A/N: It would take forever to write a story about how they all got here. So, I'm not even going to go into it. The basic plot is that Snape, Ron, Harry, Draco, Hermione, and Trelawny are all in a Karaoke bar. They are all arguing over who would have the guts to put on one of the outfits that the bar stocks and sing. Then they argue over who would get the most applause. Then they start competing. Hermione is first. I'm going to go into all the little things that they'd do while singing. Imagine all this while trying to keep it with the lyrics. It'll be fun.

Raiting: This was rated PG-13 for slight profanity, referance to sexual content, and the fact that it may disturb many by the images seen in their mind's eye. I saw these images quite well, along with many others, and I'm okay. But I gave my friend a nervous twitch. So please, read at your own risk.

"I can't believe she'd actually going to do it!" Ron said amazed.

Snape snorted, "It shows how much that Gryffindor courage does for you."

Harry and Ron glared at him but don't get to say much more before the singer on stage at the moment finished her song and applause echoed through the bar. Trelawny was sitting in the back of the bar looking dreamily at Snape who didn't even know she was there. Just then Hermione came on stage.

Her hair was up in a large bun on her head and covered with a large flowery hat. A white fuzzy scarf was wrapped around her neck and brought out the over application of blue eye shadow and lipstick. She had on a long billowing blue skirt and a white halter-top. Covering the halter-top was an un buttoned blue shirt. A guy's shirt at that. She smiled a wide pearly grin in Ron's direction which made him blush some before walking on her glittery blue high heals to the mic. She seemed a bit nervous at first but took a deep breath and took on a look of pure determination as she looked over the audience. Then she nodded to the DJ.

*Here is comes...* thought Harry. Not knowing exactly what to expect. He had never really heard Hermione sing before...

A loud blaring beat set up the tune and Hermione leaned close to the mic and spoke, "Let's go girls."

As the guitar set up the beat some guys in the audience who recognized the tune started to cheer. Then she started singing:

"I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright

Gonna let it all hang out" here she spread her arms wide and winked. This emitted some hoots from a few guys.

"Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice" she tossed her head some and smiled an evil grin that was so unlike Hermione.

"Yeah, I wanna scream and shout" a small music break followed at in which she did a small "Uh" and popped her hip to the side. She just had to smile as the guys went nuts.

"No inhibitions-make no conditions

Get a little outta line" as she held out the last note she took off her hat, swung it over her head and sent it flying into the audience. A lot of guys made a grab for it and Ron made a noise that showed he was disappointed that it didn't land near him.

"I ain't gonna act politically correct" she waggled her finger at everyone.

"I only wanna have a good time" she nodded and smiled that smile again as she held out the note.

"The best thing about being a woman" she leaned forward then back again.

"Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...

Oh, oh, oh," she popped her head from side to side as she sang that, "go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady

Men's shirts" she pulled on her shirt with each word "-short skirts" she reached behind as she said this and unbuttoned the clasp to her skirt and it fell to the floor to reveal a *very* short blue sequin skirt. This made the crowd go wild. All Ron could do was gap at her.

"Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style" suddenly she kicked the skirt into the audience as well.

"Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction" she fluttered her hands at herself as she leaned forward towards the mic again.

"Color my hair" she brought both hands up to indicate her hair as she rolled her eyes up "-do what I dare" she threw her hands out and got a defiant look on her face.

"Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel" she stroked the mic as she said the last three words making some guys at a table howl.

"Man!" she cocked an eyebrow, "I feel like a woman" A music interlude followed and Ron just spluttered at her. Harry was getting mad. How could he argue that she didn't have guts? She was making him look like a wimp! Snape on the other hand, just smirked and enjoyed the show.

"The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take

The chance to get out on the town" she bobbed her shoulders up and down.

"We don't need romance-we only wanna dance" she swayed her hips around seductively

"We're gonna let our hair hang down" as she held out the note she took out one long hairpin and her hair tumbled down her back. To the guys utter excitement, at the end of the pin was a piece of a leather whip that she swung around as she sis the same basic movements as before during the chorus. This time though, when she said short skirts she hiked her leg a little which caused the skirt to hike as well. Harry fumed. Ron looked ready to pass out. Snape's smile got wider.

She sang the chorus again. The last time ripping of the guy's shirt and throwing it out into the audience as well. Then she finished it up. "I get totally crazy

Can you feel it" she spread her arms wide and unhooked the scarf from her neck and twined it around her hands as she sang

"Come, come, come on baby"

Then with the next three "oo's" she whipped around the scarf and made the guys go nuts as she strutted towards the mic.

"I feel like a woman!" she finished putting one leg in front of the other, her arms to her side and her shoulders shot back causing her breast to be pushed out more. The scarf that dangled to the floor was slightly blown back by the amounts of whistles, hoots, howls, and general applause she received. Ron had to take some mighty gulps from his glass to calm himself down as Hermione smiled at everyone and winked before strutting off stage, swaying her hips exaggeratedly.

