I wrote the first chapter of this beautiful tale with the help of a friend. Upon reading it outloud to some other friends and watching as they crawl into fetal positions, begging for it to stop, I realised I must publish it.
This is gonna be a series of crack oneshots shipping pretty much any character I can think of with Link (except Zelda).
Disclaimer: I do not own LOZ, and you should be happy that I don't.
CHAPTER 1 . A TINGLING SENSATION (Tingle x Link)
Description: Tingle's dingle swells with a crescendoing passion as he thinks of his dear, dear Link. The question forms and swirls in his head as he wonders if Link needs him, longs for him, too, if Link is as desperate for Tingle as Tingle is for him.
He cannot take it anymore. He confronts the boy he desires so much.
One day Tingle was selling maps. He was thinking about Link, about his luxurious, flowing golden locks. As he was fantasising about Link's hair, his thoughts began against his will, as they so often did, down to Link's tight white leggings.
Tingle couldn't help but crave the hidden treasure beneath the white tights, the long, sturdy Master Sword concealed within their confines.
"Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah!" Tingle moaned to himself, overcome by passion, receiving strange glances from those who passed by. But Tingle didn't care: Link was all that mattered to him.
His tight, spandex fairy costume was saturated from perspiration, and thoughts surged into Tingle's head, all of that beautiful boy who never spoke. He wondered if these strange, forbidden longings all surged in Link's heart too, whether the boy needed Tingle as much as Tingle needed him.
"LIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!" Tingle couldn't take it anymore. He needed to find Link, he needed answers. Were his feeling mutual, or would he forever be trapped in a tragic, unrequited love for eternity?
His passion overcame him and he abandoned his post. He needed to find his green-clothed idol before his turgid desires tore him apart... he sprinted down the road to the beach to watch his dream lover's boat thrust into the harbour.
"LINK!" He cried out for a second time, seeing the love of his life enter his vision, the setting sun glinting off Link's luminous tresses that framed his youthful features like a glowing halo.
Upon seeing Tingle, a gasp escaped Link's plump, voluptuous lips that Tingle had spent so many hours worshipping. Was Tingle imagining the desire he saw rising in Link's azure orbs, as he was sure he imagined the relentless sexual tension between them with every encounter?
Unable to conceal his passion, Tingle leapt on to the boat in which the gorgeous, desirable object of his desire stood on. They were together on this separate platform, gazing (surely longingly) into one another's eyes, away from the world that stood against their love.
"Link," it was the third time the honeyed letters of the boy's dreamlike name that tripped like drops of golden sunlight off Tingle's tongue, the tinge of desperation clear in his voice, "I... I..."
Link took a few hesitant steps back, the rate of his breathing increasing. He was nervous, Tingle could tell, anxious about what the man would say. Link wanted Tingle too, that was why he was so nervous, so scared. Tingle was scared too.
Tingle stood closer to the boy, his hand gently sliding against Link's arm in attempt to soothe him. A quiet squeak made its way out of Link's infinitely kissable mouth, a squeak that triggered an eruption of strong feelings in Tingle's chest.
"I love you," Tingle finally managed to spit out, a feeling of relief crashing against his body, much like the waves crashing against the boat - waves that symbolised the waves of passion Tingle felt for the boy. A deep feeling of contentment crept over him.
Link stayed silent, like he always did, but Tingle could see the answer he so desired in the boy's stunning orbs. The way they widened ever so slightly, and the way he caught his breath. Link loved him too, Tingle could tell.
Hesitantly, Tingle stood on his tippy toes, trying to reach the lips he had always fantasised about every night, the lips he always wanted to make contact with. Before he could touch them though, before he could finally kiss the boy of his dreams, an ear bleeding scream forced its way out of Link's mouth.
Tingle jumped back in shock, surprised by the sudden noise. Was Link still scared of the idea of a relationship? Was he nervous of what, or who, was to come?
"It's ok," Tingle attempted to calm the boy.
Suddenly, Link grabbed the tiny thirty year old man, throwing him into the air and kicking him across the ocean. Tingle's head smashed against a brick wall, and his final breath came out of his mouth. His last thought was of Link, and the violent way the boy rejected him. Tingle died that day, and the universe celebrated his demise.
Link gave a sigh of relief, and continued his adventure.
If you made it this far, I congratulate you.
There is more to come.
