Russian Roulette
It was half past 10 when he said he was going out. Said not to worry, that he'd be back by morning. I nodded, much like I always do. Only this time, as he was about to exit the door, I surprised myself by asking, "Where are you going?"
I must have caught him off guard because he froze instantly in front of the now open door. I also noticed his body tensed, his teeth were grit tightly together, and his eyes were full of panic as he turned to face me. Never-the-less he answered, "I'm just going out to play a bit of cards."
It was a lie. I knew it because I knew him. Still, I didn't call him out on the matter. Instead I decided to play along. So I asked sweetly, "Oh, then can I come?"
Just as I knew it would my words made him even more uneasy. He was even fidgeting slightly as well as rubbing the back of his neck. "You shouldn't babe."
"And why not?" I countered, raising a brow.
He hesitated only a moment, coming up with a clever lie easy. "You wouldn't like it there. What with all the smoke and guys being idiots. There'd be no one for you to talk to."
I gave him a look that said 'Do you really think I'm that stupid', before I responded in an even tone. "I don't care. Those things don't bother me. And besides, as long as I'm with you I don't need anyone else to talk to." I smiled at him innocently, hoping that my naïve sounding words would make him feel bad enough to tell me what was really going on.
He smiled weakly back at me, obviously not as happy as I was. "Look…babe. This is sort of a guy thing. I mean…I'd love to take you with me. Honest! Only the guys wouldn't like it."
I tapped my foot impatiently, getting tired of this game. "Duncan, I know you better then that. Now tell me where you're going or you won't be going anywhere." I threatened, eyes narrowed into slits.
He sighed, defeated. "Fine…I'm going to play Russian roulette…" He breathed almost inaudibly.
Now it was my turn to freeze, shock written on every inch of my face. "Russian roulette!? You play Russian roulette!?" I exploded. "Don't you know that that can KILL you!?"
"It's not that bad babe." He offered as a sort of 'peace.' I didn't accept it.
"God, I should have known! I should have known you leaving every other night was a bad sign!" I was extremely flustered at this point, unable to keep a hold of my sanity without rubbing my temples methodically.
Even as preoccupied as I was I still noticed the disapproving look he sent my way. "Chill, babe. I mean…I'm obviously a master at it since I'm still here." He chuckled, smiling that crooked smile of his that three fourths of the time would have calmed me in an instant. Only not this time. This time I was out for blood.
I glared up at him, breathing slightly above normal. "That's NOT funny!!" I bellowed, teeth bared. "This whole situation is a serious problem!"
He didn't respond for 15 minutes or so, just watched me have one of my fits until I had lost some of my intensity and regained a bit of my sanity. "Sooo…" he muttered hesitantly, "Since I told you what I was up to does that mean I can go now?"
I almost went crazy once more at such a thought, the only thing stopping me being the idea of following him. I smirked darkly. "Only if you take me." I stated flatly, anticipating his reaction.
He swallowed hard, nervous as hell. "B-Babe." He stuttered, "You don't want to go…I know you don't."
I snorted lightly. "Then I guess you don't know me. I'd love to go." I smiled a sinister smile.
It was his turn to grow irritated as he scowled over at me. "Fine, do what you want, but don't blame me."
"The thought never crossed my mind." I responded curtly, ready to get this show on the road and see just where he went at night…
It was dead quiet as he drove to his little hangout, neither one of us daring to speak. And in order to cure my boredom I attempted to visualize what the place we were going too looked like. It was probably some bar with a bunch of drunks crawling about, it was more then likely a dirty hole that sustained bugs and vermin, I even imagined it with prostitutes swinging from poles. "Hmm…" I breathed to myself as I stroked my chin lightly, interested in seeing how close I was to being right. I might have even visualized a more vivid image if not for the fact my fantasy was interrupted.
"Courtney? Courtney, we're here." He grumbled lightly before he swiftly exited the vehicle and walked off.
I blinked a couple of times, surprised at how fast he was to leave…and without me! I frowned, opening the door enough so I could slip out with no hassle and took off at a fast pace in order to catch up to him. "What was that all about?" I barked when I reached him.
All he gave me was a momentary glance and nothing more. Not even one little word was uttered in reply.
