A/N: This is a degrassi fic. On the show I like almost everyone but when I read fanfics I really don't care for Paige, Hazel, Manny, Peter, Toby, JT, Liberty, Craig, Jimmy, or Emma centric fics. I think it would have been easier to say I only read Ellie, Sean, Jay, and Alex. But I like the Ellie Emma friendship and The Sean, Jay, Ellie love triangle. I like Jallie, and Jemma, and Sellie, sometimes Cralex. And this is a sellie with Emma Ellie Alex friendship.

A/N: I don't really know where I'm headed with this story so bare with me. I'm new at writing Degrassi because it has a lot of drama and it involves being at the school a lot but I like it 'cause you can take the plot line anywhere. So this is my first attempt at a degrassi story. I hope you like it. Oh the bold is the Info, Italics is their thoughts, and bold italics are memories.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story and my imagination.

Chapter 1: The beginning


Background Info: This is confusing but after Jay, Ellie, and Emma dropped Sean off they headed back. Alex broke up with Jay and him and Emma haven't hooked up but they know they like each other. Ellie did move out of the apartment into a bigger one with two bedrooms and her mom helped pay for her half of the rent while Jay paid for the other because he moved in. moved with her and he has a job. He cares about Ellie like a sister and Emma actually cares too. They all bonded on the way back from Dropping off Sean. Emma changed a little she isn't Goth but she wears baggy pants sometimes, black and white, and no bright colors. She died her hair a darker blonde and the tips black. She hangs with Manny sometimes 'cause many lives with her. Jimmy was shot but he took physical therapy and can walk. Ellie doesn't like Craig or Jimmy like dating and Queen of hearts Episode happened so did Venus, and the last episode. Now it's summer and Ellie, Jay, Emma, Alex, and Jimmy are hanging out together. Jimmy reformed into a good guy bad boy type. Like Sean but minus the stealing. He is on and off with Alex. Ok and Sean's only been gone for like three months. Ellie has this big secret she's been keeping and doesn't want anyone to know.

It was three in the morning and Jay got up to get some water when he walked by Ellie's room and heard her crying again. He felt bad Ellie always tried to keep it together when she was around everyone. The first few weeks after Sean left she seemed to be crying a lot and then she got over it, but when Ferret buller died she was back to herself. Emma said it was because her last tie to Sean was gone and so she wasn't constantly reminded of him. When she and Jay moved into the new apartment she was a lot better a new Ellie. But she had gone back to this after they found her dad had died, and then her mom started drinking again. Ellie still got her rent from her mom but she got a job for everything else they needed. Now here Jay was standing outside her door listening to her cry again. He never went in though, he thought she needed her own space. But it was coming on the third week of this and he couldn't do it anymore so he knocked on her door and waited for her answer and entered.

"Hey, Sorry did I wake you." She had tears coming out of her puffy red eyes and tried to wipe them away.

"No I was up. I heard you crying, are you ok?" Dumb question he thought but still he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine." She was lying he knew and she knew it so she wasn't surprised that he didn't leave.

"Ellie come on I know there's something wrong. I know I'm not Mr. sensitive and all like Em but you can talk to me." What he said wasn't all wrong, I mean he wasn't really all that sympathetic but he was trying to change and plus Ellie was like a sister and the first person to actually try and be his friend and gave a damn about him after Sean left.

"I know Jay but really I'm ok." Ellie felt bad, he was trying to help but she didn't want him to get to close in fear that she would lose him too.

"Ellie look at me, I know you're not fine, and I know you're suppose to be all bad ass and tough chick but you don't have to pretend around me. I know you're hurting and I want to help. I can't stand to see you in pain, ok I love you, you're like a sister to me and I want you to be able to lean on me when you need to, like right now. So just tell your big brother Jay what's wrong." The last part got a small chuckle out of her and she new he really wanted to be there so she opened up and told him.

"It's just that first Sean leaves and then Buller, and my dad dies and my moms drinking again. I feel like everyone I get close to leaves me. I'm to hurt to be happy I can't do this anymore I can't let anyone else in. I'm afraid of losing them, I'm afraid of losing my friends and I'm not strong enough to go through that again. I can't make he pain go away no matter how hard I try I can't stop it and I want to so badly." She was crying harder than she had been before so Jay wrapped he in a hug and comforted her.

