Will the Real Mad-Eye Moody Please Stand Up?
(to the tune of Christina Aguilera's parody "Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up?" because the original song by Eminem was too long)

[Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters appearing here belong to J.K. Rowling. Lyrics of "Will the Real Slim Shady Please Shut Up?" are from Christina Aguilera. I don't own anything.]

Enter Lee, carrying the enormous purple megaphone used in Quidditch matches
LEE JORDAN:
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Mad-Eye Moody please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Mad-Eye Moody please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here.

Enter BCJ
BARTY CROUCH JR (posing as Moody):
You all act like you never saw a Death Eater before
But I'm one, DE* trying to be a professor (Constant vigilance!)
The Dark Lord is back worse than ever before
Scaring us all, with the Dark Mark above our homes
It's the return of the, oh wait, no wait, don't say his name
You'd rather call him You-Know-Who, won't you?

Enter Sirius
SIRIUS BLACK:
But Pettigrew (laugh) did everything, you idiot
Without little Peter he was as good as dead
BCJ tries to bop him on the head but he runs away

Enter Fudge
CORNELIUS FUDGE:
The world's seen the last of Voldemort
Even his DEs are turnin' their backs on him
Where is he, somewhere in Albania living with snakes, acting so great, but he's really kinda weak though
(sarcastic)
exit

MAD-EYE MOODY (the real one, with a missing magical eye and wooden leg):
Little twit blasts with me with his wand
Why? Cause I put him in Azkaban (hee hee)
As for the question of who's number one
Is it Albus Dumbly or Voldemort?
I'm sorry, Crouch, but this is gonna hurt
The Dark Lord'll never come any closer than you will, jerk
He's really on my nerves, he's really on my nerves
You're kinda lucky you didn't get half of what you deserved
That is the message I deliver to the MoM**
You can be a DE and they'll never know you're one
Enter Lucius Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Avery, Nott, etc.

MAD-EYE MOODY: (to Lucius)
Of course they like you, of course they do
What with the galleons you've donated to St. Mungo's Hospital
(to the rest of the DEs)
You ain't nothin' but cowards, runnin' after the Dark Lord
You know when he's gone you'll all be sorry
DEs exit, giving him dagger looks
(to BCJ)
So you turn students into animals like
What you did to that Malfoy kid who turned to a ferret (bouncing sound)
You may have succeeded in looking like me, acting like but and all can see
Hey, ol' Mad-Eye Moody's getting more jumpy
But I don't agree, cause that's not me!

I'm Mad-Eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody
And you, the other Moody is just imitating

LEE JORDAN:
So won't the real Mad-Eye Moody please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

(Both of them stand up, but PJP effect wears off for BCJ)

MAD-EYE MOODY (scrambles for his eye and leg and puts them back in place):
See, I'm Mad-Eye Moody, yes I'm the real Moody

BCJ:
The paranoid Auror who gets quite irritating

MAD-EYE MOODY (glaring at him)
So will the DE beside me please shut up, please shut up, please shut up

enter Dementor, kisses BCJ and he becomes a vegetable

exit everyone except BCJ who is unable to move

*DE - Death Eater (duh)
**MoM - Ministry of Magic