I growled lightly, scowl forming. He was pretty pissed if he was ignoring me. ME! No one ignores me, especially not him. "Hellooo! I'm talking to you!" I yelled, waving a hand in front of his face in one last bid to get his attention.
He sent a dark glare my way, eyes colder then ice. He then grabbed my wrist instantaneously, easily yanking me up an inch from his face. I was taken aback by the gesture and found myself unable to speak. "I said you could come, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pretend I'm happy about it." He stared into my petrified eyes a moment more before releasing his hold on me and continuing toward the entrance of a small looking bar that had a 'guard' standing in front of the entrance.
Once I recovered from his sudden act I went right back into being mad at his neglect. "humph!" I stuck my nose in the air, crossed my arms defiantly and began at a slow pace in the direction he was going, making it seem that I was walking with an air of superiority. I was even thinking of whooping his sorry ass when I was rudely cut off. "Duncan, dude! What's up?" the guard exclaimed, smile bright. I snorted. If that guy thought Duncan would return his sentiments in any way he was sadly mistaken. When Duncan was in a mood like this where he wouldn't even pay attention to ME then there was no way some dude at a bar would get his attention.
Then, much to my surprise, Duncan's frown slipped into a rather convincing smile after a moment and he did some sort of 'greeting' thing with the guy by touching knuckles. "Hey, man. How you been?" Duncan said casually as if everything were fine.
"Ah, you know, same old same old." The stranger chuckled lightly, Duncan doing the same shortly after.
I was stunned. Still, what amazed me most about the situation was not that he had treated this person like a human being, I'm sure they were friends, but what did amaze me was that he could do so and yet acted as if I were nonexistent. I growled lightly, stopping at Duncan's side before glaring menacingly at the guard.
"Hey, so who's this fine lady?" the guard asked suggestively. This time I made sure to emit a sharp growl he was sure to hear. No way in hell was I letting scum like him even think he had the tiniest chance of wooing me.
"This 'fine lady,'" he giggled lightly as the words came from his mouth, "is my girlfriend." Duncan finished triumphantly, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me close. He even gave me a bright smile. Once again he left me speechless with his actions. I mean, what the hell!? First he ignored me, then he was mad at me, and now he was happy with me again! What is wrong with him? And more importantly, what was wrong with me? I must have been insane myself to have hooked up with someone as bipolar as him. In the end I thought it best to not think about my sanity and settled on rolling my eyes at the pair of them.
The guard laughed lightly, "So this is the girl you talk about all the time?" He paused, looking me up and down all the while, "Well, she sure ain't no vixen, but she's a hell of a lot hotter then most girls around here." He offered a roguish smile, no doubt hoping that I was a clone of Duncan and would find no problem in being with the likes of him in front of my boyfriend. "And…if I remember right…she's supposed to be smart too. Right?" he encouraged, practically begging to speak to him.
Although I really didn't want to do as he wanted I couldn't help myself. "Yes, I am smart. Smart enough to know that you are a stupid bodybuilder that is trying to 'woo' me into having sex with you. Well, sorry to burst your bubble but I'm not that way and will never EVER even think about being with you for half a second." I spat, a devilish smile passing my lips. Granted I knew I had gone to far with my comment, but I just couldn't help myself. It was to much fun being mean. God, I can't believe how much I was like Duncan.
They were both staring at me with blank expressions, stunned by my cold words. Duncan was the first of the two to speak, "Well…anyway…we're here to-I mean, I'm here to play with the guys." I noticed his wary eyes on me and thought it best, for once in my life, to keep my mouth shut on the matter. Besides, I'd get my way once we were in there. I knew I would.
The man nodded ever so slightly, expression grim and eyes focused solely on me. He was afraid of me. I could feel it. I smirked. "Alright…" the guard finally managed to answer, stepping out of the way.
Duncan nodded back to the man, removing his arm from my waist in order to take me by the hand and lead me into the bar. The instant we stepped into the place my mouth went agape. The image I had painted of this place could not have been farther off. It was rather beautiful and well kept with a bar (duh), a few tables setting around the room, a bright red couch set to one side, a disco ball on the ceiling, Christmas decorations placed all over the place, and low and behold there were absolutely no strippers or drunks, just a handful of guys scattered about the area. I didn't know what to say.
I heard Duncan laugh lightly. I guessed it was due to my expression. "Not what you expected, huh?"
