A/N: this was meant to be a soft, yet smutty fic but I got carried away and now I've made myself emotional, so, you guys can suffer with me.
Casey knocked hesitantly on Alex's hotel room door, her feet gently scuffing at the carpet. She didn't know why she agreed to this, her attraction to the ex-ADA was hard enough to quell in her office, so a hotel room? She's pretty sure she's screwed.
"Hi." Alex opens the door, her eyes nervously darting around the hallway before landing on the redhead that was timidly biting her lip. Alex smiled softly, pulling the door open enough for Casey to slip inside, her fingers just brushing against Alex's hip. Their eyes met, Casey's cheeks tinting a bit as she subconsciously bit her lip again, "You're gonna make it bleed if you keep doing that."
"Huh? Doing what?"
"Your lip. If you keep biting it, it'll eventually split." Alex didn't know why she felt the need to make conversation, a weird tension always seemed to hang between her and Casey, one that Alex refused to acknowledge as sexual.
"Oh. Yeah, it's a nervous habit." Casey replied, an awkward smile on her face. Normally she was so much more put together, so much more confident, but there was just something about Alex that made her feel so intimidated, yet attracted.
"I make you nervous?" Alex softly smiled, gesturing to the couch before sitting down, watching as Casey followed suit, taking the opposite side. The way her tongue darted out to touch her top lip as she pulled out her file made Alex nearly gasp, a familiar feeling sinking straight between her legs, one she hadn't felt in a long time.
"You're a hell of a prosecutor, Alex. I've got big shoes to fill here."
"Don't do that. Just be you. I'm clearly not perfect, I got shot."
"Yeah well, I'm gonna do everything I can put the bastard that shot you away." Casey gave Alex a more genuine smile, this one full of sympathy and something Alex thought might've been admiration.
Alex's mind was swirling, her memories, her desires, and her regrets all circling around in her head. She hasn't had a real relationship, of any kind, since she went into WPP. Sure, she had a boyfriend, a meaningless relationship that she had let happen because she was lonely, but it never went further than a few kisses. Being back, being Alex Cabot again was overwhelming, everything has changed yet it's still the same. She's missed herself, her real self, and what's worse, she's finding it hard to remember what her real self is. She wants to feel like herself again, truly like herself, to be in control once more. She needed it, craved it, and Casey-god, that beautiful woman-she was right here, and Alex finally wrapped her head around the fact that she wanted her. Badly.
"Alex? Are you okay?" Casey's low, soft voice pulled Alex out of her reverie, the blonde glancing over at Casey, who had moved closer in concern, her eyes piercing Alex's soul. Alex turned towards the redhead, causing Casey to gasp at the close proximity.
"Casey...kiss me."
"W-What?"
"You heard me. Please." Alex nearly whimpered, desperate to remember the Alex Cabot she knew before.
"Alex, I don't-what's happening?" Casey was uncertain, her eyes darting between Alex's eyes and her lips, her heartbeat speeding up.
"I need you. I need to feel again, Casey. I need to feel like me. Like Alex. Not like Emily. Just for tonight, please, I'm begging you, allow me to be me again. Let me fuck you." Alex's words caused Casey to softly gasp, licking her lips again as she reached up to clasp her hands behind Alex's neck, leaning in so their foreheads touched.
"Use me, Alex. I'll let you." The raspy words were all Alex needed to lift her hands up to grip Casey's face, her thumbs brushing gently against pale skin as she slowly leaned in. As her lips touched Casey's, Alex felt like she was in heaven, the redhead's perfect mouth breathing life back into her. She moved her mouth against Casey's, feeling her reciprocate, her tongue flicking across Alex's lower lip before Alex parted them to deepen the kiss. Finally, needing air, the two of them parted, the sensation of their lips separating making Alex breathlessly moan. She could've cried, if she wasn't so preoccupied with getting Casey into her bed. They stumbled onto the hotel sheets, Alex pushing Casey down, kneeling on the raised ottoman that was in front of the bed. She reached out for Casey's top, hesitating slightly.
"Can I?" Alex asked tentatively, relieved when Casey grabbed her collar and gently pulled her in for another kiss.
"I'm yours tonight, Alex. All yours." Alex let her eyes flutter shut, feeling herself tear up at the tender sound of Casey's voice.
"You're okay with letting me fuck you?" Alex wanted to hear the words, to know that this was really what Casey wanted.
