So I was thinking that I've not written anything in a while... and then I was thinking about Remus' angsty rageness in DH when he leaves Tonks, and this idea sort of sprung from that. I can't decide if I like it or not, what you think?
"Your know, Padfoot," James said suddenly, "we're in seventh year now, you should really be looking to get yourself a girlfriend."
Sirius grunted non-committally, his eyes meeting Remus' for a second before he looked away again. He'd been doing that a lot lately, those brief glances. Remus liked it, he liked the idea that he and Sirius had a special friendship that not even James understood. He usually felt like an outsider to those two. He knew he was part of the group, as did Peter, but they were both just onlookers who had the privilege of front row seats, James and Sirius were the heart and neither of the other two would ever touch that.
It came as a surprise, then, when Sirius suddenly took an interest in Remus, looked to him for approval when he made a joke or hexed a Slytherin. Sat next to him at dinner, brought him snacks from the kitchens. It was moments like these when Remus was surprised people couldn't tell he was an Animagus, so like a faithful dog to his owner. But somehow, despite all this, Remus still had the unshakable belief that Sirius was better than him. He was still on that higher plane with James. Out of reach.
"It's beginning to get a bit embarrassing," James continued, "I'm allowed to be single 'cause I'm waiting for Evans to admit she loves me, but you... You need to get a girlfriend."
"I have a girlfriend!" Peter piped up triumphantly.
"Peter, mate, you snogged a fourth year a month ago. That doesn't count," Sirius said, without even looking up from his parchment. James sniggered and punched Peter on the arm to prevent the impending sulk. Remus glanced over to see how Sirius was getting on with his Transfiguration essay to discover a very finely detailed and shaded drawing of Snape and McGonagall in a fist fight.
Setting his quill down, James declared loudly he was off to steal food from the kitchens, half of the common room looked highly impressed and Peter all but begged to be allowed to tag along. Sirius didn't move, and neither did Remus, hoping to have some time without the other two. Soon after they left, Sirius made his way up to the dormitory with Remus close behind.
There was an awkward silence between them which Remus had never known before, Sirius was absent mindedly changing the colour of the water in the jug next to his bed, all the while doing those little furtive glances in Remus' direction. Finally, Remus spoke.
"For God's sake, what is it?" he said, his voice coming out a lot angrier than he'd anticipated. Sirius stared at him, shocked at the tone from the normally quietspoken one of the group. He set his wand down on his bedside table and turned to face Remus across the room.
"Thing is, Moony," He paused to pick his wand up again, holding it for a second before presumably deciding no, he didn't need it, and putting it back down again, "I don't want a girlfriend."
"I know, neither do I," Remus shrugged. Sirius shook his head before changing into a dog and bounding across the room. He landed on Remus' bed, tongue lolling and Remus' patted him with an affectionate smile. A moment later he was Sirius again. The smile he had worn as a dog faded just as quickly as his fur.
"That's not what I meant," he began again. "Moony, I like you."
"Give over, you soppy git," Remus laughed and shoved him, shaking his head, "We're friends aren't we? I know you like me, you idiot."
"No... I [i]like[/i] you."
Silence. Remus suddenly felt very aware that they were both on his bed and that Sirius' shirt was ever so slightly transparent. He shifted uncomfortably before getting up and walking to the other side of the room. Sirius followed him, a hopeful expression on his face, looking as always for acceptance, for approval.
"Are you telling me," Remus began, taking a slow breath, "That you're a fucking poofter?"
Sirius flinched at the term then nodded his head, Remus knew that Sirius was trying to look into his eyes but he refused to meet his gaze. He felt bile in his throat, not from feeling ill but from the pure fury he could feel pumping through his body. Why did he have to ruin it? Why couldn't they be friends without him bringing his dick into it? He saw Sirius clutching his jaw and became aware of a throbbing in his right hand which was balled up into a fist.
