"But they also want you to be happy. Which you're not going to be if you go through with this. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll leave."
Blair's heart sank hearing Chuck say the words. Not because he was right, but because she would have to break his heart again. She did still love Chuck and there was no denying that. She just also loved Louis. She had been a nervous wreck all morning, but may be this was the chance to put all of her fears out of her mind.
At the same moment, Louis was about to enter the room to tell Blair that Georgina had been spotted and sent away by Serena's mother. He didn't know this Georgina well, but he knew enough about her to know that her presence at his wedding wasn't a good sign. He wanted to make sure she hadn't gotten to Blair before continuing on with whatever her plan had been. Hearing Chuck's voice inside the dressing room of his bride made him stop dead in his tracks.
Chuck continued, "You can't. It should be us up there and you know it." Anger burned through Louis. Why wasn't Blair saying anything? Dammit! Why wasn't she defending their relationship? He loved her so much. He had been wavering between being a bundle of nerves and feeling so giddy that he almost couldn't maintain his composure all day. And now? Now his wife-to-be was having a very intimate, very deceitful conversation moments before their wedding.
"It's not that simple." He felt breath leave his lungs. He hadn't been aware that he was holding it. But he'd been praying for Blair to say something.
Chuck interrupted her. "You told me you love me. I know it was true." What?! When had this been? Was this why she was in the car with him? She had made so many promises, and apparently, he had been a fool to believe any of them. How had she played him so thoroughly while still being in love with the man standing before her? How could she be going through with this wedding? Was the title really all she cared about?
"Of course I love you, I always have." Hearing Blair say the words, Louis almost fell to the ground. He threw a hand out against the wall for support. "I love you more and more every day, if it's even possible to love someone that much." Louis should leave. He should leave and go find his mother to tell her to call off the wedding. For some reason, he couldn't make his feet move.
"Then get out of here with me right now, we can go anywhere, as long as we're together." Blair was going to call off the wedding for him, she was going to leave with Chuck and leave him at the altar in front of their family and friends.
"I know you can't understand and I don't expect you to. But even if I weren't with Louis, I couldn't be with you. Just know that not being with you is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I have someone who loves me by my side." She knows how much I love her. She's using me as a crutch to move past Chuck. I've been such a fool!
Louis could see Chuck's back from the sliver of the door that was open and if he shifted to the right, he would be able to see Blair. Now the question was did he even want to see her face? From what he could see, Chuck's back was stiff. Louis slowly began to back away, back down the hall and away from the dressing room. Just as he turned around, he nearly smacked right into Serena.
"Louis! What are you doing back here?" A smile lit up the pretty blonde's face, she adopted a conspirator's voice, "is Mister Tradition trying to sneak a glimpse of the bride before the ceremony?"
He couldn't think of a thing to say. In one of the absolute most loquacious moments of his life, he sputtered out, 'no, umm, I just… excuse me." And he tore off down the remainder of the hallway. He had to get out. He had to think. This was all wrong. How could Blair do this to him? He spied a back door and ducked out, just for a moment. He promised himself that it would just be long enough to collect his thoughts.
Serena shook off Louis' bizarre behavior and slipped up to the door of Blair's dressing room, where she was met with the back of Chuck's suit. Had Louis witnessed the same scene that she was? Is that why he seemed so flustered? She stopped to listen to their conversation, wondering if Blair needed Serena to rescue her or if she needed Serena to shut the door and make sure no one came down the hallway. Whatever Blair needed, Serena would do for her today.
She seemed to be catching the tail end of the conversation. "I'm who I'm good at being. He brings out the best parts of me and I do the same for him. That's not what we do. We work well together at being underhanded. At fixing messes we purposely get ourselves into for the thrill of it. That's not a mature relationship, Chuck. That's what kids do before they're ready. We just happened to be good at merging our self-destructive tendencies into each other and we both like playing damage control. I feel safe with Louis. I feel good, confident, comfortable, and happy with him. I love him, and he's who I want to be with. I'm sorry."
Chuck straightened up, seemed to adjust his suit jacket, and bit out, in a voice so low Serena almost didn't catch it, "I'm sure the title doesn't hurt either." Serena was just about to burst into the room when she hear Blair's slap land on Chuck's face followed by Blair telling him to get out. At that moment, Serena pushed open the door.
"Chuck." She didn't know what else to say.
Chuck slowly glanced up toward Serena. "Serena. What an unpleasant surprise." Half turning back around, he spoke over his shoulder at the bride-to-be. "Think about what I said, Blair, please." And he strode around Serena, planning to exit the church as unobtrusively as possible.
Blair slunk into a nearby sofa and Serena knelt down in front of her, barely hiding the accusatory stare. "Blair, why was Chuck in here?"
Blair's face turned a light pink and she pursed her lips, a look Serena knew all too well to mean that Blair was pissed. "Serena, don't give me that, okay? Is my hair messed up? Is my lipstick smudged? Is my mascara running? No. So clearly, we were not having sex, we weren't even kissing, and I'm not regretting telling him walk out the door. I'm just angry that I had to have this conversation, defending my marriage before it even starts!" She crossed her arms in a huff.
