A/N: Sort of in the world of "Shameless", but could be any world I write in, really. My first experiment in drabble, a series of four (obviously).


15 Minutes in Hell

Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex

Salt-N-Pepa


5 September, 1995
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Not long after the Welcoming Feast …


Gryffindor Tower

Professor Minerva McGonagall eyed every student present.

"I've brought you here to discuss … sex."

The Weasley twins cheered loudly. They quieted when the Professor's eyes flared.

"That's enough," she said. "I am required to do this once a year. Believe me, I don't enjoy it."

"We do," coughed a disguised voice.

"Whoever spoke will cost the House fifty points if it happens again."

The room went so silent that the sound of Neville's snores were magnified tenfold.

"No sex in the castle, on the grounds, in Hogsmeade, or over the hols. Are we clear?"

No one spoke a word.


Hufflepuff Basement

The older students of the Hufflepuff House were gathered around, hot chocolate and biscuits in hand, as though they were on the receiving end of the best bed time story ever.

"Is it really as amazing as the books say it is?" Susan Bones sighed.

"Even better," Professor Pomona Sprout said with a wink.

"But you think we should wait until we're older?" Zacharias asked, frowning.

"Well, I wouldn't say that," she said, pondering the statement. "But being in a good relationship with your partner can take the experience to a higher level. Of course, so can other things …"


Ravenclaw Tower

"So what are the best positions?"

"What if I get pregnant?"

"How do I keep a girl from getting pregnant?"

"Are you going to tell our parents?"

"How many House points are taken if we get caught?"

Professor Filius Flitwick looked around the crowded room and held up his hand, silencing the many questions. He passed numbers around the room until everyone had one.

"Who has Number One?"

Luna raised her hand, illiciting a groan from several Seventh Year boys.

"Hush, it'll be your turn soon enough. Miss Lovegood?" the diminutive Professor asked.

"Is it true that Nargles are involved?"


Slytherin Dungeon

Professor Severus Snape stormed into the dungeons and stared down each and every student.

"I don't care if you imbeciles screw like bunnies," he sneered. "If you need the Potion and are too stupid to ask Madam Pomphrey, come see me – or better yet, don't. I'll have vials in the Common Room. For those who need it –" he said, eyeing Pansy, "I have Systo-Cleanse. Get out of my sight."

Draco looked at his pocket watch as Snape stalked off and slammed the door. "Five seconds shorter than last year; you owe me a Galleon," he said, grinning at Crabbe.


Tee-hee. Honestly, inspired by that photo that goes around Tumblr with the Toast Knife and each House's reaction to it.