I looked up at him, expression of surprise ever the same. "To be honest…no. I mean, what kind of bar is this!? It is nothing like any of the bars I've seen-er…from what I've heard anyway." I recovered, managing a half smile of the sorts.
He once again chuckled at me, squeezing my hand tight. "That's because this is a private bar. And really, it's not much of a bar at all. More of a place for friends of the dude who lives here to hang out and be stupid."
I forced a laugh of the sorts, not liking the way he had finished his sentence. To me being stupid was getting wasted or failing an exam, but to him it was no where near the same. I knew what he meant by being stupid. He meant playing Russian roulette. The thought frightened me.
Then Duncan's eyes were no longer on me but on a man that was approaching us. "Hey, man." he said nonchalantly, releasing my hand without thinking in order to close the distance between him and the other.
"Hey!" the man responded, giving Duncan a high-five. "So are you ready to play?" I froze instantly at the mention of that game and my mind was suddenly unable to process anything.
Duncan must have noticed out of the corner of his eye or something because his smile faded into a frown and he turned to face me. "Babe…are you ok?" he cooed softly.
I nodded in the affirmative, not wanting to seem like a weakling in front of him or the others. I suppose it was that same bullheaded nature that got me here in the first place. I frowned lightly to myself at the thought.
Duncan smiled warmly at me, pulling me closer in order to place a kiss on my forehead. I smiled ever so slightly back at him, happy to feel his touch.
Not a moment after there was an eruption of laughter from the man standing before us. At first I didn't understand it, which my expression showed plain as day. Only after he spoke up once his laughter had died down a bit did I fully understand. "So this is the girl, huh? The girl you talk so much about? She sure doesn't seem like much to me." he seemed to be joking yet intending to hurt the both of us at the same time. "Are you sure she's 'the one'? She looks more like a chicken to me, especially since she can barely handle the mention of a game like Russian roulette." I cringed. He smirked darkly back.
I felt Duncan's body tense against mine and saw his expression turn dark, much like it did every time someone threatened me. Was this guy really his friend…? "Shut up, Markus!" he snapped. "She's not weak!"
Marcus snorted indifferently as he rolled his eyes simultaneously. "Whatever, man." He turned on his heel making it look as if he were ready to leave us be. Of coarse…not until he uttered one last sentence. "Just remember…there's no place for weaklings in our world. It's just to dangerous." And with one last snigger he headed off toward the bar.
"Marcus you prick!" Duncan yelled after him, turning many heads in our direction.
For once in my life I was feeling extremely self-conscious about myself. I wasn't sure why, but knowing that everyone in this place was looking at me was enough to elevate my breathing and slow my thinking process. I didn't know what to do. My eyes could only focus on Marcus…his dark devil like eyes penetrating my very being as he stared back at me.
"Good comeback Duncan! That doesn't change the fact that your girl is a weakling!" there was a sharp intact of breath from everyone in the room. I could feel there gazes intensify. Almost as if they expected me or Duncan to put him in his place. I wanted to too, believe you me. There was only one problem with that. The only way I could truly do that was to play the game…I shuddered at the thought. No! NO! I was not so stupid as to choose to have my pride over my life. It was a ridiculous notion. Still…I was mad "Well…Dunkie?" he edged him on, gaze never leaving me.
Duncan was boiling mad. I knew him enough to know that. I also knew that if they kept going back and forth like this for to long it would end up in a fight. And I really couldn't say who I thought would win that one. It depended more on if the other guys around us decided to join in and whose side they chose. It was this thought, in the end, that made me grow as mad as Duncan was. "Shut up Marcus! I am NOT weak! And I know that you're just calling me that in order to hide the fact that YOU'RE the weak one!" I paused, allowing everyone to react before I went on. "So why don't you go back to your moms where I know you must still live and take more of those steroids!" I allowed myself a sinister smile, anticipating what he would say next.
He was stunned for a moments time, having not expected me to act out like I had. Of coarse, he soon recovered, a smug smile of the sorts gracing his lips. "Is that so my dear…?" he questioned, raising from his seat by the bar and trotting lazily back over to us.
"Damn right it is!!" I snapped back, growing angrier by the minute no thanks to the way he managed to stay so calm in the face of my anger.
