For my boss, V, GooH wasn't canon, but this is an attempt to see what might happen if it was. Who would've gone into Hell after her, who would they have linked up with, etc, and it's been a blast expanding on what the DLC gave us. There are so many people that I need to thank along the way for helping me out while also listening to me slowly fall into a stress-fueled writing-related pit. Autumnyte swept in and helped make this nonsense passable, while block-of-writers was kind enough to let me chat with her while she was working on her own entry.

I also want to thank the SRBB mod over at Tumblr for getting this together to begin with, because while it's been rough rushing to meet the deadline, I don't think this story would've been written without it. Thank you so much for the chance to do this.


A warm weight settled on his chest, and the corner of Johnny's mouth curved up. "Morning."

"Morning, yourself."

He felt V lean forward, but the kiss she gave him ended a hell of a lot quicker than he wanted it to. Cracking his eyes open, he waited for them to focus, and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Since when are you up this early?"

"Couldn't sleep. Too much planning to do," she said, anchoring herself over him. Her dark eyes told him she wasn't in any hurry to change positions, but Gat got the impression she was ready to bound off at a second's notice anyway. She kept rocking back and forth, her smile too close to giddy, and he let his eyes follow every move. "I'm about to swear you to secrecy, because no one else can know about this."

"Uh, what?"

He finished rubbing his eyes, and watched V's lips form a thin line.

"Seriously. A few of us already know - which is a huge security breach in and of itself - but…we nip it in the bud there, and we might still have a shot at pulling this off. Sound good?"

He twirled a strand of long red hair around his finger. "Yeah?"

"I'm serious. If she finds out, we're all screwed, and won't even have cake to show for it. She'll probably toss it, and us, out the airlock and go back to huddling in the control room, and we can't have that."

Cake? Control room? "The fuck? You... Wait a sec. The hell does this have to do with Kinzie?"

"It's her birthday." V's eyebrows went up and down, and she grinned wide. "And over the years we've skipped it, but this year I want to go big."

"No shit? Didn't think she'd share that kinda thing willingly."

"She uh, shelled out a date when I asked. Which was pretty fucking convenient, now that you mention it," V said, narrowing her eyes, "but after all the shit she's done for us, it's the least we can do. I can't think of anything else that's going to pry her away from the computers for a few hours short of pulling something strange on the ship."

"And you're not going for that, cause…?"

"Cause I'd rather not get punched in the face again if I can avoid it, Gat. Anyway, we've been hurting for another party for a while now, so this is definitely going to be a thing. One that I'd love to draft you for."

Johnny opened his mouth to object, but her pout was ready. Her lip stuck out just enough for him to hold his tongue, and he hesitated. "Birthdays usually ain't my thing."

"Funny, I remember a party that I never planned for down at the old HQ, and a lap dance that I sure as hell didn't pay for in advance."

He might've slipped a few bills to a dancer that V kept on letting her eyes drift to, and might've told her to stop on by once things calmed down, but that didn't mean that he had to fess up to it. He smiled broadly at her wry look. "That fucking memorable, eh?"

"Quit being dodgy, Gat. Are you in, or out?"

"…Don't know yet."

"Hey, I'm already going the extra mile and asking. Correct if I'm wrong, but as your boss, I shouldn't have to."

Her finger traced a faint line over his chest, looping into a shape he couldn't recognize, and Gat's lips curved up. That kept her going, and when she grazed him with her nails, he chuckled.

"Is that a yes? An agreement that one Johnny Gat wouldn't leave his oh-so-wonderful boss hanging?"

"You're twisting my arm, boss."

"Pshaw. I wouldn't be that cruel."

Leaning down again, he let his eyes follow the line of freckles running down her neck to her chest, and waited for the kiss. Found himself leaning up for it. When it didn't happen, he flicked his eyes back to hers, and the mischievous smile on her face before she darted down to give him a quick peck on the lips. With that done, she hopped off of him, and it took a few seconds for him to let out the breath he'd been holding.

Getting up to run after her was a whole other matter.


"I don't know. I'm still not sold on it."

V tapped her fingers along the edge of the tablet. "Is it the glowing?"

Shaundi nodded. "It's the glowing."