While the DJ made a big comment on her singing another person went up there. About half way through the song Hermione came back to the table with a triumphant grin on her face. "How'd I do?" she said mockingly at Harry.

Harry glared at her. "You aren't the only one who can go onstage and sing like that."

Hermione cocked one elegant eyebrow. "Oh really? I didn't know you have such a way with the guys Harry."

To everyone's surprise Snape snorted with laughter and quickly hid behind his drink trying not to choke from his silent laughter. Even the blushing Ron snickered some. Hermione smiled pleasantly and only made Harry fume more. He suddenly shot up, throwing back his chair and strode off back stage blushing heavily. When he was out of sight Hermione could no longer take it, she burst into laughter. Ron soon followed and even Snape chuckled some.

It had taken Hermione two songs to get ready, but Harry was extremely faster. Even with what little remained of the song at hand he was dressed and ready to go and was the next person on stage. He came out in all white. He had on slacks and an open button up shirt. Hermione was quite surprised at how muscley he really was, and not too much hair either. Actually it was perfect. Color started stealing in her cheeks but she refused to blush. She was *not* going to end up like Ron. So, she settled on sitting back and enjoying the sight.

The song started right on him, "Never made it as a wise man" some people started cheering when they heard the song.

"I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'" Hermione's eyes were wide now. Harry had a rich bass that sounded beautiful. It wasn't loud though, as he didn't have much practice singing. But that was okay, for the closer he leaned to the mic, the more he stroked it with his hands, sending shiver of delight to many women in the room, including Hermione. Snape didn't look too happy now.

"Tired of livin' like a blind man

I'm sick inside without a sense of feelin" he arched his back a little as he went into the chorus.

"And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me of what I really am

This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry

I'm always waiting on a different story" his lips started to make more pronounce each word that he sang. Those full lips that began to become white as they stretched to their limit to bring out more sound were sensual.

"This time I'm mistaken

For handing you a heart worth breakin'

I've been wrong, I've been down" he closed his eyes tight as he sang the two words after "I've" and bobbed his head a bit, causing some cheers from some women in response.

"To the bottom of every bottle

Despite words in my head

Scream "Are we having fun yet?" his voice got low on one particular note but he hit it perfectly and seductively as he grinned a melting smile. Some of the women started faking fainting sighs. Snape was looking ever more angry and Ron just looked dumbfounded.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," his head tilted slowly from side to side as he sang each word, "no no" he waggled on long slender finger as he overexagerated to word with his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no"

"It's not like you didn't know that" he brushed the tips of both fingers down the sides of the mic and Hermione's heart jumped.

"I said I love you and I swear I still do" his face took on this overpowering seductive yet hauntingly strained look. A girl across the room screamed out "I love you too baby!" but Harry took no notice.

"It must have been so bad" he shook his head of emphasis.

Cause living with him must have damn near killed you" he smoothly followed into the chorus again and repeated his oh so lovely movements on the next part.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no" A music interlude follow and he hung his head a bit as he closed his eyes. Everyone watched, enthralled by the way he sang. His head smoothly came up enough to sing into the bottom of the mic softly as his fingertips gentle rested on either side of the mic.

"Never made is as a wise man

I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing

And this is how you remind me" he beat his head slightly to the music as the chorus picked up. Soon his eyes were shut tight as he gripped the mic and called out the notes at his maximum volume while still holding pitch and everyone fell into the music with him.

"Yeah, yeah, are we havin fun yet" that deep note was back that made every girl swoon as he smiled seductively out at everyone.

"Yeah, yeah, are we havin fun yet

Yeah, yeah, are we havin fun yet

Yeah, yeah..." His hands dropped from the mic and he shed a polite smile at the burst of applause that was just as loud as Hermione's. He took a little bow and walked off stage.

Just then did Hermione realize that Snape was missing. She looked at Ron, "Where's Snape go?"

Ron just blinked and shrugged. *Fat lot of help he is,* Hermione thought.

Harry came back dress back to normal before the next singer was out. It must be all that Quittage practice that teaches him out to dress so quickly. The look of triumph on Harry's face was one that Hermione would have loved to slap off of his if she still wasn't swooning from the performance. Collecting herself Hermione composed her image so he wouldn't see as he sat down.

"You have a nice voice," she said as nonchalantly as she could while focusing her attention on the stage.

"Thanks," he said the same way, "You too."

The musical interlude started coming on and a lot of the women looked up to see just who would be singing *this* song. But nobody was on stage. Right before the lyrics would start the group found out just where Snape had been.

Snape was wearing black leather pants, a black muscle shirt that showed off some very nice abs, black cowboy boots, and a black cowboy hat lined with rine stones. His hair wasn't greasy in the slightest. In fact, it was light and flowy and looked perfect as Snape slid side ways out onto center stage, took hold of the mic and sang right on cue.

