Rating: NC-17 Just to be safe. Ya never
know.
Possible adult language, situations, and content.
Standard
disclaimer I own nothing, just borrowing characters and having fun.
Spoilers: none really, but was written after Twelve Sharp.
Just
a little fun story, based on game show Family Feud.
Family
Feud
Chapter 1
The Hunters vs. The Enforcers
Round 1
At the sound of the music, the mc took center stage and waved to the audience and tv cameras.
"Hello, again, and welcome back to the Family Feud," Chuck said. "We've got a real treat for you tonight, a charity tournament in which 3 remaining teams are battling for first place. Three more matches, with 5 questions each."
Chuck turned to his left and announced, "Meet The Hunters. Stephanie Plum, Lula, Grandma Mazur, Vinnie Plum, and Connie Rossoli."
Turning to his right, he continued, "And now give it up for the Enforcers. Joe Morelli, Eddie 'Big Dog' Gazarra, Brian Simon, Carl Constanza, and Robin Russell."
"Now, let's play the Family Feud." Chuck again interrupted the applause, "Joe and Steph, step up here with me. Place your hands on the buzzers please. 100 people were surveyed, top 5 anwers are on the board."
" Name something you would find in a bakery."
Joe and Steph pushed their buttons as quickly as they could.
Bleederbeep!
"Joe, your answer please."
Joe gazed into Steph's eyes, grinned at her, and softly said, "A warm, gooey-filled Cupcake with sweet, tasty frosting."
ding!
Cupcake
"Steph, you have something better than that?" Chuck asked.
"A cannoli!" Steph anwered, her narrowing her eyes at Joe.
ding!
Cannoli
Cupcake
"Top answer. Ok, Hunters, pass or play?"
"OH, we're gonna play, all right." She said to a grinning Joe before returning to her team.
"Lula my dear, name something you would find in a bakery." Chuck said.
"Ooh. Ooh. Ooh." Lula was hopping up and down. "Donuts!"
ding!
Cannoli
Donuts
Cupcake
"Grandma Mazur, what's your answer?"
Grandma rubbed her hands together. "Cakes. Lots and lots of cakes!"
ding!
Cannoli
Donuts
Cupcake
Cake
"Ok, Vinnie, your answer please."
"Alot of really fat women," Vinnie said.
Steph grabbed Lula who was lunging for Vinnie, her nostrils flaring. "You talking about me?" Lula ranted. "Cause you better not be talking about me!"
"Show me fat women," Chuck said.
BEEP
X
Connie smacked Vinnie upside the back of his head.
"Connie," Chuck said, "name something you would find in a bakery."
"How about cookies?"
ding! ding! ding! ding! ding!
Cannoli
Donuts
Cookies
Cupcake
Cake
"Congradulations, Hunters! You have won the first round."
Family Feud
Chapter 2
The
Hunters vs. The Enforcers
Round 2
"Round 2," Chuck said. "Big Dog and Lula, step up here with me. Place your hands on the buzzers please. 100 people were surveyed, top 5 anwers are on the board."
"Name something you might find in a closet."
Big Dog hit the buzzer. "Snakes," he yelled. He looked in Steph's direction and found her frowning at him, her hands on her hips.
"Show me snakes," Chuck said, after recovering from his laughter.
BEEP
X
"Ok, Miss Lula, what have you got?"
"Shoes," she yelled.
ding!
Shoes
"Hunters, pass or play?" Chuck asked.
"We'll play." said Lula, heading back to her team.
"Grandma Mazur," Chuck said, "Name something you might find in a closet."
"Well, Chuck, I've got dresses."
ding!
Dresses
Shoes
"Vinnie, what might you find in your closet?" Chuck asked.
"Skeletons!"
ding!
Dresses
Shoes
Skeletons
"You're doing great this round. Connie, your answer, please?"
Connie thought for a moment. Vinnie and Big Dog had both taken her answers. "Hangers?"
ding!
Dresses
Shoes
Skeletons
Hangers
"Ok, Stephanie, one answer left. Name something you might find in a closet."
"A man."
She looked over at Joe to see him watching her, his eyebrows raised. "What?" she said, throwing her hands into the air. "I'm talking about an intruder."
"Show me Intruder."
ding!ding!ding!ding!ding!
Dresses
Shoes
Skeletons
Hangers
Intruder
"Congradulations, Hunters! You have won the second round."
Family Feud
Chapter 3
The
Hunters vs. The Enforcers
Round 3
"Round 3," Chuck said. "This could be sudden death for the Enforcers if they lose this one. Brian and Grandma Mazur, step up here with me. Place your hands on the buzzers please. 100 people were surveyed, top 5 anwers are on the board."
"Name something a criminal might do."
