He would have loved to have been able to tell himself that it was rape. That she had forced herself on him completely against his will, and that he had been unable to stop her.
But he was not a liar, not even to himself, not even when it really mattered.
You liked it, didn't you? Admit it, it was… a thrill. Every moment, every precious, insidious second that you spent with her, you wish it had lasted longer than it did. Shit.
Now you feel filthy, don't you?
It was confusing. As far as he knew, he hated Amber. Hated her with a passion so intense it was painful. Every time he saw that too-perfect face in a magazine or on the TV somewhere, he wanted to tear the page right out and shred it, put his fist through the screen. Completely erase her from existence so she could make him stop feeling…the way he felt whenever she came into view. Yes, he hated her. Not even the touch of her cold, flawless skin against his could change that. So why did he like it so much? Why did he let her violate him like this, time and time again, even after he'd sworn he would stop.
You don't honestly think there'll ever be anything between the two of you, do you? 'Cause you know she hates you about as much as you hate her. She only wants you for what you can give her. Maybe that was why he kept going back to her. Because every single time, she supplied him with more raw feeling than he could ever receive from anyone. He loved the way she could make him feel. In truth, he was addicted to it. Couldn't get enough. It was sheer pride alone that stopped him from getting down on his knees and begging for her every time in the same way she begged him for Zydrate.
Basis of your relationship. Addiction. You keep going back to her because you don't know how you'll be able to cope without her. You're no better than she is.
I'll stop. I'm not going to go back to her. But the icy sneer of her voice as he appeared at the top of the alleyway once again rendered him helpless. This is my last hit, I swear.
That's what they all say…
(A/N: I'm going to try to get more oneshots like this out here. Not just for Repo!, so check my profile for my current fandoms. Feedback on this little piece would be very helpful, so, leave your thoughts in the little box on your way out. Thanks!)