"Talk to me," he smiled a seductive pearly white smile at the stunned audience. "Tell me your name

You blow me off like it's all the same" Hermione was surprised to hear Snape sing in a wonderful tenor. His usual voice would prompt him to be a bass. As she thought this Snape's hips swung from side to side to the two big notes of music.

"You lit a fuse and now I'm tickin' away, like a bomb

Yeah baby" he purred into the mic and broke the spell over the audience. Every woman in the house started cheering and going buts over him. Hermione couldn't say she wasn't enjoying the show as well as the beat of the music worked down into her.

"Talk to me, tell me your sign" he let one hand spread in a wide sweep of the bar and the women started screaming out signs over the ones next to them.

"You're switchin' sides like a Gemini" he held up his hand and flipped it over and back a few times as he sung that part causing for more hoots and hollers.

"You're playin' games and now you're hittin' my heart," he thumped on his chest in time with the music "like a drum" he nodded his head a little and smiled a devilish smile.

"Yeah baby" An extremely unSnapeish seductive smile spread across his face as his eyebrows bounced up and down to the two words. If the bar could get any wilder, it did.

"Well if Lady Luck" he winked "gets on my side" he slapped his hip twice

"We're gonna rock this town alive" he swayed his hips around at that line,

"I'll let her rough me up," he rubbed his knuckles on his chest fast and made a look of yearning pleasure while closing his eyes that cause many cat calls "till she knocks me out" he tossed his head back some and opened his eyes.

"She walks" she shot his arms out "like she talks, "he shot them up with palms facing upwards, "and she talks" he shot them towards his and indicated his mouth, "like she walks" he shot his hands down and smoothly brought them up over his head as the music built up into the chorus.

"(And) she bangs, she bangs" every time he said "bangs" he shot his hips forward and slammed back his fists that were still over his head. Everyone cheered.

"Oh baby" he brought his hands back down to his sides slowly.

"(When) she moves, she moves" he swung his hips around tantalizingly

"I go crazy" he leaned into the mic and popped his head up some

"Cause she looks like a flower" he stretched his arms out past the mic and made out exaggerated curves of a woman with an evil smile, "but she stings like a bee" he balled his hands into fists and jerked them back to his side but he truly seemed to like that part of the woman.

"Like every girl in history" he tilted his head to the side and spread his arms wide on to indicate the whole bar. Women started getting up on tables and waving ten dollar bills at him.

"She bangs, she bangs" he repeated the movement the same as the first time to all the female's delight.

"(I'm) wasted by the way she moves, she moves" he brought his arms down as he bent his knees and swayed his hips largely to the music.

"No one ever looked so fine" he got an almost sincere look on his face, had it not been for the evil smile, as he sliced his hands through the air back and forth, palms down and shook his head.

"She reminds me that" he pointed one hand out to the audience and let it drop, "the woman's got one thing on her mind" and brought the other to tap the side of his head. A small musical interlude in which he shook his hips rapidly before he started singing again. Hermione could help but call out a little "Woo!"

"Talk to me," he got a mock pleading look on his face, "tell me your name" he waved at himself.

"I'm just a link in your daisy chain" he ran his long slender fingers from the middle of his neck and around to the side indicating a necklace.

"Your rap sounds like a diamond map," he fluttered his fingers in front of him "to the stars" and then shot them upwards.

"Yeah baby" he flicked the edge of his hat and arched one smooth eyebrow. One woman could stand it no longer and crawled up on stage and was dancing over to him as a group of others fought over who was getting up there next. Snape managed to use this to his advantage.

"Talk to me," he beckoned her to him with the tips of his fingers on an outstretched hand, "tell me the news" he took her hand and twirled her around to stop beside him.

"You wear me out like a pair of shoes" he slid the top of his right foot up the back of her leg as he held onto her hands and pulled her against him as he set his foot back down

"We'll dance until the band goes home," as he sang this he swayed her down with him and back up again "then you're gone" he twirled her back out.

"Yeah baby" he spread his arms out to her as he purred out the words.

"Well if it looks like love should be a crime" he sang full force into the mic as the woman came around him to brush her hands up his sides.

"(You'd) better lock me up for life" the held his hands in front of him and crossed them while banging them out into the air twice.

"I'll do the time" he nodded "with a smile on my face" he smiled that wide pearly grin again as he traced his hands down behind him on the woman's arms.

"Thinkin'" he taped one long finger on his temple twice again "of her in her leather and lace" he closed his eyes and with his palms face up popped them upwards.

By this time many women had managed to force them selves on stage and he used them as he sang with the chorus but always did the same move to "she bangs" Then came the last of the lyrics, "Well if Lady Luck gets on my side" he wrapped his arms around the necks of the two women closest to him.

"We're gonna rock this town alive" all the women pumped their arms over their heads.

"I'll let her rough me up," he brushed up against some of the women "till she knocks me out" they hung all over him

"She walks like she talks, and she talks like she walks" they all jived to the crescendo in the music then before the chorus again. When the "she bangs" part came even the women did his little move, though all towards him. After the chorus was nothing but some vocal "oh" but he did them well as he danced with the women at his side.

