Loki couldn't remember the last time he has truly smiled out of happiness.
No, he could. It had been before this mess had started. Before Thor's coronation. A smile brought on by his illusions and light banter with his brother.
Afterwards every smirk, grin, and contemptuous sneer had been lies. A smile used for effects only, for demonstration, for necessity. A well-placed smirk could unsettle his opponents, and give Loki the advantage. He was never the best fighter, but he could throw around a smile on his face any time he needed to, even if he wasn't happy.
When was the last time he was truly happy?
He could remember the smiles he wore at times of mild pleasure, but that had always been accompanied by hate, anger, and envy. A smile that masked bitterness.
He could remember a simpler time, when he could smile at ease. A time when burst of laughing fits could fly easily out of his silver tongue. A time when a trick was a trick, and that was all. A time before all these elaborate schemes. A time when Thor was his best friend and brother.
But of course, that was all a lie as well.
And not his own lie, for once. The lies of Odin the Allfather.
All of the happiness he'd ever felt had been carved from a lie, the fruit from a tree that was once a bad seed.
Lies had always been Loki's favorite weapon. You could stack them until it was hard to unwind, then pull the rope and watch it dissolve. Everything they thought was real wasn't. The most effortless way to get what you wanted.
But he learned he liked it a lot less at the recieving end.
His whole life had been a series of lies.
He was a frost giant, Laufey's son, taken in only as a bargaining chip lest the Jutons ever rise to power again. He wasn't Frigga's son, or an Odinson, or even Thor's little brother. He was the monster of the Aseir children's nightmares. Odin said it himself.
Right before conveniently slipping into Odinsleep, avoiding the truth.
Coward. The mighty Allfather, a coward. He avoided both truth and war. He was a fool.
Thor had said that once, before being banished to Midgard to earn his worthiness. And sure enough, he returned with his hammer in hand. He had a throne secured for himself, where he could rule out the rest of his days and feast every night.
Loki, however, had always believed he had been destined for something different, greater, though not necessarily so in Odin's single eye. He longed to do something that he could be appreciated for, something that Yggdrasil could cradle for millennia. Something different, bigger, than being King, although it would definitely not concern ruling others. He had never wanted the throne, anyways. He just wanted to be treated as an equal to Thor's power and be himself while he was there.
But to Odin he was nothing more than a tool, a stolen relic.
"You're my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth."
But the lies, they hurt so much more.
Because "my whole life is a lie" is most definitely fitting for Loki.
Not really sure when this takes place. While he sat on the throne? In the space pit he fell into? Just a random moment? In his cell from the Avengers, or perhaps the Asgardian one? I don't know.
The last time Loki truly smiles (at least in this story) is from a deleted scene in Thor, where he turns wine into a snake or something. Review please?
