Author's Note:

Here we have my own take on/continuation of the story "Bad Boy Bart at Hogwarts", in which we find Bart Simpson writing various wizard-based chalkboard gags/sayings on the chalkboard. Only 40 were given by the original author, so I figured I would do my best to add to the "lore". Here we go.

I will not drink the water in the Black Lake.

I will not refer to animaguses as "furries".

I will not use other students' wands as drumsticks.

Neville Longbottom's surname is not "Longbutt".

I will not wear shorts and a t-shirt under my uniform.

I will not fan away the ghosts.

I will not accuse the Dursleys of mail theft.

I will not train my owl to poop on letters.

I will not fire torpedoes at the merpeople.

I will not complain about the lack of electricity or pens in this school.

I will not refer to the muggle phrase "Abra Kedabra" as one of the Unforgivable Curses.

I will not attempt to warm my toilet seat with Fiendfyre.

I will not refer to magic as "the force", to wizards as "Jedi Knights", or to wands as "lightsabers".

I will not claim to be the one who put Harry Potter's name in the Goblet of Fire.

I will not smuggle Gillyweed into the salad.

I will not flatten pennies on the track of the Hogwarts Express.

I will not crouch down when conversing with Professor Flitwick.

I will not attempt to high five dementors.

I will not make pop culture references or mock 80's sitcoms during class.

I will not call Draco Malfoy's dad a member of the "Wizard KKK", especially not to his face.

Let me know if you want more.