Love Game
Oz knew it was a bad idea, that much was obvious. But when it had started, it was too good to stop. "It was just a game, after all, right? Games couldn't hurt, right?" Yeah, right, that line from Break had been what convinced him to do it in the first place, now Oz knew it was complete bull shit!
Him and Break had been playing "games" with each other for a month or two now, everyone had remained pretty oblivious to it as Oz and Break were some admittedly good actors. But then, one day, Oz had been talking to Sharon and Break made the fatal mistake of trying to join the conversation. No, trying to socialize with them wasn't the actually fatal mistake, putting a hand on Oz's shoulder to get his attention was. That guy was only sixteen! He couldn't control his blush, plus, Break only ever usually touched him when they were doing it! Of course this reaction should have been expected!
Either way, Sharon had caught the action, the sparks, the potential romance budding from something simple as fuck buddies. And, being the romantic that she was, she immediately dove into trying to make the two fall in real love.
So there Oz was, in the library with Sharon for another one of her "meetings" to discuss his "romance" with Break once again. Until Sharon had started talking, Oz believed whatever Break had said the first time. Until she opened her mouth, Oz believed that it really was alright for him to be doing this. Until she opened that damned mouth of her's… Oz's heart didn't hurt so much that he couldn't ignore it.
Oz knew he felt more than what Break told him to, he knew Break was just using him really, and he knew it was VERY wrong for a SIXTEEN year-old to be fucking with a guy that should be WAY older than he looks. But he had always ignored it, he never wanted to confront it. Confronting it meant that he would have to say something to Break about it, he would have to tell Break he loved him. He didn't want that, because he knew the one called the "Red-Eyed Ghost" at one time wouldn't feel any heartbreak at all over saying goodbye.
But Oz would miss him, he would be heartbroken, and so he was afraid to say he loved him, to say goodbye to him.
Sharon deduced this within moments, putting her cup of tea down to swoon without spilling. A romantic to the bone, she was. The blonde smiled at her, forced of course, but she'd never notice.
She told him that he shouldn't be so afraid over something so unpredictable. Oz questioned what was unpredictable, exactly, as it was a bit obvious that Break wouldn't love him back. This, of course, caused her to smile and lead into an explanation. Starting off, of course, with one of the most awkward questions Oz had ever heard, "You ever wonder why older people don't have as much sex as younger people?"
Oz was quiet… What were you supposed to say to that? "Because they're old and no one wants to do them?" Yeah, that'd go over real well with this girl, she was at least triple the age she looked!
"As you get older, things like sex don't hold as much appeal as they did when you were younger and those experiences were still new and exciting. Sex just becomes sex to you. Maybe it's a decrease in your libido or something, but the appeal lessens."
Oz blinked at this, "Ah, Miss Sharon, you talk as though you have experienced this…"
Oz found himself on the floor with a new bruise on his head by the time Sharon decided to continue talking, "Since this happens, it makes sense that older people wouldn't have sex as much as younger people do. And so, it would also make sense as to why older people will consider marriage and serious relationships more than younger people would."
Oz stood and sat back in his seat, frowning as he gazed at the girl, then he turned his head to focus his eyes on something else, anything else. He chose the dust bunny in the corner of the room.
She smiled at Oz gently, as if breaking the concept of death to a child for the first time, "Oz-kun, you know what I'm trying to say."
Oz scowled, eyebrows furrowing together, "Break is different, he isn't like other people."
Oz would always stay awake afterwards for at least another hour, Break would only be able to stay awake for half an hour at most. Oz's mind was always buzzed with so much information afterwards though, his eyes felt like there was something vibrating right behind them, giving him such a light-headed feeling. He hated it, because he was always thinking too much when this was happening and it made him feel more miserable than good.
Sex was supposed to feel good, before, during and after. That's what Break had told him when he first started to do that "foreplay" thing. Before and during were definitely good, but it left too much to think about to make the after any good. Oz couldn't stop thinking about Break, about what Sharon said, about the chances that Break did have feelings for him.
Now that would be a miracle, making the clown serious enough for even a moment to admit it. Having this in mind, Oz knew it would be a bad idea to get his hopes up, a really bad idea. He didn't want the heartbreak, he didn't want anything between them to change into something a lot worse than this, and he just didn't want to say goodbye.
He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to fall asleep and obviously falling in that aspect. He sighed, heavy, and slowly opened his eyes to the ceiling. Turning his head, the blonde stared at the silver-haired man, sleeping peacefully with a content grin on his face, making Oz smile softly at him. He didn't dare to move, worried about waking him up and facing some awkward conversation that was usually reserved for the morning.
But Oz felt that same familiar urge, only much more stronger because of the hope that Sharon had shoved down his throat, the urge to curl up around him, he wanted to hold and be held by him. He just wanted to feel his arms around him, and feel safe, and hear him the same things Oz wanted to tell him. But Break, true to his nature, seemed untouchable, even in his sleep. For whatever reason, this pissed Oz off.
Really pissed him off.
Why was he in this situation, why was he doing this with someone he loved even though he knew the one he loved didn't feel the same way, why was he putting himself through this? Why was Break doing this?
Oz continued to gaze steadily at the man, his eyes tracing his lips, nose, the mysterious (not anymore to Oz) eye that hid beneath his hair. His fingers twitched unconsciously as the urge became a feeling that resembled need.
Why would Break want Oz, anyways? An easy lay? Having sex just for the purpose of sex, it was easier to convince someone who was head-over-heels for you anyways. But didn't Sharon say that sex didn't hold as much meaning to older people as it did to younger people? Then why would Break want to do this with Oz?
Especially since he must know by now how much it hurts Oz… Did he care at all?
"What are you doing?" Oz flinched as he realized his hand had curved around the man's face, unconsciously marveling at the man's skin. Break smirked, one eye gazing at him amusedly, "Now, Oz, can't you wait until morning to admire my beauty?"
"Uh, s-sorry, I didn't mean to—" Oz was cut off as Break's arm wrapped around his stomach, pulling him into the other's embrace, surprising the young Bezarius. Oz stared up at him in something that resembled mixed horror and hope, making the clown just gently push his face into the junction between his neck and collarbone.
The blonde blinked at the affection, surprise not being a strong enough word to describe how he felt. Quickly, though, he just sighed, cosign his eyes and relaxing into the grip.
Even if he didn't love him back, if it was all just a game, this was enough for him, no matter what Sharon said. Besides, even if it was false hope, Oz had a good feeling about this, like he had the feeling that there was more to this game that neither Break or Oz wanted to quite reveal yet. So Oz was happy for now, perfectly content to keep playing this love game he and Break created.
Oz fell asleep much faster than he usually did that night, wrapped securely in Break's arms until morning would come. Then they would start this love game all over again…
