DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or Crawling , Yu Watase and Linkin Park own those. I have merely borrowed them for the purposes of this fic.
WARNING: possible hints of shonen ai (m/m love), I will let you interpret it as you wish.
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Chichiri looked out over the surface of the pond, trying to enjoy the
stillness of the night. They were between battles for the moment and, even
with their recent failure to summon Suzaku, Chichiri felt confident that
they would succeed. Tasuki, Miaka and Nuriko were all out at the stargazing
festival, Tamahome and Mitsukake were who knows where, Chiriko was asleep,
and Hotohori was doing whatever it was that emperors do. This left Chichiri
alone, brooding over his earlier conversation with Miaka. Maybe I shouldn't
have told her, no da. He hadn't meant to burden her with his past,
he had merely been trying to give her some advice on her situation. He
felt tears come to his good eye and begin to flow underneath the mask.
He looked around before taking it off, unwilling to publicly expose his
scared face. Even after all these years, it still haunts me. I
loved them both so much, and when it really mattered I couldn't save either
of them. He gazed up at the stars, which began to blur under the strength
of his sadness. He felt his face crumple and he was grateful there was
no one to see him cry.
Hikou, wherever you are, I'm sorry. I hope you're happy.
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Hikou bowed down before Tenkou, rage, confusion, and uncertainty battled within him. He was a demon now, with the help of Tenkou, he had the power to take revenge for EVERYTHING. His death, Kouran's death, it had all been Houjun's fault . . .and he would pay dearly.
He didn't kill me, he tried to save me some part of his mind spoke softly in the back of his mind.
No! Houjun had let go! He had lived and Hikou had died.
He loved me, he loved Kouran.
Kouran chose him over me, they both abandoned me! I hate him! I hate him for making her love him!
But I love him too.
"Are you well, my servant?" Hikou looked up nervously, afraid that he had betrayed himself to Tenkou. It didn't matter how he felt anymore, it was far too late to change his destiny. And soon Chichiri, as he called himself, would feel the power of Hikou's rage. It would begin with the seishi Tasuki, the one closest to Chichiri. . .
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling
Tasuki saw water.
And then . . .he saw himself take Miaka. He saw himself kiss her, push
her down, hold her wrists . . .
What am I doing?
He heard himself speak to Miaka. "I'll make you stop crying." He thought
he heard Miaka say stop.
No, this is wrong! I'm the one making Miaka cry.
He felt his power rise as he confronted his fellow seishi, intending
to destroy them.
I have to stop this, these are my friends. Miaka is my friend.
You want her, the voice in his head told him.
No! I don't want this! I won't betray them!
"Rekka Shinen!" And the world erupted in flame . . .
I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much
pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Chichiri lay in bed, listening to the others talk. It had been Hikou
that had possessed Tasuki and attacked him, Hikou that had caused so much
pain. He softly told the others the story of his past, they had a right
to know, even if it meant betraying his own weakness. He hadn't expected
them to be so understanding, to promise after all of that to stand by him.
Perhaps it had been foolish, but he had assumed that they would condemn
him, just as he condemned himself.
He knew that they would try to fight with him and that's why he would
go alone, sneak off before the others had a chance to follow him. This
was his fight, and no matter what happened he wasn't going to fail Hikou
a second time.
"You're going after him aren't you?" The voice stopped him before he
got even a foot past the door. He didn't have to turn around to know that
it was Tasuki. They had been together for over two years and he could feel
Tasuki's presence as keenly as he could feel his own. He supposed he shouldn't
be surprised that Tasuki knew him so well, but he still was. He heard Tasuki
berate himself for his actions and he reached out to try to comfort him,
especially in the face of his overwhelming sense of guilt. He looked over
at Taka, who had decided to join them.
"You realize," he said softly, "I might not be able to protect you
this time."
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...
"Do it Tasuki! Set fire to my cape, it's the only way to stop him."
Tasuki felt his breath catch . . .he COULDN'T mean . . .
"Don't ask me that." Tasuki said softly, clutching his tessen in front
of him. He couldn't kill Chichiri, he loved him, he couldn't kill him .
.
"The water preasure will do kill me anyway, just DO it!"
"Damn it! This is just like that time . ." Tasuki said brokenly as
images of Chiriko's suicide filled his mind. He cried bitterly as he raised
his tessen up, as if in a salute. He dimly saw Taka run towards them as
he said the words "Lekka Shinen" . . .
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much
pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
"She never betrayed you, she loved you." Hikou said to him softly, feeling
releaved to finally be able to tell him the truth. Houjun knelt above him
crying. It was strange but Hikou had never realized his death had hurt
Houjun so much. "I just wanted to feel her warmth, just once." He confessed
softly, filled with guilt. It had been his fault, not Houjun's. His fault
for everything. And after all that Houjun had still been willing to die
for him. Hikou suddenly saw how undeserving he was of Houjun's friendship,
how completely selfish he had been.
"I was not your best friend." He whispered softly, as he felt himself
loose control of his body.
I'm sorry . . .Houjun.
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling
