile, I was," she pauses. "I was working."

"Avengers work," Tony says. "I used to have the clearance to know what that was."

She shrugs. Then she looks at him. "Tony," she says.

"Hey, so settle something for me, because I always wondered, I kinda thought you and Barton had a little more than partnership fun times going on, but now I found out he's been married the whole time. Is it an open marriage?" He knows, he knows from the set of her shoulders and the way her mouth moves, everything after his name will be awful. So he changes the subject.

"Clint and I were never like that," she says. He's sure she looks relieved at the subject change which means the news is even worse than he thinks. She says, "I don't sleep with people I work with."

The news is so horrible she wants to change the subject. He's happy to let her avoid whatever horrifyingly awful truth she has to unleash on him. He says, "Come on, what about Wilson?"

"We were sleeping together before he was besties with Steve. I arranged their introduction. Then we stopped because we were working together," she says.

"So Bruce was very special to you," Tony says. "Makes sense. He's that kind of guy, isn't he?"

Natasha looks away then looks down at her coffee. Tony says, "But you haven't been celibate for the last few years?"

"Like you have?" She sounds resigned.

"Since I got back from Afghanistan, the only person I've slept with is Pepper, still is," Tony says. "Granted, before that, I was a pretty swinging single so I'm not judging you."

"I prefer to date people who don't work with me, but yeah, that doesn't mean I don't date." She stands up. "I actually need a ride to LA, I assume you have a car here."

"How did you get here in the first place? Surely you drove," he says. "I've been here a day."

"You're hiding out here. Take a ride with me. It's ten hours," she says. "And I got a lift on a quinjet."

He gives in as soon as he's finished his breakfast. The AI will take care of cleaning everything up and composting the food he's bought. Natasha tosses a pretty full looking overnight bag into the trunk. "How long were you planning to stay?"

"It's called a go bag, Tony," she says. She puts on her seat belt with a special kind of flare that signals her contempt of him.

After they've been driving 20 minutes in near silence, Tony says, "Just tell me. Whatever you've decided I need to know now."

She sighs. "A lot of the work I've been doing in my downtime is looking into Hydra's infiltration. I'm certain Stane was Hydra."

"Not really surprising," Tony says.

"Your parents were murdered by Hydra," she says. "Probably by the Winter Soldier."

"You were so tense and so worried about telling me that, wow. Thanks for actually telling me, though," he says.

"You knew," she says, nearly smiling.

They're driving through Utah still. Instead of soaring rock formations, there's a field of lavender somewhere to the side. A giant square of lavender off to his left. His mother loved that smell. Pepper found it too floral.

"I got dumped, I have daddy issues, I spent a few weeks reading through the Hydra and Shield papers. I never knew about half the things my Dad did, seemed like a good idea to learn more," Tony says. "I assumed Steve might say something sometime, but I never actually thought you would. You beat him to the punch, that's for sure."

She nearly laughs, he's sure. "I thought I was being brave."

"You totally are," Tony says. "If I was actually hearing this for the first time, I can tell you, I would incredibly angry. It would have ruined this whole road trip. Or maybe it would have been a great road trip complete with super hot angry rage sex in a crappy motel. But you don't have sex with people you work with who aren't Bruce."

"Bruce and I never actually had sex. And angry rage sex is redundant."

"That sucks," Tony says. "That you and Bruce didn't, I kinda wanted to live vicariously through you."

"I bet you did," she says.

"You're cute when you're deflated," Tony says.

"You're not cute when you describe a woman over 10 years old as cute," Natasha says.

"Point accepted," Tony says.

"You're looking for Barnes, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," Tony says. "I've come pretty close, but he moves fast, that guy. He seems to be operating under his own counsel, not shooting people or smashing their cars with his motorcycle for nefarious reasons."

"He was brainwashed, you know," Natasha says.

"Yes, he was. I get it, I've had time to chew it over. I want to find him because he's unexploded ordnance. He's a person, too, yes, but he's had his brain scrambled so many times, even if he's not doing anything now, I bet there's people who know how to push a few buttons he has left," Tony says. "I've seen Manchurian Candidate."

"Steve would not agree with you on that," Natasha says.