Grandma Mazur's hand hit the buzzer. "Shoot you!" she yelled.
ding!
Shoot You
"Top answer, Hunters, pass or play?" Chuck asked.
"We're gonna play this one. We know lots about this one." Grandma Mazur said, heading back to her team.
"Damn straight, girl!" Lula hollered.
"Vinnie, name something a criminal might do."
"Run."
ding!
Shoot You
Run
"Connie, dear, your answer please."
"Hit you."
BEEP
X
"Strike one. Steph, name something a criminal might do."
"Blow up your car!" Steph yelled.
BEEP
X
X
"Ooh, strike two," Chuck said. "Lula, darlin, your answer please."
"Chase you," Lula said.
BEEP
X
X
X
"Ooh, sorry Hunters, strike three. Enforcers, you have a chance to steal. Name something a criminal might do."
Joe, Big Dog, Brian, Carl, and Robin yelled their answer in unison. "JUMP BAIL!"
ding!ding!ding!ding!ding!
Shoot You
Rob A Bank
Run
Get Arrested
Jump Bail
"Congradulations, Enforcers! You have won the third round."
Family Feud
Chapter 4
The
Hunters vs. The Enforcers
Round 4
"Round 4," Chuck said. "This could still be sudden death for the Enforcers if they lose this one. Carl and Vinnie, step up here with me. Place your hands on the buzzers please. 100 people were surveyed, top 5 anwers are on the board."
"Name something that helps you sleep."
Vinnie's hand hit the buzzer. "A teddy bear." He looked at his teammates, whose mouths were agape. "What?" he asked defensively.
ding!
Teddy Bear
"Robin, your answer please?"
"A sleeping pill," Robin said.
ding!
Sleeping Pill
Teddy Bear
"We'll play," Robin said smugly.
"Joe, name something that helps you sleep."
Joe looked Steph in the eye and said, "A night of hot, passionate sex."
ding!
Sleeping Pill
Sex
Teddy Bear
"Big Dog, what answer have you got?"
"Well, I read my kids a story."
ding!
Sleeping Pill
Sex
Teddy Bear
Read a Story
"Brian," Chuck said, "Name something that helps you sleep."
Brian thought a minute. "Well, my grandma drinks warm milk."
ding!ding!ding!ding!ding!
Sleeping Pill
Sex
Teddy Bear
Warm Milk
Read a Story
"Congradulations, Hunters! You have won the second round."
Family Feud
Chapter 5
The
Hunters vs. The Enforcers
Round 5
"Round 5," Chuck said. "Last round. Hunters and Enforcers each have won two. The winner of this round wins the match. Robin and Connie, step up here with me. Place your hands on the buzzers please. 100 people were surveyed, top 5 anwers are on the board."
"Name something a woman might wear."
Robin's hand hit the buzzer. "Black shiny pumps with four inch heels," he said.
Stephanie raised her eyebrows at him.
ding!
High Heel Shoes
"Enforcers, pass or play?" Chuck asked.
"Oh, we'll play this one," he laughed. "We'll really play this one."
"Joe," Chuck said, "name something a woman might wear."
"A sexy pair of tiny, silky red panties trimmed with delicate black lace." Joe watched Steph's face turn the color of her underwear.
BEEP
X
"Hey, mister," Lula huffed at Joe. "You been a-peekin where you ought not to be a-peekin?"
"I think he's talking about mine, Lula." Steph whispered.
"Oh. Macy's last month?"
"Yea. The two for one sale." Steph and Lula high-fived each other before realizing they were being watched. By everybody.
Chuck cleared his throat and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Er, uh, strike one. Eddie, name something a woman might wear."
"A short, blue satin slip with a slit all the way up the side."
Lula looked at Steph. "How would he know that?"
"This is embarassing" Steph said.
"Show me slip," Chuck said.
BEEP
X
X
"Strike two," Chuck said. "Brian, your answer please?"
"A silky white Teddy with pink boa trim and pearl buttons down the back." Brian smirked.
"Hey, Brian!" Steph yelled. "To quote Lula, have you been peeking where you shouldn't be peeking?"
"Just looking for snakes, Steph," Brian replied.
"Jeez, I need a commercial break," Chuck muttered. "Show me Teddy."
BEEP
X
X
X
"Strike three. Hunters, you have the chance to steal. Name something a woman might wear."
"Chuck, I think we're gonna go with jewelry."
ding!ding!ding!ding!ding!
High Heel Shoes
Jewelry
"Congradulations, Hunters!" Chuck said. "You have won the round and won the match. Show us the rest of the answers, please."
High Heel Shoes
Jewelry
Perfume
Dress
Nail Polish
"Well, that's it for today folks. Join us tomorrow for The Rangers vs. The Enforcers on the Family Feud."
TBC... feedback welcome as always.