"They kept on saying it was a chemical that humans wouldn't have any problem digesting. Apparently. And if anyone decides to turn off the lights mid-party it could be pretty cool to have the punch add some mood lighting."

"Boss. We've tried this before."

"And the answer's still no? Even with alien technology backing this shit up?"

"No."

"So close," V said, snapping her fingers.

Crossing that off of the list of things left to confirm, she spun around as she walked just ahead of Shaundi, and nearly hit the closed double-doors ahead. They flew open right before she ran right into them, and she breathed a quick sigh of relief as they kept on walking down the hallway. Every minute or so, Shaundi would speak up to help her correct her course, but by the time they got to their destination, Shaundi all but tugging on her sleeve to keep her from running into anything.

"Boss."

"Hm?" V looked up, and Shaundi helped to spin her around. "Oh, right. Yo, Zinjai!"

The Zin advisor was stationed by a set of computers, overlooking another Zin working at them, and he stood up straight the moment he heard her voice. "Ah, yes! How shall I be of assistance?"

She motioned for him to come over to them. "I know this is a strange request-"

Zinjai paused mid-bow. "My liege, I hardly think any request coming from you could outdo the others I've fielded previously."

Liege was fucking weird to hear, especially in regards to her, but Zinjai had yet to kick the habit. He had a whole slew of titles ready for every situation, and it often left her boggled for a second until she was able to get back in gear again. Now was no exception, but Shaundi's grin while mouthing liege booted her right back into the present. And earned Shaundi a muttered, "hush" while she was at it.

"God, I don't want to know, but…I kinda want to know."

Shaundi aimed a pointed look at her. "You say that now, but no. You don't. I've read the backlogs that Kinzie combed through, and I still wish I could scrub that from my brain."

V laughed nervously. "Okay. Definitely getting back to business, but also cake. I want the best damn cake mix in the galaxy, so we can make the best damn cake in the, er, galaxy. I talked to CID about it, and he's got some good suggestions, but I was wondering if you might have a few too."

"Is this for a special occasion?"

"Yeah. Birthdays are about as special as they can get, and if my hunch's right, this might be one of the first ones done for Kinzie, so I'd hate to disappoint."

"Well, after doing a quick scan with a few basic parameters set" – he whipped out his tablet and entered it in – "here are a few choices we can consider. Both for mixes and proposed designs for the cake in question."

The three huddled around the small tablet, and it didn't take long for V to realize that her request might've been a bit too broad. "Can I make a suggestion?"

"Of course."

"Nothing…wriggly. Or living. It's one thing to make a joke about jumping out of your friend's cake – a fine tradition – and another to have your cake jump and move on its own. You feel me?"

"Ah, yes. That old Earth tradition is one seen in a few other races and settlements."

"The jumping out of the cake bit, or the avoidance of so-called 'wriggly bits' in said cake?"

Shaundi flipped to the next option, and both of her eyebrows flew up. Then went back down as she quickly panned to the one after it. "Pretty sure he means both, boss."

"Yes, actually."

"Huh. Would be both, right?" V said, glancing at the design Shaundi held up to her. V gave it a thumbs up, but the moment she caught the one after that, her hand flew to her mouth.

"Have you found one to your liking? Or to Ms. Kensington's liking?"

"Well…" She found it hard not to giggle, especially after Shaundi failed to hide hers. "She'll get a kick out of it, that's for sure. Mark that down as a strong maybe, Z. We're still short a mix, but keep on looking, and if you find one that's passable, get with CID. With you two winging it, it shouldn't be too tough of a problem to tackle, eh?"

"Not at all."

With that settled, V exhaled and clapped her hands together. "Okay, now odd request number two. Party favors and games?"

"I believe you might be in luck. Former lord and emperor Zinyak was quite interested in human culture and festivities. If you start your search here, you should be able to find something to your liking." V took one look at the inventory list of the ship in question and whistled. There were pages upon pages to flip through. "If not, we could consult other time periods or locales to see if there might be anything better suited to such an occasion."

"Uh, I think we'll stick to this for now. There should be enough shit here to have a party every day for the next ten years."

"Very well! I'll leave this with you, and if you need additional assistance, I can send a unit to help."