"I should care about that, I guess, but I've decided not to until he mans up and tells me that he knows my parents were murdered and who did it," Tony says. "I'm not planning to lock him up when I find him, I just think someone other than his overprotective guilt ridden best friend should decide what's the best course for the guy."

"Maybe let the guy decide himself?"

"Maybe," Tony says. "Find out when it happens, won't we?"

They ride in silence for another few hours. Tony watches the sun shine on the flowers growing by the highway. It's a beautiful drive for the first few hours. This time it isn't lavender, it's wildflowers. All the stores of knowledge in his brain, he can't identify flowers on the road without the suit to tell him.

Natasha says, "Why don't we stop in Vegas? Everyone loves Vegas."

"I don't love Vegas," Tony says. "Used to, but even without Pepper, I'm just not into that anymore."

"We could see Cirque du Soleil," she says. "No one's not into Cirque du Soleil."

"Point accepted," he says. He gets on his phone and gets a reservation at the Luxor. And tickets to Cirque du Soleil. Natasha's right, he loves that show.

Naturally, Natasha's go go bag has a simple black dress that makes her look like the best dressed woman in attendance. Tony is a billionaire, he doesn't change out of his jeans and t-shirt, but he does buy a nice jacket from Dior Homme.

They go to the Michael Jackson themed one. Before it starts, Tony says, "My dad got the Jackson Five for my 10th birthday party. It was all for him, Mom was a huge fan, I was actually more into punk rock, some Rolling Stones. Great show, though."

"I forget how long you've been obscenely wealthy," she says. She manages to make it sound like a character flaw.

"That's what I was born into," Tony says.

It's a pretty amazing performance. As they leave, someone grabs Tony's arm. He and Natasha both turn on battle mode instantaneously but it's just a guy. A guy who says, "My family died in New York."

Tony steps back and says, "I'm sorry." He has no idea what is going to happen next and his chest is clenched in dread.

The guy says, "I just, I didn't plan this well, I saw you at the show. I'm not sure if I want to say thank you or fuck you."

"Both would probably be deserved," Tony says. "I'm gonna go now."

Natasha grabs his hand and they walk away rapidly. "You should get better security," she says.

"I had you right next to me, what's better than that?"

She glares at him and he can sense the shift in her stance and mood as they get back to the room. She locks the door once they're inside and scans the rooms with no subtlety at all. "Now you're worried about me?" He hangs up the new jacket and sits on the couch to take off his shoes.

"I'm not used to being recognized," she says.

"You weren't, I was. I'm very used to it," he says.

"Pardon me for not wanting you to get stabbed to death," Natasha says.

"Sit down and take a load off," Tony says.

She does. She manages to make taking off her shoes look sexy. He says, "Is there any chance of not angry rage sex?"

"You're smooth," she says. She sighs. "Honestly, yes."

"You don't sound very enthused," he says.

"I actually am, I'm just disappointed in myself."

"Now I don't want sex," he says.

She smiles at him, her expression definitely naughty. She stands up and steps in front of him. "I sense I'm about to be made wanting," he says.

She just smirks. She takes off her dress with an impressive shimmy. Her bra looks lacy and complicated. "Very supportive, I bet," he says. He spreads his legs because of course he wants sex now. She takes off the bra with one hand and lets it fall to join her dress. "Do I get to take off the underwear?"

"Yes," she says.

He slowly wiggles the undies down, scratching at her hips and thighs a little. As he expected, she likes that. Then he just lets them fall. "I feel overdressed," he says.

"You are," she says.

He doesn't try to be sexy but he doesn't take long to get naked. He pulls her onto his lap. She already has her hands on his dick and then his balls and she's kissing him. He grabs her ass to get her closer and because she has a magnificent ass that should always be being appreciated. She's pure muscle and he stops himself from comparing her to Pepper. She bites his lip. "Don't think about anyone else," she says.

"Like you could tell," he says.

"Clearly I could," she says.

"I would really like to, you know what I want?"

She says "yes," and shifts up, with her legs on his shoulders so he can eat her out.

He doesn't say anything about her reading his mind, though she totally did. He moves a little on the couch so he won't get his neck broken when she comes because he has every intention of getting her to come loudly.