Hermione thought the applauding and hooting would never stop. It went on even after he went of stage. There was no denying that his voice had been perfect and the performance great, and with the added girls, even the guys enjoyed. Coming out of the dressing room Snape had to fight off women. By the time he had sent them all off again he came back to the table and sat down with a smirk.

"Bravery indeed," he said as he smiled evilly and triumphantly at them all. "That was Slytherin ingenuity right there." he laughed low and throaty. Such a contrast to his singing. Harry and Ron just gaped at him and Hermione couldn't wipe the goofy smile off her face.

"Did you roll up some cash?" she mocked him.

He raised an eyebrow, "A little," then smiled that smile again, "just a down payment though."

Hermione blinked at him in shock for a minute before bursting into laughter. Harry went white and Ron spluttered. Snape just sat back to listen to the next performer. It seemed only Hermione knew a joke when she saw one.

The person singing at the moment had been very nervous and hardly moved other than her mouth to get the notes right. She was a mediocre singer at that. Ron was still contemplating going up there or not when the stage suddenly darkened. The regular lights were dim but blue, flashing lights came on and were sweeping across the stage in a big show. Mist started to creep across the floor and everyone in the bar turned to look what the big deal was about. Who ever was about to sing had bribed the bar to help with special effects. Then the music came. It was one loud beat that no one was really expecting and made a few people jump. The music softened to little music and more the sound of breathing and a heartbeat. As this happened the singer walked out on stage.

Very smoothly he walked across the stage purposely thumping his shoes hard to accompany the beat. He wore white slacks and a white business suit kind of thing over it, but it was unbuttoned and showed a loose, white undershirt beneath. He wore a white top hat that was tilted to the side and covered most of his face from the audience. The entire outfit was trimmed in black. He was completely forties outfit except for his right hand which was covered in a sparkly white glove that was pure Michael Jackson.

About three feet away from the mic the music went from a high note down really low and soft then another burst of music accompanied by the famous "Oh!". When this happened the guy shot one hand into the air and balanced on the tips of his shoes before coming back down and dancing oh so Michael. This guy was good, really good.

A few good moves later that got the crowd cheering again put him in front of the mic. His head came up some to sing. His face was still mostly hidden, but the group knew who he was just then, Draco Malfoy.

"As He Came Into The Window

It Was The Sound Of A Crescendo" a little "ah!" and he popped his head up to it

"He Came Into Her Apartment" shoot of his hand out to his side and back

"He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet" another little "uh!" and he popped his head to the side

"She Ran Underneath The Table" hands down

"He Could See" head bob "She Was Unable" famous Michael arm movements here

"So She Ran Into The Bedroom" sleeve pop

"She Was Struck Down," gloved hand shot towards the ground "It Was Her Doom"

The crowd was really getting into it as Draco spun around and came back just in time to hit the fast in coming lyrics. " Annie Are You Ok" coat pop

"So, Annie Are You Ok" that sound again

"Are You Ok, Annie

Annie Are You Ok

So, Annie Are You Ok

Are You Ok, Annie

Annie Are You Ok

So, Annie Are You Ok

Are You Ok, Annie

Annie Are You Ok" some famous Michael moves through here

"So, Annie Are You Ok, Are You Ok, Annie" he nodded to this as he sang it with that concentrating look on his face.

"Annie Are You Ok" double arm pop

"Will You Tell Us" chest pat "That You're Ok" arms down

"There's A Sign In The Window" mic hold

"That He Struck You-" one fit hit the air "A Crescendo Annie" one hand raised upwards

"He Came Into Your Apartment" pointed to the audience a few times and got a big response for it

"He Left The Bloodstains On The Carpet" he threw his head back as he made that little sound again

"Then You Ran Into The Bedroom" feet shift

"You Were Struck Down" open hand brought down quickly to the floor

"It Was Your Doom" he did some smooth moves as he continued through the "Annie" bit and then sang,

" You've Been Hit By" he stomped his foot to the bursts of music and tilted his head to the side with that look on his face

"You've Been Hit By-" one stomp this time

"A Smooth Criminal" he glided his hands palms down through the air from his chest, out to the side and nodded his head some.

A few moves later and he was back to chorus, "So They Came Into The Outway" a jerk twice of his thumb to the side

"It Was Sunday-" nod "What A Black Day" "uh!" was accompanied this time by shooting his gloved hand into the air and back as his feet shuffled

"Mouth To Mouth Resus-Citation" a wave at his mouth. Some of the women started to hoot at this as well.

"Sounding Heartbeats-" two pats on his chest "Intimidations" head tilt as he purred out the word. The women loved that one. Then he went back into the general chorus again and repeated the well rehearsed and well loved Michael moves, including a moonwalk that got a big response. Then a little decrescendo in the music followed by.

"Aaow!" he did *the* move and made the girls go wild. He followed up the chorus with calls into the mic as he moved.

