Ch. 1. The Wedding Day
Michelle was running around the church before her wedding making sure everything was planned to a tee. She was being consumed by the light coming from the church's stained glass windows. The high ceilings made her heard through out the entire auditorium. The pews were making noise from the constant batter of her fingernails scratching the surface of the wood. In her manic state she has been able to arrange the flowers 3 different times and was also able to pace up and down the isles waiting for Frank. Her brown eyes filled with worry and doubt. Her face was distorted with anxiety and anger. The dark brown hair that covered her ears was flowing down to her shoulders. Her red lips covered in gloss. You could probably see your reflection in her lips (if you looked hard enough). Her skin was like caramel. And Frank said it was just as sweet.
If something happened just 30 seconds off the whole wedding would be ruined. We had practiced this four times yesterday and nothing had gone wrong. So I have no clue what she was so worked up about, she should be getting ready for the wedding. She still has yet to get changed. I went up to her and put my hands on her shoulders.
"Look Michelle you have to get ready. The wedding is in 5 hours and you still have to shower, dress, do your hair, and get your make-up put on." I said.
"Chris, not now, I have to make sure that Frank shows," she said, "and that everything goes off without a hitch."
I laughed and gasped out, "Hitch, funny it seems like you already met Hitch and that you're about to get hitched."
"Not now, Funny Man."
"But funny is what I do, that's how I cope; but he will show and you will have the wedding you have planned all these years." I tried to warm up her cold feet but I can't do that apparently. As if on cue Frank burst through the doors.
"Am I late!?" he said. His brown eyes were filled with all seriousness. When we both shot him looks, he laughed so hard he started to cry. He tried to breathe but he couldn't. Through the tears and the laughter he choked out. "I could never forget one of the most important days of my life."
She walked over to him with her face contorted with anger. "DAMN YOU, FRANK." She screeched.
I covered my ears because it was the most terrifying sound I had ever heard. She started to make me angry at Frank, because he was able to contort her pretty voice into a voice fit for all the demons in hell.
"How dare you try to ruin my day, Frank? This is the day where everyone is supposed to go 'ohh and ahh' at me. I don't have time to be worried about you. I have to get into that gorgeous dress, fix my hair, and sit in a chair for an hour while some person puts paint on my face." She had said all this, but by the end of her rant she had broken down. She was no longer yelling but instead she was crying. Frank looked as if he had been punched in the solorplexes. But he tried to defend him self still. Frank looked to me for help.
Trying to make her feel better I added one thing to her list. "Not to mention shower." That didn't go over to well.
"See I'm so worked up I forgot I smell. God damn gym. One last question how was the Striper last night?"
Attempting to act innocent, I added "Yeah Frank how was your last night of freedom before getting to lie in the arms of this beautiful woman for the rest of your life."
"Chris I know you were there so stop trying to suck up. You're the best man, so I know you planned it."
"Right, I know you would be upset if I got Frank a hooker for the party, and that was my first idea. You know big orgy. Yeah right. No there was no stripper and certainly no hooker. We just player games and invited Chloie over for some movies. You know since Frank has that awesome plasma screen. I thought we would go rent some great vampire movies and have her dress in skintight leather. Or not. You know whatever we thought about doing. But those FOUR practices wore her out. So, right when we popped in the first DVD, she passed out from exhaustion." I tried to explain we didn't act like normal bachelors. But it was no use. Even Frank looked worried at my meager attempts.
"So you think you could get my best friend drunk and not have to pay anything for a stripper or hooker, or whatever you wanted to do with her." She said this like she was looking for an excuse to punish us.
I tried to defend us. "Michelle, NO! That was not it at all, we just wanted some wine and to watch a few decent movies. It was just an innocent vampire marathon. If you don't believe me after the reception I will take you down to Frank's house or your house now and show you all the movies and the wine. If you still don't believe us just see how clean the house is. Sex is messy and so is stripping and you can always ask her cause she is right back there with no hangover. I'll even, as selfless as possible, come back there with you. 'Cause with all seriousness your best friend is very beautiful. After this is over, may I have her number?"
"If you behave during the wedding." They said in unison. I was used to having Michelle against me, but Frank too. Was I really all that bad?
"I just have to show up and give him the ring, so how can I screw up." Not trusting them to get the number of the beautiful maiden I had met at the rehearsals. I nervously knocked on the door to her dressing room. She must have thought I was someone else because she answered.
"Come in already, I need you to help me."
It struck me as weird but I entered anyways. As soon as I walked in I saw her in a black bra and panties. She screamed, I gasped and turned around.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to uh….. Uuuummmm….. See you half naked." I tried to apologize, but I think she was embarrassed to have thought I was someone else.
"Your Franks friend…..ummmm… Chris right. I uhhh did not want you to see me like this not until we got to know each other A LOT better. But turn around I'm not shy, in fact I'm proud of my body. Take a gander you might like what you see."
As I was turning around I spotted a shirt and a pair of pants. "Look as you can tell I'm a little uncomfortable and just so you don't take me handing you these clothes the wrong way, I'll tell you why I'm here. See last night the reason I called you was because I thought you were funny, smart, and let's go for the male point of view for a second, I thought you were beautiful. And I came here to ask if you would like to have dinner with me. I know I'm not the best looking person out there but I am here throwing my self at your feet." I tried to sound so sincere without staring at her still half naked body. But she was still not moving. I think I might have shocked her with my romantic side. "Um, this is the point where you say something so I don't feel like a complete ass asking you out. If I gave you a very nice compliment would you promise not to pass out? And will you tell me if I'm out of line.
"Umm, sure Chris." She answered in the softest of voices. Like a choir of angels.
I started to say my compliment as I started to look down her glorious body, but my eyes continue to travel down until I ended up staring at the floor. I muttered the compliment under my breath.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch that." She said very calmly, possibly even amused, while my heart was beating out of my chest. I started to sweat; I started to go numb even!
I started to speak louder. "I think you have a glorious body."
She blushed such a deep red and was speechless
"Hello?" she looked like she just went blank.
In a reaction to the compliment, she came up and wrapped her arms around me and kissed me and said "Yes, I would love to go out with you."
*****
Although I didn't hear that last part, because being kissed by a beauty such as her, had caused me to faint. I woke up just in time to get changed, though something felt different Like everything was right with the world. And everything was.
I had to take a shower because I had to get ready for the wedding. When I got out Frank was waiting for me.
"You over eager idiot, some how you made the maid of honor fall in love with you in a matter of a half an hour. What did you do?" He just battered me with all the questions and accusations. Granted they weren't bad accusations but still I just got out of the shower for heavens sake. He did not even allow me time to get a towel. He just put the seat and the seat cover down on the toilet, and sat down.
"Not gonna be able to do anything like that." I said pointing at the toilet. "Which means you're going to have a big mess or you couldn't wait till I dried off and covered myself?"
"Nope I couldn't wait," he said, "her number was what we were going to get you if you behaved at the wedding, but now you did it yourself. What did you say to her cause you still have that water proof lipstick on you? How hard did she kiss you that's stuff isn't supposed to smear or rub off?"
He was so interested. How could I tell him I fainted? Oh well I had to bite the bullet sometime. "Dude, I walked in on her half naked," I said calmly now sitting down with a towel over my self, "So I gave her an honest compliment. I told her she had a beautiful body. She kissed me and I 'FAINTED'. It was the best first kiss ever. Although fainting with her still in my arms probably wasn't the best move. But I just asked her out to dinner, I think. It all happened so fast." I attempted to explain to him what happened but after he heard I fainted he just started to laugh. "That's not the worst of it; that was my first kiss!"
"Dude you are one of the best people I know, but you are so stupid when it comes to women." He said that like I didn't know it already.
"Frank look I know I'm an idiot with women but I can read everyone, and I need to ask Chloie something, so go away! I fainted before I could hear her answer. Plus you have to get ready; your suit is a lot more complicated then mine, so you need to go get ready. Okey dokey, pokey, smoky. Adios man I'll see you in a few." I tried to push him to the dressing room. Finally, I convinced him to go freely to his dressing room, after I told him I timed myself to see how long it would take me to get dressed. And I still had time to spare.