"Yes. Everything I have is yours tonight." Alex's throat clenched at Casey's soft words, feeling soft hands stroke her cheeks. She leaned up and captured Casey's lips again, her fingers finally scrambling to unbutton her lover's top, and slipping her skirt down her legs. Pulling the button down off of Casey's body, Alex let out a soft groan of appreciation at Casey's body, her breasts covered by a sheer black bra, one that matched the fabric covering her most intimate part. Casey reached behind her and pulled off her bra, exposing soft milky skin that contrasted with her hard nipples, making Alex moan. She hovered over Casey, using her right hand to firmly grip Casey's jaw, pushing her back against the sheets. Bending down and placing several kisses to Casey's collarbone, Alex let her fingers trail downwards to play with the waistband of Casey's underwear. As she latched onto her lover's neck, sucking hard at the skin there, Alex helped Casey slip out of the material, leaving her bare.
"Fuck. You're beautiful." Alex whispered, her eyes drinking in the sight of her naked lover hungrily. She reached out to touch Casey's chest, her fingers brushing against her nipples.
"Please, Alex let me see you." Casey sighed in pleasure at the sensation of Alex's hands on her breasts, giving a moan as Alex pinched a sensitive nipple between her fingers. Alex pulled off the sweater and pants she had been wearing, her arousal building so much that she needed to feel air on her skin. Stripping out of the lacy lingerie set, which made Casey moan, she found herself completely naked. Casey muttered something about heaven under her breath, only to have her words stolen from her lips by Alex's own, the blonde lowering her body over Casey's, heated skin meeting the other's. Casey let out a whimper, her eyes fluttering open to meet Alex's, who leaned down again to mark Casey's neck.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes, please, Alex. Fuck me." Hearing Casey begging her, hearing her normally low voice sink even further was too much for Alex, and she immediately reached between Casey's legs, her fingers finding her clit and playing with it. Her fingers lowered to Casey's entrance, teasing her, making her arch her back in desperation.
"A-Alex! Please!" Casey's eyes were shut, her lip between her teeth once more, although this was from arousal, not nerves. Alex's plan had been to take control, to get Casey begging and squirming beneath her, but her own arousal made her abandon that idea, desperate to see Casey come. She slid two
fingers inside the redhead, Casey giving a slow moan of appreciation as she threw her head back.
"You like that? Yeah?" Alex whispered against Casey's neck, her body rocking against her lover's as she thrusted her fingers deeper inside her. Casey whimpered, her hands clawing desperately at Alex's back, her eyes closed. Alex rolled her hips against Casey's, both of them releasing a moan. Their bodies ground against each other, heat creeping up between them. Alex's fingers curled inside of Casey, and she lifted her mouth from where it was sucking on her lover's neck. She watched with desperate eyes as Casey's release jerked through her body, the redhead letting out a loud moan, her body lifting up to press into Alex's before falling to the bed in relief.
"Alex!" Casey shrieked, as Alex didn't remove her fingers, instead bringing her thumb up to rub circles on Casey's clit, making the redhead jump and practically scream.
"Mine." Alex hissed, moving her fingers again, rough and fast this time, Casey turning into a whimpering, screaming mess, her hands tangled in Alex's hair. As Alex ground down, rolling her hips into Casey's as she thrust hard into her, Casey let out a loud scream of Alex's name, her body shaking hard as her wetness coated Alex's hand.
"A-Alex! Stop! Please! I c-can't take anymore!" Casey was panting, her body covered in sweat, her eyes screwed shut as she tried to regain control of her limbs. Alex pulled out of her quickly, smirking at the small whimper Casey gave at the loss of contact. Alex felt so alive, so in control, but she wanted Casey to feel cared for, to know that this wasn't just her needing sex, that this was for both of them. Alex slid off of Casey's body, sitting on her knees beside her, her hands sliding up to cup Casey's face. She leaned down, pressing soft kisses to her jaw, then her cheeks, her temples, and the tip of her nose. Casey sighed contentedly, her body relaxing further into the sheets and Alex really did start to cry then, because she hasn't seen something quite this beautiful, this human in a long time. She stared down at Casey, the redhead's eyes were still shut, and a few tears slipped down her cheeks as she lovingly caressed Casey's cheeks. She leaned down and kissed Casey's lips, moving gently against her mouth, Casey's eyes fluttering open as she tasted salt between the kiss.
"Alex? Are you okay?" She sat up, concerned, causing Alex to let out a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh, as the blonde simply reached up and tucked a strand of Casey's hair behind her ear.
"I'm better than okay, Casey. I just-this-I feel so me, and I just, I haven't felt like that for a while." Alex was crying softly now, haunted memories of WPP drifting through her head, Casey seeming to sense what had happened, as she simply tugged Alex's naked form against her own, leaning back against the headboard with her lover in her arms. She ran her fingers through blonde strands, whispering comforts in Alex's ear.