Serena stood up, "Sorry, to say, B, but I think you've got a bigger issue. As I came down to check on you, I ran into Louis. My guess is he saw Chuck in here. He seemed pretty upset." Serena barely got to finish the sentence before Blair was rushing out of the room, wedding gown and all.
Blair ran up the hallway, asking anyone she passed if they had seen Louis. With each negative reply, Blair felt her heart beat a little faster, panic rising up just a little more. How could she be so stupid? How could she allow Chuck to have private moment with her on her wedding day of all days? Of course Louis would find out somehow and get upset. He had every right to be. She needed air. She needed to get a grip and form a plan before she ruined the dress by running all over creation in it. She spotted the side door she had used to enter the church for her secret confessionals and ducked outside.
"Blair!" Louis whirled around at the sound of the door opening only to find his fiancée coming bursting through it. "What are you doing here?" He was so shocked at seeing her here, and in her wedding dress no less, that he didn't even react when she grabbed his hands in both of hers.
A sad smile graced her lips, "I'm looking for you. Serena told me she ran into you outside my door and that there might be some confusion to clear up. Can we go inside to talk about it?"
Louis backed up into the gate that seemed merely decoration as he had been staring at the locking mechanism and didn't think it worked. It certainly wouldn't keep anyone from eavesdropping on them. As much as he just wanted to be done with this conversation, he knew that the status of this wedding meant they should be away from listening ears and prying eyes. Reaching around Blair, he opened the door and gestured for her to go inside.
For her part, Blair already knew her dressing room wasn't very private. She led Louis down a darkened corridor and into the face-to-face side of a confessional booth. They sat down and Louis chuckled, humorlessly. "What?" Blair looked all round to make sure her hem hadn't become caught or to make sure there wasn't some religious paraphernalia that she was mistreating in her haste to start talking.
Louis leaned back in his own seat. "Oh nothing, I was just laughing at the irony. Where you're sitting is usually reserved for the priest, while my seat is for the person confessing their sins. Aren't we in the wrong seats?" He rested an elbow on the armrest and leaned his head lightly against two fingers. He was perfectly content to see where Blair was going to lead this conversation.
Blair tried to reach for his unoccupied hand, but was unsuccessful as he pulled it out of her reach. "Why don't you tell me what you think you heard, first? I understand that you're upset, but unless you tell me exactly what upset you, I can't help you to resolve it."
"Cut the bullshit, Blair. You want me to tell you what upset me so that you don't overshare and tell me something I didn't know. You want to scheme and tell half-truths to get yourself out of this. That's not how real relationships work! You can't just do that. For once, Blair, just once, try giving me some honesty!"
He was right. For a moment, Blair stared at the floor in contemplation. He was absolutely right. This is what she had just been telling Chuck. They weren't good for each other because they kept secrets, they told half-truths, the schemed, and then they worked to get themselves out of trouble. She didn't want that with Louis. That is precisely why she was choosing Louis. "She looked at her hands, "I'm sorry."
Louis stood up, "You're sorry. Well, if that's all you've got for me, then I'm sorry too."
Blair searched for his eyes, "No, wait." With a deep breath, Louis sat back down. "I'm sorry for letting Chuck into my dressing room on our wedding day. That must have looked bad." Louis scoffed at that. "I'm sorry for trying to manipulate my way back into a smooth wedding ceremony. I'm sorry for whatever part of that conversation you heard that made you upset. Chuck came into my room and wanted to talk. He tried to convince me that I shouldn't be marrying you." Blair began twisting the engagement ring around and around her finger. "I told him that I still love him. I told him that I love him more and more every day. I'm sorry if you heard that. I would never had wanted you to have to hear me tell another man that. I also told him that I love you, that even if I wasn't with you, I still wouldn't be with him, and I told him all of the reasons that you and I are so good together. I'm guessing you missed that part."
Louis had shifted from a very guarded position so a more contemplative one as her story had gone on. "Blair, I heard you say that you love him. How can I marry you knowing that your heart doesn't belong to me? I'm so in love with you and you don't feel the same."
It was Blair's turn to stand. She shuffled toward him and tilted his face up toward her own. "When did you ever hear me say that I don't feel the same? I love you, so very much. I love how we act together. I love who you help me to be. I love learning and growing with you each day. I love Chuck in the way of first love and exciting romance. I always will. I love you in the way of growing and experiencing life with each other. The way that only two people who trust in each other and who want the absolute best for one another can. Most of our screw-ups with each other come from wanting the best and falling short on it. Something we'll get better at as we go about our lives. We can help each other make the best out of everything and we can do it side by side. That is what I want."
Louis joined her on her feet and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "That's what I want as well, Blair. As long as you're absolutely certain about this."
She hugged him back as tightly as she could. "I am, Louis. I really am."
Pulling back, he smiled down at her. "Then I guess we've a wedding to put on." Stepping up on her tiptoes, Blair sealed that promise with a kiss.