"What the fuck? You hit me," Sirius said indignantly before making a swing at Remus who grabbed his arm. They began grappling Remus pushing hard so that Sirius was up against the wall before punching him in the stomach, winding him. He would have doubled over but Remus had his arm across Sirius' throat.
"You always have to ruin everything, Padfoot! Why do you [i]have[/i] to do that?" Remus said, angry tears springing up in the corner of his eyes which only served to enrage him further. He couldn't cry in front of Sirius, he couldn't. He let out a choked yell as he felt the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. His throat felt full so he swallowed hard.
There was a moment of nothing, where they simply stared at one another, Sirius pinned to the wall but not afraid, Remus practically strangling him but not angry. Then the feelings came back in a crashing tidal wave and it almost overwhelmed him, the anger, the sheer injustice of it all, and then Sirius was kissing him, as forcefully as Remus was pushing him away.
Remus spun him around, throwing Sirius off balance and breaking the kiss.. He shoved his chest, hard, and Sirius fell onto his bed with a thud. Before he could recover, Remus was on the bed too, kissing him and biting his lip so roughly he could feel the skin breaking. He cried out but didn't push him off, he rolled on top of Remus, trying to pin him down but Remus lashed out and they began grappling again although this time Remus could feel Sirius' erect cock pressing against his thigh and his own rising in response. He growled in frustration, disappointed at himself, bringing their lips crashing together again as he all but ripped Sirius' shirt in an effort to take it off. Sirius followed suit before they resumed their positions, half kissing, half fighting, bare chest against bare chest. But Sirius was bigger, Sirius was stronger and he finally managed to keep Remus down on the bed as he undid his trousers. Remus made a noise of protest as he felt air on his legs, his school trousers discarded in a messy heap on the floor. Sirius kissed down his chest, dragging his teeth over a pebbled nipple causing a flash of pain. He reached Remus' boxers and made short work of them, Remus panicked and tried to throw him off.
"Keep still, dickhead," Sirius growled, his voice even more gravelled with obvious desire. Without preamble, he took Remus into his mouth, sucking, his tongue pressed firmly against the underside of Remus' cock. The pressure was almost painful but Remus groaned, fisting Sirius' hair so tightly he almost pulled a handful out. Sirius worked hard, sucking and licking from the base to the tip before engulfing his whole cock as far down as he could. It didn't take long before hot cum was spilling down his throat. Remus was furious, exhausted but furious. He wanted to punch Sirius again but another desire took precedence, he wasn't sure where it came from, it's not like he [i]fancied[/i] Sirius or anything, but right now he just wanted to fuck him until his eyes rolled back into his head and he was spent. Maybe it was some sort of animalistic urge. He ripped off the remainder of his clothes and grabbed his dick, slightly too hard, he could tell by the whine that escaped Sirius but he didn't care. He began pumping, his thumb flicking along the weeping tip as he brought him into yet another bruising kiss. Sirius pounded his hips against Remus' fist as they kissed, teeth banging together before tongues clashed. He groaned into Remus' mouth as he came, hot white dribbling down the other boy's hand, he wiped it off on the bedsheets quickly. They stopped kissing.
Sirius looked up at Remus, panting. Remus was looking fixedly at his hand, as though trying to Scourgify it with his stare. Sirius reached up with shaking fingertips, perhaps to cup the other boy's face when there was a loud clatter on the stairs and a laugh which was unmistakably Prongs. Remus leapt of the bed and got dressed, Sirius did too but without the same fervour.
"You fucking ruin everything, Sirius," Remus hissed at him before the door banged open and James came in, followed by a heavily laden Peter who dropped their 'stolen goods' on the floor.
"Miss us?" James laughed, Sirius nodded, grinning. It was easy to pretend with witnesses. They were exactly normal, Remus with his smiles and quietness, Sirius with his jokes and boundless energy. Even James, the Great James on that upper storey, didn't notice a thing.
