Fool's Paradise

ATF Universe

by Violette

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I'm just taking them out to play for a while.

Warnings: None

Rating: PG (language, violence)

Genre: gen, h/c, angst

Summary: Team Seven heads to the woods for a relaxing week. Naturally, things don't go quite as expected.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to my beta Sevenstars. Thanks also to MOG for creating this wonderful universe for us to play in.

Notes: This story is my response to the April 2002 Challenge offered by Meg Tipper, summarized below.

Some, one or all of the boys are on the edge -- not figuratively, literally. It can be the edge of a cliff, the roof of a building, the scaffolding on a
skyscraper, a ledge on the side of a rock face -- you name it, so long as it is a long way down. They can be standing, dangling, falling, climbing,
whatever works. How you get them there, and get them out of it, is entirely up to you. I only have one other little caveat. You must use one, some or
all of the following words in the story: birthday, chocolate, shower and fool. It is April after all. Any universe, any style. Good Luck!


To see the graphic that goes along with this story, visit: http://www.uplinktech.net/violette/m7/fp/fp_index.html

Part 1

* * * * * * * * * *

Ezra, you set up that tent, while Buck and I get a fire going, Chris directed.  Josiah, you and Nate get the other tents.  Vin, JD, grab the fishing poles and see if you can catch us some dinner.

Ezra looked at the tent in his hands with dismay.  So far, the camping trip was turning out to be an even bigger disaster than he had expected.  It was only the first day, and already he had blistered feet and aching muscles.  His teammates were annoyed with him, even though he had barely spoken two words all day, and there were still six more days of this to endure.  He shook his head and peered hopefully into the nylon sack containing the tent, looking for instructions. 

He hadn't wanted to come on this trip.  Seven days in the wilderness was not his idea of a good time, but Chris had insisted, turning a deaf ear to all of his arguments and excuses.  It was Vin's birthday in two days, and while he didn't begrudge the man the opportunity to indulge in his love of the outdoors, Ezra would just as soon have stayed home and wished him well from the comfort of his apartment.  He had never been camping before and dreaded making a fool of himself in front of his teammates, who thought little enough of him already.  But they had demanded that he come along, so he had dutifully visited the sporting goods store and purchased everything the Beginner's Guide to Camping had recommended, along with all of the additional items on the list Chris had given him.  He had been tempted to reveal the truth to them, but that would mean exposing a weakness – something he couldn't afford to do; not when he was so new to the team.

It wasn't bad enough that they insisted on his presence on this excursion, his associates had also felt the need to drag him from his bed at the uncivilized hour of five o'clock in the morning.  They hadn't even allowed him a shower or his morning cup of coffee before bundling him into the car.  He had complained loudly at missing his morning dose of caffeine, but had been ignored by his teammates.  Except, that is, for Vin, who had smirked and offered him a chocolate-covered doughnut and a can of Mountain Dew – his idea of a good breakfast.

As he snapped the tent poles together, Ezra thought back to the previous week.  The other men had been irritated with him even before this trip began.  Information he had acquired from an informant had proven to be incorrect, resulting in an embarrassing raid on a toy factory instead of the gunrunning operation they were expecting.  The incident had earned them some scathing commentary from A.D. Travis, who had dealt with the debacle by handing them a tedious assignment compiling inventory lists at one of the ATF warehouses.  Team Seven had been the butt of jokes at the Denver federal building and had not gone a day all week without finding water pistols, cap guns, and assorted military toys on their desks.  Naturally, Ezra's teammates blamed him for the entire thing, despite his warning that they should investigate the information further before acting. 

Ezra sighed as he studied the tent lying at his feet, trying to determine why the poles didn't seem to want to stay in the slots provided for them.  He thought about asking for assistance, but didn't want to endure any more sarcastic comments about his ineptitude.  There had been enough of those already this day.  Nothing he did seemed to please the others. 

