A/N: It is a sad world when you hear about Christmas concerts in October. Has everyone lost their minds? And what's up with all the decorations, huh department stores?! Like, seriously! Do you guys have anything for Thanksgiving? Nooooo. Of course not. Even though it's like one of the best holidays out there. So, I decided to write my feelings out. Can I just say that I laughed hysterically at all this? My twin and I had a great time laughing like crazy maniacs.
Enjoy!
"Fire another volley boys!" The feathered wing pointed at Santoff Claussen's walls, "After we take out Christmas, we'll take our revenge on the department stores!" A roar of approval.
Another set of arrows rained down. Wait, was that? A pumpkin pie?
The pilgrims had set up a catapult. Great.
North ran back into Santoff Claussen, "Phil! We are under attack!"
Phil was already ahead and had gathered a group of yetis with him.
The elves were throwing cookies and eggnog off the wall too. Every little bit helped, North shrugged.
"North! Show your ugly mug!" Another attack launched, hitting the walls. North ran a finger through the red juice oozing down the walls, cranberry sauce.
He shook his head, that would take hours to scrub off, "Tom Turkey! You have gone too far!"
"AH!" Tom spread his wings, "Finally!"
North crossed his arms, "Why are you attacking so close to Christmas?"
Tom sputtered, "C-Close to Christmas?!" He pointed a wing at North, "It's October!"
North shrugged, "Iz close enough!"
"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about!" Tom turned to his army of Indians and Pilgrims, "Christmas has no respect for the good holiday of Thanks!" He jabbed his wing in North's direction, "Dear old Santa Claus wants to take over our holiday! Well I say nay!" The army roared with approval, already arming the catapult with various pies and mashed potatoes.
"The stores have already set out Christmas decorations, but have they set out anything for Thanksgiving?!" The pies and potatoes launched. A set of elfs were down, too busy eating the pie to be of any help.
"What about the radio stations?!" North began to realize he may need some help with this situation when another angry cry came from the army.
"Phil! Call the Guardians!"
Phil nodded, running off to go set the aurora borealis.
Meanwhile, North had to hold off an angry turkey. Wait, were the pilgrims lighting torches? Oh no, pitchforks...
()()()
Grr... The Cossack had better have good reason for callin' us here so close to winter. Bunny held his arms tighter around himself, It's freezin' and- What in the name of MiM is that?!
Bunny had suddenly found himself face to face with a pilgrim mob.
"Aye, he's called for reinforcements!" One of the pilgrims raised their pitchfork.
"Our work shall not be vain! We shall take down every holiday if that's what it takes to gain thine respect!" The pitchforks went up, "Aye!"
"Man the catapults!"
Bunny ran as fast he could, but not even rabbits could outrace the speed of a flying pie...
()()()
Meanwhile, Tooth and Sandy were experiencing some difficulties with the Indians. Trying to fly over them didn't work very well since they were expert bowmen.
Tooth, who was an expert in every language, tried to talk to them, but they were quite adamant in the fact that their holiday was being mocked and all who stood in their path were enemies who needed to be destroyed.
They were about to attack again when Jack came flying in, "What is going on here?!"
The Indians stood down immediately, pointing at Jack's staff and murmuring among themselves.
Sandy formed a question mark.
One of the Indians stepped forward and spoke rapidly.
Tooth translated, "Jack, he just called you a fellow warrior. He wants to know where you got that staff."
"Umm... It's been with me forever, ever since I was made."
Tooth translated back.
The warrior stepped forward, pulling his bow from his back, and touched it to Jack's staff.
A brief glow emitted between the two and Jack jumped back, "What was that?"
The roar of whispers erupted and the warrior nodded, clearly impressed.
He yelled something, and they stood back, a path emerging.
He turned to Jack. Tooth translated, "Only those of brave and true heart can wield a staff made from the Warrior's Willow. Carrier of Twinetender and those with you," He nodded at Tooth and Sandy, "You may pass."