He absolutely loves performing oral sex on women. He loves the taste of pussy. It's a hot sex puzzle at first, seeing what works, what makes her squirm in a bad way. In this position, Natasha is crystal clear and easy to read. Deliciously easy. He has her squirming in a very good way even before he adds his fingers. He starts to be afraid he might come just from how hot it is feeling her trembling and wet.

She comes and does almost break his neck. He pushes her down on the couch. "You almost killed me. Next time we do this, no positions like that."

"I would never have killed you," she says.

He gets on top of her and they make out like teenagers, complete with heavy petting. She's giving him a very languid handjob and he pushes her hand off. "Okay if we fuck?"

"You really are so smooth," she says. She spreads her leg and then crosses them behind his back. She practically does the fucking for him, the way she pushes him with her legs. He loves being inside her, this night is fantastic. He feels like he's been controlling himself for ages and when he finally comes inside her, he nearly blacks out. He's a weak little puppy on top of her but he still tries to finger her. She pushes his hand away. "I'm good."

"That's not the way my mom raised me," he says.

Still they end up doing some version of post coitus snuggling on the couch. She says, "Your mother raised you to make sure you made women come?"

"She actually gave me excellent advice about sex," he says. "She did. She told me to never ever let myself be filmed again when I was 16. And she did tell me no one likes a jackrabbit and that she stayed married to my dad because he always made sure she was satisfied."

"I imagine you were incredibly embarrassed," she says.

"Absolutely," he says. "But I listened. No jackrabbits."

"Well, you were 16," she says. "Who releases a sex tape of a 16 year old?"

"No one," he says. "My dad bought it which was always the point."

She rubs his cheek. "I bet you were cute."

"I was not a ten year old girl, you're not allowed to call me cute, right?"

"Different rules for men," she says. "Especially billionaires at birth."

"Call me anything you want, then," he says. He gets off the couch and heads to the bathroom. "The bed is going to be more comfortable to sleep on than that couch."

She showers before she gets in bed with him. She's naked and squeaky clean as she pulls the expensive blanket over the both of them.

He says, "Are we going to do that again? I think we should, because we're great at this."

"I certainly am," she says.

He manages, for once, to sleep like a baby. When he wakes up, she's snuggling him. He shifts slightly and starts thinking about moving. Natasha is immediately awake, he can feel her start. She says, "Go pee."

"Okay," he says.

He expects to find her gone when he gets out of the bathroom, he even showers to give her enough time. Instead she's out in the suite area in a fluffy bathrobe. "I ordered breakfast," she says.

"Did you actually need a ride to LA or were you just planning to seduce me?"

"I had no such plans," she says. "I don't need a ride to LA, though, I thought it was a good way to tell you about your parents."

"So we're going to do this again?"

"You sound so eager," she says. She smiles at him and looks relaxed. It's not a look he's used to on her, but it's an attractive one. "Yes, let's keep doing this."

"So even more than 'again,' I get a keep doing this," he says. "Excellent. What are your plans for the next week or so?"

"I'm doing nothing until Steve calls and something happens where they need me," she says.

"Well, let's change that to doing me," he says. "That's cheesy, right?"

She doesn't even reply.

He enjoys having her around. It's not a surprise to him, but he forgot how much he likes the day to day of being in a relationship. "You would call this a relationship, right?"

"Sure," she says. They've been in LA for two weeks, where he's still working on rebuilding his house. He and Natasha are staying in the main part of the house which is mostly done and his contractors and robots work on the left and right wings. She's sitting on the porch in the cutest little short shorts and one of his t-shirts.

"I love that outfit," he says.

"Again, these are called tap pants. They aren't short shorts or whatever you keep calling them."

"Expensive lingerie," he says.

She takes off her sunglasses to look at him. "Are we doing anything today or is it more of the same?"

"If by the same you mean I spend too much time in the garage and you watch a lot of movies until we meet up sometime tonight for dinner and energetic sex, then yes."

"I don't watch movies," she says. "I watch canceled television shows."

"Only canceled ones?"

