I don't know, I just felt like writing this.
Do go ahead and enjoy though! ;)
Varishi x
It was that day – the day that Robin hated the most out of every day in the year, because it was the day that he had lost everything that he cared about. Five years ago today, Robin's parents were murdered: but it wasn't only them that he had lost. He had lost his life at the circus and all of his friends. It wasn't only today that haunted him every year, in the weeks leading up to this day he was either overcome with insomnia or tortured in a restless sleep by nightmares. But through those weeks, it was almost easy to keep up the usual front of playfulness and keep his cool on missions.
But on this actual day, Robin was always overcome with guilt and sadness. That, partnered with an inability to sleep, made him altogether 'unfit for public consumption' today. Bruce always understood, after all on the anniversary of his own parent's deaths he was always in a similar mood even after all of the time that had passed. This year, however, was different. An escape from Arkham Asylum, courtesy of The Riddler, meant that both Alfred and Bruce would be otherwise engaged than supporting Richard Grayson through this unbearable day. So instead, Batman thought that the best place for Robin to be would be with his friends in Happy Harbour.
"Listen," Bruce said to Robin before pulling his cowl over his face sheepishly. He never was good at conveying emotions or even showing that he understood them, but Robin had learned to read him well, "I know today is hard. But this is important; people could get hurt if I let Riddler run around Gotham unchecked."
It hurt Bruce to watch his ward's blue eyes become so blank and devoid of all hope, but he didn't know what words he should use to console him. Robin put his dark shades on, just in time to hide from his mentor the tears that welled up in his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and collected himself before answering Batman, "I know, don't worry about it Batman, this is important." Robin spoke barely above a whisper. Any louder than that and there would be a clearly audible wobble in his voice and he didn't want Batman to recognise his moment of weakness. There was a voice in Robin's mind that was telling him, Bruce thinks the Riddler is more important than you. He doesn't want to waste his time talking to some depressed circus freak. And frankly, Robin couldn't argue with that voice because he believed it to be true.
Bruce could so clearly see that the boy was at war with himself in his mind, but as Alfred had told him earlier, Robin had every right to be upset on such a day as it was. Without another word to one another, Batman left with Robin clad in his civilian attire. The dark knight accompanied Robin to the zeta tubes in Gotham before leaving him to track down the Riddler with Alfred's directions on the other side of his communicator.
As he watched his mentor run away from him, Robin felt the hole in his heart tear a little bigger and he allowed one tear to escape his eye as he stared straight at the zeta tubes. Why couldn't he hang up his cape just for today? Robin asked himself before wiping away the stray tear in anger and stepping into the 'phone booth' and allowing the machine to recognise him. In a flash of bright light, Robin was uncomfortably taken from Gotham to be transported to the Cave in Happy Harbour where he hoped above all, everyone would leave him alone. But of course that wouldn't be the case – this was the Young Justice team after all.
The zeta machine announced Robin's arrival and with that Kid Flash's head whipped up. Robin never came in on this day. To the others, Robin's arrival was no great event, but to Kid Flash – who knew Robin's whole back story – the arrival was such a shock that he fell off of the sofa that he had been lounging on and proceeded to poke his head over its back and fix his eyes on his best friend. He thought that Robin might have forgotten what day it was, but as he appeared out of the tubes, his depressed slouch was the only clue Wally needed to realise that he hadn't forgotten at all. Trying, and failing, to swallow his mouthful of cake, Wally greeted the little ninja in a confused manner, "Rob?"
At Wally's acknowledgement, the rest of the Team noticed and smiled at Robin as he entered the room with a stoic look on his face. But that was the first indicator that something was wrong to the Team; it was Batman's job to be stoic and Robin usually always entered with a smile. Even though Robin was still walking the distance between the zetas and the living space, M'Gann was beginning to feel uncomfortable that Robin had not yet said anything. So she decided to break the silence, "Good morning, Robin. How are you?"