He chuckled amusedly. "Then why don't you show me how 'non-weak' you are?"
I knew what he insinuated by his words, but for some reason it didn't scare me as much as it had the times before. Perhaps I was blinded by rage to the point I didn't care of the consequences or maybe I was just stupid. I didn't like either option but it was more favorable to believe it was the former. "I might." I growled lightly, glaring at him in such a way that, if looks could kill, would have killed him instantly.
Now it was Duncan's turn to speak out, panicked. "What!? No! No, you can't do that!"
Both Marcus and I rolled our eyes at his open display of fear for me. Only I knew Marcus was going to say something like a smartass while as I would not. "Duncan, honey. Like you said…it's not that bad." I offered, pulling out of his hold on my waist in order to look him in the eye more easily.
"Yeah, it's not that bad! Not that bad for ME!! It's a whole different story with you!"
Somehow this angered me further. "And why is that!?"
Marcus cut him off, "Yeah, Dunkie…why? She has just as much a right to play as anyone else here." He was close enough now so that he could run his fingers across my cheek. I growled at his action, attempting to bite off one of his fingers to teach him to never touch me. Of coarse my actions didn't faze him in the least.
"I don't care!" Duncan barked back. "She has so much to live for! She's so smart, so talented and-and…" he trailed off, unwilling to finish his sentence. Still, I think I knew what he was going to say anyway.
"Duncan…don't worry. I'll be fine." I lied, resting my hand on his shoulder. I didn't know if I would be ok or if he would be ok, all that mattered in that moment was that I needed to prove myself to these dumbass friends of his.
He searched my expression over I don't know how many times before he spoke, "No…no…I can't let you be pulled into this stupid game the way I was." his eyes held a pained, yet reminiscent look to them. I figured he was thinking back to the good times we had had before.
I wanted to say more on the matter, only could find very little that would change his mind. So instead I placed a tender kiss on his lips before whispering seductively in his ear. "Please…I just want to try…"
I don't know what he would have said because another man I had not yet met shouted from on top of the bar. "Alright everyone!! You know why you're here!! You know what you want to play! So let's do this thing!" his movements reminded me of Duncan the day he had orchestrated that stupid burrito building contest. I laughed in my head at the thought. I suppose it was so amusing because I had not thought of that day in a good year or two.
A group of men were soon gather in the middle of the room, all looking as if they had played this game multiple times and were in no way afraid of the possibility of death. How brave. "Yo! Yo, you!" I heard someone yell. I looked up. "Yeah, you two! Are you gonna play or what!?"
I glanced up at Duncan, an uneasy look in my eyes. It was my way of begging to do what I wanted. He said nothing. Merely started walking to the group of four, a distant look in his eyes. I sighed, feeling bad for him and the chance he was forcing to take with me. Still…I saw no way around it. I was going to do what I was going to do and nothing and no one would change that.
"Alright!" the man on the bar yelled again. "Let's spin that cylinder and pick who will go first!" he was way to excited about this. He must like to see people die.
The group shouted a unanimous 'yeah', just as excited as the man. It was so stupid. And yet…I too had a feeling of excitement suddenly fill me. The feeling was amazing. It was like an adrenaline rush. I was ready to start this thing.
"I'll go first!"
"No me!" It went on like this for a time, everyone but me and Duncan fighting over who had more of a right to go first. It was incredibly stupid and pointless. They probably wouldn't even be the ones to pick the order. So as I waited I turned to Duncan. "You should go first."
For once he didn't look upon me as if I were insane. He did, however, shake his head slowly in the negative and say, "No…I won't…"
I frowned lightly at him, confused. He was the one that wanted to come here in the first place. Was my life really that important to him? Was I doing the wrong thing by going against his wishes and playing this game? I wasn't sure. And I really didn't have time to think about it either because before it registered in my mind it was out of my mouth. "I'll go!" I exploded.
I was caught off guard when Duncan took me by the arm and swiftly pulled me back away from the group. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" he hissed.
"What? I was just trying to get this game going."
"I don't care! You never EVER go first!"
"And why not? It seems like the best place to be. That way you can get it done and over with right at the beginning." I stated as if I were a pro and knew the game through and through.
"No. You're not going first."
