Had to say I Love You…In a Song
JAG and its characters don't belong to me and never will. Neither do the lyrics to the Jim Croce song used later.
This is my first fanfic…constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
It's another very fluffy Harm/Mac piece, but it is MY very fluffy Harm/Mac piece, lol. Set towards the end of the show.
Another demanding week was wrapping up for the members of the JAG, and Harm for one couldn't be happier the weekend was near. With Mattie out of town for a long weekend, Harm wasn't sure what to do. He could have a guys' night or kick back with a beer and his guitar, but neither really sounded that appealing. Truth was, he was feeling a little restless. He needed to do SOMETHING, something with his Marine.
His Marine. He'd been calling her that a lot lately. He even slipped and called Mac that to her face a couple of times. He had expected an objection, but each time she had gotten a sweet, soft look on her face and smiled a little.
They were moving toward something, Harm could feel it. They spent nearly all their spare time together, and they lingered over hugs and goodbyes. Harm couldn't count the number of times he had almost grabbed her and kissed her, showing her how he felt, but he also knew Mac needed the words.
Those three little words caused him a lot of restless nights. It should be so simple. Harm knew he loved her and always would, but every time he would be close to telling her, he would come up with an excuse: it's the wrong setting, wrong time, wrong circumstance. Once, he had gotten "I l…" and ended the phrase with "like your apartment." For an articulate lawyer, he sure could get tongue tied. He would tell her soon.
Harm gathered his briefcase and jacket and walked to Mac's office and knocked on the door frame.
"Hi, sailor," Mac said. "Heading home?"
"Getting there, just waiting for you." As Harm watched her, Mac got that soft look again.
"And why would you be waiting for me?" Mac asked.
"Because I…, I wanted to see if you had any plans for tonight. I was hoping you'd come to McMurphy's with me, and it's open mike night, so it should be fun."
"Planning on singing me a tune?" Mac said with a laugh.
"Maybe," Harm said. As he flashed her a smile, he got an idea.
"Well, don't wait up for me. You go on."
"Mac, I am waiting for you. It's dark, and you never know who could be watching."
"Harm, I'm a marine, remember. I can take care of myself."
"Exactly. Someone might jump me and who better to watch my six."
Oh, I'd watch your six alright, Mac though to herself; I already do. "Well, I suppose in that case you can wait stick boy. Just let me file a couple of things away. So what time should I be at the bar?"
"Probably 9:30 or 10, but I was thinking…wondering…if…"
"If what? Come on counselor, spit it out," Mac said with a smile.
"If you'd like to have dinner first. With me. Dinner with me someplace other than the noodle house or beltway burgers."
"Harmon Rabb, are you asking me out on a date?" Mac teased.
"Yes."
At that one word, Mac froze. She'd just been teasing him, seeing if she could get Harm to stutter around and make dinner into a work related event. She felt they were making progress in their relationship, but that it was too soon to hope for a little confirmation or commitment. Mac grabbed her jacket and briefcase and turned to face Harm.
"Well, then, I accept."
"Good," Harm said as they walked out of Mac's office. Harm placed his hand on the small of her back and steered her toward the elevator, and he realized he had been doing that small touch so much it came natural. "Then I will pick you up at 8."
"Is that 8 o'clock my time or your time?" Mac said with a laugh.
"Very funny. I'm not as late as I used to be, am I?"
Mac opened her car door and said, "Not with me around. See you in a few, flyboy."
"Yes, marine, you will."
As she drove home, Mac couldn't keep a smile off of her face or the butterflies in her stomach calm. 'You'd think I'd never been on a date before,' Mac thought to herself. 'It's just Harm, just a simple dinner with Harm. Ha-who am I kidding, nothing is ever simple with him.'
"You're just a regular woman going on a date with a handsome man who happens to be your best friend and love. Ah, hell, who am I kidding, I'm going to knock his socks off tonight. What to wear?"
