I hadn't expected it, no one had. It all happened so quick I barely registered anything before I was on the frosty grass, my own blood pooling under my body.
I could feel the pain sending shockwaves throughout my body as I raised the knife from my quaking abdomen. Once it was removed I threw the accursed object away, my fingers shaking at the amount of exertion that simple act needed. Then all at once it wasn't just the pain that I could feel, I could feel everything.
I could feel the dirt settling under my fingertips, the broken air leaving my lungs, even the metallic taste of blood could be felt against my tongue.
For some reason I didn't want to scream or shout or make any noise, I was simply content in the silence. Oblivion had already begun tugging on my heavy body, carrying me farther away from reality and I wasn't stopping it.
The funny thing was who would have thought a human of all creatures would be my undoing. A werewolf possibly, demon most likely, even a wendigo would have been more heroic.
But no, a lone mugger on a winter night had taken me out for the change in my pocket. Dean and I had gotten into another argument, the mark on his arm made him angrier than ever over the simplest things. So I decided to take a walk outside the bunker by myself. I hadn't gotten two miles away before I was attacked.
My heart was breaking at the realization that I would die all the while Dean thought I hated him, instead of loving him like I enexplicably do, the pain more excruciating than the pain of being stabbed.
If these were my last moments alive I didn't want to remember our fights or my heartbreak, I wanted to remember all the happy moments of my life with Dean.
I wanted to remember the roller rink where we first met while working on the same case, then the overwhelming happiness we shared after saving all those people.
I wanted to remember the beach where he finally confessed he had feelings for me and the same place he had first kissed me.
But most of all I wanted to remember the small cottage in the forest, bathed in starlight, where he first said I love you as I drifted off to sleep in his arms.
In that moment, even in the blistering cold, I realized how wonderful Dean Winchester had made my life, even if that life was ending before it had the chance to begin
I didn't want to die, I wanted to be with the one who mattered most in the world, but when had life ever been fair. As if my silent prayer had been answered footsteps echoed in the night and suddenly he was above me, dread marring his beautiful face.
My head was gently lifted off the soil and laid his lap, and yet through the sadness and tears, I felt myself smiling.
With unknown strength I lifted my hand and laid it over his as he was tried to stop the flow of my blood, but I knew the enevitable was coming, I was just trying to make him realize too.
"I love you," I whispered against the heavy weight that had settled in my bones. Tears cascaded down my face, not only mine but Deans as well, so with my free hand I gently wiped his tears away, keeping my hand on his cheek. He briefly closed his eyes and when he opened them he mirrored my pain with an intensity all his own.
Yet I kept smiling, the man that I love so much is here with me in the end, if I had to go I can at least leave with his image in my eyes, what more could I wish for?
The last years had been wonderful yet hard, but nothing was as hard as letting go of my life, of him. But as I lay dying with snowflakes flowering around us in a wintery embrace, I realized I would still be with him, not in the physical sense but in the beating of his heart and the echo of his laughter.
So I closed my eyes and succumbed to the enevitable.
I am free.