Jack mouthed the word, Twinetender, looking at his staff. He shrugged, a puzzle for another time.
"Huh, well then, I guess we better go help North."
()()()
"North!" Bunny had somehow gotten past the angry mob, but not without injury.
Jack laughed, "Oh my gosh, is everyone seeing what I'm seeing?"
Bunny was covered with various pies, some apple filling dripping of his ears, "Want to explain why you have an angry pilgrim mob with a pie catapult outside your door?!"
North opened his mouth to answer when another loud shout came from outside, "Oh, now all the other holidays are gangin' up on us?!"
Bunny's ears fell back, "Oh no, not again."
"We represent gratitude, thankfulness, our holiday has great food, fun, and nobody cares! Well, no more! We will wage our war on every store that sets out Christmas decorations in October, every radio station that plays Christmas songs before our beloved holiday. Black Friday shoppers that thwart the very meaning of our holiday, tofu turkeys, sugar-free pies! No more will we stand for this!"
"Your holiday is only celebrated by Americans! My holiday is world wide!"
Bunny jabbed North in the ribs, "Shut up! You're gonna make it worse!"
"Oh yeah?!" The voice was beyond upset now, "So now gratitude isn't world-wide? Do you hear this nonsense?"
Bunny glared at North.
Jack peeked over the wall to take a quick look at their adversary. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he could form a sentence, "It's a turkey."
And it most certainly was. The fattest, meanest looking turkey Jack had ever seen.
The turkey had multiple scars all over it's fat body (from hunters, another problem all together) and the most colorful tail. His red gaggle jiggled as he ranted, "We don't have to take this abuse anymore! They disrespect the memory of every one of my brethren that have given their lives for the spirit of thanksgiving. We shall avenge our ancestors' memories!"
Jack actually laughed, "You've got to be kidding me."
Bunny shook his head, "Tom is dead serious."
"Thomas Turkey, spirit of Thanksgiving, thinks his holiday iz better than mine." North ran his fingers through his beard.
Bunny rolled his eyes, "That's only a part of it. He thinks everything is a conspiracy trying to get rid of his holiday."
"And that North is the head of that conspiracy," Tooth added, "Last time, he thought that the elfs were secretly evil masterminds that were covertly sabotaging his holiday." She looked thoughtful, "Though the elfs did manage to eat a whole lot of pie..."
"And he has an army..." Bunny peeked out only to pull back before more pie got in his ears.
"Man, I wish I had a pie catapult," Jack was thinking about the fun and havoc he could wreak with such a device.
"North, how'd you get rid of 'im last time?"
North shrugged, "Showed him elfs. He was convinced pretty quickly that they were not geniuses."
Jack snorted, "Yeah, no kidding."
Tooth wrung her hands, "Well, how are we going to deal with him this time?"
"We should eat him!"
The Guardians stared at Jack.
Jack looked at the ground, "Well, umm... he is a turkey. And Thanksgiving is coming up."
Bunny looked disgusted, "I'm a vegetarian."
"Well, no wonder you're always so cranky," Jack muttered.
"We're not just gonna shoot the spirit of thanksgiving! That's- that's just wrong!"
Jack shrugged, "Fine, your loss. Bet he would've tasted great with gravy though."
North stroked his beard thoughtfully, "And stuffing."
Tooth elbowed him, "North! Don't encourage him!"
"Iz just thought!" North held his hands up defensively.
"Maybe we should try talking to him?" Tooth looked out the window. The angry turkey was helping set up another catapult.
North shook his head, "It won't work."
Tooth frowned, "Have you ever tried?"
Jack was sitting by watching North and Tooth argue. He absent-mindedly stuck a finger in some of pie dripping on the wall and ate it.
His eyes went wide, "Oh my gosh! Have you guys tried this?!" He ate some more of the pie, "Dang, this is almost as good as my mom's!"
Tooth shot Jack a confused look, "Your mom?"
Jack nodded, "Yeah, every Thanksgiving she'd make these great pies, even when we had like no money. We always celebrated Thanksgiving."