First, it was his gear that wasn't right.  You don't need all this shit, Chris had said, dumping half of the items from his pack into a pile on his living room floor.  Next, it was his shoes.  They ain't broken in enough.  You'll get blisters, Nathan had chided.  He had been right about that, but Ezra hadn't owned any hiking boots prior to this trip, and there had barely been enough time to purchase them, let alone break them in.   Of course, the blisters had affected his pace, and since Chris hadn't even let him bring his new hiking pole, he had lagged behind the others on the entire hike.  It was hardly his fault that he had never been camping before, but his pride would not allow him to admit it to these men.  Better to let them continue in their belief that he was simply trying to aggravate them.  He could deal with that better than with the inevitable questions his lack of experience would generate. 

Haven't you finished that yet? Nathan growled impatiently.

It doesn't appear to be cooperating with my efforts, Ezra said glibly, shaking himself from his reverie.

Nathan elbowed him aside, reaching for the tangled pile of nylon.  Go get some firewood or something, he muttered.  Try to do something useful.

Ezra frowned, but said nothing.  There was no way he was going to win any arguments out here.  Anything he said would just make things worse, so he kept his mouth shut.  They were doing this for Vin, and he didn't want to be the cause of ruining the man's birthday.  He could abide the situation quietly for a few days.  He turned away from Nathan's muttering and headed into the woods, circling around the camp toward the river. 

Through the trees, he saw Vin and JD standing on the bank with their fishing poles.  Ezra smiled ruefully at what was another potential source of embarrassment.  There was a brand new, top of the line fishing pole in his backpack, and he had read through a book on fishing that he had purchased at the sporting goods store, but he had never before tried it.  He watched his two young teammates quietly, hoping to learn from their actions.

A spate of cursing burst from the campsite and Ezra heard Josiah's deep voice rumble, Need some help, brother?

Nathan replied, his voice tinged with frustration.  Ezra made a hell of a mess with this tent.  Damn lazy S.O.B. probably did it on purpose so someone else would have to do the work.

I'm sure we can straighten it out, Josiah said in a placating tone.

Ezra did his best to ignore the rest of the conversation and returned his attention to Vin and JD.

Looks like Calamity Ez strikes again, Vin said, chuckling in amusement.

JD shook his head.  I don't know why Chris made him come with us.  He obviously doesn't want to be here.  He tweaked his fishing line a bit.  It wouldn't surprise me if he's pulling all this stuff on purpose, just to make sure we don't have a good time, either.

Don't know, Vin said with a shrug.  He better not push Chris too far, though.

JD snorted.  It's Ezra.  Of course he'll push Chris too far.

At least it'll be entertainin', Vin said, grinning.

JD agreed.  He sure isn't much use for anything else on this trip, if Nate's complaining is anything to judge by.

The two men shared a laugh and Ezra turned away, stung by the words.  He was honestly doing his best, trying not to ruin this trip for the others, but it seemed his efforts weren't enough.  He supposed being the source of their amusement wasn't an entirely bad thing, but he refused to take the blame for spoiling a trip he hadn't wanted to take in the first place.  Silently, he made his way to the edge of the camp, perching unobtrusively on a fallen log next to his pack.  Ignoring the others, he retrieved the book he had brought along – despite Chris's protests – and started to read.

* * * * * * * * * *

The sky was beginning to darken as evening approached.  Ezra shivered and moved closer to the fire, adding some wood from the nearby pile.  After they had finished setting up the camp, his teammates had joined Vin and JD at the river, trying their luck at catching some fish.  Deciding that he had been annoying' enough for one day, Ezra had stayed at the camp with his book.  He figured that his absence would be more appreciated than his company.

The sound of voices and laughter heralded the return of his associates and Ezra quickly put his book away and moved away from the fire.  He slipped into the woods and hurriedly gathered some more wood to add to the pile he had already collected, determined to show them that he wasn't completely worthless.  Emerging from the woods, he dropped the wood onto the pile and returned to his seat, nodding a greeting to the other men.

It appears you were successful, Ezra said quietly, gesturing toward the pile of fish stacked on the small plastic tarp that lay near the fire.

Buck said.  I caught four of em myself.

Guess that animal magnetism is good for somethin', Vin said with a grin.

Buck swatted his baseball cap at Vin, who danced nimbly out of his reach, while JD tossed a pinecone at his roommate, bouncing it off of the tall man's head.  Changing targets, Buck dashed off after JD as he ducked into the woods. 

