A/N: this is a project for history in which Sebastian somehow slipped into, so it became a fanfic. Sorry to all of you who read teh original! this was originally ciel but then it worked out that it was in Grell's perspective. Personally i don't really care which one but oh well. (Plus i think grell is cute and funny ^^)
June 7, 1851
Today is my first day in Boursetown. Its' quite the queer place, to suffice. Men are either out digging for gold or are spoiling away their fleeting riches with gambling and drinks. Some of them even go off and nag at the bartenders, spitting insults at them. Or even worse, they will go after women in their drunken state and say and do improper things to them, proving just how much an ape they can be. Truly, I despise the situation I have been forced into due to the recent bankruptcy of my family's household. We have lost everything to the state since the invention of the cotton gin, which my father had nicknamed the 'Demon from Hell' to put it simply. So, I've come to California to restore the pride of my family, however slim that may be. I'll stop at nothing to get what I want, even if it must injure my pride.
Anyways, it took me approximately a month to travel here, and I'm not turning back just because I'm the only woman. I'll just dress in men's clothes like I have been and pretend to be a man. (All of my dresses were sold in order to pay for my trip to California. I'm the only hope left for my family.)
I won't let them get at me, ever.
June 8, 1851
Today has been the first day that I have been treated like a man.
To tell the truth… it was exhilarating to be treated with a different kind of respect than normal! This is the thing that I strive for; in order for women to be treated equally is what I want. It is something worth fighting for.
I did, however, get a few odd looks, which were probably due to the fact that my face may look a little more girlish than normal and that I was wearing an overcoat to conceal my chest. That might have caused some suspicion, not that any would have been avoided otherwise. A noble person coming to pan for gold? Of course, anyone can tell by my posture and way of speaking that I am from a wealthy family, which is obviously going to be hard to deal with. At least it won't be like the time in France when I was speaking French and accidentally said a very inappropriate phrase on accident. But oh it was so hilarious…
Incidentally, I did bump into a man at the front of the inn that I am currently staying at, and he possibly might have known who I am. After all, the Phantomhive name is well known by many people. Anyways, the man seemed very kind an offered to show me around (an offer which I promptly refused). I have to say, he looks absolutely charming! However, I cannot allow myself to trust anyone in this brutal country.
Today I found almost nothing while panning for gold; only gold dust that was unsalvageable. The other panners at the river said that I was panning perfectly; but they might have been lying now that I look back on it.
Today one of the miners who was upriver from me found a gold nugget and was rejoicing freely.
Later he was found dead, which frightens me.
I keep on wondering about the prospect of leaving this town and finding another, better town further north. Right now the weather is mild although it is still June, which makes me wonder what the winters here will be like.
But, those days are far off from today and shouldn't be bothered with at the moment.
Yesterday I had been so flustered and unfocused that I forgot to write a proper journal! I plan to write more in the future!
June 9, 1851
Today the same man that i mentioned last time approached me. I did learn a few things about him, however. His name is Sebastian and he said openly that he was from a noble family and asked if I was from one. He thought that he had seen me before, however I do not remember ever meeting him. I casually changed the subject and asked him what type of tea he liked the most. He was a little startled by the change of conversation, and I think that he's onto my secret.
I feel that that may be a problem for me. Today I had worn a regular flannel shirt with no coat, so my chest was more visible. The most embarrassing thing is that he bumped into me, hitting my chest with his shoulder! Even now I can still feel his touch, and it repulses me… Yet, I remember his dark red eyes and raven black hair-
What am I even thinking about!
Anyways, there is good news from today. I found my first gold nugget! Afterwards I sold it to a reliable dealer who gave me the best price in the area (personally I don't think that the merchants in the area sell as much as they sell the jewelers for, but it was the best that I could find). I received a total of $50, which will cover my expenses for three days. I wish that I could send some money to my family, but unfortunately I only have enough for myself!
(Oh dear this wasn't very long at all. Unfortunately I have to go now!)
June 10, 1851
Today two very important things happened that make me happy;
I found a boatload of gold! (Well, not exactly a boatload…)
Sebastian has gained my trust.
I will explain the occurrences of these events now, but I must say that today has been one of the happiest days of my life!
I was panning for gold in a secluded stream (I've learnt my lesson since I came here) and I saw a flash of gold at the bottom of the riverbank. After some digging through the mud, I unearthed over 70 gold nuggets! And the best news is that there are probably even more!
I hauled it all in a cloth bag to one of the merchants who was in town and had rented a building for buying gold. I was about to sell it when Sebastian entered through the door. After I had sold it, he asked me where I had found the gold from. I said that I would tell him if he kept it a secret, so we both made a deal. I would tell him where I found it and he would help me pan for gold in the same place in return.
Today I was sitting there waiting for him underneath a tree that provided shade near the river. The stream was flowing softly and bubbling, and that's when I saw him walk up from the road. The sunlight glinted off of his shiny black hair, and his red eyes flicked up to mine. He was wearing a white flannel shirt and brown breeches, and as I watched him walk up the small, winding path to where I sat a breeze blew by, tousling his raven locks and gently caressing his shirt, making it wave in the wind.
To put it simply, I fell in love with that sight. And it makes me excited whenever I think about him!
He panned with me today and helped me unearth the rest of the gold that was hidden in the river bank. While we were working, he started to talk about his family back in the South. I realized that he's in the exact same situation as me! Well, minus being a girl dressing up as a guy.
Speaking of which, shall I tell him?
June 11, 1851
Today has been weird.
I told Sebastian that I really was a girl… And I don't know how he feels right now about it!
He might think that I must be out of my mind or possibly insane to do such a thing, and I don't know if he feels anything for me like what I feel like for him! Obviously I didn't tell him that I'm in love with him (although I really want to); that would just make him feel extremely weird.
When I told him, he kind of just looked at me and said, "Oh."
WHAT IS 'OH' SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
He gave me no insight whatsoever as to what he really thinks of me! That makes me so frustrated!
I guess I'll just see him tomorrow and ask him about it… But… I don't know how to ask him about it!
This is turning into a predicament…
(P.S.: This journal feels like it's turning into a diary…)
June 12, 1851
Today Sebastian and I worked as usual in the river. The worst part is that there was complete silence the entire time except during lunch break, when he said, "So… The weather seems delightful today…"
It was raining today. I told him that. AND WOULD YOU GUESS WHAT HE SAID?
He said, "Oh."
It makes me just want to bang my head against this desk right now! In fact, I think I shall.
Now my head hurts… That was not the best idea to execute…
I guess that all I can do is wait for tomorrow and see what he says.
(P.S.: It seems that this really is becoming a diary.)
last entry coming soon