She handed the tablet to Shaundi, but he cleared his throat when she moved to follow her.

"Your excellency?"

That caused her to outright cringe. "Boss, Zinjai. Let's stick to boss."

"Ah. Boss. As you've stated in the past. My apologies. Have you given any further thought to the proposed settlement plan?"

A lump lodged in her throat, and she tried not to look Shaundi's way. But her friend's back was turned as she kept on moving down the hall, so she talked fast. "Some. Are, uh, our ratings dropping?"

"No, not at all. They've stabilized, and are still quite positive."

"Okay. Good to know people aren't beating down our door just yet."

"But have you come to a decision yet? Our last discussion did end on a decisive note as to what our next course of action should be. With your word, we can begin the arrangements."

"Yeah, I know. It was pretty damn final, but can we go over this later? Like, once the party winds down? And once I have a good long talk with the others? They've been going at two-hundred percent lately, and I have a feeling that once this amps up, we won't have time for a break like this in a while. You feel me?"

"Of course. It was just a reminder."

One that felt like a lead weight, but she wouldn't skirt it. Not with the number of people depending on her.

But tackling it tomorrow wouldn't hurt, she told herself as she ran to catch up with Shaundi. Not one bit.


"Knock, knock," V said, poking her head into the armory. "Busy?"

"Just checking over a few things. Nothing major, boss." Johnny set down the rifle in his hands after checking the chamber, and crossed his arms. "Don't know about you, though. You've been running around non-stop for hours now."

"I haven't reached chicken-with-my-head-cut-off levels yet, but give it time. No matter how many things you cross off the list, there's always something else to consider," she said, and wandered over to lean against the table edge by him. "You know, it's weird. Thinking about this when we're all but drifting around in some far off corner of space. And can you believe half of this shit was just lying around?"

"Birthdays and icing flavors?" Johnny nodded. "You haven't even touched on party favors."

"Is that a hint of disappointment I'm catching?"

His eyes were hidden behind his glasses as they glanced up in time to catch her impish grin. "Think you're hearing things, V."

"You're the one that said to holler if I needed you. So, I'm hollering." She winked, clucking her tongue as he shook his head at her. "Unless you'd like me to give you five, since you're all set on polishing your weapon here."

That got a smirk. "Never turned down a chance to watch before."

"That's beside the point," she said, knowing they were on the edge of being sidetracked. "But I'd really love to get your help on the next phase of things. It's all been running pretty smoothly so far, especially after the pit stop you made this morning for streamers, but we're still stuck on the important bits. Like say, the cake. CID's trying to whip up some special recipe he heard a millennia ago, but is hung up on the ingredients. We'd need to make a special stop to a planet in a completely different system if we want to give it a whirl."

He raised his head. "You serious?"

"Kinda. I honestly told him you can't go wrong with yellow cake or marble, but he's got a day left to get it finalized. I told Zinjai as much, so those two'll be settling that soon." She tapped her fingers on her chin, and squinted over at him. "Now to think about the DJ. I know that's usually Pierce's bag, but-"

The cloth hit her smack in the face, and Gat snickered at the indignant sound that left her. "Just give it up, V. I'm out."

Puckering her lips, she balled up the cloth and pitched it right back at him. "Hey, no dice! You said you'd at least entertain the idea of helping!"

"And?"

"And we haven't even raided the party car yet. Zinjai mentioned all sorts of fun things being stashed there, and someone's got to crack it. You know you want to."

The expression on his face pretty much told her he didn't, but after a minute, he pursed his lips. Then cocked his head.

"Ten bucks says he's got firecrackers there."

He mulled it over, and V tried not to fidget in place. It was a losing battle. "Only ten?"

"…I might've aimed a little low, but I could up it to fifty."

"Just say it."

V lowered her eyes and pretended to examine her nails. "Say what?"

"You know what."

"That I want you there?" The confession made her pulse jump, and she hoped to hell her face hadn't flared with it. "Thought that was painfully obvious." She snuck a glance at him through her lashes, and when his grin went from playful to fond, she cleared her throat loudly. "Anyway, you coming? We're raiding them in the next couple of minutes."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be there."