Then it hit me. This wasn't about me going first, not even a little bit. This was about me playing the game in general. He was scared of the way my life could easily end right here and now and wanted to be in full control. And, as much as I hate to say it, for once I didn't care. It wasn't his decision to make. "So that's how it's gonna be, is it? You telling me what I can or can't do?" I growled, eyes narrowed.
I'm sure he would have made some sarcastic quip only he wasn't given the opportunity. The man on the bar was yelling again. "Well…I think we all can agree that there is no way in hell she's going first!" He paused, allowing everyone a good laugh which, in turn, made my face flush a deep red. "So, let's do it this way then. First'll be Marcus, then John, next Andrew, that girl, Duncan, and last but not least…Kevin!" the spectators erupted into cheers the instant he finished his sentence, pumped for the game ahead just as much as the participants. "Settle down, settle down!" he commanded as he jumped down from his place atop the bar and walked toward us. "Just to make sure the outcome isn't rigged I'll be the one to spin the cylinder." He said with a confident smile as h took the gun from a spectator and spun the cylinder much like a wheel.
I frowned lightly. I didn't trust that smile. It seemed to me that he could easily the rig outcome of the game just as easily as anyone else here. I didn't feel like denouncing him though. The others would probably eject me from the game and maybe the bar as a whole.
"Now let the game begin!!" the barman exclaimed, handing the gun off to Marcus.
Marcus took it like a man, not the tiniest bit of fear visible on his face or in his eyes. He placed the muzzle to his head, steady as could be, and pulled the trigger without hesitation. It clicked. There was no bullet. Still, I was not worried. In fact I was ready for it to be my turn already so I could win this thing.
Then was John. He seemed slightly more frightened then Marcus had been. Of coarse this came as no surprise to me since I didn't think it possible for anyone to look death in the eye the way Marcus had and feel nothing. Perhaps that was a sign that Marcus didn't care to die, as long as he got his share of thrills he would be fine. Finally, after a minute or two of hesitation, I noticed he had placed the muzzle to his head. Albeit his previous hesitation he pulled the trigger with ease. Another click. Now I was kind of worried. Not scared…just…worried. How was I supposed to not feel that way? It was only natural.
Now it was Andrew's turn. I could hear his teeth chattering, saw his eyes grow wide, and practically felt the fear vibrating from him to me. He was definitely the most scared out of the three. It became more obvious that I was right when he lifted the muzzle to his head and his hand started shaking terribly and he could barely keep his finger on the trigger. I was inclined to believe he would back out, yet he still managed to pull the trigger.
It was at this moment in time that my eagerness melted away and a wave of fear hit me hard in my gut. I no longer wanted it to be my turn. I was no longer concerned with winning this idiotic game. What I could ultimately not get over was the fact that I was trapped, that by committing to this dumbass game I had no choice but to pull the trigger. Of course I suppose there was always the possibility of running…running as far and fast as I could in an attempt to escape this fate. But no! NO! I refuse to be a coward, I refuse to walk out like that, and I refuse to be made a fool! No matter how stupid this game was it still had rules and I had to follow them!
"Here ya go." A voice intruded into my mind, snapping me out of my dazed state.
"W-What…?" I murmured.
"The gun. Take it." The guy I assumed to be Andrew said.
I looked down on the item as if it were Satan himself. It was evil, unjust and the reason for tons of deaths every year. Even as I thought this I took the gun for the man's hand unable to break the rules of the game. Then, for some reason or another, I was hit with a stream of memories. I remembered all the way back to tdi, a place that I thought I didn't remember anymore.
Duncan had been banished to the fish cabin for the night and I took pity on him and went to give him some 'food'. "Duncan? Duncan?" I called out.
Princess!" he exclaimed, ecstatic to see me.
"I wish you'd stop calling me that." I stated irritably, rolling my eyes.
All of a sudden my mind jumped to later that same day.
I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it hurt and after stealing all that food I was having so much adrenaline pumping through me that I wasn't thinking as clearly as I normally would be. So when he suggested I kiss him in order to pull off another 'bad' thing my heart skipped a beat. He was right. It was definitely something that I shouldn't be doing. And knowing this made me want to do it even more. Still, I didn't act on the impulse at first. I decided I'd string him along a little while longer, saying things to tease him and make him think he was getting closer to getting me.
