Geometry

Disclaimer: I do solemnly swear that I am not Joanne Kathleen Rowling, so I'm not making any money from this (unless someone would like to pay me...). Don't sue me, 'cause unless someone takes me up on my previous offer you won't get anything out of it.

I wish that they taught geometry at Hogwarts, not because I have any particular fondness for math, I was sort of good at it, though, because it appears to me that my entire life has been based on geometry. My love life, anyway, and what does it matter if you know how to make feathers fly if you can't choose between two (or three, or four) girls? Alright, Hermione, shush, I wasn't serious.

You don't get how a love life can be a geometrical shape? Well, then, let me tell you, it won't take long, and I promise it has a reasonably happy ending. Yes, Ron, I know that I'm telling a love story, I've spent far too much time around my wife. But we won't get to talk about her until later, well, in a few paragraphs at the very least, but I'm not letting on who she is just yet. Suspense is good for you, heightens your awareness, as Moody would say.

In my very first year, when I was eleven I managed to get myself very neatly into a love triangle. I had a gigantic crush on Hermione Granger, I know, a bit clichéd, aren't I? The problem is that my best mate liked her too, we all know how that one turned out. But that doesn't mean I wasn't interested.

That was until I turned twelve and realized that a certain pretty, oriental Ravenclaw Seeker existed. Cho Chang managed to get me into something remotely resembling a rectangle wearing a hat. I still had lingering feelings for Hermione, Ron began his until-recently infamous taste for anything that moved AND Hermione, oh, shut up, mate. Yes, honey, I know that's a bad word, Daddy shouldn't have said it, should he have? As I was saying before my precious toddler and best mate interrupted me, I liked Cho, Hermione and Ginny Weasley was absolutely insane about me. It means that she really, really loved me, baby girl, why don't you go play?

I watched Cho Chang every opportunity I could get, she was truly gorgeous, you know, but my feelings for Ginny were very remote and sort of pitiful, and well, my emotions for Hermione just sort of went away that year. Ron, you can go back to your normal color now, by the way. Yes, Hermione, I did mean to tell you that sometime, in fact, I just told you. Well, I was crushing on Cho like only pubescent boys can- STOP THROWING YOUR DOLLY AT MOMMY'S LAMP- and Ginny was turning an interesting shade of purple ever single time she looked at me. But nothing truly interesting romantically, anyway happened that year. Oh, except I saved Ginny from a bloody great snake, but I suppose that could be blamed on Fawks. But it made the geometry of life much more interesting for the next five years. Well, baby girl, if you hadn't thrown the dolly at the lamp Mommy and Daddy wouldn't have gotten so angry with you. Thanks, Sugar, I'd love a cup of tea.

My third year was fun in it's own, triangular, way. I played Quidditch against Cho a few times and actually had at least one, coherent conversation with her. Ginny began to act like something other than a dumbstruck Barbie around me. I learned a little bit more about her from Ron that year, and that's what kept it from becoming a straight line, oh, how I'd long for the peace of that! No, baby girl, I didn't want a piece of cake, I meant peace like when there's no fighting. Yes, I suppose if you went and asked very nicely Mommy might just give you a little bit of the chocolate cake before dessert.

And fourth year, the year of that blasted, accursed ball. Ginny went with Neville and I was actually jealous. Cho went with Cedric Diggory (May he rest in peace) and I went with Parvati Patil (I think, I can't quite remember, it was a Patil twin, anyway). I was green with jealousy, because my only two love interests were otherwise occupied and I was bored out of my mind. Hermione went with THE Viktor Krum (fondly referred to as "Vicky" by Ron for years afterwards), Ron went with whichever Patil I didn't go with, but those two have always been interchangeable. The one who was in Ravenclaw.

Fifth year, pretty much every damned thing on the planet exploded and I can't imagine the sort of configurations we were in. Ron was watching Hermione like a hawk and turned green at the mention of Viktor Krum, Hermione was dating Viktor but was in the early stages of love with Ron. I was "dating" Cho if you could call it that- NO! DON'T YOU DARE TAKE MOMMY'S KNIFE OFF THE TABLE! DO YOU HEAR ME, BABY GIRL? Thank you very much, you know that it's sharp- sorry. And Ginny went out with Michael Corner and then Dean Thomas. I don't know what that was, something. But the Cho and Corner ended up together. Oh, and Luna Lovegood came into the picture, and I have to admit that both Neville and I were totally infatuated with her, in our own, twisted, ways. No, Ron, I really don't think that I was that infatuated with her- RON! There is a CHILD in the room! Thank you, Sugar, when'll dinner be ready? Great, I just want to finish this up.

Well, in my sixth year I dated Luna for three months. That was fun, but a little odd seeing as I think I'm the one who's supposed to be late for dates. And Luna never really put any effort into the relationship, so we just sort of mutually decided not to go out. I think Neville's thankful for that. Ron and Hermione FINALLY got together, after he had been girl-hopping for a year and we all felt treated to a whole three weeks of peace between those two, now it was only that pesky war with Lord Voldemort- Honestly, Ron, he's dead, it's nothing to be afraid of- to worry about. Oh, and every male in our school was in love with a certain Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Ms. Fleur Delacour, but she was taken, by Bill Weasley. GIVE ME THREE MINUTES SUGAR! I'M ALMOST DONE HERE! I got to know Ginny Weasley a lot better, but also a Hufflepuff named Georgia, who I went out with from that Christmas to June. And Draco Malfoy spent the time alternately drooling over Ginny or polishing his prefects badge and bragging about the dark lord being alive again. This would remotely have resembled a rectangle with arms, I suppose. Baby Girl, could you go get 'Mione from the washroom? It's almost time for dinner and Daddy has to finish what he's doing. Thank you.

Then my seventh year came, and in the midst of a war, I kissed the world's most beautiful, sexy, talented, brilliant, strange and interesting woman for the first time- and wondered why I hadn't simply picked her up and done that the first time I ever met her. At King's Cross station, almost seven years before that. Yes, I fell in love with Ginny Weasley. And beat the dark lord. And lived to tell the tale, mostly for the benefit of Ginny Weasley.

We were married in a huge, gauzy event two years later. And it's been five years since then, I'm a retired Auror teaching a few terms at Hogwarts while I'm deciding what to do now that I've decided to stop risking my life every day. Ginny has been back at work for two years now, since our little girl, Lilly was born, she's the most important thing in my life. My Lilly, she has my green eyes and her mother's hair and freckles, Dumbledore says she looks like her paternal grandmother in a lot of ways. Ginny is a Healer at the St. Mungo's pediatrics department, though she'll leave that position in three months, when our second child is born, and she's been talking about not going back. We live in Hogsmeade, close to Hermione and Ron, Ron's teaching flying at Hogwarts, we lost Madam Hooch in the war, while Hermione teaches Transfiguration, McGonagall retired three years ago.

Well, darling, I think I stuck to the facts. Did I need to mention that? Really...really...let me tell you something about that, sugar...

Lilly, baby girl, mommy's busy right now. Daddy's kissing her.