Okay, so I finished all of my work for the term. And wasn't tired. And then I was watching random things on youtube, which led to me thinking about Uther, and just why he is the way he is. 'Cos I love Uther. He's such an awesome character, even if I do get mad at him sometimes. Anyway, I diverse. Basically, pondering about both him and about a certain downfall we all know comes in his son's future (*sob*) led to this. It's set near the end of season two- somewhere between The witch's quickening and the fires of Idirsholas, but there is a little bit of season three spoiler info in there too. I hope you like it, And please review.
Now... I should probably go to bed... (It's 3:54)
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin
Uther's problem was that he loved too much. It always had been. But being King meant that you had to deal with hard decisions- choices which ripped apart families, or tore friendships in two. Choices which decided the fates of so many. There was, so often, no room for a loving King.
So he tried to stop it. Tried to lessen the emotion he would feel each time another person was led to the executioner's block. Instead, he focused his love in other directions. His few remaining true friends. His wife. And the family they would one day share.
But then came the moment he viewed as the ultimate betrayal. The moment when his so-called friend had taken the life of the woman he held most dear. And his heart couldn't take it. Couldn't take that he may have been guilty- may have shared the blame- for her death. So instead he ran, as he was so good at doing. Took all of his love and turned it to hatred. Hatred against the magic which was responsible for destroying all he had worked for all those long years.
Only one portion of his love did he keep. And that small portion he split. Between his son, his daughter, and his last remaining friend.
But love had a tendency of growing. And before he'd even realized what was happening, he found himself caring for his family in a way he'd sworn never to do again. The perfect family.
But children have a way of growing up. Arthur was, with his manservant's help, becoming a great man- one who would be capable of ruling Camelot like no other had done before him. And still Uther's love for him grew. Even as the desperate urge for his son to continue needing his guidance grew, so did the pride he felt for him. So he took that need and instead directed it towards his daughter. His Morgana. His little girl. But now she was changing too. There was a distance between them which had never been there before. A distance he couldn't find it in him to breach. A distance which she would never explain.
And it hurt.
The more you love someone, the more pain it will bring when they begin to leave you. So, to protect himself from any more pain, he tried to block the fatal emotion. To turn it in to anger. So whenever they did anything wrong, he would lash out. Punish them. Lock them up. Try to keep things the way they were before. But no matter how hard he tried to block off his feelings- his heart- they always returned in full force when someone he loved was in danger of slipping away. When Arthur had nearly died. When Morgana had almost been kidnapped. When he had nearly had Gaius burnt at the stake. Because, underneath the cold façade, all he wanted was for things to remain the way they always were. A perfect family. And he was afraid. Because everything was falling apart. And he didn't know how to fix it.
/~\
Years later, as Uther lay upon his death bed, he would look back at his life. And he would curse the cruelness of fate to have given him such a flaw. Because it was, ultimately, love which had led to his downfall. It was love which had caused so much to be taken from him. And it was love which would continue to tear his family apart, even after he was long gone. His son's love. For his people. For his friends. And for his future wife.