It was only after a minute or two of going back and forth that I could no longer stand it. I swiftly turned to face him, taking his head in my hands, and brought him closer so that his lips were pressed to mine. I was instantly filled with another dose of adrenaline as well as another feeling. I wasn't quite sure what that 'other feeling' was, all I knew was that it was unbearably delightful. It was the best feeling that I'd ever felt in my life.
Then my mind jumped all the way to the time I joined the cast on tda.
It was late at night after the Fairytale theme challenge when I heard a sound at my window. At first I didn't even bother getting up. I thought it was only the wind. Only when I heard Duncan's voice did I jump up and open the window. "What are you doing?" I growled tiredly.
"What does it look like?" he growled back at me with sarcasm.
"Being an idiot." I stated flatly.
"Oh, hardy har har." he said as he rolled his eyes. "No." He then easily pulled himself up onto the window sill into a sitting position. "I just wanted to see you."
I frowned lightly, "What is that supposed to mean…? You see me all the time!" I sounded harsher then I meant to be.
He smiled softly at me. "It's not the same."
For some reason I found myself smiling back. The way he said it made the act of being here next to me much sweeter. I then offered my hand to him as an invitation of the sorts.
He gladly accepted the offer, smile widening.
Before I could delve deeper into my memories my stream of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by someone's voice. "Would you hurry it up already! There are some of us who would like to finish this BEFORE Christmas!!" I scowled over at him, finding myself unable to do anything more.
"Courtney, babe." Duncan breathed next to me. "You don't have to do this." His choice of words shocked me. It reminded me of when we had to do he fear challenge. "Babe…?"
I looked up at him, eyes full of unbridled fear. However, when I spoke I tried my best not to sound to scared. "No. I'm going to do this." I stated firmly.
He was made miserable by my response, yet I refused to change my mind. I would do this for my prides sake. "I know…"
I sighed softly at him, resting my hand on his shoulder. "Duncan…don't worry." I forced a smile.
He too forced a smile of the sorts as he wrapped an arm around my waist and leaned down a bit to place a kiss on my lips.
As he started to remove his lips from mine I thrust myself at him, deepening the intensity of the kiss as well as prolonging my likely demise. I knew I must have shocked him with my action, but I also knew he wouldn't mind it. He always wanted me to kiss him like this.
A minute later I broke the kiss off. Duncan smiled warmly at me. "Don't die." he half teased as he ran his fingers across my cheek.
I laid my hand on top of his, smiling one last time before I stepped back a bit so that I was just out of his reach before I raised the gun to my head, nervous as hell. My hand shook worse then the others and my teeth chattered like crazy. I was afraid. Not afraid of the gun, or even the bullet…I was afraid of dieing. Even so I placed a finger on the trigger, held my breath, closed my eyes, and pulled. The silence that followed was almost as bad as the moments before I pulled the trigger. This was most likely the case because I wasn't quite sure if I was still alive. Only when I heard a few cheers rise up did I dare open my eyes to the world around me and allow myself a sigh of relief.
"Yes! Way to go Courtney!" Duncan cried exuberantly, pulling me into a warm embrace that brought me more comfort then anyone will ever know.
To bad the celebration was short lived thanks to Marcus. "Yeah…yeah…yeah, this is great and all but the game isn't over yet." his mouth was curved into a sinister smirk and his eyes betrayed the darker side of him that wanted someone to die. For once I didn't cower at his insinuation, I glowered back at him.
Duncan's face fell as he released me and he sighed dejectedly. "This is it, babe. It's my turn…"
I grimaced lightly at the horrible odds, searching for a way to make the situation seem better then it was. "You still have a chance." I encouraged. "Just…don't think about it. Just pull the trigger." I whispered, giving him a peck on the cheek before handing the gun off to him.
He smiled weakly, taking the gun without hesitation. I swear I even saw a dark smirk pass his lips as if he were once again here without me and able to enjoy this game for what it was…an addictive adrenaline rush. That smile scared me a little but I didn't tell him that. I just looked on as he raised the gun to his head, eyes brighter then ever. "I love you…" I breathed, unsure if he heard.
Then, as he placed his finger on the trigger, ready to pull I felt a word form on my lips for no apparent reason that I could not keep myself from whispering, "…bam…" And the gun went off…
