Disclaimer: If you don't recognize it, it's mine. Ooh the things I would do if LOTR were mine.*evil grin* BTW, this is my first fan-fic, so don't be too harsh. And the spelling is supposed to be like that, because she's got an accent.

The Adventures of Bessie Lou

It all started one ordinary winter afternoon. Ah was in the field with mah friends, and we were just stannin' around gossipin', like usual. Georgette was complainin' about her boyfriend Johnny, "He cheated on me again!! He cheated!! And it was with tha' lil' tarty thang, Maggie May!! Ah can't believe this!!" "Whaddya mean, yuh can't believe it? This is the third time it's happened!!" retorted Gracie. "She's right, yuh know," Ah added, "Besides, ah heard that Farmer Bob is getting' rid of her." "Good riddance!!" shouted Georgette, "But that bull-headed, stubborn, son of a." All of a sudden, it started to get sort of cold. Ah mean, it was already cold, but this was cold. Farmer Bob couldn't come out and get us, so we ambled over to the tree line at the edge of the field. Not much of a tree line, by the way. Lil', scraggy trees. Shame, really. So it started snowing, and before ah knew it, ah was flying through the air. Not fun. Ah know ah passed a house on my way. Ah saw Clem too. Clem, annoyin', stupid goat. He tried saying somethin' to me too, but ah didn' hear it. All of a sudden, ah blacked out. When ah came to, ah had no idea where ah was. All ah knew was that ah was probably dead because ah saw the yummiest lookin' grass ah had ever seen in mah life. Ah was really hungry too, so ah just started in on tha' grass like it was mah last day on Earth (actually, it was). Then, ah heard a noise and ah looked up. Ah didn't know what this cat was. Looked like a man. Pretty tall. Sorta girly. And blond. Ah ignored him, until he said the unthinkable, "What is that beast.thing? Maybe I should shoot it." Ah looked up, "Excuse me! What d'yuh think you are doin', girly-man? Y'all think you own this here forest?" "Mirkwood? But I do own it. Actually, my father does, in a way." I was talkin' with girly-man. And he understood me. Things were a gettin' weirder by the minute.