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AN: Another drabble while I try to get over my writer's block for 'What the Heart Wants'. After 'Who is Candace?' Luke got a lot more sympathy from me. And I believe his actions in 3x11 are proof, that he he is not as bad as some people would like to believe. Also, Traci cheated on Dex with Jerry, so you can't really say she is morally superior. Let me know what you think.


He knows his feelings don't stand a chance. She is never going to go there. Especially not with him. He knows, she is too loyal for that. That is one of the things he admires about her. That and her strength. And she isn't even aware how strong she is. It seems so normal for her. But he admires it. Her hardheadedness paired with her great deductive mind make her a great detective. He has rarely seen any rookie with such talent. Working alongside with her he has seen cases closed, long before seasoned detectives would have found their first lead.

He knows, that the previous weeks have not only been hard on her personal life, but she has to deal with the loss of a mentor at work too. He wishes he could help her. He does make her his unofficial partner. But he is a little bit afraid to spend all this time with Traci, too. It is too dangerous for him. He is already falling for her and the more time he spends around her, the worse it is getting.

Sometimes he wishes, he never transferred to Fifteen. Like that he would never have met Andy. He would never have fallen for her, would never have broken her heart. And now, after he has let go of all the guilt and hurt of their end, he can see, how they were not right for each other. He can see how both of them harbored feelings for someone else. He knows, he is to blame for the end of their relationship. He is owning that. But, somehow he is glad that it ended before they got married. Because now he knows, that they were not going to last. Now he knows, they were not right for each other.

Instead he is falling for her best friend.

When he tells her, she should be glad that she has something more in her life than work, he means it. He wishes, he had more than his job. But somehow he can't manage to keep the women he loves in his life. He never has and probably never will. He is messed up in that way. It doesn't matter how much he loves them, he always finds a way to compromise his relationships.

And as a result he buries himself in his work. Lives and breathes only for the job. Until he feels too lonely and he is once again determined to find happiness and true love. Afterwards he can see, how it was never going to work out. And it makes him even more disillusioned.

With Traci he can see from the beginning, that it is not going to work. He can't do that to Jerry. She is a grieving widdow. It doesn't matter, that she never married Jerry. In her heart she was. He mourns him just as much. He was more than a colleague to him. Once upon a time the guy was supposed to be his best man. Jerry who never betrayed his trust. Who really got him, when they finally managed to find time to hang out. Maybe he and Jerry didn't share the brotherly love Jerry and Swarek shared. But he was close to him too. And he is not making a move on his woman. No matter how much he cares for her.

Now that he sees Traci here and his heart goes out to her. He wants to make it better. Wants to take her pain away. But she turned down the only way he could think of how. It was probably for the best. He already told the inspector he wouldn't be their handler. He couldn't see her and Collins getting all cozy. He is already pining enough as it is.

He needs to get a grip. He is glad, his time at Fifteen is coming to an end. He longs for his office at HQ. Wants some distance between him and Nash. Doesn't want to smell her perfume anymore. Wants to buy a air freshener for his car. Wants to fall in love with someone he can actually have. Wants to find someone, who gets him. Wants someone, with whom he has a chance at happiness.