AUTHORS NOTE: So Lee had really fallen in love with this idea but she found she didn't have the heart to write it so yours truly said that she would give it an attempt because I'm a heartless bitch and yesterday during my English exam, I found myself wasting at least ten minutes plotting this chapter so I decided that I might as well start it. I hope you enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters or the plotline, which belongs to Lee and I hope I do her credit xD

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[Mulling Over]

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Robbie slumped down on the park bench, his legs apart so that he could dangle the cheap blue carrier bag between them. The bag contained eight cans of beer and a bottle of vodka that he intended to drink straight, eventually. He had no desire to drink now so he placed the bag on the ground but still in between his legs so that no one could steal them.

His appearance was scruffier than usual. He had gradually loosened his tie as he walked through the park so by the time that he had reached the bench so it was no longer tied and just hung around his neck like a useless sliver of material. He had opened several buttons of his shirt and half of it was tucked into his pants whereas the other half wasn't. One of his shoes had gradually come untied but he hadn't noticed and if he had, he probably wouldn't have cared. His hair was mussed as if he'd not brushed it that morning and even though that was his normal style, today it was ten times worse.

The brown envelope that he held in his hand had been creased, folded and nearly thrown into so many bins as he'd worked from... from... that place and he still didn't know why he held it and it's lies anymore in his hands. He stared emptily over the beautiful park and sighed. Two young females jogged past him and one gave him the eye but he didn't even notice. He was too busy realising that he actually wasn't invincible. That this brown envelope as well as the facts that he carried in his head, had the power over his life!

It had started a few months ago. He'd been on the job with Jackie and they'd been sharing their usual banter when suddenly he'd felt a headache coming on. He'd been having them a lot recently and had even started carrying aspirin with him. A fact Jackie picked up on almost straight away because she knew Robbie wasn't organised.

She sat down on the edge of his desk and picked up the box that read they were the cheap home brand aspirin that had probably cost him no less than thirty pence. She just sighed before the box in his outstretched hand. "How long have you been getting headaches?" She asked watching as he sat down on his desk, his hands massaging the spot where the throbbing pain insisted on residing.

"I've not been getting them too long." He lied and at her raised eyebrows, he realised that she wanted exact dates so he decided to lie about that too. "I'd say about a week or two," knowing that really it had been several months. Hence the organisation of him now carrying his own painkillers.

"You realise migraines are an underlying sign of stress or sleep deprivation." He just sighed before looking over at her.

"The only stress I get, Detective Reid, is when you're constantly on my case about my sleeping habits. Anyone would think you were jealous of them or something!" He had snapped at her before grabbing his aspirin and leaving the office, mumbling about nosey women that had no better things to do than analyse him.

He had obviously hunted her down about three minutes after that comment and apologised because he had felt bad. He hated being snappy with Jackie especially about something as trivial as her trying to look out for him. He sighed as he pulled out one of the cans of beers. He decided that drinking vodka straight on an empty stomach wasn't good. He'd line it with the beer first then crack onto the heavy stuff. Not that he normally ever did heavy stuff or actually allow himself to get blitzed.

When he was out in a club, he liked to have control. He drank those horrible tasting lemon alcopops that the girls all went crazy over. He thought they were horrible concoctions devised to get a younger person drunk quicker. The first one had a horrible taste but by the time you'd had a few, the taste was okay because you'd numbed your taste buds. He then would know what he was doing when he was approached by a girl. He made sure of that ever since he'd been used once to get his little black book.

He downed the can in one and he'd known many drunks through the can over their shoulder and let it clutter the floor but he hated that. Children played in this park! If he ever caught anyone doing it, he actually thought he'd shoot them. He sighed as he put the empty but now crushed can back into the bag. He pulled out a second one and demolished that in just the same amount of time.

"Come on, Robbie. Ewan says he'll give you free drinks!" Stuart was begging for Robbie to join him tonight at this stupid charity auction they were holding at McIntyre's. It was to raise awareness about drug abuse and apparently Ewan did something every year. He had asked kindly for Robbie to be one of his dates this year and Robbie had agreed at first but today he felt rather ill.

"I don't know Stuart..." He said wincing as another headache came onto him and there were flashing lights in front of his eyes.

"Robbie..." Stuart cried horrified as he saw his friend starting to convulse as if having a fit. He lurched forward and took hold of the man in his arms as he struggled to flick his phone open with his chin so that he could phone for an ambulance.

That had been just under a month ago. Robbie could still remember waking up and finding the three members of the team hovering over him like worried grandmothers. He'd gruffly told them that he was fine and swatted his hand as a silent hint that he needed space. He had sat up in the bed when the doctor had moved and Robbie had asked everyone to leave as the doctor spoke to him. They'd found something disturbing in Robbie's brain and they were wondering if he'd do some tests. He'd readily agreed. He obviously wanted to know what was wrong with him.

They prodded and poked him for hours. He went into have a cat scan and he had sat still in that huge tube and felt really frightened for the first time in his life. He had stared up into the bright light and something had hit him. This could be his end. What if it was his end? He had then started to fidget causing the doctors voice to come through on the intercom to ask him to persist moving. He had mentally mumbled something about the man being a posh bastard before lying still.

Today was the results. Another two cans had been emptied and another rested in his hands as he stared at the brown envelope in his hands. He had completely forgotten about it. Well he had tried to forget. This had been made achievable because he hadn't told anyone. He hadn't even told Jackie that they'd found something, that they'd wanted to do tests and he hadn't told her that today had literally been his sentencing.

He didn't know how long he sat on that park bench drinking the cans of beer empty, his hand tightening on the envelope. Once he started on the vodka, he found himself thinking about Jackie. He had always loved the pretty brunette that he had worked with. He had never had the courage to tell her and as he glugged back the vodka, he realised he had more courage than he could ever think.

He took another healthy glug of the see through liquid and squinted a little as he tried to analyse how much he'd drank. From the numb pain in the back of his head and the lack of concentration, he could tell a lot and that was confirmed when he saw that the remaining liquid resided under the label. He simply shrugged his shoulders, downed the rest of the liquid, grimacing as it burnt his throat. That stuff wasn't good straight he came to the conclusion as he forced himself off the bench, staggering and holding out his hands as if helping him find balance.

He knew where he wanted to go and what he had to do but he also knew that he had to do it.

He had to do it before it was too late.

TO BE CONTINUED...