She pushed away from the table and kept her pace brisk. "Good. Better get your ass moving then, before we call dibs on the good stuff," she threw over her shoulder as she wandered out.


The room was dark. As dark as the lights blinking from the equipment could allow, but it gave them the cover they needed as Kinzie's voice traveled down the hallway. "Hello?"

V had called her to the rec room over the intercom, noting a blip in the performance of the computer stashed there. Kinzie had immediately jumped into the procedure that she was used to following in these situations – "Have you tried turning it on and off?" "Yes, dammit!" – but relented when every line of questioning kept on receiving vaguer and vaguer answers.

"Hello? Boss? Tell me you didn't start pulling wires again!"

Biting her tongue, V shushed the others when they started eying her, and waited. All they needed to do was wait for the lights.

Sure enough, Kinzie let out a heavy sigh, and the room was flooded with light.

Everyone jumped to their feet, cheering loudly. "Surprise!"

Streamers rained down on Kinzie's head as her eye twitched, but once she saw the cake her face went blank. "A teacup."

The teacup was lovingly crafted in white and blue icing, and the longer she stared at it, the more V felt a nervous laugh gather in her throat. "Uhh…" Kinzie's attention went straight to her, and she threw her hands up. "Okay, I take full responsibility for the shape, guilty as charged, but the icing's top notch."

"…The cake?"

"Yellow. Completely harmless."

Kinzie approached it without breaking eye contact with V, and swiped a finger over the icing used to decorate the corner of the cake. The small blob went right into her mouth, and she narrowed her eyes as she considered it. "Acceptable."

V's shoulders relaxed, and turned to Matt. "You know what to do," she whispered, and his eyes lit up before he ran off. "So, you don't completely hate it?"

"No, but we'll see how the cake fares," Kinzie replied, as a small smile grew. "The office used to try and do these things. Parties and celebrations. We never shared our personal information with each other, and I made sure to cover my tracks, but every so often someone would slip, and a cake would appear in the breakroom."

"But they never got you, eh?"

"No. No one ever did. Not even when I was younger."

"So, you're saying this is the first party you've had…ever?"

"Yes."

V traded a quick look with Johnny and put her hands on her hips. "Well, shit. Looks like we've got to give you a proper one then. But first…"

She gave Johnny the floor, and he whipped out a small hand torch. "We got some candles to light."

The top half of the cake ended up melting under the heat of the torch, but after a quick birthday song which Kinzie ignored in favor of blowing the candles out, the party went into full-swing. Hats were passed out and quickly ditched, and the fun truly began. Matt ran back mid-way through the birthday song with a stack of games, and each Saint took turns deciding what to set up. Pin the tail on the evil Zin-Overlord was a popular pick, as was the Blackjack game Pierce started up.

Matt's choice, however, was a little more off-beat. V hadn't seen it when he'd uncovered it before, but the moment he whipped out the old, worn spirit board, a chill ran down her back. There was no reason for it. It was next to harmless, and was probably plucked from an old general store back in the 80s, but she couldn't help but side-eye it as the others gathered around him to play, and approached it carefully herself.

The lights were lowered, allowing more of a spooky feel, and V held her breath as Matt set the wooden token down.

"Ain't this more of a Halloween-type thing?" Johnny asked, picking at the elastic holding his birthday hat on.

"This? Perhaps, but is there ever a bad time to try and commune with the spirits in the beyond?

V rolled her eyes. "Yes."

"Is that a hint of hesitation I hear?" The glare she tossed his way made Matt laugh nervously, but it didn't take long for him to recover. "Of course not! The fearless leader of the Saints wouldn't dare cower before a spectral menace!"

"Yeah, I'm just quaking in my boots over here."

"You do look a little nervous over there," Shaundi teased. "Don't tell me you believe, boss."

"Look, I don't believe in ghosts. Not one bit, but there are just some things you don't fuck around with! Even if it's a dime-store Ouija board."

"It's worth more than that," Matt grumbled.

"But it's still making a collect call to things that are better left up to their own devices. Fun as it might be to disrupt their day with a prank or two, I'm not too keen on that."

"Yo, might want to kick the lights back up then."