"Don't fight it, just cry, Alex, I'm here, I'm here beautiful, I'm not going anywhere." Casey's soft words were all Alex needed to let herself go, her body shaking with sobs as she let her mind reflect on everything that had happened, from her getting shot, to right now, crying in her successor's arms after taking her in her hotel room. After a while, her crying slowed, coming down to an occasional hiccup, and she buried her face into Casey's neck, slightly embarrassed.
"I'm sorry-"
"Don't. You needed that. Crying isn't weak, Alex. It just means you've been strong for too long." Alex raised her head at Casey's genuine words, hearing the emotion and love in the redhead's voice. She leaned in for another kiss, their lips meeting once more in a dance of salty tears and soft skin. Casey lifted the covers, sliding under and gesturing for Alex to do the same.
"I don't wanna leave you. Not now, not soon, maybe not ever." Alex said, her voice barely audible, as she slid beneath the sheets, her body flush against Casey's again. Casey froze at her words, not because they scared her, but because the thought of the blonde leaving sent a stabbing pain through her heart.
"Alex...don't...not now. We have tonight, we have until the trial's over, and maybe you won't have to go."
"God, it was easier leaving when I didn't have someone to leave..." Alex whispered, both of them crying now, Casey holding onto Alex tightly as if afraid she'd fade away.
"I'll wait for you. If you leave, I'll be alone until y-"
"No. Don't say that. You can't promise that, because I c-could have to be away for years." Alex choked out, the lump in her throat growing as she stared into Casey's emerald eyes.
"Yes I can. I don't want anyone but you, Alex, I've never met anyone like you. I'll wait for you. As long as it takes." Casey rested her forehead against Alex's, their breaths hot against each other, as tears slipped onto the bedsheets.
"God, Casey, you're crazy."
"No, I just know that I could fall in love with you, hell maybe I already have."
"Me too." Alex whispered, capturing Casey's lips one more time, grabbing her face gently, before pulling away, turning the light off and pulling Casey into her side.
"You might have someone to leave now, but you also have someone to come home to." Casey's words were the last things Alex heard as her eyes slowly fell shut, sleep taking over.
—
It was after the trial, and Casey was beyond ecstatic, she had won the case, which meant maybe, just maybe, Alex wouldn't have to go back to WPP. They were planning a surprise party, the squad and her meeting in Casey's office as they waiting for the ex-ADA.
"Is it? Is that her?" Olivia whispered, seeing a shadowy figure move down the hall. It stopped in front of Casey's office, the door swinging open, the squad all lifting their drinks until they saw the face of the figure. Until Casey's heart shattered. She stared at the Marshall in terror, not wanting to know what he had to say.
"Where's Alex?" Olivia asked, confused, and sounding a little sad.
"Marshalls are moving her and Antonio to new identities...she asked me to say goodbye." Casey's head spun as he spoke, her hands starting to shake, and she felt her heart constricting in her chest, "Uh, Ms. Novak?"
"Y-Yes?" Casey managed to speak, her voice raspy, clearly on the verge of tears, making the squad stare at her, none of them knowing about her relationship with Alex.
"Ms. Cabot asked me to give this to you...she wanted to come say goodbye in person but, it's against regulations. Sorry." The Marshall handed Casey an envelope, one that was addressed in Alex's flowery handwriting to Casey. Casey let out a soft sob, taking the letter and fleeing from the room, leaving the squad to confusedly talk about her.
Once Casey was safely in her car, she picked up the envelope with shaky hands, tears streaming down her face. Opening up the letter, she began openly sobbing as she read the words, Alex's voice echoing in her head.
My Casey,
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I couldn't give you this in person, give you the goodbye you truly deserve. I can only hope I can try to get it as close to right in this letter. This last week is the happiest I've been in years. You've given me something special, Casey, a reason to want to come home. So I'm giving you something in return. My heart. It's yours. I promise you, it's yours, and it will always be yours, even when I'm not next to you. I'm not going to demand you stop seeing people, because this is my mess and I've dragged you into it, but part of me can't help but be selfish, and ask you to wait? If you can? No matter what, I'll understand. It's crazy, and it's fast and it's beyond anything I've ever done before but, I love you, Casey Novak, and I will fight with all my power to come home to you. I'm going to miss you so much, Casey. So much.
Love, Always,
Alex
Casey was crying so hard by the end of the letter that she had to take deep breaths just to insure that she could breathe at all. Her whole body was shaking, and she wasn't even bothering to conceal the almost screams of emotional pain that were coming out of her mouth.
She cried for what felt like hours, finally regaining control, holding the envelope tight as she whispered, "I told you I'd wait forever for you, Alex. I love you too."