"It's ok Ellie, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but you're never going to lose me no matter what happens I'll always be there for you. You can let me in and you can let Emma and Alex and Jimmy in too. We all love you and we won't leave you. I promise you that I won't let anyone hurt you again." If Ellie were in her right state of mind she would have been shocked. This was so not like Jay. She didn't care though all she heard was his promise and that he loved her like a sister. She wanted to be strong and to let him in.

"Ok I'll be more open with everyone as long as you keep to your promise and stay with me." She had stopped crying and was really sleepy. She lay back down and started dosing off.

"I promise ok now you should sleep 'cause everyone's coming over tomorrow or should I say today." He was happy that she finally let him in and that she stopped crying. He covered her up and turned of the lamp and was about to leave when she spoke.

"Hey, will you stay with me? I don't want to wake up alone again." She was half asleep half awake but still worried that she was going to have another nightmare and wake up alone and afraid.

"Yeah of course as long as you don't get any ideas and I wake up with my legs shaven like last time." He joked causing her to smile. He remembered when he and Jimmy fell asleep and Emma, Alex, and Ellie had shaven both he and Jimmy's legs.

"To tired to do it right now but if I wake up before you and Emma's here I can't promise I won't." She joked and he climbed in the bed and got comfortable and started going to sleep. "Hey by the way you said I was like your sister who says I'm not the oldest?"

"Trust me I'm way to mature and Protective of you to be the youngest." He smiled although she couldn't see it and went to sleep.

The next morning Jay woke up first so he got the breakfast started. He made a big breakfast knowing the others would come over and eat breakfast with them like they always did. He got done and almost immediately following the doorbell rang and when he opened it he saw Emma and a very pissed off looking Manny. He wondered why Manny was there but didn't say anything. A few seconds later though he realized why when he saw Craig come over. He didn't know why Craig was there either, he knew Ellie and him were friends but Craig didn't really come over.

"Hey Em, Manny, Craig. What are you to here for?" Ok why the hell are they here I don't really care for Craig but Manny I can't stand.

"Um I came by to drop off Emma her car isn't working and I also wanted to give Ellie her birthday present. Is she up?" Craig and Manny had come in Emma was already in the kitchen setting the table. She did it every morning 'cause she was always the first to come.

"Uh no she's still sleep, I was just about to wake her if you want to wait." Shit I forgot today was her birthday. Thank God I bought her a gift last week.

"Ok that's fine, but can I use your bathroom." Craig was ok sometimes considering who he hung out with, Paige and them, and who he dated, Manny. Jay was ok when he stopped by as long as he wasn't with any of those people.

"Yeah go right ahead it's down the hall to the left." Em if anyone comes just tell them to wait before they eat, and I'm mainly talking about Alex." Emma laughed. Alex never waited for anyone she just walked in and started eating, no matter what the time of day.

"Ok." Jay left the room and Manny went over to talk to her. "What is it Manny?"

"Nothing it's just you seem to make yourself right at home here." Manny hated how Emma changed mainly because Emma was never around to hear Manny talk about her and Craig or to listen to her wine. She didn't like her hanging around Jay and Ellie, she thinks Ellie still has a thing for Craig and she hates her.

"Well it is like a second home. I mean me and Ellie and everyone else really bonded. After Sean apologized I realized that he asked me to look after Ellie and so we got to become great friends. Plus after you hooked up with Craig again you haven't been around to hang out with and plus it's fun here." She really did like it here it was like her second home she even had a key, everyone did.

"It's fun? Em these people have changed you, I don't even know who you are anymore." She was pissed and Emma thought she was pissed for no reason. Manny was just mad because she didn't like Ellie and because she wasn't around to listen to her problems anymore. Emma would have said something but Craig came back so she kept quite.

Off in Ellie's room Jay had knocked and walked in. He went over to wake her up when something caught his eye from across the room on Ellie's dresser he saw what looked like a CD case opened and a protractor sticking out. With out thinking he walked over to it and looked at it. He could see small drops of blood on the dresser and on the floor, he already knew what it was from. He placed it back on her dresser and walked over to her and gently pulled down her arm warmer and saw two freshly knew cuts along side a lot more that looked recent. His heart broke she was doing it again and he didn't even know. He felt horrible and mad at the same time. It was dangerous and she needed to stop. She started to get up so he pulled the arm warmer back up just in time 'cause she rolled over and looked at him.

