Have you ever loved so much that it hurt to look at them?

Even the very mention of their name, whether it was intended to be them or another of the same name, brings you to your knees and you practically melt into a puddle of pure want? Every time you see them you get so nervous, you don't know why either, and even if you're the most graceful of people you crack and get clumsy. They never seem to leave your mind, and sometimes you stop and realize that, wow, you've been thinking about them all day... You dream of them, doodle those stupid hearts with their name in it all over your tests and binder. You think of them day in and day out, their thought like the sweetest plague on your mind.

But you know you can't have them. No matter how hard you try, what you say, what you do, how you act, or who you are you just... know you'll never get to hold them the way you want to. Have you ever felt that? Well, it hurts. Like, A LOT.

And, you guessed it – that's kind of how I feel about Sora.

10 years. I've loved this kid for 10 years out of my 16 years of life and I just... can't hold back much longer. Every time he invites me for a sleepover and we have to sleep in the same bed, it's torturous. For the entire eight hours he's asleep I'm dreaming, hoping, wishing I could wrap my arms around his waist and hold him close to me, feel his warm, soft skin against my own. I sit there are dream the most absurd, sordid thoughts of my best friend, most of time being ones that make me throw myself onto the floor just so I won't do those things to him, and others being ones that give me a certain... problem in the morning.

Every time we're in the locker rooms in gym, it takes me all my strength not to stare at his slick, slender body. My face would light up a bright shade of red just by thinking about how his skin really felt to the touch, rather than just staring at his bare chest and getting teased by my senior friend, Axel, about it. Half the time I have to force myself to change in the stalls, away from the temptation of his body. I don't like changing there; makes me feel so stupid for God-only-knows why.

And in Anatomy... gosh, he's the cutest thing alive.

His little cheeks flush a violent shade of scarlet just by the mention of sexual reproduction or a part of the body I will not name. He was innocent, virgin I'm guessing, and didn't know very much about sex despite what he leads on. Poor kid gets flustered at the very mention of a naked person; and when he's flustered, GOSH is he cute. The most adorable thing I've ever laid my eyes on. He's just so... perfect.

Heavenly as Sora may sound to you, the kid's a complete idiot. Not the sharpest tack in the box, one might say. No talents or special abilities. Nothing. He asks the stupidest questions, he's easy to read and clumsy as a teenage school girl. He once nearly lit the entire Chem lab on fire freshman year because he tripped over an electric wire to the burner and knocked it to the floor. Professor Vexen hated him for it the rest of the year, always cracking jokes like, "Don't let Sora touch anything" and even Sora would laugh too. He was aware of what a klutz he was. But it's cute to watch him stumble a little. Like I said, he's adorable.

He has also has this habit of calling me Roxy, and if he weren't so irresistible, I'd kill him for it; I hate my nickname, but hearing it from his beautiful lips... god, did it push me over the edge.

I don't remember when my thoughts of him started, but nonetheless they haven't exactly gotten better.

A year ago I thought of kissing him, holding him warmly in my arms and that was enough to feed the fires of my mind; it was all I needed to get myself through lonely Sora-less days. And suddenly, somewhere along the lines the thoughts took a turn for the worse. From soft nuzzles to vicious biting I found myself having thoughts about Sora I didn't even know I could have. I thought of him in new, more intimate ways and found myself falling in deeper and deeper; I had to have him. I needed him. I wanted and ached for him.

...why am I using past tense?

I still do want him, more than words can describe and lately my desire has become insatiable. I used to be able to sneak a hug from him and all thoughts would cease for weeks, and now a hug is just kindling for the fire that burned Sora in my brain. Sometimes I slip around him, more noticeable sometimes than others. Like today, after school when we were walking home.

"...ening to me? Hello?" he waved his hand in front of my face in attempts to regain my attention.

I snapped quickly back into reality and stare at my brunette crush in the eyes. "Huh?"

"UGH. You weren't even listening to me, were you, Roxy?" he groans, pushing his bottom lip out a little to make a faux-sad face. I laugh; he's so cute.

"No, sorry." I pop out an ear bud and stuff my entire iPod into my school pants pocket. "What were you saying, again?"

"Gosh, you keep zoning out on me. What are you thinking about all the time anyways?" And then he stops, turns to face me and whispers in a fake, yet totally sexy way, "What, are thinking about me or something?"

Yeah, you were.

"N-No! I mean... I wasn't."

He giggles with the cutest voice inflection, making me chuckle myself. "You're so easy to read, Roxy! I was just kidding. And anyways, I was saying that we should hang out tonight." he smiles, stretching his arms lankily behind his head and letting out a yawn. "You know, just me and you."

For minute, I took his words for granted. "Just us?"

"Yeah. You never sleep over anymore."

To keep from throwing myself onto you, Sora. You have no idea. "I know. Sorry, I've been busy tutoring and stuff."

"Right. Then do you wanna~?"

My ears must have misheard that... Gosh, I have such a dirty mind sometimes...

"...huh?"

"I said do you wanna sleepover?"

You're so dirty minded. This is why you have to tell him you can't go, Roxas.

"Sure, sounds fun."

"Great! My parents are out of town tonight, so we've got the house to ourselves."

Just us? Oh no.

You've just dug your own grave.

"Cool."

It really wasn't. I just signed myself up for an all-night game of torture. Fucking fantastic.

The walk to Sora's house was agonizing.

It wasn't a physical pain, really. Not a long walk, he's only three blocks down from me but the entire time I was walking I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd control myself. I've been able to keep a good handle on myself for a while now, but... what if I slip? What if I can't hold back tonight? What if I end up doing something to him that will ruin our relationship? What if he hates me for it?

What if...

The two most pessimistic words in the English language. I can totally take care of this; I'm ROXAS for crying out loud! I can handle this, I can handle this... Love him or not, I can keep my cool and keep off him tonight. Yeah, that's good. I can do this. I built up a great sense of confidence.

But the second he opened the front door to let me in, the second I saw his oceanic blue eyes, his warm smile, I melted into a pile of goo – oh my gosh I can't do it. My big-strong man confidence that I'd built up the entire walk here melted with me and I found myself staring, cheeks getting warm when I saw that no – he wasn't wearing a shirt. He must've been in the middle of changing before opening the door.

Changing... Naked... Sora...

Damn...

My cheeks just get redder. "Hey Roxas!" he smiles that cute little grin of his and giggles. "I've got the PS2 set up in the living room. Hope you don't mind if I take a shower quick."

Images of water trickling down his slender, bare body flooded my mind. "Y-Yeah. G-go ahead"

Oh, hot damn. You're not gonna make it, Roxas.

I found myself agreeing with my thoughts this time.

Soon enough he was off and in the other room, the faintest sound of water falling from the showerhead echoed from the bathroom walls out to the living room. I didn't dare turn on an actual video game to play; I didn't but actually really did want to hear it: hearing Sora's voice, the falling water, and the little tune he was humming SERIOUSLY is not helping the whole "dirty thoughts" thing... And thus the inner struggle begins.

I won't lie: I'm... very tempted to walk in there right now and fuck him like there's no tomorrow.

But then again, I don't feel like being hated by my best friend for the next 2 years of high school left. Not only will I lose one of the only good friends I've ever had, but I'll be labeled as the school's gay boy for life, and man will people rip on me for that one.

And yet... I just really want an excuse to go in there. Just to see his naked body once.

Before I even noticed, my feet were directing me towards that exact room. My mind was telling them to move but my heart (if I had one) was telling me to go and leave Sora alone. But of course, being the secret, twisted pervert I am I sneakily pushed open the bathroom door with a little squeak, revealing a naked, dripping wet Sora on full display. A thin layer of hot steam sat in the small bathroom, but enough that I could manage to make out the figure of the shower. Squinting my eyes a little more, I could see just a little bit further past the vapor. And I nearly fell over from the sight that welcomed me.

The shower curtain had been pulled back far enough that I could see his slender body leaned up against the wall. He had a hand curled around his member, a finger placed gently over a little pink nipple, mouth agape and eyes hazed over in sexual want and it took me a while to register the thought:

Oh my gosh. Sora's masturbating.

But he didn't even notice me there, weirdly enough. He just keeps on rubbing that nipple under his finger, drawing little circles and undeterminable patterns, occasionally bringing up his thumb to pinch down on the little nub. Every time he did, he would squeak, bite down on his lip to keep a moan from coming out. His other hand was pumping his hardened arousal at a less than modest pace, dragging down torturously slow and coming back up in a quick burst. And then I realize that Sora likes to be teased.

Well. That could be useful to know.

I kept on trying to will myself to look away and go back to the living room, but each little yelp he gave out just pulled me into this further and further. I could feel my own jeans starting to tighten. His face was flushed, and his lips mouthed a word that I couldn't hear from where I was; he still thought that he was so quiet I couldn't hear him from the other room. He was sadly mistaken, but my eyes kept venturing up and down his slender, wet body.

His hair, usually spiky and a menace to gravity, had been washed down a little bit flatter; usually it'd be thicker looking, but now it stuck to the sides of his face, some to the back of his neck and that spiky outline was still there; I guess he just doesn't use hair-gel for it or something. His eyes, man his eyes... the bluest I've ever seen in my life, glazed in lust, half-lidded and sometimes closing from the sensations he was self-inducing. And finally his body... I couldn't help but stare. His ass was round and god did I want to be delved deep in there... just so bad...

...

I'm sick, aren't I?

But to sum it all up, sex related thoughts excluded, Sora's drop-dead gorgeous in every meaning of the word. Even that doesn't describe just how tempting he looked, how much I really had to hold back and prevent myself from running in there and fucking him senseless. My body wouldn't move, though, my eyes just stared forward, unblinking at the stunning brunette in the shower who moved his hand up and down torturously slow, mewling at the sensations. My pants just kept on getting tighter. It wasn't until he spoke that my thoughts halted.

His moans had gotten louder; he was coming soon, I could tell by his suddenly quickening pace. His thumb grazed over his head and that looked like enough to send him over the edge. And then he said it. A name I wasn't expecting to hear. A name that only made the tightness of my pants worse.

"R-Roxas!" he groans pathetically, immediately coming and leaning back up against the wall to gain his balance. His hand left his member, all evidence washing in away in hot water that left wet trails down his body.

He just screamed my name...

I couldn't even fathom the thought. Ten years of hints and dreams that he'd feel the same way about me and my efforts finally bore fruit. I couldn't help but wonder; how long has he been hiding his feelings? Not nearly as long as I, considering that he dated Kairi only two months ago. These feelings must be recent, probably half-hearted and unsure unlike my own positive attraction. And a wave of disappointment washes over me as I turn to flee back to the living room.

"I... don't think I can hide it much more..." I hear him whisper quietly.

That wave of disappointment from before quickly washed away.

"I-I think I have to tell him." he says to himself, staring up at the ceiling and shutting his eyes completely. He'd regained his breath, let out a deep sigh before slouching down and sitting on the floor of the shower. He runs a hand through his hair and sits there for a minute, not moving, just breathing and feeling the water on himself for a while.

And I get an idea.

It's not a very nice one, but then again... did I ever say I was nice?

Quickly, I return to the living room, painfully waddling because of the tightness in my pants was so great it hurt to take a single step. I plopped myself back down on the couch, grabbed a controller and threw in the nearest game, which, ironically enough, happened to be Kingdom Hearts, and loaded a random game on the menu. He's in the Pride Lands at the time, so I just played around in the world until Sora finally comes back from his long, hot shower.

"Hey Roxas... can I ask you something?"

I paused the game, mid-battle and turn to look at him. This is the first time in a while he's actually called me by my first name. I try to dodge the topic, just to push his buttons. "Well, that took a while." I already know what he wants to ask; I just want him to be the one to say it.

"Y-Yeah, sorry... Listen, Roxas..." he sits down next to me, a plain white towel over his head (and visibly reddened cheeks). "I need to talk to you about something... kind of serious."

"Oh?" I try my hardest to keep a smirk from rising to my lips. "And why so serious?" I say in a mock-Joker voice. He giggles.

"Promise you won't hate me?"

Of course I won't hate you. I could never hate you, Sora.

"Fine, fine. I promise."

"Good. Then... close your eyes for a minute."

This time that sadistic smirk manages to fight forward and show. "Oh? And why should I do that~?"

"Don't ask! Will you just... do it... please?" he was using that cute pleading tone of his and I let out a sigh; sometimes I swear he's using his cute against me.

