Matilda the Musical
As the young five year old children sat at their desks chattering to Miss Honey, the giant figure of Miss Trunchbull came storming into the class, her face as dark as a thundercloud. Every single child had the sense to shut up around this dangerous figure.
"THAT'S THE FINAL STRAW!" She bellowed, and every child looked at her, somewhat confused.
"SOME LITTLE THIEVING BRAT HAS STOLEN A PIECE OF MY PRIVATE CHOCOLATE CAKE!" She screamed; spit flying from her mouth in her great rage.
Every boy and girl now looked at each other, alarmed. Nobody knew what the Trunchbull would do in her anger.
"So, own up you little thief!" Miss Trunchbull snarled, but not as loudly as before. Nobody did.
Miss Trunchbull's eyes narrowed as she took in the expressions on each child's face, finally landing on Matilda.
"You! Yes, the little stink bug with the red ribbons." She hissed, and Matilda looked at her in confusion.
"Are you speaking to me, Miss Trunchbull?" She inquired, very politely.
"For your crime of stealing my chocolate cake, you're going to the Chokey, madam." She barked, and Matilda started to panic.
"I never stole it." She cried, and just as the Trunchbull grabbed her arm to drag her away, a boy's voice called out, "It was me, Miss Trunchbull, not Matilda."
The headmistress frowned at the little boy who name was Bruce. For a few seconds, she thought about what he had said. Then, with a voice filled with the utmost calm, she said,
"Bruce Bogtrotter."
Bruce, in a state of uneasiness said, "Yes, Miss?"
Smiling, the Trunchbull asked, "You liked my cake, didn't you Bruce?"
Bruce smacked his forehead, and, looking down, muttered, "Yes, Miss Trunchbull. And I'm very sorry."
Waving her hand dismissively, the Trunchbull said, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. As long as you enjoyed the cake, that's the main thing."
Bruce, knowing what the Trunchbull was like, didn't believe her. "Is it?"
"Yes, Bogtrotter, it is." She said, smiling at him."
The boy, raising an eyebrow, said, "Well, I did. Thank you."
"Excellent. Marvellous. It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine." Turning towards the door, the Trunchbull called, "Oh, Cook."
The school cook, a thin woman who looked like a beanpole, walked into the classroom, staggering under the weight of an enormous chocolate cake with white chocolate icing.
Bruce stared at the enormous cake, looking from the cake, to the cook, and finally, he looked at the Trunchbull, who was smiling at him coldly.
"What's the matter, Bogtrotter?" "Lost your appetite?"
The small boy looked at her, a look that looked as though he might be sick, nodded, and said, "Well, yes. I'm full."
Shaking her head, the Trunchbull said, "Oh, no you are not full. I'll tell you when you are full. And I say that criminals like you are not full until you have eaten the entire cake."
Bruce, quite weakly said, "But-"
She interrupted him, saying, "No Buts, You haven't got time for buts, Eat."
"But I can't eat it all." Bruce said, looking sicker than ever.
Miss Honey cried out, "Headmistress, he'll be sick!"
Miss Trunchbull fixed her with a beady glare. "He should have thought of that before he made a pact with Satan and decided to STEAL MY CAKE!"
"Eat." She ordered the young boy.
"He can't." Cried several children.
Eat!" She ordered again.
"He surely cant." Cried three children
Eat!" She snapped
"He might explode!" Every child cried
"EAT!" She roared
The helpless Bruce had no choice, but to eat.
I can see that a slice
Or even two, Bruce...
Might have been nice,
But even you, Bruce,
Have to admit
Between you and it
There's not a lot of difference in size.
He can't! He can, Bruce!
He surely can't!
He surely can't!
You are the man, Bruce!
He might explode.
He's quite elastic!
He's going to blow.
Make him stop!
He's fantastic!
Look at him go!
I can't watch!
I think in effect
This must confirm, Bruce,
What we all suspected
You have a worm, Bruce,
Or maybe your largeness is
A bit like a TARDIS -
Considerably roomier inside.
[Chorus - Group 1:]
He can't!
He can! Bruce!
He surely can't!
He surely can't!
You are the man, Bruce!
[Chorus - Both Groups:]
B-R-O-O-C-E!
[Bridge 1:]
Bruce!
The time has come
To put that tumbly tum to use.
You produce, Bruce,
Fantastically enthusiastic gastric juice.
Ohh...
Eat it up. Lick it up. Suck it up.
Whatever you do, don't chuck it up,
And muck it up!
[Bridge 2:]
Come on, Bruce, be our hero!
Cover yourself in chocolate glory!
Bruce!
[Chorus 1:]
You'll never again be subject to abuse,
For your immense caboose!
She'll call a truce, Bruce.
With every swallow you are tightening the noose.
We never thought it was possible,
But here it is coming true.
We can have our cake and eat it too!
[Bridge 3:]
Bruce!
The time has come
To put that tumbly tum to use.
There's no excuse, Bruce.
Let out your belt.
I think you'll want your trousers loose.
Oooooh! Stuff it in.
Bruce!
You're almost finished.
Bruce!
You'll fit it in.
Whatever you do, just don't give in.
Bruce!
Don't let her win!
Bruce!
[Bridge 2:]
Come on, Bruce, be our hero.
Cover yourself in chocolate glory.
Go on, Bruce, do it!
Ohh...
Bruce!
[Chorus 2:]
You'll never again be subject to abuse,
For your immense caboose.
She call a truce, Bruce.
Just one more bite and you'll have
Completely cooked the goose.
We never thought it was possible,
But here it is coming true.
We can have our cake and eat it...
Aaah...
GO ON, BRUCIE!
As the last piece of cake went down Bruce's throat, Miss Honey let out a whoop of joy that made everybody look at her in surprise.
"Sorry, Miss Trunchbull, I got somewhat over excited."
"It's all right, Miss Honey, even I can get over excited." She said, before scowling at Bruce.
"Come with me. Eating the cake was only part of your punishment; you're going in the Chokey." With that, she led the rather unfortunate Bruce away.
