Harry Potter and the Future!

By JK Howling

Prologue

Willy-Tron Potter did a really cool ollie on his Nimbus Honda Hover Skateboard 6000. The Voldemort Memorial Skate Park was really surf's up awesome, thought Willy-Tron in a Southern accent in his head. The Boy Who Rocked did a 370 degree spin and landed it (if those guys from the Olympics were there they would have all given him a perfect score of 10!), but when he landed it there was a loud crack.

When Willy-Tron woke up from being out cold he screamed like a girl because both of his legs were bent the way God doesn't want them to bend. "This fucking sucks!" But then it didn't suck because Hershey-Bot Potter-Hagrid, Lily Potter's and Hagrid's daughter and Willy-Tron's hot cousin, was trotting to him.

"Oh no," said Hershey-Bot said. "You broke that dumbass sign about our grandpap that read 'Your Skating Over the Remains of Hogwarts Academy of Magic People. Want to Know Why? Ask Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. Otherwise, Get Back to Your Ollies, Dummies!'"

Hershey-Bot and Willy-Tron batted flirty eyes at each other for five minutes.

"Why should I care that this dumbass sign is broken, Hershey-Bot? Our grandpap is a nobody and an old fart. A real bastard!" screamed Willy-Tron because his broken legs were still not doing great.

Hershey-Bot liked it when Willy-Tron got angry. But then she took out her stick and waved it around, letting the magic out of it that fixed the sign and Willy-Tron's legs. She then put it away in her Wrangler jeans because magic is super secret in the future. But it was too late!

Willy-Tron got to his feet and pulled it out his six-gage pistol! "I'm sorry, Hershey-Bot!" Willy-Tron whispered over Hershey-Bots sobbing. That is until she stopped sobbing, because Willy-Tron shot her eight times…

Willy-Tron was super sad as he did awesome flips on his skateboard on the way home. If only he had not broken that dumbass sign then Hershey-Bot wouldn't have used her magic and he wouldn't have had to kill her, but owe well! That's the way it was in the future! When he arrived at this kickass house that had a bunch of tubes that looked like they were from a hamster cage but bigger and a bunch of robots that were having sex with each other in the front lawn, Willy-Tron's mommy, Goat Potter, jumped out of the front door that was like a hamster cage tube.

"Willy-Tron, you beautiful boy, you forgot to get over to your grandpap's and my daddy's house, the Boy Who Lived AKA Harry Potter! He's waiting for you!" she spoketh.

"Holy shart-o-matic!" said Willy-Tron! It was like six miles away, but he was really fast on his hovering skateboard and it only took him about 30 minutes to get there! His grandpap's house was like houses used to look, but it was really nasty. Willy-Tron remembered his mommy telling him about how it was the house Harry had grown up in with his really lean and muscular Uncle Dudley and pretty and lean Aunt Pansy and really funny and very lean cousin Dursley. It was like the same house Willy-Bot visited when he wasn't 21 years old. There was a big hole in the backyard where Harry used to throw in his raw meat back when that was a fad and there was the added addition with three bedrooms and an indoor pool that was like French Provincial in style that Harry had built himself back in 2044 in the fall.

When Willy-Tron went up to the front door, he put his six digit right hand that every Potter had since Harry did in the first book on the door, but he was surprised to find that there was no Apple Hand Scanner doorbell/lock. But weirdly enough, the door opened...like magic... Willy-Tron walked in and went up the creaky steps on the stairs where he then walked by the first bedroom where there was a pile of dirt and a gravestone where Harry's first wife Ginny was buried. Willy-Tron morened for hours until he moved on to the smelly bedroom where an old man with a long white beard laid on a stained mattress watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? reruns hosted by Meredith Viera.

"Come here, you beautiful boy," said Harry Potter with his chapped lips. "I've been waiting for you... Why are you covered in the blood of your hot cousin, Hershey-Bot Potter-Hagrid?"

Willy-Tron almost cried, but didn't because he was a man! "She used magic, grandpap! You of all people should know that ever since Dark Lord Newt Salamander took power all the magic is not legal! You gotta shoot peeps who use it or else you'll get the barrel of the pistol shoved down your throat and sleep with the fishes. Even though Hershey-Bot was my hottest cousin, she had a stick of magic and I had to massacre her."

The Old Man Boy Who Lived laughed really loud that Willy-Bot had to close his ears. "No magic? Fat chance!" He then took out his stick and waved it around until it shot out magic at the 55'' LG C7P OLED Smart TV (which was really old because it was now year 2101!) and the episode of the game show fastforward without any use of a remote. But before Willy-Bot could pull the trigger on his gun that was engraved with his name in cursive writing, the Harry waved his stick and the gun flew out the window and out of Willy-Bot's hand.

"Willy-Bot, you are the best, coolest, and manliest grandson I have and you look exactly like me with your lightning bolt scar and six digit right hand. Imma gonna tell you a secret, ya here? There are magic people every where and you are one of them and you are the next chosen one who is gonna have to defeat the new dark lord like I defeated Voldemort at my high school reunion/Ron Paul Weasley's funeral all those years ago when your mommy was just a baby. You have a lot to learn about your destiny!"

Willy-Bot took a deep breath because he knew an adventure was about to begin!

END OF THE PROLOGUE! Chapter one is next!