"Fine." and I obey his command. I can hear the sound of his jeans against the leather couch, can hear him scooting closer, and I could've sworn I heard his heart beating loud and fast. I feel a sudden warmth over my legs and even towards my lips. Two shaking hands hold my face unsurely as a face comes in towards my own and I can feel our lips brush. With a faux-surprised voice I ask him, "Sora, what are you doing?" and on certain syllables our lips came together making him shake violently. I inertly giggle. He's just so cute...

"J-Just... don't move, 'kay?" he asks me all innocent-like, as if that entire situation in the shower had completely melted away. We both know what he's trying to do here, and it's pointless to keep this stupid act going. I can sense the innocence in his presence; he shakes nervously everytime we get closer to kissing and for what felt like hours I just sat there, waiting.

Can you tell this is his first? Christ, he's way too innocent. And that excludes what happened in the shower because hey, it doesn't take a pervert to jerk off.

With uncertainty, he moves forward, finally closing the space between our lips and placing the most chaste, guiltless kiss he can on my own. It wasn't even a kiss, I guess, more like a quick peck you'd give to your gross aunt when she pesters you for hugs and kisses. But I can tell the situation is much more different than that by the way he keeps coming back for longer, harder kisses. Each kissing-interval gradually gets longer and more passionate; pretty soon I'm pulling him closer by the waist and his fingers are tangled in the mess I call my hair.

His lips press harder and more desperate against mine; I take this as the hint that he wants more. We part, and I ask him as nicely as possible, "Sora, stick your tongue out."

His look reminded me of one you'd give someone who just grew a second head. His eyes widened. "W-why? W-what are you gonna do?"

Hm... Whatever will I do with Sora's tongue in a situation like this? Is he stupid or what?

"Stick out your tongue and we'll find out, now won't we, Sora?" I make sure to purr his name as I let my fingers play with the soft, sensitive skin on his hips, around where the towel met his naked body. He shudders under my touch and I grin, knowing he liked this. His body feels as soft as I imagined.

And the first thought that comes to mind when he obeys with flushed, bright-red cheeks is; If there's a God, and this is fake, you're fucked. Seriously, this better be real, man...

I take his tongue into my mouth and suck on it gently, eagerly awaiting his reaction. He lets out the kindest, softest moan and I smirk on the inside; he sounds just as cute as I imagined as well. Sucking harder on his leathery, pink tongue I chuckle to myself everytime he makes that sweet, pitiful mewl. And I realize that it's not just mewls I'm after; I want to reduce him to quivers.

Boldly, I let my hands work their magic at his hips, brushing the tips of my fingers delicately over his tanned skin and letting one of my hands slowly pull his towel down a little. The one on his head, I realize due to lack of sensation, has long been forgotten on the floor, his wet brunette hair spiking in all directions as usual.

Holy shit. Things are getting so intense. I don't even remember taking that off of him.

The towel that covered my prize slowly fell to the floor, giving me the most wonderful view of Sora's member. I smirk the most devious smirk as we part and let my lips busy themselves at a particularly sensitive patch of skin on his throat. He groans, head tilting back to provide me a much wider canvas, hands still in my hair tugging lightly. "R-Roxas..."

His moans completely set me off.

I let my tongue roam a little farther down, and suddenly I've got him pinned down on the living room couch, wrists held back with one hand above his head and the other teasing the skin around his now completely hardened erection while I took a dusty, hard nipple in between my teeth. I stroke his thighs, purposely letting my thumb graze the tip and sides of his member earning a low hiss from said brunette. My kisses just get lower. I feel his hands struggling to break free. Someone's eager...

"Something wrong, Sora?" I ask about three octaves lower than usual. With a grin, I blow a little air on his erection. He hisses once more and I find it so damn amusing it's almost sick. Then again, this entire situation is sickening. I'm doing such lewd, heinous things to my best friend's body, the kid who I've been with through thick and thin since God only knows how long. He's been my object of desire for ten long fucking years, and now we're here on the couch of his house doing these things that best friends don't do. Hell, juniors shouldn't even know how to do half this shit.

But do I look like I care? Not a single bit.

On that note, I place a few kisses along his member, giving the tip a teasing lick. He whimpers and cries, arching his back, visibly greedy for more. Why do I get such a kick out of this...? "R-Roxas p-please!" he whines.

