Stan carefully pushed the back door to the bar shut and looked around the empty alley. Good, it looked like no one noticed him slipping out. Now all he had to do was get to his car and–

There was a bright flash of light, and then suddenly there was a woman sitting down in the middle of the previously empty alley. "Oof. That's not supposed to happen," she said. She looked down at her lap and frowned at what looked like some sort of broken machine sitting there. "Okay, that's definitely not supposed to happen. Well, Mr. Tape Measure, let's keep you safe until I can figure out what's going on." She tucked the machine inside her sweater, then stood up and dusted herself off.

"What the hell just happened?" Stan demanded, finally finding his voice.

The woman turned to look at him, and her expression lit up like the Fourth of July. At first Stan thought she'd mistaken him for someone else in the dark, but then she cried, "Stan!" before running over and hugging him.

Okay, well, there were a lot of guys named Stan out there, right? It was a pretty common name. And there might be at least one that looked enough like him to get her confused. At least one besides the one he was related to, that was. Because Stan was pretty sure he'd remember this one if he'd met her before. Not to mention she'd probably be slapping him right now, not hugging him. "Lady, I think you got me mixed up with someone else."

"Not a chance. I'd know you anywhere, anywhen, Stanley Pines," she said. She released him from her hug, but only so she could grab him by the shoulders. "Just look at you! You're so cute and little right now. You're practically a baby. And you've got a mullet! That is a truly unfortunate choice in hairstyles, but somehow you make it almost work. I'm so glad I ran into you here. I mean now."

Stan wasn't sure he appreciated being called a baby by someone who looked like she was maybe only a couple years older than him. Besides, he was twenty two, and had been taking care of himself since he was seventeen; he was not a baby. Admittedly, she might have a point about the mullet though. "Look, do I know you?" he asked, shrugging her hands off his shoulders.

"Not even a little bit," she replied, her enthusiasm in no way dimmed by him trying to give her the brush off, or the fact that she'd just basically admitted to stalking him. "I'm Mabel and I'm…" she hesitated, then snapped her fingers together as though an idea suddenly occurred to her, "your fairy godmother."

"Yeah, that's both believable and convincing," Stan replied sarcastically.

"Just because you don't believe it doesn't make it less true," Mabel said.

"And just because you said it doesn't make it more true. In fact, given the serious questions I'm starting to have about your sanity, it might actually make it less true."

Mabel laughed delightedly. "You see this," she said, pointing rapidly back and forth between the two of them. "I missed this. It's been too long since we've hung out; I'm going to have to call you up and plan a visit when I get back home."

Stan stared at her. Definitely crazy. But at least it seemed like a harmless crazy, mostly. "You know, you're making less and less sense as you go."

"Just because you don't understand it, Stanley, doesn't mean it doesn't make sense," she said, and her tone had a faint mocking lilt to it, like she was imitating someone else.

Okay, so now this was starting to get a little weird. Well, it had always been weird, but now it was starting to get freaky weird. "You sound just like Ford," Stan said. He could even remember Ford saying exactly that a time or two.

"No, I sound like Dipper," Mabel corrected. "But then those two nerds sound so much like each other, I actually probably sounded like both of them. I was doing Dipper, though."

"How the hell do you know who Ford is?" Stan demanded. Stan's real name, yeah maybe. He hadn't used it since he left New Jersey, but he'd spread it around a lot back then when he'd been trying to start up Stan Co. Enterprises and even as he switched his identity around, he still used the Stan Co. brand some, so a determined person could probably track him back. But if they had tracked him all the way back to Ford and Glass Shard Beach and Ma and Pa and Shermie that meant he was in a lot deeper trouble with someone than he realized. Not to mention he'd never meant for all his crap to touch his family; he wasn't supposed to be dragging them down any more.

Mabel answered him, as chipper and non-threatening as ever. "Whoa, calm down there Mr. Crankypants. I told you already I was your fairy godmother, didn't I? And what kind of fairy godmother would I be if I didn't even know your brother's name?"

"Lady, you are not my fairy godmother. Do I look like Cinderella to you?" Stan said.

"Psch, Cinderella wishes she was as cool as you. And I am too your fairy godmother. How can I prove it to you?" Mabel asked.

"Do some magic," Stan said.

"About that," Mabel said. "I can't just do magic all the time any time. There are a couple of provisos, a few quid pro quo…"

"Uh-huh," Stan said. "Alright crazy lady, I'm out of here."

"Wait no, you can't go. Give me some other way to prove it," Mabel said.

"Fine," Stan said. Truth was, he didn't feel comfortable leaving until he figured out how Mabel knew who Ford was anyway. "If you're my fairy godmother, then you've been looking out for me my whole life, right? So tell me about something from when I was a kid, something that not just anyone could know."

Mabel frowned thoughtfully and tapped her chin a couple times. Then she smiled and held one hand up in the air. "High six?"

