Over 20 Things Not To Do in The Italian Renaissance

Prologue

Someone, somewhere, is having a good laugh at my expense. I'm not sure whether it's fate, destiny, or something else entirely…But either way. I'm being made a fool of.

I'm being laughed at.

And that is just vexing.

Ah, vexing. An excellent word- meaning to be irritated, annoyed, or pissed off beyond belief. It's the perfect word for my situation.

Vexing.

I mean, the mess I'm in isn't exactly your average, get-me-a-handbook-for-this situation. I can honestly say that I'm very sure that NO ONE has ever had to deal with my kind of problem.

No, I'm not pregnant. Please. If that were my only issue, I think I'd be fine.

And no, I'm not in a gang, whorehouse, or in an unbearable position of servitude with no way of getting out.

I'm also not being held hostage for a massive ransom that no one can pay.

It's something much worse, I'm afraid.

I'm stuck in the Italian Renaissance. That's right, boys and girls—the Renaissance era. In Italy.

Now I'm sure that some of you- if not all of you- are currently staring at these words, asking me if I'm sane. I can assure you that I am in perfect command of my own mind, and have no urge whatsoever to go on a murderous rampage or make a break for the nearest asylum.

I am well aware of the fact that the Renaissance was one of the most prosperous eras in the history of this world, and that some people would literally kill to see what I am currently experiencing for themselves. I'm also aware of the fact that the year is 2012- well, it used to be, anyway.

So to be clear, in case anyone is still confused—

I am stuck in the year 1475, in a country called Italia- Italy.

I have only a small idea of how I got here, but absolutely no information as to what my purpose here really is.

And seeing as how I have nothing to do here, nothing at all- I've decided to write a handbook just incase a situation like this ever arises again. Just because I can.

So rule number one-

Never, ever, ever trust a pretty person in white.


Just an idea I've been thinking about.

Reviews are like cookies.

And I like cookies.