"I Don't Know!" he popped his hat down again

"I Don't Know!

"I Don't Know!

I Don't Know!

I Don't Know!

I Don't Know Why Baby!" a few calls for that one

"I Don't Know!

A few spinning moves then "Dad Gone It-Baby!" hand flick

"Dad Gone It-Baby!" other hand flick

"Dad Gone It-Baby!" both hand flick

"Hoo! Hoo!" a toe balance each time.

"Dad Gone It!" spin

"Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!" a glove hand shot towards the audience and got a lot of cheers for it

"Dad Gone It!" he grabbed the mic at that one

"Aaow!!!" double arm in the air. Then he dance Michael style around the stage to thunderous applause and left it with a moonwalk. The crowd went wild.

Snape smirked. "Slytherin ingenuity," and he had to stifle a chuckle.

Harry and Hermione were having trouble shutting their mouths after gaping at Draco so much. Ron just fumed.

"I'll show you Slytherin ingenuity..." he mumbled and stormed off towards backstage.

Three songs later and Ron still wasn't out there. They were beginning to wonder about him. Harry came up with a theory, "Maybe he can't pick out a song and doesn't know what to wear."

"Sounds reasonable," Hermione agreed. "Maybe we should go help him."

"That would be cheating." Snape cut in, "Besides, he probably just chickened out."

Harry glared at him and Hermione hid her smile behind her drink. Most likely that truly *was* what happened. The fourth singer since Ron left walked off stage and two more girls came up to the mic. They stood there discussing something before they sang. Just then a black girl in *really* tight spandex that showed off her overly large butt came strutting slowly on stage. She was a little behind the other two girls and would end up walking right past their disgusted faces. Then one of the girls spoke up and it echoed into the mic.

"Oh my god

Becky, look at her butt

Its sooooo big" Hermione's mouth dropped open, she hadn't been expecting that. Some people in the bar snickered while others clapped and cheered. Some just snickered, including Harry. Snape just looked intrigued.

"She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends." said the other girl.

"Who understands those rap guys

They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute"

"I mean her butt

It's just so big" agreed the other girl as music started.

"I can't believe it's so round

It's just out there" said the other. The black girl was about center stage by now as someone else came out on stage. He wore overly large pants, a big shirt with an open metal clad coat on top. He had black sunglasses on and a black cap that was backwards. Besides the metal it was the only thing that wasn't red. This included the guy's hair. He walked quickly over to the girl with a mic in his left hand swinging wildly as he strutted.

"I mean, it's gross" the other girl continued.

"Look, she's just so black" she finished up as the guy smacked the black girl on the butt causing he to squeal in delight. The guy turned back towards the audience and everyone got a good look at him. It was Ron.

"I like big butts" he shot his arm out to the audience while the other held up the mic, "and I can not lie

You other brothers can't deny" he was doing classic spontaneous arm movements to the rap.

"That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist" he pinched the girl's waist as she walked towards the other mic and the two commentary girls walked off stage.

"And a round thing" he held his curved hand out in the direction of the girl in front of him and bent back a little as he got a good view "in your face

You get sprung" he came back up and raped his arms some as he continued.

"Wanna pull up tough

Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed" he punched the air as the black girl made it to the mic and leaned on one foot with a smirk on her face.

"Deep in the jeans she's wearing" he pumped his fingers at the ground

"I'm hooked and I can't stop staring" he shook his head

"Oh, baby I wanna get with ya" he winked

"And take your picture" he held two fingers in the air and pointed them in her direction and waved her towards him. She didn't move, just winked at him

"My homeboys tried to warn me" he leaned back a little

"But that butt you got" he pointed tree times at her butt in rhythm as he raped this

"M-make Me so horney" the girl cooed into her mic.

"Ooh, rump of smooth skin" he shook his body side to side in rhythm

"You say you wanna get in my Benz" he patted his chest a few times

"Well use me use me cuz you ain't that average groupie" he nodded and smiled at her. He wasn't quite making that evil smiled but that was okay. Most everyone was distracted by the pole dancing the girl was doing on the mic as she stuck her butt out to its maximum stick.

"I've seen them dancin'" he held out a hand to indicate the girl and smiled triumphantly at her.

"The hell with romancin'" he waved a hand in the air and made a dismissive look on his face

"She's Sweat," the girl wiped the back of her hand across her forehead "Wet," she ran it down the length of her body and shook her hair "got it goin like a turbo vette" she made a few quick hip movements from side to side and everyone watched as the spandex could no longer hold it still. But none of the guys were complaining.

"I'm tired of magazines" he took a sort of annoyed face

"Saying flat butts" he smacked his butt "are the thing"

"Take the average black man and ask him that" he shook an open hand, palm up at the audience and some people called out.

"She gotta pack much back" he smiled and nodded and jerked a thump to the girls butt

"So Fellas" a little break in which every guy called out "Yeah!" "Fellas" again, "Yeah!"