"Yeah, I call up Laura and we watch them together. School's in session so she's just home with the baby," Natasha says. "I have to pause it all the time because of baby Nate."

"How long can you go not working?"

She shrugs. "Guess I'll find out. But I bet I'll be hearing from Steve soon."

Two weeks later, Steve still hasn't called. Tony says, "He knows your number, right?"

She laughs. "Sometimes the bad things happening in the world don't require the Avengers to fix them. We should enjoy the lulls."

"I'm enjoying it," he says. This morning, she's in a black bikini, currently with one leg bent, her toes pressing against his shoulder. He's giving her a pedicure, and still working on the other leg.

"You do a lot of pedicures?"

"Chicks dig it," he says. "I have very steady hands and I enjoy precision." He puts some quick dry drops on her toes.

"Is that Pepper's nail polish she left here?"

"Pepper left nothing here, I didn't start putting the house back together until after we broke up," he says. "I bought this for you."

"You had someone buy it for me," she says. "I assume you picked the color."

"It's Iron Man Red," he says. "I ordered it online. I should probably sue the person making it, but it's a one woman company in Pella, Iowa and she says it's a limited edition. So if she makes more next month, then I call the lawyers."

"On one woman in Iowa?"

"You know how trademarks work, don't defend it and you lose it," Tony says. "I'll just offer to buy her out."

"You want to own a one woman nail polish company in Iowa?"

"This is a great color, I like her work," he says.

Tony rubs lotion into her foot. She wiggles her toes, watching the gold flecks in the red shimmer. "Me, too," Natasha says. "Does she have a nail polish for me?"

"Sadly, no," Tony says. "If I end up buying her company, that'll be first on the list for my new Stark subsidiary."

"Do you have to run that by Pepper?"

"Yup, but she loves nail polish. Maybe she'll get a shade, too," Tony says. He kisses her lovely foot right on the instep and then sits back. "You're all done."

"Thank you," she says. "Any contractors today?"

"Just robots. Please tell me you're trying to avoid tan lines?"

She smiles at him and unties her bikini top. He shakes his head. "I'm going to, you know what? Scrubbers can wait a day." He sits in her chair while she stretches out in the sun. She unties her bikini bottom, too. "You need me to put some sunscreen on for you?"

"Already done," she says. "Sorry."

Thankfully, Steve doesn't call that day either.

He does call two days later. "And I'm needed in London," she says. "Can I borrow a jet?"

"One of mine?" Tony shrugs. "Go ahead. You have a license for it, right?"

"Sure," she says, getting up.

It's a miserable week and a half without her. He goes to visit Happy. "You think she's not coming home or something?"

"It's not her home," Tony says. "Yes, I am concerned that once she's not around me, she'll forget she likes me."

"Because that happens. Pepper stayed with you all that time, so you can't be crap in bed," Happy says. Happy has a fantastic house Tony designed himself with the help of an architect, it's all laid out to accommodate his injuries from the Chinese Theater explosion. It's late in the day so Happy's in his wheelchair. Happy wheels around to the TV. "Wanna watch some boxing?"

"You talked me right into that one," Tony says. It's a good night.

He gets home around 2 am and paces around his bedroom. She left a lot of her clothes and he hasn't gotten any kind of distress call. He wonders if he should call Laura tomorrow and watch TV with her.

"It's very odd being the one left behind," he says. "I can live with it, though." He goes to check his messages.

She gets back the next day, looking a little battered. He says, "I should see the other guy, right?"

"Guys," she said. "Definitely plural."

He fiddles with his watch. She says, "Do I really look that bad?"

"You look great," he says. He walks over to her and hands her the tablet with the satellite imagery. "Found the guy who killed my parents. You should probably take that to Steve."

"You didn't want Steve to make that decision," she says, flipping through the files.

"I said I didn't think he should be the one, but I figure if you go with him -" Tony shrugs. "You were brave enough to actually tell me."

"So it's on my head," she says. "It looks like he's settling in for a while. I think we have time for a welcome home fuck and a see you when you get back one, too."

"I certainly think so," he says. "If you're up for it."

Natasha looks at him like he's an idiot. Tony smiles. "Okay, good, you're up for it."