Author's Note: Fanfic based on head canon after The Name of the Doctor. This is from River's perspective. I wrote this before I watched the episode, so it may not fit with the story entirely. Reviews are welcomed, but please be nice!

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who (unfortunately!)


River smiled sadly as she watched them, The Doctor, her Doctor, and Clara. She could see how his face lit up when he was with her, in a way it had never lit up for her. But she knew, deep down that he could never truly love her, she was born to kill him for heaven's sake. She had thought that he could never truly love anyone, that he was too broken to ever be fixed. He tried to hide it, with his ridiculous antics and enthusiasm. But she could see it. When he thought no-one was looking. She saw how that smile faded as he remembered. Remembered the sadness, remembered the loss. He looked so lost and alone in those moments. It broke her heart. She never wanted him to be lonely again. He had done so much good in the world. He saved people, planets, universes and he never asked for anything in return. Well, except perhaps a Jammie Dodger or six… He didn't deserve to be alone.

She knew she couldn't stay with him, no. After this she would never see him again. He had watched her die the first time he met her, and she saw how that hurt him. That he didn't know her to be there for her. But when she saw him with Clara, it gave her hope. Maybe he could be fixed. He could never forget, but maybe he could learn to trust, to love even. She could see he felt for her, but she also saw how his smile would suddenly darken as he turned to look at her. He felt guilty, he knew she loved him immensely and he couldn't bear for her to be upset. But that was why she had to give him this chance. She knew that sometimes, when you love something, the best thing you can do is set it free. She just wanted him to be happy. And she knew, deep inside, that that happiness would come from Clara.


River held the Doctor's hand in hers for the last time. So familiar, but also unfamiliar, the last time she saw him he had looked so different… She remembered all the times she had held that hand… She felt warm, salty tears beginning to well up. But she couldn't cry. Not here. Not now. She couldn't let him feel the slightest bit of guilt or misgiving. This was her chance to show him how much she cared. In her other hand she held Clara's, small and warm. She had grown to like her these past few days. Admired her bravery and quick thinking. She was surprised that she didn't feel jealous. After all, the Doctor was married to her… But she couldn't dislike the girl who made her Doctor so happy, who could, if only for a few minutes at a time, make him forget and make his eyes shine with such intense happiness. She could never begrudge him the chance to forget. She knew what it was like to live with terrible memories… To kill the man she loved, knowing she was born to do just that? It was hard to live with that. But his memories were so much worse. To feel responsible for wiping out your whole species? She would never understand how he managed to keep going with that. No, she couldn't begrudge him the one thing that might begin to heal those wounds, help lighten the burden.

She pressed their hands together and she swore she felt the electricity between them.

"Hold hands and never let go. Not ever. You hear me? Clara, look after him. Don't let him leave you behind. Stay with him. Doctor, protect this girl with your life. Don't let her go. She is special."

"I know." He said. "I have always known. Right from the start. Clara, my Clara. The impossible girl… I didn't know why… I just knew…"

"Go on Clara." River whispered softly, "He needs you. You were born to save him. Save him from himself, his lonely existence. You are the one who can."

Clara smiled at her then, a genuine, thankful smile. River couldn't help but smile to herself. Knowing she had done the right thing, however hard it was. She let their hands go then and Clara practically threw herself into the Doctor's arms. He was so surprised that he nearly fell over, ever clumsy, as usual, but to cover it up by spinning Clara around in a crazy circle, as she laughed. He laughed too, leaning into her.

"Oh Clara, my Clara, beautiful, fragile, brave Clara…"

He was cut off as she pulled him into a kiss. River couldn't help but laugh, a little sadly, at his face. So surprised! But unlike every other time he had been kissed, his arms didn't flail around awkwardly, but found their way to Clara's face, caressing her ever so tenderly, as he began to return the kiss. River smiled, it was a bittersweet moment. She loved seeing the Doctor glow as he was now, like he did for only one person in the world. But she knew, as she felt herself fading, that this was the last time she'd ever see him. Her husband, her friend, her Doctor.

This was her giving in, giving in to reality. Resigning herself to the fact that she would never see him again. Giving in to the fact that Clara was his impossible girl, not her.

River Song, who was born to kill the Doctor. Clara Oswald, who was born to save him.