Chris shook his head at the antics, then looked at Ezra.  They're all yours.  He pointed at the fish.

Ezra looked at the fish and then back at Chris, confused. 

We caught em, so you get to cook Chris said with a shrug as he headed back toward the river with Nathan, Vin, and Josiah. 

Ezra opened his mouth to protest, but changed his mind when he saw the poorly-disguised annoyance on his leader's face.  While the rest of the men busied themselves around the camp, Ezra crouched next to the pile of fish, wondering what the hell he was going to do with them.  Normally, he was quite a good cook, but that was when he had proper supplies and equipment.  Chris had made him leave most of his cooking gear behind, and he found himself at a loss as to how to proceed.  He had never cooked on an open fire and hadn't a clue as to where to even start.  The frying pans they had brought wouldn't hold all of the fish, and it would take all night if he had to cook them in small batches.  His teammates would undoubtedly dislike waiting that long to enjoy the fruits of their labor.  Ezra rubbed a hand across his face and sighed, resigned to giving his teammates yet another thing to complain about.

Come on, kid, Buck said.  Let's go get some more wood.  This stuff's too green.  He pointed to the pile that Ezra had collected.

Ezra's face fell and he forced himself to pretend he hadn't heard the cutting remark, focusing instead on his culinary dilemma.  He was concentrating so intently, that he was startled by the touch on his shoulder.  He turned quickly, then relaxed at the sight of JD standing next to him.  Mr. Dunne, he greeted the other man.

Hey, Ez, JD said. 

Can I be of some assistance? 

I was wondering the same thing, JD said with a smile.  You look like you could use some help with this.

I thought you were helping Mr. Wilmington, Ezra said doubtfully.

Nah, I don't feel like running around in the woods anymore. JD snorted.  Besides, Buck always makes me do all the work while he supervises.

I understand, Ezra said, smiling faintly.

So, what are you planning to do with the fish? JD asked, crouching next to Ezra.

Ezra looked at the fish for a moment, then sat back with a defeated sigh.  I haven't the faintest idea, he admitted.  I... have never had the opportunity to cook on a campfire.

JD looked at him, surprised by the revelation.

Ezra said, without looking up.  I... have never participated in the type of excursion that would require such an exercise.

After deciphering that statement, JD's eyes widened in sudden comprehension.  You've never been camping before?

Lowering his head in embarrassment, Ezra shook his head.  Given his current problem, there was no point in denying it.

Why not?

Ezra shrugged.  There was never anyone with whom I could enjoy such an activity.

JD said sympathetically.  That's too bad.  I only went a few times when I was a kid, in the Cub Scouts, but some of my friends in college were really into it.  We used to go all the time, even in the middle of winter.

I don't suppose they taught you how to cook fish on an open fire?  Ezra said hopefully, forcing a smile onto his face.

I might know a couple things, JD said with a smile.  Come on.  He pulled a roll of aluminum foil and a pair of cooking pots from his backpack and set to work.  Once they had finished arranging the foil-wrapped packets and the two pots around the edges of the fire, they sat back, admiring their handiwork.

Don't worry, Ez, JD assured him.  The guys'll love it.  And, he paused for a moment before continuing, I won't tell them... y'know, about the other part.

Ezra looked at him in surprise. Thank you.

Yeah, well, I know how they can be when they think you don't know anything, JD said.  It's real embarrassing sometimes.

I imagine it is, Ezra said knowingly.  I appreciate your discretion.

It ain't nothin' for you to be embarrassed about, JD said.  Besides, you're the only one of this bunch who never makes me feel like a stupid kid, so I figure the least I can do is return the favor.

You aren't a stupid kid, Ezra stated. 

I know, JD said.  But sometimes the other guys forget that.

They mean well.

Yeah, but their methods aren't too subtle, JD said with a grin.

Ezra chuckled.  That is true.

Hey, is dinner ready yet? Buck asked as he dropped an armload of wood on the edge of the camp.

Soon, Mr. Wilmington, Ezra said, receiving a nod of confirmation from JD.

Vin said.  I'm starving.

Fifteen minutes later, they were all gathered around the fire, enjoying the baked fish and pan biscuits that Ezra and JD had made. 