As she rummaged through her closet, Mac came across a maroon dress with the tags still on it. She had seen it and bought it on the spot thinking she would wear it to the next Jag function. That had been over a year ago. "Well, no time like the present to see how it looks."
Truth was, the dress was a knock out. It dipped low, but classily in the front and had a split clear up to her mid thigh. "Sailor, you won't know what hit you," Mac said. With a grin, and humming the marine corp song, Mac started to get ready for her night.
Across town, Harm was doing a little preparing of his own. After confirming his reservations at La Tours, he quickly showered and changed into black slacks and a blue, button down shirt. He thought about a tie, bud decided it was too formal for their first "real date." Harm was still in shock that Mac had agreed and that he had the guts to ask her in the first place.
Glancing at the clock, Harm decided to head out. He didn't want to keep his marine waiting, and he still needed to make a couple of quick stops.
Mac heard the knock at the door and smiled. He was on time for once. Looking through the peephole to make sure it was indeed Harm, Mac let out a sigh of appreciation. He really was the greatest looking man—both in a military uniform or civvies.
When Mac opened the door, Harm did a little more than sigh, he gasped. Mac was stunning. The three roses he brought did little justice, she deserved truckloads tonight.
"Sarah…God…you look gorgeous," Harm stuttered. "That doesn't do you justice. You're beautiful already, but jees…"
"You think I'm beautiful?"
"Of course I do! I always have."
"You don't look too bad yourself, sailor. Come in for a second, I just need to grab my purse."
"Wait, I have something for you," Harm said as he handed the roses to Mac.
"They're beautiful. Thank you. But why three?"
"Umm…I'll explain later. But I suppose we should head out. We have reservations."
"Reservations? To where?"
"La Tours."
"Wow, I'm impressed. I hear they have great steak and seafood. Going to order more than your usual rabbit food?"
"Maybe."
Mac, turning around after locking her door, bumped into Harm. She didn't know he was standing so close. Flustered, she stumbled backwards.
"Whoa, easy there, hon. You ok?"
First Sarah, then gorgeous and beautiful and now hon? Harm was definitely not being himself, but Mac wasn't about to complain. "I'm ok. Just a little hungry I guess. You better be prepared to feed me well!" Mac said with a laugh.
Harm couldn't stop staring at her. She was mesmerizing. Unable to help himself, he leaned down to give her a quick kiss. The moment his lips touched Mac's, all thoughts of a quick kiss vanished. Still, he only briefly lingered, his kiss firm, but sweet. And Mac didn't back away, but rather grabbed his arms to bring him closer. Ending the kiss while he could, Harm couldn't help but feel a little smug seeing that soft look on Mac's face. Yep, he had done that.
"Come on marine, your meal awaits."
The drive to the restaurant was pleasant with Harm and Mac discussing Bud and Harriet's kids and Mattie's progress. When they reached their destination, Harm came around the car to open Mac's door. Mac accepted his arm, and the valet drove the car off.
"Wow, this place looks really nice. I can't believe I've never come here before," Mac said softly. "The lights, music—Harm, are you sure about this?"
"You deserve the best. It's as simple as that. What do you mean you have never been here? Mic never brought you?"
"No. How many girls have you brought here?" Mac teased.
"Just one, smarty, and no, it wasn't who you are thinking. I brought my mom."
Mac immediately stopped teasing Harm. She couldn't understand this man tonight: compliments and special restaurants and roses and…
"Rabb, reservations for two."
"Of course. Mr. Rabb, Mrs. Rabb, please follow me."
"Oh, I'm not Mrs.," Mac started.
"Hey, I don't mind if you don't," Harm whispered as he placed a finger over her lips.
Mac couldn't find any words, so she just shyly smiled up at him. She could feel her heart beat speed up as Harm flashed her his winning smile and laced his fingers with hers.
"Here you are ma'am, sir," the host said. "May I offer you some wine or cocktails?"