Robin wanted to tell her that it was not a good morning and that he was not okay. But then follow up questions would happen, and he wasn't in the right state of mind to deal with those. Wally was looking at him with a sympathetic look on his face, he knew that Robin was not okay and had winced when M'Gann had asked him how he was. After a brief battle with the tears that wanted to roll down his face, Robin composed himself once again and responded in what he had thought to be a normal voice, "Hi. I'm fine. I'm going to the gym."
Robin had meant his voice to sound normal, but it had come out harsh – almost sarcastic. He had even felt his eyes narrow behind his glasses in frustration at the question. So, cursing at himself for being so obvious, Robin turned his back on the astonished faces watching him and briskly stormed away to the training room where he hoped to work out his feelings into a punching bag. He could feel his teammate's eyes on his back as he walked out of the room and the moment they heard a door slam the worried inquiries began.
"Did I say something wrong?" M'Gann wondered aloud in a voice that seemed more confused than upset. Wally dipped his head so that he was staring at the ground; M'Gann had said something wrong, but how was she to know that? Kaldur and Connor seemed equally as confused as M'Gann was, one of them being from the ocean and the other only alive for a short time after all. Only Artemis and Wally could really understand human feelings other than Robin himself, and so Connor, Kaldur and M'Gann turned to the two of them for answers.
"You didn't say anything wrong, M'Gann. If you ask me, Robin's just being rude." Artemis responded glaring at the door that Robin had just left through. She had always respected his skill and constant optimism, but just then she had seen another side to him and it was a side that she didn't like. M'Gann tilted her head to the side a little as she considered Artemis' answer, Robin had never been 'rude' before – cheeky, yes, but never rude exactly – so it seemed irrational that he should start now. Connor looked as though he didn't follow and Kaldur simply grew more worried for his youngest comrade. Wally however, reacted in a totally different way.
"He's not being rude!" Wally snapped. But after the looks the others gave him he instantly regretted his intervention. It was just that he couldn't stand anyone talking badly of Robin in front of him, on any day let alone this one. Instead of just leaving his comment alone, the speedster decided that he had better follow up with a sort of explanation, "He didn't mean to come across as rude, he's having a bad day."
"And how would you know that, Kid Idiot? Besides, that doesn't mean he can treat people however he wants." Artemis retorted spitefully. If Robin was being rude to someone as innocent as M'Gann, then he really didn't deserve defending. So what right did Wally have to cross her? Having a 'bad day' was no excuse for being anti-social. Wally stared back into Artemis' intense gaze and wished that he could tell her everything. She would regret saying what she just had if she knew the whole story behind it. But it wasn't his place, and he had promised Robin all that time ago that he'd keep it all a secret.
So instead of telling Artemis everything, Wally just softened his voice and looked at the floor once again before saying in a voice barely audible to all but Connor, "Just – Just lay off him a little, okay? Today is a really bad day." The sincerity in Wally's voice was plenty to let the whole Team know that whatever it was that was bothering Robin today, it was something huge. Naturally, the Team demanded to know why today was so bad for Robin, but Wally's answer to each question always ended up being 'it's not my place'.
After what seemed like a life time of questioning, Kaldur finally demanded that everyone stop what they were doing. Instead he offered an alternative, "We are not doing Robin any good by talking amongst ourselves, we should see if he is alright." No one was able to argue with Kaldur's cool and collected thoughts, not even Wally. Kaldur seemed amused at how quickly an argument could be resolved between his teammates and then gestured for them all to follow him as he began to lead the way towards the gym where they all knew Robin would be.
In the mean time, the moment Robin had changed into his black training clothes and headed to the gym, he had envisioned Tony Zucco as the punching bag that waited in front of him. Then, pressing his lips together in a hard line and clenching his jaw in anger and hurt he had began to repeatedly hit the punching bag as hard as he could with his fists. He had kept up the assault for as long as he could manage, before his anger gave way to pure unbridled depression. He relaxed his raised arms and rested his head against the battered punching bag, his breaths coming hard and fast from his exertion. He began to relive that day again.