"Has your girlfriend got the butt?" they all screamed out "Hell yeah!"

"Well shake it," the girl did "shake it," much to the spandex's dismay "shake it," much to the guys pleasure "shake it," how much longer could the poor spandex hold out? "shake that healthy butt" Some of the women in the audience had gotten up on tables and were shaking their own butts around. Some even called out "Like this one baby?!"

"Baby got back" Ron smiled and nodded and the girls just went on.

A little interlude followed and a mix by the DJ was helped out by the original singer's voice being mixed while saying "LA face with Oakland booty"

"I like 'em round and big" big shoot out of the girls butt

"And when I'm throwin a gig

I just can't help myself

I'm actin like an animal" he popped both of his eyebrows up and down twice as the girl pawed at the audience like a tiger and made a fair "rar" sound.

"Now here's my scandal" famous rap arm movement in front of him

"I wanna get you home" he pointed at her three times in beat and she smiled seductively at him,

"And UH," his free hand balled up into a fist as he pumped his arm backwards and thrust his hips forwards "double up UH UH" twice this time. The girls really started screaming

"I ain't talkin bout playboy" he wagged a finger

"Cuz silicone parts" he smacked his chest "were made for toys" he managed that evil smiled for which he had been striving for

"I wannem real thick and juicy" he squeezed the air

"So find that juicy double

Mixalot's in trouble

Beggin for a piece of that bubble" famous rap movements through here

"So I'm lookin' at rock videos" he leaned back some and waved his hand around in front of him

"Knockin these bimbos walkin like hoes" he held his fist in the air and banged on the thin air in front of him on every word

"You can have them bimbos" he threw is arm out to the audience and the guys called out how they didn't want.

"I'll keep my women like Flo Jo" he patted his chest

"A word to the thick soul sistas" he grinned at the girl

"I wanna get with ya

I won't cus or hit ya" he shook his head

"But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna --" right here the girl breathed heavily with a little strain in it to indicate a lot of things. Everyone cheered

"Til the break of dawn" he nodded his head to every word with an even better evil smile

"Baby Got it goin on" the girl danced harder. That poor mic stand.

"A lot of pimps won't like this song" he waggled a finger at the audience and the guys protested again

"Cuz them punks lie to hit it" he punched the air "and quit it" threw an invisible object to the ground

"But I'd rather stay and play" he nodded

"Cuz I'm long" he slowly pushed his hips forward and up "and I'm strong" pulling back he did it again

"And I'm down" and open hand shot at the ground a couple of times "to get the friction on"

"So ladies" here every woman in the housed went "Yeah!" "Ladies" again, "Yeah!"

"Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes?" a really big "Yeah!"

"Then turn around" he twirled his index finger

"Stick it out" too bad all the women already were. The few who weren't were following the instructions though, very happily at that.

"Even white boys got to shout" he nodded at the irony

"Baby got back" he raped out with his hands as well

Again the little DJ mix along with another, more drawn out "Baby got back"

"Yeah baby" he beckoned the girl again with two fingers and this time she slowly danced towards him as he rapped on

"When it comes to females" he nodded with an all knowing look

"Cosmo ain't got nothin" he sliced a hand through the air for emphasis "to do with my selection" he patted his chest again

"36-24-36" he laughed a few sharp laughs after that and added

"Only if she's 5'3" Then a short DJ mix before the rap picked up again.

"So your girlfriend throws a Honda" he wrapped an arm around the girl that was now by his side

"Playin workout tapes by Fonda" she shook her head

"But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back" he smacked her butt "of her Honda

My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun" the last two words he pushed his hips forward and back and the girl went right along with him

"You can do side bends or sit-ups," he pinched her side again as she wrapped her arms around his neck "but please don't lose that butt" he didn't managed to do anything for she slammed up against him. He wasn't really phased in singing though his face was quickly catching up in color to his outfit

"Some brothers wanna play that hard role" he looked disgusted as the girl looked exaggeratedly sad

"And tell you that the butt ain't gold" he put on a mockingly surprised look on

"So they toss it" jerk of his head "and leave it"

"And I pull up quick to retrieve it" he pulled her closer to him with the arm that was wrapped around her

"So Cosmo says you're fat" he looked her up and down

"Well I ain't down with that" he shook his head

"Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin" shot kicked one leg out but instead of bringing it back, she wrapped it around one of his legs. He proceeded into blushing more, still, he wasn't phased

"And I'm thinkin bout stickin" he pushed up against her, determined not to let her get to him. The crowd was loving the show

"To the beanpole dames in the magazines" he cocked an eyebrow

"You ain't it miss thing" he shook his head

"Give me a sista I can't resist her" he leaned close to her as he sang this

"Red beans and rice did miss her" he grinned widely at her and the tossed her head back to avoid laughing in the mic

"Some knucklehead tried to dis" he looked mad as her sang that at her and the guys called out how they didn't appreciate that "knucklehead" along with a few other choice words

"Cuz his girls were on my list" he pulled her closer again

"He had game but he chose to hit 'em" she tossed her head and looked indignant

"And I pulled up quick to get with 'em" he this time he beat her to the hip thrust. But she only smiled wider

"So ladies if the butt is round" one last chance for him, he grabbed her butt and her eyes shot open wide

"And you wanna triple X throw down" he cocked an eyebrow at her in a way that said "Whacha gonna do about it?"