This isn't bad, Nathan declared, eliciting murmurs of agreement from the others.

Ezra smiled.  I received some very capable assistance from Mr. Dunne.

Buck shot him a glare, then muttered under his breath to Chris, Probably conned the kid into doin' all the work.

JD had also overheard the comment and was about to respond, but Ezra stopped him with an almost imperceptible shake of his head.  The young agent didn't like it, but he understood Ezra's reluctance to argue and remained silent.  It was a testament to the men's weariness that none of them noticed the odd exchange between two of their number.

After eating, the men lounged languidly around the fire, chatting amongst themselves.  Ezra pulled out a deck of cards.  Would anyone care for a game?

Vin answered.  I'm gonna turn in.

Me too, Buck said stifling a yawn. 

We're getting an early start tomorrow, Chris said, looking pointedly at Ezra.  Why don't you clean up here and hit the sack?

Ezra sighed and put his cards away.  He started collecting the cookware and utensils they had used during dinner.  JD stood and joined him, reaching for the pots they had used in their dinner preparations.

He doesn't need any help, JD, Chris said sternly.

Go on, Mr. Dunne, Ezra said, smiling reassuringly.  I can handle this.

All right, JD agreed reluctantly. 

Ezra carried the dirty dishes down to the river without comment.  This, at least, was something he couldn't screw up.  By the time he had finished, the rest of the men had retired to their tents and the only sounds disturbing the night were the deep rumbling of Josiah and Buck's snores.  Ezra sat by the fire, enjoying the silence and contemplating the day.  While it wasn't the worst he had ever experienced, it certainly wasn't one of the best, and it would have been even less so, if JD had not assisted him with dinner.  He was going to have to thank him properly after this ordeal was over. 

Ezra glanced over at the tents, knowing he was delaying the inevitable.  By virtue of their being the smallest of the group, he, Vin, and JD had been relegated to one tent, while the others had paired up to share the remaining two.  He wasn't looking forward to spending the night in such close quarters, but he could at least consider himself fortunate that his two temporary roommates didn't snore.

* * * * * * * * * *

A loud clanging sound worked its way into his consciousness and Ezra draped his arm over his head in an attempt to muffle the cacophony.  It didn't work, however, and the noise was soon joined by a blast of sunlight and cool air flooding his tent.  Buck's smiling face followed.

Hey, Ez! he shouted, banging on a pot for emphasis.  Time to get up!

Ezra glared at him, wishing he had one of his guns nearby. 

Buck rolled his eyes.  You better hurry, if you want some of Josiah's pancakes.

Ezra groaned and sat up.  The only thing he wanted was his comfortable bed.  Unfortunately, that was not forthcoming, so he eased himself out of his sleeping bag, shivering at the chill in the air.  His two tent partners were already up, so Ezra took his time getting dressed.  He didn't see any need to rush out of bed just so he could abuse his body further by dragging it through the wilderness.

Crawling out of his tent, Ezra detected the welcome scent of coffee and smiled.  At least he would get to have his usual morning cup, even if it wasn't Starbuck's.  He ambled toward the fire, rubbing his hand over his face.  Grabbing a cup, he reached for the pot, frowning when he realized it was empty.  He moved to the side, rifling through their supplies.

What are you looking for? Vin asked.

Ezra replied without looking up.

We don't have time for another pot, Chris said shortly.  Get up earlier next time.

Ezra glared at him, but Chris simply ignored him as he started packing his gear.

Here you go, son, Josiah said, handing Ezra a plate laden with pancakes.  Eat up.  We've got to get going.

Ezra stared bleakly at the pancakes, most of which were cold and burnt.  Thank you, Mr. Sanchez, he said with forced politeness.

Josiah clapped him on the shoulder as he moved off to gather his own gear.  Ezra sighed and carried the unappetizing food down to the river, where he promptly fed it to the fish.  While at the water's edge, he took the opportunity to shave and give his hair a quick wash.  The others might not want to bother with bathing on this trip, but he was going to take advantage of any opportunity afforded him.  After finishing, he hurried back to the camp to find that the others had already packed up his things.

Here ya go, Ez, Vin said, handing Ezra his backpack.