V elbowed Gat in the side and sat back in her chair. "Just saying."

"Can we just get this over with?" Kinzie reached for the token in the center of the board and touched the edge. "There's a Blackjack deck with my name on it, and I doubt whatever spirits you've called have anything worthwhile to share."

Glowering, Matt reached out to touch the token, followed by Shaundi, and Johnny. V waited, flicking her eyes between the disk and them, until she noticed they were watching her back. Then relented, sighing heavily before touching it as well.

"Tell us O board, what secrets shall you share today?" he asked. "Sordid tales of the past? The present? The future? Of those gathered around, or of those far, far away?"

Nothing happened as they all sat there over the token, and Matt gestured towards them.

"Ask it something! Anything."

"Tell me," Shaundi started, "is our fearless God-Emperor having fun right now?"

V gave her a pointed look, and replied drily once the token shifted to 'No', "I've been found out. Whatever will I do?"

"You know, I went easy on that one. I could've gone and asked, 'who will tame your wild heart?'"

Choking on her answer, she heard Johnny laugh beside her. But the token was shifting. "Hey, hey! That's not a valid question!"

"It's totally a valid question."

"Seriously, can you just-"

It stopped on J and her breath caught in her lungs. She turned her head to gaze at him, and found herself caught. Even when his stare met hers.

"Uh, guys?"

That's when she noticed the shifting of the token. It landed on E, making both she and Johnny frown, but it didn't stop. Just kept moving from letter to letter, and she withdrew her hand. One by one they all did, until the only the token was left to spell out the rest of its message, and the sight was enough to make her hair stand on end.

"Jez…ebel?" V didn't take her eyes off of it, and swallowed against the nervousness building in her throat. "That's awfully specific."

A roar cut through the air, and she felt a large force open up around her, making her grab desperately for the table. Searing heat threatened to envelop her as hats and plates flew past her head, and it only took a second for her grip to finally give way.


The burning portal blinked out of existence just as Johnny's hand clamped down where V's used to be. Cold ran through him. Settled right in his veins as he watched the wisp of smoke dissipate, and spun on his heel. "What the fuck just happened?"

"I don't know. The boards aren't supposed to be…"

Gat's attention fell right on Matt, and he moved forward to grab him by the lapel of his suit. "Where did you get it?"

"The board? It was just…it was in storage! Tucked away before we unearthed it. It was harmless, or was supposed to be. How was I supposed to know it would actually have supernatural capabilities?"

"Because you eat that shit up, that's why!"

"It's laughing at us."

Matt flinched, and Johnny let him go, joining Kinzie and Shaundi as they stared down at the board. The token flew between two letters, H and A, and when it didn't slow, his vision went red.

He stepped back, drew his gun, and leveled it at the board. "Where is she?"

The board kept on laughing. Laughing, and laughing with no sign of stopping.

"You want to start this shit?" He fired, putting two smoking holes into the board, and the table beneath it. "You won't finish it. Now, let's do this again. Where is she?"

The disk slotted back into place, but this time when it moved to H, it didn't skip to A after. It went from H straight to E, then L.

"Hell?" Shaundi traded a nervous look with him and Kinzie. "There's no way."

"Fuck it. If it says it's Hell, it's Hell. And if that's where V is, that's where I'm going."

Kinzie raised her eyebrows. "Going? You're going to force this to open the portal again so you can jump inside of it? Even knowing it may or may not open again? You can't do that alone."

"I don't think you heard me."

"I did, and I'm telling you that I'm going with you."

"No. You're not."

"I am, and-"

The room burst into noise, and Kinzie fought to raise her voice above it. "Do you want to come back?"

Johnny's mouth settled into a hard line.

"You do, don't you? You're going to need someone to tap into the coordinates linking this location, and wherever they took the boss. Whatever force this is using might not be enough, and once you get there it could cut off completely. You would need to find another energy source, or exit. Maybe even another board. I can do that."

"You're not the only one," Shaundi said, cutting in.

"I can also do that, all while having the proper background in occult elements and paraphernalia. You're far from proficient or familiar in the dark arts-" Matt huffed, but Kinzie raised her hand.

