A/N: Sara's POV. Set in S4ish – you know, the year we got all of three minutes of screen time with the two of them in the same building.


Sometimes, when I can't sleep - after I've worn out the pages of my entomology textbook - I work on this plan. I've been working on it for three years. It's in an old notebook that I swiped from Grissom, years ago. I think that was, in part, what sparked it.

I'm trying to see if I could get away with murder.

Oh, not that I would actually try it. This is all theoretical. I'm not crazy. But I see these idiot killers every day. Killing out of rage, love, greed -- desperation. I guess that's the one I identify with most – or have the most experience with, anyway. But I know I could do better than them. And my murder wouldn't have a motive. Kill that random guy on the street you've got no connection to – that's how you get away with it. How I'd get away with it.

(I just want to be the best at something again.)

When I'm working out the details of the plan (dismember the body, drive it over state lines), I sometimes catch myself wondering, would Grissom get this? Did I forget something there that he'd point out, if he knew? And it makes me furious that I still want to be his star student, after all these years. That I still want (need, live for) his approval.

And then I think about what he would say if he did know I've been working on the perfect murder for the past three years.

Probably nothing.

Someday, if I ever finish the plan, I might show it to him. I think that would fall under the desperation category. But maybe I could use it as an excuse to be in the same room as him.

God, I hate the way he makes me live for him.