"Hey what are you doing?" She was a it surprised to see him standing over her she usually woke up on her own and saw him in the kitchen just in time for breakfast. Why was he waking her up did she over sleep?

"Oh Craig is here he wanted to see you so I just came to wake you." He was telling the truth he just left the other part of the story out. He didn't want her birthday to be ruined by this; he would just talk to her about it later. He left the room and went back to the living room.

Ellie got up and got dressed she wondered why Craig was there he never came over. She saw her case on the dresser and hid it under the bed and wondered if Jay saw it. When she walked in the living room she saw Craig, Manny, Jimmy, Alex, and Emma. Emma was the first to run over and hug her.

"Happy birthday Ellie." Ellie looked surprised like she walked in to a surprise party.

"Oh I forgot today was my birthday. Thanks for reminding me Em. Hey guys, Craig what's up have you finally decided to join are little family for breakfast?" She joked but it was kind of true they were like a family.

"Yeah 'cause papa Jay makes great pancakes and mommy Ellie over their makes good coffee." Jimmy joked which got everyone except Manny to laugh.

"Hey Jay gets great and I just get good, you're grounded mister." Ellie was having fun she laughed with the rest of them forgetting what had happened earlier.

"But mom, I've got a date tonight." Jimmy loved that he and everyone else could have fun like this. It was like he was understood with them whereas with Paige and them they just felt sorry and didn't understand.

"Anyways so what's up Craig." She along with everyone else remembered they were there.

"Oh I came by to give you this, happy birthday. I didn't know what else to get you hope you like it." Ellie opened the box and in it was a belly ring with a guitar hanging from it and it was real, it had real diamonds in it.

"Oh Craig I love it, it's beautiful thank you." She ran over and gave him a hug but broke away quickly seeing Manny looking pissed.

After they left everyone sat down to breakfast and started eating and joking around. Jimmy and Alex got her presents but told her she would have to wait until the party to get them.

"So whose day is it to clean up?" Jay asked hoping it wasn't his day

"I think it's Alex's day I cleaned yesterday." Emma answered quickly. Last time she didn't answer fast enough and got stuck with cleaning up.

"Oh no it's not it's Jimmy's turn." It was really hers but she didn't want to clean, it was a mess.

"No it ain't I cleaned the day before. It's definitely your day." Jimmy wasn't going for hat he quickly got up and walked to the fridge to get a drink.

"Yeah it's your day Alex I have it written on the chart. Get to washing." Ellie laughed at Alex's frustration as she got up to start washing and went to her room to take a shower and change.

Jay had told Alex to stop for a minute and told her and the rest of them to sit down. He waited till Ellie was gone to talk.

"So I got a call from Sean today, says he's on his way back and that he'll be here later on." He had received the call early when he was cooking. Sean said that he was approved for a loan and had already started working on a business and would be permanently moving back." He was shocked just like the others.

"So he's staying for good man what else did he say?" Jimmy was shocked but not as shocked as Alex or Emma. They thought he wasn't ever going to come back.

"He asked if he could stay with me for a while 'cause he didn't know what Ellie wanted him to do or if she even kept the apartment. I told him I would have to see cause I had a roommate." His roommate was the person Sean wasn't sure wanted to see him. This was going to kill Ellie, what was he going to do.

"Well he can't stay here I mean hello Ellie." Emma said she was a little pissed and a little confused.

"Duh, but that's not all. To make things worse I talked to Ellie this morning she had been crying, anyway she said that everyone she loved kept hurting her by leaving her and that she was afraid to let us in because she thinks she'll lose us to." Jay wasn't sure he should be telling them this but they needed to know what was going on.

"What of course she can let u in, we're her friends. Given we're all screwed up and have problems, but still her friends." Alex was basically her friend before most of them so she knew Ellie and she cared.

"It gets worse though." Jay started but Jimmy spoke.

"Damn will you stop, if it gets any worse the earth will end?" Jimmy was worried that it was really something bad and he should be.

"Well be prepared then. I went to wake her up this morning and I saw her case on the dresser and when I pulled down her arm warmers she had two new cuts and some recent ones. She's cutting again." No one said anything they were all to shocked.


Well I hope you like it and tell me what you think. It might take a day or three before I update and they probably won't be this long, but if you like it so far keep reading.