He could see Zucco and hear his threats, he could still hear so clearly that sickening snap as the trapeze wires supporting his family gave; he could see his mother's terrified face and hear the crowd's screams, his parent's screams, his own screams. Nothing had faded that memory over the years, and as much as he wanted those memories gone they were the ones that stuck around the most. He could have stopped his parents from performing that night, and then he would still have parents. He could have at least checked the equipment again. He could have done something but he had done nothing. Robin had been constantly told by Bruce that he wasn't responsible for what had happened that day, but if he wasn't then why did he feel like he was?
It was then that the Team entered the gym, interrupting the young acrobat's troubled thoughts. Almost as soon as M'Gann saw Robin she was knocked back as though punched into Connor's startled arms as she felt the magnitude of the self-loathing and guilt rolling off of Robin in powerful waves. Tears sprang to M'Gann's eyes from the sheer rawness of Robin's feelings. Robin himself had picked up his head from the punching bag and was staring at his team evenly, trying desperately hard to maintain his casual exterior.
"Robin, what is making you feel this way?" M'Gann asked tearfully. She felt Robin's feelings flare ten times more powerful for a moment or two as he faltered and had to try hard once again not to cry. But it proved unsuccessful this time and a few tears dropped from behind his shades and onto the floor. In a split second, Wally was at Robin's side with an arm wrapped tightly around him.
"It's okay, Rob. Everything's going to be okay." Wally soothed. Wally smiled slightly as he felt his tense friend relax slightly into his grip, letting his guard down just that little bit more than he would with any of the others. Wally stared at the punching bag behind Robin's small form and was only slightly surprised to find that it was almost completely destroyed. Robin was totally silent and his face was still emotionless, the only sign that Robin was upset at all was that he had tears rolling down his face one after another. Wally pushed him gently, starting to guide him from the gym, "Come on man, let's get you to the lounge. It's okay."
The other four junior heroes gave the two a wide berth, they had never seen Robin this way and it was a total shock to them. After Wally and Robin left the room they followed behind hesitantly, almost as though they were frightened. Only Connor with his super-hearing and Wally who was closest to him heard Robin's tiny whimper, "It's not okay KF. It's my fault." Hearing this, Wally tightened his grip on his friend as though if he let go, he'd lose him forever.
Once in the lounge, Wally sat Robin down on the sofa and then sat next to him, watching him with the kind of concerned look that only a best friend can give a best friend. The others filed in, curious about what was going on and yet reluctant to know. This was Robin they were talking about, the one who had always seemed as though he could handle anything, who could stare any villain in the face with confidence and never back down. It was so easy to forget that he was only thirteen years old sometimes. Even though he would never admit it, he was vulnerable to some things.
For a while nobody said anything, they just waited for Robin's silent tears to stop. But even though they did eventually stop, M'Gann could still feel that same crippling guilt and that same hatred that she had felt moments ago in the gym. No one deserved to feel that way, especially not such a self-sacrificing person as Robin. After he had stopped crying though, Robin looked around at his team who were surrounding him, each with their own confused or concerned expressions fixated on him.
"I suppose you're going to want some kind of explanation." Robin whispered. He stared down at his hands as he sifted through his thoughts to find one that might be coherent or maybe, god-forbid, useful. Robin sighed when no one spoke, they all must have assumed that he knew they wanted an explanation, "I can't tell you everything. It involves my identity."
"Look, you were hard on M'Gann this morning, then you basically destroyed a perfectly good punching bag and now you've randomly burst into tears. I think we're due an explanation of some kind." Artemis ranted. Then, with a sharp look from Wally, she took the bite out of her voice and coaxed, "Just tell us what you can. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say I really hate seeing you like this. You're better when you're you."
