Does It Matter
"I think you should leave."
"Callie…"
The hand that went up stopped the words from leaving her mouth.
They've been arguing for a while now. Arizona brought Sofia back from a day at the park and Callie's eyes were just watching her. They watched as she walked through the door. Watched as she got Sofia ready for bed. They just watched. Arizona knew Callie was going to blow a gasket for some silly reason yet she still opened her mouth and said something and Callie seemed to just snap, almost as if she was waiting for the words to leave Arizona's mouth. She couldn't take it anymore. The giant zebra striped elephant in the room was starting to piss her off.
So they started arguing. How does one simply get over their wife's infidelity? You don't. Callie was nowhere near the bridge to even attempt to get over it. And the fact that Arizona was prancing around butterflies and rainbows around her head like nothing happened, like their lives weren't falling apart, like their marriage wasn't a complete disaster, pushed Callie to the edge. They argued, harsh whispers, mindful of their little girl in the next room, and she was the only thing keeping Callie from not screaming in frustration at the dumbfounded look on Arizona's face. She was infuriated.
Callie took a deep breath and sat down.
"I'm done Arizona. I refuse to put my heart on the line again for someone who could care less if it falls and shatters into a million pieces!"
"I care! I care so much. I…What can I do to make you see that?"
Callie chuckled; it was more of a choked sob, but whatever, technicalities.
"Arizona…" she sounded defeated, "you should stop lying to yourself. You don't care. You don't care about me or this sparse of a marriage. I'm pretty sure if I disappeared off the face of the earth you would be jumping for joy."
Arizona stumbled as if she'd been punched in the gut.
"How could you…how could you say that?"
"Because it's the truth. Because if you cared…If you loved me there is no way you could have done what you did. Arizona you…" she swallowed her sobs, "you hurt me s-so much. And I'm just done."
They stood in silence for a few minutes until Callie muttered
"I'm filling for divorce."
"What…" Arizona whispered, tears springing to her eyes. "Cal…Callie you can't do that! You can't possibly think I'm letting you go! Letting us go!"
Callie ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. This was getting really frustrating.
"Arizona I refuse to stay in a loveless marriage when you don't even want to be here! I can't waste time anymore. I need to find someone that wants to love me the way I deserve to be loved." She paused and placed her ring on the coffee table. "I figured you would be grateful now that you have no ties to me and you can freely sleep with whomever you please."
Arizona looked as if she'd seen a ghost. Never would she have thought they would be standing here talking about a divorce. Sure, it was partly her fault. Okay, mostly. But she thought they would work it out somehow. She thought they were strong enough to get through anything. To get through this. She's been giving Callie space for a month. And now her wife, the love of her life, believed she didn't love nor care for her and was asking for a divorce. Divorce. Even in her thoughts it sounded strange. It wasn't for them. She was going to fight for Callie somehow. She would refuse to sign the papers and hold out until Callie saw how much she cared, saw how deeply, deeply in love with her Arizona was. She would fight.
"Cal-…"
"We'll uhh… sort out the custody details for Sofia. You're her… you're her mother too and I would never keep our child from you."
Callie was in "Dr. Torres" mode. No emotions showed on her face. But her eyes, her eyes said it all.
"You can have the apartment…u Sof and I will find a place somewhere."
That seemed to snap Arizona out of her Stupor. She was in the midst of losing her family, everything she loved so dearly, and she refused to sit back and do nothing.
"Callie, baby, you don't have to do this. We can…we can work this out. Baby, I love you. I can't lose you. I won't! I-I made a mistake. I horrible, horrible mistake, that is taking my babies away from me. I won't let it happen! I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to get better for myself, and-and you and Sofia, and for all our other children that we are going to have. Baby, please, please don't do this. I-I've been giving you space to think and to breathe. A month Calliope. I've been without you for a month. I've been sleeping without you and waking up without you. And I know, I know that all this is my fault. But Baby, I miss you. I miss you so much."
She paused to catch her breath. She was now standing about two feet away from Callie, having been walking forward during her speech.
"Callie…" she breathed "…I never stopped loving you baby. I was trying to find a way to get back to me, to get back to what you needed. I slipped, I slipped and I fell flat on my face when I made the decision to go into that room," Callie visibly tensed at the mention of that night. "I fell and now I'm trying to get up. I'm going to therapy almost every day now. I'm trying so hard. I need you. And I wish you could see how in love with you I am. I want you to know that I am so deeply in love with you. I would do anything for you and Sof. You know that. And I know I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I will never forgive myself for hurting you so much and I don't expect you to forget what happened, but I want us to move on from it. I want us to move on together."