Jack smiled, happy memories floating through his head, "My dad and I would go hunt down a turkey and then my mom and my sister would cook it. We'd sit around the table and say what we were thankful for and-" Jack sighed, "It was great."
This was the most open about his past that Jack had ever been.
Tooth looked at Jack, like really looked at him. They all did.
He looked sad, his finger was just smudging the pie now. His eyes were kind of misty as he remembered things he hadn't thought about for a while.
An angry shout shook them out of their thoughts, "Thanksgiving is as good a holiday as any other!" A loud Splat! followed. North took a quick glance... And now they were shooting gravy.
Jack perked up, "Is that gravy?" He looked thoughtful, "I wonder if they have any potato guns."
It was always unsettling how fast Jack could go from thoughtful to sad to happy. He was as unpredictable as his season.
As if to prove their thoughts, Jack suddenly leaned over the side, "Hey! Do you guys have any potato g-"
Bunny grabbed him back, "No more sugar for you."
Jack pouted, "Come on! Potato guns would be great for these guys!"
North stroked his beard some more, an idea forming in his head.
It was an unprecedented idea, one that North would have never considered if it wasn't for Jack's wistfulness.
He signaled to Phil, who ran over.
"Phil! Run up white flag, I would like to talk to Tom."
As soon as Tom saw the white flag he strutted around like a peacock, a really fat peacock. "Finally giving up now are we?" His red gaggle jiggled.
"I would like to make deal."
Tom squinted his eyes, "Why would I make a deal with you?"
"What if I stop work in Santoff Claussen every Thanksgiving?"
A murmur went up in the workshop, the yeti's were surprised. Meanwhile, another murmur ran through the crowd outside.
Tom shook his head, "That's not enough! You've mocked my holiday too long, North!" He shook a wing in his direction.
North shook his head, "That's not all, I will stop work on that day... so we can celebrate Thanksgiving."
Tom's eyes got wide, "You- you'd celebrate Thanksgiving?"
North clapped Jack on the back, "Only one of our members has ever experienced holiday, and it sounds like fun!"
For once, Tom was speechless. North? Santa Claus? Actually celebrate Thanksgiving? A smile spread across his face. Err... beak.
"Stand down, men!" He waved a wing at the archers and catapulters.
They stepped back immediately.
"Iz deal then?"
Tom tilted his head, thoughtfully. After a few seconds he nodded, then held up a wing, "On one condition."
North raised an eyebrow, "What?"
Tom laughed, an odd sound coming from a bird, "We can come."
Now it was North's turn to look thoughtful. He shrugged, "Vhy not? I know nothing on how to have perfect Thanksgiving. Would be nice to have help."
Jack raised his hand, "I'll get the turkey!"
He winced and glanced at Tom, "Umm... no offense."
Tom gazed up at the sky, his wings spread, "It is an honor to be chosen for the special feast of thanks."
Jack shifted his eyes, "Umm... okay." He turned to North, whispering loudly, "Are you sure you want a nut job in here?"
Bunny rolled his eyes, "He allows you in here all the time."
North laughed, "We will have a real feast together as friends."
Tom raised a wing, rallying his army of Indians and Pilgrims, "In the spirit of Thanks!" A roar of approval echoed throughout the North Pole.
Jack gazed longingly at the splatters all over Santoff Claussen, "Can you guys bring the pie?"
A/N: Ah, now that, that was fun (hee hee hee). I just had to give credit to my twin. Half way through this, I had no idea what to do with it. (Angry pilgrim mobs are very hard to deal with). She was the one who came up with the great line, "We should eat him!" Without ya, sis, I never would've finished this. OH! This isn't over yet people! (*gasp* I'm actually posting something before I've finished the story! I'm not sure if that is confetti worthy though.) However, the next chapter will not be posted until THANKSGIVING. HA HA HA now you have another reason to look forward to that holiday. Unless you don't live in America... Or do you guys have thanksgiving anyways? I don't know. Till Thanksgiving!