"Dial 1-900-MIXALOT" he nodded "and kick them nasty thoughts" he grinned as seductively as he could

"Baby got back" he finished about four inches from her face. Unfortunately for him, he didn't win this round. She leaned over the little space between them and planted a kiss on him. Not long, but not a peck either. Ron did turn as red as his clothing then and didn't seem to notice at all the thunderous applause that proceeded him.

The girl unhooked herself from him, switched of his mic since he was unable to do so himself, and linked arms with his. She then half dragged him of the stage, for the most he could do was gawk at her and blush terribly.

Hermione finally shut her mouth that she didn't know had dropped open and looked over at Harry. Harry was still staring open mouthed at the spot in which Ron and the girl had disappeared and didn't look like he was moving from that spot soon. Hermione decided to try to snap him out of it. "Ron was... Good." she managed.

"I can't believe he did that..." Harry slowly started shaking his head, but his eyes never moved.

Snape started a deep throated chuckle and said sarcastically "And I thought Slytherins were known for their capabilities of revenge." he laughed a little more at this and it finally broke Harry out of his spell. He sat up and looked at the two of them, a little pale, and then took a drink. He would sip it, then set it down, then sip and set it down. This continued for a while until he looked almost back to normal. Then his eyes got wide again and he lost a little color as he stared past Hermione. She turned around to look.

It was the middle of the second song that had come on after Ron when he had finally come back out of the dressing room. He brought with him the reason for his delay. It was the girl he had danced with on stage, and she had her arm wrapped around his waist. To everyone's surprise Ron was no longer blushing and had his arm around her waist too. The girl was dressed much more conservative now and her butt looked relatively normal. As Ron reached the table he pulled up another chair for her so she could sit as close to him as possible. It wasn't necessary really, for once he sat down she jumped in his lap. Ron took a few quick breaths so he wouldn't blush and just smiled up at her as if nothing was wrong. Then he looked at all the stunned and surprised faces staring at him

"Everyone," he said. "This is Denise."

Denise smiled and waved at everyone. Hermione made a failed attempt at a smile, well at least she tried. Snape made a barely noticeable nod in her direction and Harry just stared at her. Ron took liberty of names, pointing out each person as he said first and last name.

Her eyes went wide when he was done and whispered something in his ear. "The very ones." he replied and everyone else at the table looked confused.

"She was just askin' about you and Snape." he said to Harry. Everyone looked even more confused and Denise stifled a giggle. "She's a witch." he explained. "From America actually but she's visiting her muggle Uncle here. He owns the bar."

Hermione nodded in understanding and forced a bigger smile on her face for Denise. Denise herself looked thrilled.

"I usually don't get to meet many of my kind when I'm visiting my Uncle. Ya know?" she said. Yup, definitely American. Hermione nodded politely.

Snape looked at Ron with a suspicious look. "Just, pray tell, how did you find out she was a witch?"

Ron blushed at this one and Denise giggled. "I caught his using magic while he was trying to get dressed quick." she said and Ron had to turn away from the look Snape gave him. Denise, trying to ease tension, continued. "So, being so excited about meeting a wizard, I helped him set a show for his performance. I hear you four are in a kind of competition?"

Harry finally found his voice. "It was more of an argument at first." he jerked a thumb at Hermione, "She started the competition."

"Only because I had the guts to go up there and you didn't!" she retorted and looked back at Denise to add, "And he said I would never have the guts."

She giggled at this. "I saw your performance. It was really good. I love your voice!"

Hermione beamed. "Thanks!"

Ron looked a bit confused about something and looked as if he finally pulled up the guts to ask. "You don't usually help with the show set up right?" he looked up and asked her. She nodded. "The what about...that guy...that sang the Michael Jackson song?"

"Oh! Him?" he said and laughed a little. Everyone was attentive to hear this. "He's a regular here. Plus, he donated most of the outfits used to it's kind of a thanks to him to help him out in affects." she said knowingly. Well, that was unexpected.

Ron struggled to keep his jaw from dropping at this and Hermione tried to not looked shocked. Harry hid behind his drink and Snape silently chuckled. Thankfully for the group, Denise didn't notice.

Just then the next singer came out on stage and as the group turned to look, shock was a prominent on every face except Denise, who wasn't sure just who was up there. Snape, mixed with shock, had a look of horror on his face.

Trelawny walked out on stage in an outfit made to look sexy, but wasn't working for her. It was a tight, pink, jeweled skirt and a connected shirt that looped around the neck and showed much of her back. Harry felt queasy as he saw much more of his teacher than he had ever wanted to before. Her glasses still made her eyes look huge and it made a bigger contrast for her outfit. She looked completely unsteady on her three inch pumps as she slowly and wobbly made her way to the mic.