"No, thank you," Harm said. "I'll just take an iced tea. Mac?"
"Water is fine, thanks." The host nodded and left their table. "Harm, you can get something to drink. I will be fine."
"I know, but I just don't think it is right for me to drink in front of you. Besides, I'm driving."
"I just realized, you never drink in front of me. Not since…Harm that was six years ago. I can't believe I've been so oblivious. Oh, God, I feel so guilty, six years and I haven't said anything…"
"Mac, stop," Harm said with a laugh. "It isn't something that is even an issue. You are my best friend; it's the least I can do. Now, what will you have for dinner?"
Mac smiled and turned her attention to the menu, but her thoughts were racing. Six years and she hadn't noticed. What other little things over the years had she missed? After their order had been taken (grilled chicken and steamed veggies for Harm and surf and turf and potatoes for Mac), conversation stalled between the two. Mac still looked guilty, and Harm couldn't help starring at her, thinking how gorgeous she looked.
"Where did you get the hot dress?" Harm blurted out before he thought about what he was saying.
With that, Mac's head snapped up in time to see her partner's face turn an unnatural shade of pink.
"I mean, uh, well, it's um, a beautiful dress, and I've never seen it before, not that I know what all your clothes look like, it's just that I figured you would have worn that dress before because it's like, wow, and uh, I'm not doing this right am I?"
Mac looked at Harm with an amused smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye. "Well, what is it you are trying to do? You are rather cute, stuttering and stumbling over your words counselor."
"Cute? Don't you mean ruggedly handsome and irresistible?"
"Well, you are those of course, but cute fits much better when you get tongue-tied," Mac laughed.
Harm picked up Mac's hand, kissed it and said, "Well, it's hard not to get tongue-tied when you are sitting across from the most beautiful woman in the world."
Mac sucked in her breath. "Harm…"
"Sir, ma'am, your dinner," the waiter interrupted.
With the moment broken, the two focused on their respective meals and talked about safe subjects like work and each other's pending cases, although both of the lawyers were thinking about the other's words and actions. Harm was feeling smug and confident about Mac's reactions to his words while Mac was thinking about what had happened to her 'can't let go' partner.
As Harm and Mac finished up their meal, a band began playing soft music and several couples stepped out onto the small dance floor. Harm looked at Mac who was gazing wistfully at the people dancing. He stood up and stuck his hand out toward Mac. "Dance with me."
Mac looked up at Harm, smiled, placed her hand in his and followed him to the floor. "It's been a long time," Mac commented as she stepped into Harm's arms.
"Too long," Harm whispered into Mac's ear. Shivers ran down her spine and goose bumps appeared on her arms and back. "Cold?" Harm asked and then pulled Mac closer.
Mac sighed and rested her cheek on his shoulder. The evening had been perfect: a romantic setting complete with candlelight and music, good food and an amazing man to share it with. As the song ended, Mac stepped back, but Harm held her still. "Wait. Just one more."
All to eager to continue her perfect fantasy, Mac moved closer to her favorite pilot, and she heard him softly laugh.
"What?" Mac asked.
"Oh, it's just this was the song I was going to sing tonight at McMurphy's. Kind of ironic."
"You could sing it now. I'm not sure I recognize it."
"You're right. And the times perfect."
"Well I know it's kind of late, I hope I didn't wake you, but what I got to say can't wait. I know you'd understand. Every time I try to tell you, the words just come out wrong, so I'll have to say I love you in a song."
At Harm's words, Mac's eyes flew open, and she stared at the man she had known and loved for nine years. Harm smiled and nodded, pulled Mac closer and continued singing.
"You know it's kind of strange, every time I'm near you, I just run out of things to say. I know you'd understand. 'Cause every time I tried to tell you, the words just came out wrong. So I'll have to say I love you in a song."
