Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this fic...If I DID own the characters, I'd have Charlie all to myself! And Neil would still be alive...and Charlie would be mine...and Mr. Keating would still have his job...and Chet Danbury would have his but kicked by Knox...and did I mention Charlie would be mine? I did? Oh...Okay! Well then. It's settled. Charlie would be mine if I owned the characters.

HOWEVER...I have this affinity for Todd Anderson and decided to every once in a while write a drabble from his 'journal'. Hope you all enjoy!

How do you comepete with perfection? How do you you better yourself than perfect? Can you beat perfection? What do you do when everyone sees you as the impefect and flawed one?

How do you deal with years of being the imperfect child?

Jeffery was…IS…perfect. Top athlete. Top scholar. Tops in everything. Going to law school to be top lawyer. Jesus…how do I compare? I can't. Maybe that's why I'm leaving Balincrest this year and going to Jeffery's school…Welton.

Jeffery always said the right thing at the right time and he NEVER fumbled for words. He's strong, confident and everything I'll never be.

I've this habit of never talking simply because I never know what to say or how to say it. Unlike Jeffery, I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I stutter as I try to find words that don't want to be found.

Maybe that's why I'm going to Welton. They want me to be more like Jeffery. I can't. They don't seem to understand that. I'm not him. I never will be. I can't talk…people won't listen to me.

Most of the time, people ignore me, not realizing I'm standing there.

Like when Mom and Dad talked about sending me to Welton this year. I was sitting at the dinner table when they talked about it. They talked like I wasn't even there. That wouldn't have happened with Jeffery. His opinion was always valued.

He was never told he was going to Welton. They gave him the choice. I was struggling at Balincrest, so they decided to send me to Welton.

I'm sure that when I get there people will, as they have always done, ignore me. Friends? The question arises (even if Mom and Dad won't say it aloud) is will I make any? Will I have people that I can confide in (other than my journal. I like my journal. It is in here and here only I can speak…and people listen…I can say what I want…what my fears are…what I want from life…what I want for me. Yes. My journal is indeed my closest friend…sometimes wonder if it's my only true friend?)

But, I'm scared. A new school. New expectations from Mom and Dad. Attempts at making new friends. New expectations from teachers. I just know most of them will know my brother and expect me to be just like him: Valedictorian. Sports hero. (Jesus…I HATE soccer!) All around good guy. The one who's most likely to succeed.

Now I'm really scared.

WIll I be able to become like Jeffery? And what happens if I don't?