"I'm not going to sit here and have you lecture me over the mechanics behind a board sold in most stores as a gag gift. No. It's passable, but we need someone to keep the line open here too. So spend more time with the board if you have to, but you're not going. …And it's my birthday," she stated, after a beat. "We wouldn't be in this mess if the boss hadn't gone all out to begin with."

"You think she was the one that came up with that? The party, mostly, and the cake too, but that?" Pierce shook his head. "Yeah, no, I distinctly remember her shying away from that shit when it was brought out."

"Hey, I said I was sorry-"

"Which is great, but we're still short a boss, because you thought it'd be fun to mess around with a spirit board. You don't need to see half of the movies on that subject to know it's bad news."

"Most of the time they're harmless, Pierce, but this would be an active one. Shouldn't have gone on the nostalgia trip. Really should've skipped it," Shaundi muttered, rubbing her temples before turning towards Johnny. "But seriously, where does that leave us? You're telling us all to stay here and wait for you. To let you run off when you know damn well we should all be there."

"Been there, done that," Johnny said. "We're not all marching into a portal without figuring out more of this shit. You lose me? Fine, that's one person. All of you too? Fuck that."

"But who knows what kind of resistance you'll find on the other side!" Asha argued. You'll be alone, with no option to change that."

He shrugged. "Figured I'd do what comes naturally."

"Pardon if I paraphrase it, but 'blow a big fucking hole in them' might not be the best way to handle things, yeah? Especially if you do plan on bringing the boss back in one piece."

"Nah, it's a pretty great way to do things." Clenching his jaw tight for ten seconds, Gat took in a deep breath, and told himself to stop pacing in a damn circle. It wasn't helping V, and it wasn't helping him make any progress in burning off the tension running through his veins. "Anyway, this ain't up for debate. We need people to hold down the fort, and there's no one better."

Shaundi traded a glance with Pierce, whose posture was just as tense as hers, and stepped forward. "Not alone, you aren't."

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

"We need Kinzie here. Kinzie and Matt. They're the ones keeping this place up and running, so there's no damn reason why either should leave. We need something tampered with down there, I'm not half-bad with tech, so if there's something weird going on over there I should be able to cover it. I also know my way around some of this."

"This, as in supernatural shit?"

She sighed. "I had a friend or two that thought lighting black candles was the next best thing, and we dabbled in some stuff here and there. Even tried to summon a spirit or two, but the best we got was a handful of consonants, and a garbled yes, when we asked if it liked to party."

"Party…?" Both of Matt's eyebrows went up.

"We were fifteen, and stoned out of our minds, so yes. Party. But that's beside the point," Shaundi said, turning her attention back to Gat. "Take me. You know she wouldn't want you out there without having your back covered. Not even for a damn second, so let me. Since she can't."

She was pleading with him. Dangerously close to it, and he unclenched his jaw. He gave Shaundi a short nod. "All right, all right. Lay off with the eyes already. You're in."

Her shoulders slumped as she heaved a sigh of relief. One that he wasn't feeling, but he forced himself to try and tap into it anyway.

"Pierce."

Pierce's arms were crossed in front of him, and his gaze followed Gat as he got King's attention as well.

"Yo, you too, King. Think you can manage this?"

Ben heaved a weary sigh. "Just go get the playa back. We'll cover it from here."

"Also, watch it over there," Pierce threw out. "Asha's right. No telling what kinda shit's waiting, so try not to light the whole place up. Can't exactly rush in to back you up this time around."

Johnny chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. I got this." He felt a small slap to his arm, and gave Shaundi a grin. "We got this."

Striding back over to the board, he aimed his gun at it again, and rapped the table with his knuckles. "Wake up. We need a destination."

The centerpiece jumped to action, spelling out the same four-letter word it had given them earlier.

"Yeah, yeah, I got that. We need a door. Now." He gave the table another tap, and a current ran through the room. It made his hair stand on end, like the moment before a lightning strike, and light filled the room.

Searing heat came through the gate, as the air flowed into the confined space, and he took a moment to let his eyes adjust. Even behind the dark lenses the flash had threatened to blind him, and he lowered the arm he'd thrown up to shield himself.

Then leapt. It seemed like the right thing to do.