Here's my holiday special! It spans Christmas and New Years, so enjoy and review! Happy Holidays, everyone!!!
It is Christmas Eve. In the mall, Lois is doing some last-minute Christmas shopping. Stewie is with her, carrying Rupert. They enter a Hollister shop.
"Better get that hoodie for... Chris?... or was it Meg?... um, ah I'll get it for Chris!" Lois decides. While she shops, Stewie talks to Rupert:
"Hollister, Hollister, Hollister! The California vibe embodied in a store!" begins Stewie. "California is so awesome, Rupert! It just has a talent for drawing people over with it's charm like some kind of invisible magnetic force! Hmm, perhaps if I can find a way there, I can find a way to exploit that vibe and charm to control everybody!!! Muha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
2 people are leaving the store with bags of Hollister merchandise. "Man, I can't wait to get back to California!" one of them says.
"OH WAIT, WAIT!!! TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!" Stewie runs after them after hearing that quote. But he loses them in the thick Christmas-shopping crowd. "NO NO NO!!! COME BACK!!! SHOW YOURSELVES!!!"
In another part of the mall, Peter is dressed as Santa. He sits in a chair, asking kids what they want for Christmas.
"Ho ho ho!!! I'm a fat, jolly bastard who wears red and brings gifts to good young males and females, so show me your desires!" Peter says to the passing people and kids.
A girl comes and sits on his lap.
"Ho ho ho! What do you want for Christmas, Barbie Doll!?" Peter asks.
"Barbie Doll?" the girl asks in revilement. "Screw that, I want the whole Bratz set!"
"Ok, I promise you that! Just gimme your adress so I can find you!" Peter says. He writes down the girl's address when she says it, then shouts "NEXT!"
Dexter from "Dexter's Laboratory" sits on Peter's lap.
"I want a microscope!" Dexter says.
"A microscope!?" Peter asks. "You'll poke your eye out with that, kid!" This sends Dexter running away, crying.
"Stupid kids." Peter says. "They always want crazy hi-tech stuff. Next thing you know, they got laserguns."
A boy opens his present in the living room with his parents. Inside is a laser gun.
"Oh boy, I always wanted this!!!" the boy exclaims. "Thanks, Mom and Dad!!!"
He plays with the laser gun, but it fires actual lasers that disintegrate his parents. "...Ooops....." he utters.
Then, Stewie's old babysitter Liddane comes with a young toddler. She looks the same as her 1st appearance, except she has a pink sweater, a scarf, and a winter hat.
"Go on, Timmy!" she nudges Timmy, the toddler, to Peter.
"Hey there, little guy!" Peter greets.
Stewie tries in vain to find the 2 California people, coming to the area with Peter and Lidanne. He sees Lidanne...
... And gasps with happiness. "Oh my God, it's her!!!" he says with heartfelt joy. "LIDANNE!!!"
Lidanne sees Stewie happily running to her in slow motion. "STEWIE!!!"
Stewie jumps up into Lidanne's arms. "Oh Lidanne, I missed you so!!! I always thought about you and I played your mixtape every night!!! I sincerely apologize for framing you and getting your sweet ass fired, and I want you back!!! God, I've just been obsessed with you!!! Well... not totally obsessed, but you know absence makes the heart grow fonder!!!"
"It's sweet to see you too, Stewie, but..." Lidanne sighs..."I'm babysitting another baby now."
"Who, that lttle rugrat on Fatman's lap?" Stewie points to Timmy, who's on Peter's lap.
"No, Timmy's my nephew!" Lidanne says. "I babysit another one, and I'm heading to his place tonight while his folks go shopping. I'm sorry Stewie, but I can't go back to you. I hope you can understand!"
"I do." Stewie hugs Lidanne, putting a tracking device on her back as he does so. They say Merry Christmas to each other, then they part after Timmy returns to Lidanne.
Peter checks his present list, which he wrote all the little kids' presents on, plus their addresses. "Boy, do I got a lot of houses tonight." he says.
Night comes. At the Griffin house, Brian (wearing a Santa hat) connects 2 cables on the lawn, thus turning on the Christmas lights on the house and lawn. One of the lights on the lawn is a urinating reindeer!
"Beautiful!" Brian comments on the lights. Chris comes, dressed as an elf.
"Where were you?" asks Brian.
"Doing Mr. Herbert a favor by putting his Christmas letters in the mailbox for him to send to his relatives." answers Chris. Then we see a distant Herbert, wearing a Santa hat. Jesse lays next to him, wearing a reindeer hat.
"Thank you, Chris!" Herbert calls to Chris. "He's such a good elf, eh Jesse!?" He and Jesse begin humming after each other in agreement.
Inside, Meg puts a Christmas mixtape into the radio to play Christmas music. Peter an Lois talk in the kitchen. Peter is still dressed as Santa.
"Ok so we got got all the presents and everything's ready for tomorrow's big dinner!" Lois says.
"Yeah, but there's still one thing missing..." Peter says, putting up a scarecrow on the lawn that's holding a "Carolers Beware" sign.
"Peter, what's the meaning of this?" asks Lois in revilement. "Carolers are full of holiday spirit!!!"
"No Lois, carolers are annoying little queers that keep people up all night with their singing." Peter says. "I can't stand them, especially the ones we had last year."
Flashback- Peter hears the doorbell ringing and goes to open it. He sees Cuddles, Giggles, Toothy, and Lumpy from "Happy Tree Friends," all 4 wearing winter gear and holding candles.
They begin singing "Silent Night." This annoys Peter and he slams the door on them. Then he hears a SHING from outside, followed by screaming. He opens it again and sees Cuddles dead on the ground, his face impaled by an icicle. Toothy tries in vain to resuscitate him. Giggles burns and screams as the candles were thrown on her, and Lumpy runs away screaming like a girl.
End Flashback
Stewie is in his room, dressing in black and preparing to find Lidanne with his tracking remote. Brian comes in.
"Where you going?" asks Brian.
"To find the woman I need in my life." answers Stewie.
"Better think twice." warns Brian. "The snow's pretty deep and you'll be struggling through it like Michael Phelps on land."
Flashback- Michael Phelps gracefully swims out from a pool, then lankily and clumsily tries to walk to a nearby towel rack. He falls like a klutz, then crawls like a sloth to reach the towel rack. He dries himself and sighs.
"Dry land is so not my element." he says.
End Flashback
"Oh, I'm gettin a ride in Fatman's sleigh!" Stewie says.
"What, Peter has a sleigh?" asks Brian.
"Yeah!" answers Stewie. "He stole it from the Christmas Parade in downtown! He stole all their reindeer, too!"
We see a herd of reindeer in the backyard, digging through the snow to eat the underlying grass.
Later, Peter rides through the streets on his reindeer-drawn sleigh. He has a sac full of presents, delivering them to the kids from the mall.
"YAH!!!" he whips the reindeer to make them go faster. As he goes, Stewie jumps out from his sac, having leaped out at the house Lidanne is babysitting at by using his tracking remote. He hides in a nearby tree.
"Now let's see who Lidanne is babysitting." he uses a pair of binoculars and looks through the house's front window...
... Only to discover that Lidanne is babysitting Stewie's half-brother and archnemesis, Bertram!!! Bertram laughs as he plays Jenga with Lidanne.
Stewie gasps in complete shock. "Errr, Bertram..."
End of Part 1!!!
How's Stewie gonna deal with Bertram? And will he win back Lidanne? Stay tuned!!!