She was now holding Callie's wet cheeks and brushing the rapidly falling tears away with her thumbs. She was staring into the dark depth and couldn't help but see the love that was still there, still shining so bright.
"Tell me we can move on together." They were whispered words but they held the lock to their future. Callie had the key.
"Arizona…" Callie's sounded broken. She ducked her head and looked at their entwined hands on her face. They always did fit well.
Arizona dipped her knees to catch Callie's eyes.
"Tell me we can baby. Because if you don't feel like there is anything left for us to fight for, I don't know what I would do. But I know I would never stop fighting for"
Arizona stepped closer, their bodies now touching. "I don't want us to start over. I want us to build up on what we already have. Make us a stronger us."
Arizona held her breath waiting for Callie to say something. Do something. Anything. She released it as Callie started to speak.
"I…uh…Arizona…"
Arizona's heart broke as Callie turned and walked into the bedroom.
Was it really over?
Arizona stood stock still for about two minutes, panicking. What had she done? Had she said too much? Not enough? What the hell was going on in Callie's head?
She jumped out of her trance when she noticed Callie walking towards her with a piece of paper in her hands.
"Arizona…I have something that I need to tell you…I…I meant to tell you earlier, much earlier, but things were…things were a mess and I wanted to tell you…I did, but I was so mad at you…at what you did…I uh, I only found out two weeks ago. I mean I felt weird, but I thought it was the stress y'know? And then I took the test and, and I was shocked because I thought it wouldn't work. But then Bailey confirmed it and I told her not to tell you."
"Tell me what? What are you talking about Callie?"
"I-I'm pregnant." Callie mumbled. She was looking at her feet because she dreaded what Arizona's reaction would be.
"You're…what?"
"I'm pregnant, Arizona." Her response was more firm this time.
"Oh my God!" Arizona grabbed Callie and pulled her into a strong embrace. "We're having a baby!" She dropped to her knees, lifted Callie's shirt and started to pepper kisses on her still flat abdomen.
Callie tensed at the feel of Arizona's lips on her skin. She hadn't felt those lips on her body in so long. She looked down and almost smiled at the sight of Arizona whispering to their baby. She didn't want to pop this temporary bubble but things needed to be sorted out between them. Questions had to be asked and answered. And she still had that annoying little question nagging her.
"Why was I not enough for you?"
As soon as the whispered words left her lips she felt Arizona pause her actions.
"Why? Did I…did I do something wrong? Is it because of the weight I gained? I'm sorry, it's just, I haven't had the time to go to the gym lately with all that's been going on." Tears were streaming down her face but she pushed on. "I want to know what I did so wrong to have my wife so something so horrible! Maybe I shouldn't be in relationships…because every time I think I've found the one, they do this shit! I'm tired…I'm so tired of getting my heart broken Arizona."
Callie took a deep breath and took a step back. She hated how Arizona always had the ability to make her a rambling mess. It never fails.
"What are you saying Callie?"
"I'm saying we need to work on ourselves before there can be an us again. I want answers. And I refuse to raise our children in a home full of lies and secrets!" She took another breath. She was getting too worked up. She was in need of a stiff drink. But because of her "little" situation she had to suffer sober. Water will have to do. Her life was just a mess.
"Baby, I'll give you anything you want. Calliope, I love you, you're perfect the way you are and you're perfect for me. You know I love your curves, baby," She put her hands on Callie's hips and squeezed slightly. "…and I can't wait to have another baby with you."
She looked into Callie's eyes and had a strong urge to kiss her beautiful lips. She dried Callie's tears and lifted her chin.
"I want to kiss you."
She looked into Callie's eyes for permission and leaned at her slight nod. They both moaned in unison when their lips met. If it was any other time, Arizona would have laughed at Callie's embarrassingly loud moan when their tongues met. It was a feeling they both missed. Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona's neck and moaned again when she felt Arizona squeeze her ass.
They were getting carried away but neither seemed to care. It's been too long. Callie ran her fingers through Arizona's hair and held on for the ride while Arizona's tongue dominated her mouth. Oh my God, she thought, I could seriously cum from this. What the hell?
Finally they broke apart, both breathing hard. Arizona rested her forehead on Callie's and gave her one last passionate kiss.
"We'll get through this. You're more than worth it."