"Please, what~?" I wanna hear him ask for it. Just a little too much, at that... I give the underside a single, slow lick. He nearly screams. I crawl back on top of him, staring him down directly in the eyes. "I won't know what to do if you won't tell me, Sora..." That familiar, dazzling shade of blue was glossed in a shade of lust so thick you could drown in it. He just looks so cute down there, beneath me. This is how I've always dreamed of seeing him...

He kisses my cheek. "P-please... j-just do it... R-Roxas..."

Roxas, you and I both know he's far too innocent to admit what he wants you to do.

My mind has a pretty good point. I kiss his cheek in return and let my tongue wander back down to his hard erection. With a grin, I look back up at the look of pure sexual frustration on his face and comply, lowering my mouth and taking him into it as torturously slow as possible. Looking up again I can see his eyes snap shut, his back arches, and suddenly his hips come to, pushing more of him into my mouth. He screams.

I'd like to make note of this now so there are no misunderstandings; Sora's not that big. But he's not exactly lacking either, so don't go getting the wrong idea, get it? Thanks.

As slowly and torturous as possible, I drag my tongue all the way up his underside, back to the head. I swirl and lap around there, suckling gently as my free hand busied itself with the base. I swear to God-that-may-not-even-exist you could hear his moans from ten thousand miles away. It seriously wouldn't surprise me if his parents could hear him from so far away, it was just that great. The groans and moans that tore from his throat were so loud and pleasure-filled I almost died.

Let's just see how loud we can get him.

Without warning, I pull more than the tip in and moan into his skin; the vibrations made his eyes roll back into his head. I chuckle. He moans. This is so amusing to me, it's almost sick. I can feel his grip on his hands tightening to the point where his fists were trembling; he's coming soon, I can feel it. And as soon as I feel him shake and hear him moan my name, I pull my lips from his member and climb back on top of him. He stares up at me with those wide, lustful blue eyes, a slight pout on his face. That's right, THE pout. And it's totally adorable. Damn... I dip down to kiss him again, resting my free hand over his heart. I can feel how quickly it's beating.

It's reassuring to know he's as nervous as I am...

Though to be honest, I don't exactly show it. This entire time I've just been going by impulse. Sad, 'idn't it? But true; I've been in love with Sora for ten years and now that I have him I don't even know what to do with him. I'm that nervous. I may not be experienced, and he may not either but this is relief, nonetheless. I don't have to sneak looks at him or daydream in Biology about what it's like to feel him. This is real.

"R-Rox... as..." he whimpers as we part, eyes still tightly shut and lips pursed together as his cheeks flushed the most adorable shade of red. He was shaking for some reason, most likely because this is his first time being touched by someone else. Well... it was either that or that fact that I just sucked him off and didn't even have the courtesy to finish him off. That just might be it too. The thought sits in the back of mind and, without even meaning to, I feel myself smirk and chuckle with delight. "W-Why did you...?"

"Because, Sora," I purr directly into his ear, letting my tongue run along the lobe of his ear. "We can't have you coming just yet, now can we?"

"Why? W-what are you gonna do...?" his voice trails off as I let my free fingers toy with his entrance. He shudders and cringes beneath me, squirming uncomfortably. I place a kiss on each of his eyelids. "D-Don't... aah..."

Ignoring his whisper to stop, I let a finger wiggle its way in; pushing it in further in each time I thrust it. I relished in the whimpers and cries he let out, but without ever meaning to I heard myself whisper in his ear a soft, "I'm sorry" before taking the skin between my teeth and nibbling down gently. He whines as I let it go in as far as I could, the uncomfortable cries melting into moans when I felt something of different texture against my finger.

I slip in another, and he yelps again. I didn't mean to hurt him... I think to myself with a grimace when I saw wetness at the corners of his eyes. Hesitantly, I bent down to kiss them away, taking his bottom lip between my own two and giving it a suck after. The cutest sound escaped his lips, like he was saying Oh... but mixed with something else I couldn't decipher. I loved it nonetheless.