Ezra frowned, but accepted his pack without comment, aware that his associates were waiting for him to complain, but he was determined not to give them any further opportunities to criticize him.  After taking his customary place behind them, he reached into a side pocket of his pack and pulled out one of the granola bars he had brought.  They weren't his favorite form of sustenance, but they were edible.  Shouldering the heavy backpack, he followed the rest of his team as they hiked along the rough terrain.

* * * * * * * * * *

It was Vin's birthday, the third day of the camping trip, and Ezra was exhausted.  They had continued the grueling pace of the first day as Vin and Chris led them along the rugged backcountry trail.  He barely spoke to any of the others, preferring to reserve his energy for the arduous daily hike.  The pain in his blistered feet hadn't abated and the awkward gait that resulted made hiking that much more strenuous.  He was simply too tired to engage in any of the verbal sparring that was likely to erupt if he attempted to have a conversation with any of his teammates.

Their attitude toward him had also deteriorated further, when he had continued to add to his tally of mishaps.  He had consistently lagged behind the others on the trail, and had suffered endless criticism and complaints as a result, none of which had helped him to move any faster.  His outdoor skills had not improved much, either.  After making camp the previous day, he had inadvertently lost the string of fish that his associates had caught when he allowed himself to be coerced into trying out his fishing pole.  Nathan had remarked snidely that he should contribute toward catching dinner for a change.  Ezra could find no plausible excuses to avoid it, and had joined them on the riverbank with his pole, praying that he could get through this without incident.  His wish was not granted.  His first attempt to cast fell short and his line became entangled with the anchored string of already-caught fish.  Unfortunately, in trying to free it, he had accidentally pulled the string loose.  All he could do was watch helplessly as their dinner was swept away down the river.

Things became even worse when the dehydrated packaged dinners he had prepared as a substitute ended up a burnt and sticky mess in the bottom of the pot as a result of being placed too close to the fire.  JD, who would have assisted him in his dinner preparations, had been kept occupied by Buck and Chris, ostensibly to prevent Ezra from conning' the young man further.  In the end, Josiah had prepared some packaged macaroni and cheese and beef jerky, but Ezra had been too humiliated by all of his unfamiliar bumbling to share in the meal and had gone to bed early.  He was used to being competent and capable, to having the ability to adapt to any situation – his survival often depended on it – but here, in this foreign environment, he was completely at a loss.  His self-confidence had eroded and he was reduced to merely keeping his blunders to a minimum.

We'll have to cross the river, Vin announced from the front of the group, rousing Ezra from his gloomy thoughts.

Ezra looked at the fast-flowing rapids and grimaced.

Buck asked, looking dubiously at the scattering of stones they were supposed to use to cross the river.

Vin said.  I'll check it out first, find the best way across.  He took off his pack and handed it to Ezra, who had moved closer to get a better look at the path they were expected to traverse.  Hold this for me.

Ezra nodded and moved to the side, resting his weight on a boulder, while Vin worked his way down the embankment and across the river, testing each rock with his foot before standing on it fully.  Finally, he made it across, giving them a thumbs-up as he stood on the opposite bank.  The trip back was executed much more quickly and Vin was again on their side of the river.

Piece of cake, Vin said with a grin.

That's cause you're part mountain goat, Buck said.

Vin laughed, then looked up at Ezra.  Bring my pack on down here, Ez.

Ezra stood and carefully made his way down the riverbank.  He had almost reached the bottom when his ankle twisted on a loose rock and his leg went out from under him.  He struggled to regain his footing, but his balance was thrown off by the heavy pack he was carrying and he tumbled gracelessly toward the river. The pack flew from his grasp, sailing into the raging torrent as Ezra fought to slow his fall.  He hit the shallow water at the edge of the river and slammed into a large rock that instantly halted his progress.  He lay there for a moment, catching his breath, while the others scrambled down the embankment after him.

You okay, Ez? JD asked.

I believe so, Ezra answered, ignoring the throbbing pain in his ankle.

Aw hell!

Ezra looked up at Vin's curse, noting that the sharpshooter and the rest of the team were staring at something behind him.  He turned in time to see Vin's backpack disappearing around a bend in the river. 