At the repetition of Harm's words, Mac clinged to Harm's shirt and tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't believe that maybe, just maybe, her dream was happening.
"'Cause every time the time was right, all the words just came out wrong. So I'll have to say I love you in a song. Yeah, I know it's kind of late, I hope I didn't wake you, but there's something that I just got to say, I know you'd understand. Every time I try to tell you the words just came out wrong, so I'll have to say I love you in a song."
Harm tilted Mac's face up and saw the tear's and hope in her eyes and smiled. "Just so there isn't any confusion, I love you, Sarah, and I always will. Wow, that felt so good to say. I think I'll say it again. I love you Sarah."
Mac, who had tears streaming down her face at this point, cupped Harm's face in both of her hands and stretched up and kissed him soundly. "Just so there's no confusion, I love you, Harmon, and I always have and always will." Mac started laughing at this point. "Oh, damn, you are right as usual, that did feel good to say."
Harm joined her soft laughter and gathered Mac close and kissed her temple as the two continued to sway to the band's next song.
"I know we had planned to go to McMurphy's, but I just don't feel like sharing you with anyone right now. Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"
"I don't care where we go or what we do just so long as it's together," Mac answered, her face glowing with all the feelings of a woman in love.
"Mac…you just take my breath away," Harm said as he brushed away the last of her tears.
"Take me home, sailor," Mac huskily said.
Harm's eyes darkened several shades, and he whispered back, "Yes ma'am. Let me pay the bill. You just…just sit sweetheart."
With the bill paid and the car waiting, Harm led Mac out of the restaurant and opened the car door. Mac was about to step in when Harm pulled her back.
"We haven't had an official one of these yet." And with that, Harm pulled Mac into his arms, shifted her so that her curves fit his angles perfectly and kissed her thoroughly and passionately. For the first time, their kiss wasn't under the pretense of a stolen holiday moment or confusion, nor was there a fiancé/girlfriend waiting on the other side of the door. Harm slid one hand up to cup the back of her neck and his other arm circled her waist. A few bystanders let out whistles as the kiss spun out. Slightly embarrassed and very much out of breath, the couple broke a part and grinned at their audience.
"I love her," Harm stated to the group. "But maybe we shouldn't give them a show," Harm added to Mac.
"That's probably a good idea, but so was that kiss."
"I think you're right; it's time to go home, my marine," Harm said as he gave her a quick kiss and gently backed her into the car. As Harm crossed to the driver's side of the vehicle, he suddenly was caught in a wave of nervousness. He had wanted and wished for this moment for so long, but now that it was here, he wasn't sure how to proceed. What was Mac expecting for the rest of the night? Talking, making love, a proposal? Harm was actually ready for all three, but he didn't know about Mac, and Mac came first.
"Harm, I know that, well, the way we were acting earlier, that maybe we were going to, and I mean I want to, but I…"
"Mac," Harm interrupted. "You mean everything to me, and I don't expect anything. To tell you the truth, I'm nervous and scared to death I'm going to screw this up."
"You're scared to?" Mac chuckled. "You'd think we'd never done this before."
"I haven't. Nothing has meant more to me than this night, you, us."
Mac looked at Harm with complete devotion in her eyes. "I like the word 'us.' Let's go talk at my place."
"Yes, ma'am," Harm said with a smile.
"Do you want something to drink?" Mac asked as they walked into the apartment.
"Not yet," Harm said as he grabbed Mac around the waist. "First, I want to kiss you again. Kiss you many, many times. We have a lot of time to make up for. Any objections, marine?"
Mac wrapped her arms around his neck, stepped closer to him, "I can't think of a single one," Mac said with a giggle.
"You giggle; I've always wanted to make you do that." Harm said as he nuzzled her neck. "I've always wanted to do this, too." Harm kissed the spot where her neck and shoulder met. Mac gasped and tilted her head back to grant Harm free access. Harm continued to place kisses up and down her neck.