Robin looked up to meet Artemis' eyes before hanging his head once again. He so badly wanted to tell them all but he didn't know where the line was. The line between what Batman would count as telling them his identity and just giving them a little bit of information. Robin swallowed hard, once more battling the lump in his throat, before saying, "I know I was rude earlier, I didn't mean to be. I'm sorry. I don't know if telling you is a good idea. How can I expect you to accept me if I can't even accept or forgive myself?" Robin wondered aloud, arousing more curiosity from the team.
"No!" Wally insisted, frowning. Kid Flash didn't care that the others were watching now; Robin had come to the Cave this year so if he had to do this here then he would. That was what friends did for each other. He turned Robin to face him and placed a hand on each shoulder before staring at him intently, "I'm tired of telling you this every year. It was not your fault. If you want someone to blame then you can blame the person who really is responsible."
"Responsible?" Kaldur questioned, cocking his head to one side slightly. Robin looked between them all, his eyes lingering on Wally for longer than the others as though he was trying to ask with his eyes whether it was really okay to tell the others the way that he would have communicated through his eyes with Batman. After receiving what seemed like no answer from Wally's eyes, Robin took a deep breath, making his choice. Consequences or no, he thought that sharing his pain may be a good thing and might even help him a little more than talking to Batman who didn't even take the time to properly speak to him this year.
With one last scan of his friends he nodded, "Okay," Robin started, "I suppose I should start by telling you that today is the anniversary of my parents' murders." Even from the first statement the look of astonishment and pity for the Team's youngest was unanimous. Robin hated seeing pity in their eyes, he didn't think of himself as someone to be pitied. But still he kept on going with his whole sad tale, earning all sorts of reactions ranging from shock to horror from each of his teammates. Even the usually emotionless or angry Connor let the occasional sad expression cross his features.
"But what haunts me the most every year is that I could have done something. I could have saved them." Robin finished. The Team were unsure of what it was that they were supposed to say at this point. Wally however, who had heard the whole sad story before, just stayed silent and watched the rest of team keeping a constant eye on Robin. Robin kept his eyes trained on the ground the whole time, he had leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together so that he could squeeze them together whenever he felt angry or wanted to cry.
The silence after the story was told had almost reached the unbearable point before a call from Batman came up on a large screen in front of them all, saving them from thinking of anything to say to either help or comfort Robin. Robin's head snapped up so fast that Wally thought he could have gotten whiplash from it when he had heard Batman's name announced. Robin stared contemptuously at the face of the man who had abandoned him in his time of need and his anger towards him only increased when he heard what his mentor had to say.
"Robin, things with the Riddler haven't cleared up yet, the situation is under control. But it would seem that you will have to stay at the Cave tonight with the others. I will update you tomorrow morning." Batman spoke emotionlessly and unceremoniously. But as soon as his face disappeared from the screen, Robin felt that same loss that he had felt earlier that morning as he had watched him run away into the distance.
Wally and Robin both stared at each other in worry and, on Robin's part, fear. Robin always had the most horrific nightmares on this day; the last thing he wanted was to bother the Team with his restlessness. He knew that nightmare so well; he could see it even then in his head. It was almost the same as the actual day. The day that he had allowed his family to fall to their deaths. Connor suddenly heard Robin's heart rate quicken significantly and he turned his gaze back to Robin and noticed that he was breathing a lot quicker than he had been previously.
"Are you okay?" Connor asked. At his question, the others also returned their gazes to Robin who was still staring in disbelief at Wally. Only now he had his lips parted and his breathing was getting faster and faster and his heart beating faster and faster. M'Gann could feel his emotions conflicting with one another, another dominant feeling now came to her attention and it was fear, and general distress.
"He's hyperventilating!" Artemis said with slight panic in her own voice. She ran over to Robin and kneeled down in front of him and then started to breath in slowly through her nose and then through her mouth, "Like this Robin, in and out. Calm down Robin. You have to calm down."
But how could Robin calm down?
I hope you enjoyed it! Please go ahead and review!
It was going to be a one-shot, but let me know if you want to read some more.
Thanks, Varishi x
