To; 'Git' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; Harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Nanny Nanny Boo Boo



Snape is a smelly fart he smells of BO he needs to get a life and some shampoo. Ha ha you can't give me detention because it doesn't mention internet in the school rules! :p Harry

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To;'Slimy Git' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; Rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Knickers



Sad. Greasy. Loner. Git. Kiss my arse, Snapie!. You can't catch me, nah nah nah nah nah! It's not mentioned in the school rules! Ron

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To; 'Annoying Twerp' Rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , 'That stupid Potter Boy' harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; Nanny Nanny Boo Boo



Now it is.

Yours,

Professor Snape.

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To; 'Nasty git' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; Nevillegryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Fwd; Fwd: Fwd; Fwd ;Fwd; Why Snape is a loner

Cc; 'Hermione' Hermionegryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk, 'The Fat Lady' FatLady@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Fred Weasley' FredWgryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Secret Crush' MinMcGonagall@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Harry Potter!!!!' harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Suzy' suzyhufflepuff@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Blaize' Blaizeslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk



Ever wonder why Snape is such a loner? Look at these ten reasons

1) He's dull

2) He's got greasy hair

3) He gives people detentions

4) He's got no sense of humor

5) He's evil

6) He thinks making people suffer is funny

Now, make a wish for Snape to blow up!

*

**

***

****

*****

******

*******

********

*********

**********

***********

************

*************

**************

***************

**************

*************

************

**********

*********

********

*******

******

*****

****

***

**

*

Now, send this to one person; Snape will hurt himself

Send it to 2; he will fall over

Send it to 4; He will accidentally curse himself

Send it to 8 ; He will erupt in boils

Send it to 16; He will blow up unexpectedly

Have fun!

Love,

Neville

Xxx

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To; 'Nerd' nevillegryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

From; Rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; YOU IDIOT!!!!



Neville you plonker, you sent it to *him*!! What was the one thing I told you not to do? IDIOT!!!!!

Ron

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To; 'That Potter Boy' harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Annoying Twerp' rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , ' Idiot' nevillegryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; Fwd;Fwd;Fwd;Fwd;Fwd Why Snape is a loner



Will Weasley, Potter and Longbottom please report to my dungeon immediately to spit clean the cauldrons with their tongues. Longbottom, for your information I am a well respected potions professor with a fashionable haircut, delightful dress sense and positive outlook on life, whereas you are a spotty, infatuated teenager with all the charms and social graces of a homosexual tennis ball.

Yours Agitatedly,

Professor Snape

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To; ' Babe' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk, 'Matey' harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk, 'Matey's Mate' rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Boss' Headmaster@hotwarts.co.uk, 'Blaize' Blaiseslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk, 'Draco' dracoslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk

From; RubHagrid@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; :)



Is it still on for tonight, Severus? Shall I bring the squirty cream I did last time? I'll meet you in the Library.

All my love,

Hagrid _______________________________________________________________

To; 'That Potter Boy' harrygrffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Gross!



You're humping HAGRID? EEEWWW! I am going to PUKE!

From

Harry ______________________________________________________________

To; 'Star Pupil' dracoslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; ??



What happened to 'us', Severus? I thought you LOVED ME!

Yours Sobbingly

Your Darling Draco

_____________________________________________________________

To; 'Blaize' blaizeslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk

From; Rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; *retch*



Oh....My.....GOD! Yuckety Yuck Yuck! PERRRR-UUUKE! Snape and Hagrid? Snape and Draco? I am sooo going to need therapy after this...

Yours sickeningly,

Blaize Z. ______________________________________________________________

To; ' Big Guy' RubHagrid@hogwarts.co.uk

From; harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; (no subject)



Bugger.

Yours,

Hagrid

______________________________________________________________

To; 'Honeybunch' RubHagrid@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; (no subject)



I can't believe you can be so stupid as to send the email to everyone in your address book again. I refuse to have anything more to do with you.

Yours maddeningly,

Severus

_______________________________________________________________

To; 'Severus' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; Headmaster@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; !!!!!



I didn't know your bread was buttered that side, Severus.

Yours amusedly

Albus

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To; 'That Potter Boy' harrygryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk, 'Annoying Twerp' rongryffindor@hogwarts.co.uk , 'Albus' Headmaster@hotwarts.co.uk, 'Blaize' Blaiseslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk, 'Star Pupil' dracoslytherin@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; re; (no subject)



I wish to state that I have no connection other than a business one with Mr Rubeus Hagrid. He is a large annoying fool who likes to send joke emails out. I shall see to it that he is removed from the premesis as soon as possible.

As for you, Draco, please keep your peverted fantasies to yourself.

Yours smugly,

Professor Snape

________________________________________________________________

To; 'Albus' Headmaster@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; !!!!!



It's NOT.

Yours pissed-offedly

Severus

________________________________________________________________

To; ' Kinky' MinMcGonagall@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Tonight?



Are you busy tonight? I've had rather a hectic evening and I think I am in need of some loving...

Yours Lovingly,

Sevvie

__________________________________________________________________

To; 'Hunky' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; Tonight?



Nope, sorry. Sense and Sensibility is on tonight and I won't miss it, not even for you, darling.

Yours apologetically,

Minnie

XxX ___________________________________________________________________

To; 'Kinky' MinMcGonagall@hogwarts.co.uk

From; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re; re; Tonight?



Sometimes I think you're only being my girlfriend because I look like the bloke who plays Colonel Brandon.

Yours Upsettedly

Sevvie

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To; SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; MinMcGonagall@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re;re;re; Tonight?



Yes

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To; 'Hunky' SevSnape@hogwarts.co.uk

From; MinMcGonagall@hogwarts.co.uk

Subject; Re;re;re;re Tonight?



I mean, No.

Yours lovingly,

Minnie _____________________________________________________________________

***At this point Snape blew up the server and no further emails were sent that evening***