"Harm…"
"We're moving too fast aren't we? I'm sorry, hon. Let me go make some tea or something."
"Wait," Mac said as she grabbed his arm. "I wasn't going to say anything, really, just that, well, I liked what you were doing. I didn't want you to stop, but if you think it's too fast…"
Harm cut her off with a fierce kiss. "I don't think it's too fast at all, but let's get something to drink and watch something. What do you think?"
"Sounds good to me. I'm going to change out of this dress."
Harm nodded and smiled, but was secretly a little disappointed he wouldn't get to see Mac in the stunning dress anymore.
"Harm, could you come here a second?"
For the second time that night, Harm felt his breath taken away. There in front of him was Mac with her hair down and her dress partly unzipped.
"Would you help me? The zipper is caught."
Harm didn't say a word, didn't think he could, so he took a couple steps toward Mac and laid his hands on her back. Using a feather light touch, Harm firmly tugged the zipper down while trailing a finger down her spine. Mac shivered, and for the first time really appreciated the feeling this man stirred in her with a simple touch. Unable to resist, Harm placed a kiss between her shoulder blades. "You are so beautiful," Harm managed to croak.
Mac turned to face her man. "You're going to have to stop with all of these compliments. I'm not sure I know how to handle them."
"I'm never going to stop, Mac. I've never been able to tell you these things before, but you can be sure I'm going to now."
"Does this mean I get to tell you all sorts of things now, too? Like that I think you happen to be the most handsome man I've ever laid eyes on and dress whites and gold wings are irresistible," Mac said with a laugh.
"You really think that?" Harm asked, doubt evident in his voice.
"Despite anything I've said to the contrary, yes, I do. Now, I'd better change. I think I have some sweats for you."
"Mac, I highly doubt I'll fit into anything you have."
"Well, I, um, have collected a few of your things over the years. Check the bottom drawer."
Half amused, half shocked, Harm opened the dresser drawer. There lay two pairs of sweat pants, a pair of running shorts, a couple of t-shirts and four NAVY sweatshirts.
"Did you find the stuff?" Mac asked as she walked out of her bathroom.
Harm looked up and let loose a full blown flyboy smile. First, because Mac had kept all this stuff and second because of her attire. "Those were always my favorite," Harm said, referring to her cowboy pajamas. "You know, I was wondering where a couple of those sweatshirts ended up."
"Do you mind that I have them?"
"Mind? I'm flattered, especially since my stuff was good enough to get a whole drawer. When did you get them all?"
"I've had some since that night I stayed at your place when I was worried about Palmer and…"
"I remember that night. You were so worried and couldn't sleep and then you were crying. All I wanted to do was hold you, but I was afraid you wouldn't let me. Then you asked if you could 'strip it down,' and I swear, Mac, my blood pressure went through the roof."
Mac blushed at his words. "What about the other stuff?" Harm asked.
"Well, the last sweatshirt I got when…" Mac trailed off.
"Mac, when?"
"This is hard. It was such a bad time between you and me, and I was depressed and you were gone and…"
"After Paraguay."
"Yeah. I came by one night to try and talk to you and apologize, when you didn't answer, I used my key to let myself in. I wanted something that smelled like you, so I grabbed one of your sweatshirts. I slept in your bed that night," Mac whispered, her eyes focused on the floor.
"I knew something was different, Mac," Harm said as he tilted her face up. "It was a bad time for us, but it's in the past. Things happened, things were said, but I want you to know something: I never stopped loving you or wanting to be with you."
Mac stepped closer to Harm, placed a hand on his cheek and said, "Never is such a horrible word. I want you to know I didn't mean it. I was mad and scared and confused, but I always was thinking about you. I was so lost without you."
The two met in a kiss that sealed out doubts of the past and locked in hopes for the future. Harm pulled Mac into a comforting hug. "You go change, and I'll finish the tea and meet you on the couch."
To be continued…
