Epilogue to 5x20

There was a knock on the door and Mrs Kutner went to answer it. It was late, and she didn't really want to see anyone anymore, she just wanted to mourn her boy. But she had been raised right, you didn't close the door on someone who had probably come a long way to pay his or her respects, so she opened the door. To find Dr House on the doorstep. There was an awkward silence at first; she didn't know what to say and Dr House was apparently looking for words as well.

"I wasn't saying that it was your fault," House sighed. "Sometimes I think out loud and since I'm so used to it and people around me are used to it, I forget how it… what it may do to other people." House paused and Mrs Kutner suspected that whatever else he was going to say wasn't easy for him. "I'm sorry."

"I should have seen it," Mrs Kutner replied. "He was my son. I should have known that he was in pain."

"Look," House seemed to be struggling with words. "You did your best. You tried to be there for him, tried to make him understand that you would always be there for him. But he was an adult. There is only so much you can do for an adult child. They keep things from you and if you don't have all the information, how can you see if something is wrong. A patient of mine died today. She died because she lied to me and I didn't have all the information in time. People keep secrets and sometimes they don't even know themselves that the secret is deadly."

"But I'm his mother," Mrs Kutner cried. "His mother. I should have sensed something."

"Even if you had, what would you have done?" House asked.

"Talk to him!" Mrs Kutner insisted. "I could have helped. I could have… Surely there would have been something?"

"As I said, he was an adult," House reminded her. "Even had you sensed something in his mood, he would have just told you that he had a bad day at work or something. Then he would have made you laugh and you would have forgotten why you were worried."

"You did know him pretty well," Mrs Kutner admired. "That is what he used to do when he was a teenager. I never knew what he was thinking. I did try to encourage him to talk, I made clear that he could talk to me about anything, and sometimes he did, but I never could tell for sure if he was really in trouble or just tired. He just made me laugh."

"You never really knew him," House stated. "Not like you'd have known him had he been a baby when you got him. You did your best and you raised a good son, but by the age of six – especially given what had happened to him – there were already places you couldn't reach. I'm sorry. I better be going. I just wanted to say that it really wasn't your fault."

"He admired you," Mrs Kutner stopped House from leaving. "He thought very highly of you."

"I am an excellent doctor," House accepted.

"That too," Mrs Kutner nodded. "But I meant that he admired you, as a human being. The way he spoke about you – I think he almost revered you."

"Then he must have been more of an idiot than I thought," House muttered. "Or else he just lied."

"I don't believe it was either," Mrs Kutner smiled a little.

"Anyway, I'm sorry for what I said," House repeated and turned to go.

"Have you…." Mrs Kutner stammered after him.

"No," House answered. "I have found no explanation yet."

"Are you…"

"Yes, I will keep on looking," House sighed. "If I find anything at all, I will let you know."

"Thank you," Mrs Kutner accepted.

House didn't say anything to that, he just gave a sharp nod as he turned and limped back to his car. Mrs Kutner closed the door and returned inside. She didn't quite know what to make of her son's peculiar boss, but somehow she felt a little better. Just a little. If anyone would figure out why Lawrence had done what he did, Dr House would. If anyone.