Good job, Ez, Buck said sarcastically.  You just lost one of the tents.

And all of Vin's stuff, Chris added, tossing a glare at his undercover agent.

Ezra hung his head and sighed.  Yet another fuck-up to add to the list.  This was turning out to be the camping trip from hell.  Leaning on JD's arm, he awkwardly climbed to his feet, ignoring the frosty looks being sent in his direction. 

Nothin' we can do about it now, Vin said resignedly.  Come on, we still have to cross the river.

Ezra followed behind his teammates as Vin led them across the river, retracing his path across the rocks.  His ankle was killing him, but he kept silent, not wanting to irk the other men any more.  JD stayed close, making sure he didn't fall too far behind as they continued their hike.

It wasn't your fault, Ez, JD said quietly as they hiked up a steep incline.  It could've happened to any of us.

I'm afraid the others would disagree, Mr. Dunne, Ezra said wearily.

Well, they're wrong, JD stated firmly.

Ezra had to smile at the show of support from his young teammate.  It felt good to have someone stick up for him, even if he didn't really deserve it. 

They finally stopped for the night at their chosen camp site.  Ezra was given firewood duty and a firm request to stay the hell out of the way while the others set up camp.  After depositing his third armload of firewood, he found a quiet spot to sit until his associates broke out the fishing gear and headed for the river.  Like he had done on his first night, Ezra took out his book and settled against a tree to read, trying to ignore the laughter that drifted up from the river's edge.

Later, when the others returned to camp with their catch, he retreated to the river, taking comfort in the soothing sound of water flowing past.  The moon was bright this night, illuminating his surroundings with an almost eerie silvery light and reflecting off of the water in ever-shifting patterns.  Ezra removed his shoes and socks and dipped his tired feet into the river, sighing with pleasure as the icy water subdued the ache in his ankle. 

Hey, Ez, JD said from behind him.

Mr. Dunne, Ezra answered.

I brought you some dinner.  He handed Ezra a plastic plate with some of the fish they had caught that day.

Thank you, Ezra said quietly, accepting the food graciously.

You comin' back up to the fire?

Not yet, Ezra replied.  I don't think my presence is very welcome right now.

Aw, they'll get over it, JD said dismissively.

I prefer not to test that theory as of yet, Ezra said dryly.

JD chuckled softly and sat next to Ezra while he ate.  Well, you're gonna have to go back there sooner or later.  Chris has you on cleanup detail again.

Oh joy, Ezra said with a groan. 

After finishing his dinner, Ezra cleaned up his plate and put his shoes back on before heading back to the camp with JD.  His other teammates had finished eating and were discussing the sleeping arrangements, trying to figure out how to fit seven men into two tents.  Ezra listened for a minute, then picked up his sleeping bag and dropped it wordlessly at Vin's feet before collecting the dirty dishes and carrying them down to the river.  When he returned, the other men were bedding down for the night.

Ez, you're in here with us, JD called from the doorway of the tent.  Behind him, Ezra could make out the forms of Vin and Chris crawling into their respective sleeping bags.

I believe I'll spend the night out here, Mr. Dunne, Ezra said, removing a fleece blanket from his backpack.  There is little enough room for the three of you in there as it is.

Aw, c'mon, Ez, JD protested.  It ain't that bad.

Ezra waited for the others to voice similar sentiments, but he was disappointed.  It wasn't unexpected, but it hurt just the same.  He forced a smile onto his face.  I will be just fine out here, Mr. Dunne.  Don't concern yourself.

JD began, but was pulled back into the tent.

He made his decision, kid, said Vin's muffled voice.  Leave im be.

Ezra sighed and leaned back against a tree as the tent was hastily zipped.  He didn't belong here.  All he had done since the start of this trip was bring about one disaster after another.  In one overheard conversation, Buck had called him a menace, and he was right.  He had single-handedly ruined Vin's birthday by losing all of his gear.  The sharpshooter went hiking and camping often, so Ezra knew how important those things were to him.  As he sat there berating himself, an idea began to form in the back of his mind, and the more he thought about it, the better he liked it.  Smiling faintly, Ezra stood and gathered his gear silently, stopping only to pen a note before disappearing into the moonlit woods.

TBC