"Oh God," Snape murmured and everyone had to agree with the horror of the tone in that statement.

Trelawny nodded at the DJ and the music began. It was soft and sounded like a soft guitar. She did a little off key "oo"s during the beginning and as the music picked up and the background chorus sang "shoo- doops" Trelawny was struggling with keeping pitch and moving with the notes. Bad part was, she only had one word "oo". Then the lyrics started and she cracked the first note as she sang:

"We were as one, babe" the song was way to high for her

"For a moment in time" crack

"And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine" other than a nervous twitch here and there Trelawny refused to move from her position of standing completely straight. Most likely, if she attempted movement she would fall over.

"Now you want to be free" crack

"So I'll let you fly" waaaay off pitch

"'Cause I know in my heart, babe

Our love will never die" slip on the words

"No" too low.

"You'll always be a part of me" was it just the groups of imagination or was she staring right at Snape?

"I'm part of you indefinitely" crack. Really you can't see the audience because of the lights, but she was looking right at him.

"Boy, don't you know you can't escape me" A spell maybe?

"Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" she took the mic off the stand. This might get bad.

"And we'll linger on" she flipped it to receive and took out the chord it was attached to. "Uncle's gonna get mad at that." Denise mumbled.

"Time can't erase a feeling this strong" she walked towards the steps at the edge of the stage that lead right to the audience. What was she doing?

"No way you're never gonna shake me" wobble on the high heals

"Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" she was at the steps.

During the music interlude she made it down to the second step while holding the railing in a death grip. The she had to sing while struggling down them once again.

"I ain't gonna cry, no" crack

"And I won't beg you to stay" she slipped some and her breath came out in a huff as she tried to get back her balance.

"If you're determined to leave boy" a little off from the music

"I will not stand in your way" the last note did not make the high pitch it needed, but at least it got her back on track with the music.

"But inevitably, you'll be back again" she was only getting more sharp

"'Cause you know in your heart, babe" off the steps finally

"Our love will never end

No"

As she sang the chorus she walked right at Snape. He saw it coming and was about to get up and run but was hit with a holding spell by Hermione. She had a look on her face that showed she was enjoying this far too much. Ron cast another holding spell for good measure and Snape shot them all evil looks. *Really* evil. Though they flinched, they made no attempt to release him. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut of by a silencing charm from Harry. Denise giggled.

"You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely" Trelawny sang on as she approached the table where all this was going on.

"Boy, don't you know you can't escape me" soon the tables that kept her at a distance were diminishing as she came closer to theirs.

"Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" With each wobbly step she took towards them Snape grew more furious with the group who tried not to snicker.

"And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feeling this strong" when Snape finally risked a look up at her, he just got scared.

"No way you're never gonna shake me" worry worked into his eyes

"Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" his eyes were wide and pleading with the group that held him at bay. They almost felt sorry for him, but the made sure he stayed there.

"I know that you'll be back, boy" really sharp

"When your days and your nights get a little bit colder" she was right up to him now and singing in his face.

"I know that you'll be right back, baby" she smiled as she saw no resistance and seemed to overlook the utter fear in his eyes

"Oh baby, believe me

It's only a matter of time" really sharp. She sat down in his lap and blared out the next suspended note in him face

"Time" it cracked a total of three times.

"You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely" she wiggles in his lap

"Boy, don't you know you can't escape me" she buried her hand in his hair.

"Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" she leaned close to him

"And we'll linger on" the group was barely containing their laughter at this point

"Time can't erase a feeling this strong" as she shook her head his eyes began to flash from every form of anger to every form of rear simultaneously. It was quite a sight.

"No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" The chorus picked up again and Trelwany blared some bad notes as she tried to imitate the high notes. It wasn't quite working.

"You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely" the background singers sang.

"Boy, don't you know you can't escape me" A lady started to stomp up to the table.

"Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on" Once arriving at the table the group saw it was the first woman on stage that had danced with Snape. She took hold of Trelawny's arm and yanked her out of Snape's lap.

"Time can't erase a feeling this strong" Trelawny may have been cut off but the music hadn't. They exchanged some profanities as the mic hit the ground and made a deafening thump in the speakers. Harry quickly bent down to turn it off.

"No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby" the song finished out with the Snape fan and Trelawny in a cat fight that was getting pretty gruesome. The bouncers came and carried them off to thunderous applause. The singing might not have been great, but the show was wonderful.

As the fighters were being carried off the group finally burst into laughter. That had been a great show. Snape lost his fear and just looked enraged again. They others wondered what they were going to do when the spells finally wore off. Now *that* was a good question.

AN- Whew! I'm finally done! That took a while. I decided not to go on. I have other stories to write and limited time. I just couldn't stop writing on this one until I have all my insane ideas covered though. Well, I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^.^