Pretty soon he's loose enough to add a third finger; moans grew louder and tears pooled in his eyes as I let them scissor around, trying as gently as possible to stretch him without pain. In attempts to lessen the burden I release his wrists and almost immediately I feel his hands in my hair pushing me down for a soft, unpracticed kiss. Beneath my lips on his I could hear those little mewls and groans, only adding to the experience of being here with him. When we part he whispers, "R-Roxas... I-I think I'm..."

I already know what he wants to say. And a wave of bliss pulses through me. "Alright. I-I need you to relax, though, okay?" I ask him, positioning myself to enter and letting my forehead rest on his to stare him in the eyes. There was fear in those oceans, but a certain look of adoration as well. Somehow I thought my eyes looked the same.

What I wouldn't give to know what he's thinking right now...

"Just... relax..." I coo in his ear as I push in as gently as I can. I saw the look of pain stretch across his face, hated the pain-filled cries he made as I worked my way further inside. He's in pain again... In attempts to relax him from the ache, I press my lips to his, kissing him gently as I pushed myself further in. He broke from our kiss every now and then; letting out more wounded yelps and mewls of painful pleasure.

I gotta be honest with you and say that it was not easy to restrain from letting loose completely. Seriously, if only you knew how hard it is to withdraw from just ramming into him completely. The feeling of being inside him itself is just... indescribable. There are no words to describe how it feels to be here with him after, as I keep on telling you, ten long and lonely years.

Moments pass as long as hours, the only sounds in the air are breathless pants from both of us and the PS2 playing that stupid Pride Land song over and over during pause mode. Sora had his eyes shut tightly, his teeth enclosed over his bottom lip – to the extent that I thought he was bleeding – in attempts to muffle his whimpers. I didn't dare move until he was ready; I didn't want this to hurt...

A blue eye opens, the other one still shut tightly while his lips move; he's saying something... but I can hardly make out what he's trying to tell me. He moves his body up a little more, and I feel him kiss my cheek and whisper in my ear, "Y-You can m-move..." So, with as much care as possible, I start little by little, biting my own lip in hopes it would help me cope with taking things as slow as it took to make Sora happy. He let out the most pathetic cries of pleasure, quiet as things went so gradually. As slowly as I was thrusting, I bring my lips down to his again, kissing him surely and gently and feeling his lips move just as sweetly against my own. Somewhere along the lines we started a battle of tongues against tongues fighting for dominance. And... I guess that's where things got bad?

Well, I don't exactly remember when it all started, but my mind was foggy with lust and pretty soon we were rocking harder towards each other; I was pounding into him as fast as I possibly could and he was practically screaming my name. Without even thinking, I take one of my hands off his thighs and stroke his still-hardened member, only adding twice the volume to his desperate cries of need. I could feel his walls around me clenching tighter; he was coming, I could feel it.

"H-haa... ooh... R-Roxas! I-I'm...!"

I cut him off with a kiss, sliding my tongue past his lips needing. By the time our tongues clashed and battled he'd already released on my hand and his chest; the pressure on my own member was so great I couldn't help but shudder and release in him myself. Not too long after, I unsheathed, collapsing on top of him and taking him into my arms warmly, holding his shaking body close to mine as we tried to catch our breaths. We lay like that for what felt like an hour of endless embraces and whispers in each others' ears. Of course, we were so shaken up that we could hardly hear each other, let along form the words we wanted to say but it didn't matter. Before falling asleep with him in my arms I whisper a last, "I love you" in his ear.

And I'm pleased to say in the midst of unconsciousness I heard him say the same to me too.

Have you ever loved so much that it hurt to look at them?

Even the very mention of their name, whether it was intended to be them or another of the same name, brings you to your knees and you practically melt into a puddle of pure want? Every time you see them you get so nervous, you don't know why either, and even if you're the most graceful of people you crack and get clumsy. They never seem to leave your mind, and sometimes you stop and realize that, wow, you've been thinking about them all day... You dream of them, doodle those stupid hearts with their name in it all over your tests and binder. You think of them day in and day out, their thought like the sweetest plague on your mind.

You realize soon enough that hey, you'd do anything for them just to see them smile, anything to make them happy with life. Their joy becomes your number one priority, and no matter where you go or what you do, they never leave your mind. Your promise to make their existence a happy one never goes away. They're forever in your thoughts and memories. Have you ever felt such a loving devotion to anyone in your life?

Well, you guessed it – that's kind of how I feel about Sora.