So that was something. It hadn't been exactly a secret or anything, but it was something between just him and Ford. It definitely wasn't the kind a thing that some goon or government spook was likely to dig up if they were looking into his past. He wasn't saying he actually believed this fairy godmother crock, but obviously there was something else going on here.

Stan didn't accept her offer of a high "six" – it felt too weird without Ford, especially after the last time, even if this would really technically be a high five – but something must've shown in his expression because her smile grew. "See? Told you. Besides, do you have a better explanation for how I just appeared out of nowhere?" Stan didn't, but that didn't mean that fairy godmother as a good explanation, or that a better one didn't exist; he wasn't the genius in the family. "And now for my next feat… actually, what year is it?"

"What year is it?" Stan echoed. "What, you don't got calendars in fairy world?"

"Hey, the passage of time can be really weird in other dimensions. It's always a good idea to check," Mabel said.

"It's 1975," Stan told her.

"1975 plus 6 is 1981," Mabel whispered under her breath, then frowned. "What's the date?"

"July 22nd," Stan said.

"Perfect!" she said, clapping her hands together. "And now for my next feat, I'm going to take you to meet your Prince Charming."

Stan grimaced. "Wait a second. I don't know how things work in fairy world, and I don't really care what people do behind closed doors, because honestly it's not like I'm in any place to judge anyone, but I am definitely not looking for a Prince Charming."

"What do you mean- oh, ewww, no, gross," Mabel said. "Why would you even say that? No, we're going on an adventure to find your platonic Prince Charming. Definitely platonic."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Stan asked, but Mabel wasn't listening.

"Onwards to Gravity Falls, Oregon!" she cried, holding a set of car keys up in the air. His car keys.

"How the hell did you get those?" Stan asked, patting down his pocket to confirm that his keys really were gone. "What, are you allowed to use magic to steal my car keys?"

"I didn't use magic, silly. I just picked your pocket when I hugged you," Mabel said.

Stan felt a bit dumbfounded. She picked his pocket? Without him noticing? Stan Pines picked other people's pockets, he did not get his pocket picked. Not anymore.

"Don't get too worked up about it. I did learn from the best," Mabel said, giving him a wink. "So are we doing this thing or what?"

"Sure, but I'm driving," Stan said, holding out his hand for the keys.

Mabel narrowed her eyes and pointed an accusatory finger at him. "I'm on to you, Mister. You can have these back after we're in the car."

Well, shit.

So on the one hand, assuming that Mabel wasn't actually his fairy godmother – which, to be honest, he was less sure about now than he would have been ten minutes ago – she was probably some kind of stalker and almost certainly crazy. Plus, she had pickpocketed him. On the other hand, she had pickpocketed him, and she seemed to think quick enough on her feet to keep up with him, if not more so. And Stan had been planning on skipping town tonight anyway, and Oregon was as good a place to go as any. Better even, since none of the states he'd been banned from were on the west coast. And, whatever mixed-up, crazy reason she had for it, Mabel seemed to actually like him. That wasn't something Stan could say about many people. Possibly any at all.

"Fine, we can go on your crazy road trip. Car's this way," Stan said, leading the way back down the alley to the main street.

"Yay! Road trip with Stan. Oh man, this is going to be the best," Mabel cried gleefully, with an actual bounce in her step.

"Yeah, yeah," Stan groused, trying to hide the small smile intent on stealing its way across his face.

Of course, Mabel saw it anyway. "Look at you smiling," she said, poking him in the cheek. "You're just a big soft marshmallow, aren't ya? A big soft marshmallow and you love me already."

"Knock it off before I change my mind," Stan threatened, batting her hand away. But his heart wasn't totally in it, and Mabel could obviously tell. Because while she did stop poking him, at least, her steps didn't get any less bouncy.

"And another thing, Miss 'Fairy Godmother,'" Stan added. "You're nuts if you think we're gonna make it to Oregon by midnight. Well, more nuts."

"Why, where are we now?"

Stan honestly wasn't even surprised any more. "Chicago."

"Wow, that's really not supposed to happen," Mabel said, looking concerned. Then she just shrugged it off and went right back to being way too chipper. "Oh well, no sense in worrying about it now. And don't you worry about your curfew either, Cinderella. I've got all the time in the world."


AN: So I was meant to be working on something else and somehow this happened. Reverse Timestuck. And I have to say, after immediately coming up with Reverse Timestuck to describe this AU, I spent way too long debating as to whether that was the right way to call it. I ended up deciding that Reverse Timestuck is Older Mabel going back to a Mullet Stan, Inverse Timestuck is Younger Dipper going back to Mullet Stan, and Relativity Timestuck is Younger Stan going back in time to Young Adult Grauntie Mabel.

Title is a reference to thesnadger's lovely Timestuck story Five minutes Older because I am shameless, apparently.