The moment after he left there was this loud knock. I got up and figured out a way to secure the towel around me without showing off any assets. I answered the door in a hurry. I grasped the handle, and then yanked the door open. Behind it was the brown eyed beauty I wanted to talk to, just not right at this particular moment.
"Chris, Hi, I thought I'd pay you back for walking in on me; though I was in more than a towel." She sounded so calm, so at ease. I guess it was just me who nearly fell down in shock. I tried to speak but all that came out was 'uhh', and also the assorted gibberish.
I finally got the words formed in my brain. I backed up and sat on the toilet again. Once sitting I thought out the words again. "Chloie, Hi," I tried to sound as nonchalant as can be expected under these circumstances, "How are you?" I said this grasping at something to say. All my witty power had been used up on 'hi'. "How ya been? I see that I didn't crush your hands. Which is a good thing cause with out hands people wouldn't hold hands, hold flowers, like you have to do, or you know be able to hold anything." She was already changed in her bride's maid dress. "Damn, Michelle did a good job picking out those dresses. I shouldn't have said that out loud. Oops, sorry again. If you didn't get that 'you look great in that dress' from my previous statement let me say it now. You look great in that dress!" I tried although I felt like I was sinking. Weird, I felt like I screwed up way to much for just five minutes to have passed.
"Thank you Chris, I think you're the first person to see me in the dress. I came right here after I heard that you…. umm… 'Woke up'."
"Is there any way we could NOT make it sound like I 'woke up' from a coma. I fainted, yes. I admit that because well you were there so I can't really deny it now, can I?" She had gotten me through the non- speaking stage of my embarrassment. But know I was cruising into the 'being hurtful' stage so I had to stop.
She interrupted my train of thought when she came up to me and pressed her index finger to my lips. The universal sign for saying 'shut the hell up'.
"Chris, I think it's sweet that that was your first kiss."
"Great Frank told you, this just keeps getting better." She looked offended. "No the 'KISS' was great it's the humiliating thing that happened after it; I fainted. Then I told Frank. I've never told him a secret; I always kept my secrets… well, a secret. So no one could use them against me. And right now I think I should get a medal for even being able to form sentences around you." She looked like she was going to laugh her ass off but somehow she hadn't uttered a single giggle though I know she was laughing on the inside. "Laugh, its ok I'll make an exception for you." She started to laugh so hard you would think a pack of hyenas just entered the church. "So do you hear those hyenas, cause if not I should protect you. They're vicious animals you know." She stopped laughing and turned bright red. "Have you laughed before?"
"Not much before today."
"Then I promise to not tell jokes at the dinner so milk (or you know wine) doesn't come out your nose!" For some reason she started laughing again. She got me to laugh and Frank came barging in to see if something was the matter. We both got carried away and couldn't breathe so we pointed to our mouths. He was being the idiot he is and pushed us together to make our mouths (or rather our lips) touch. He started to laugh too.
A few minutes later, when we were able to breathe and the headaches subsided. I announced I had to get changed. Frank got up immediately and handed me my suit, and the left. Waiting for Chloie to leave I just stood there holding my suit.
Finally, I said. "Aren't you going to go so I can change?" She answered quicker than I expected. She shook her head from side to side 3 times. I guess that meant no. "Could you at least turn around?" Watching her again, she just placed her hands down and pushed up on them and turning herself around (cause she was sitting cross legged on the floor). When she did so, I turned around to and dropped the towel and lifted my legs to put on my boxers and my pants.
Right at that moment she said in her calm sweet voice. "Nice ass!"
That time I did fall over. I popped right up after what I thought was just a second, but I seemed to be dressed and surrounded by people. And right next to me was Chloie.
"You ok there bro, you took a good knock to the head. You will be fine we bandaged you well enough so that you will just look like a person after a brain surgery in the wedding pictures." I didn't move or respond, basically it wasn't that funny.
I turned my head to Chloie and asked two questions that I had been wondering. "I have two questions for you Chloie." I spoke really slowly because you know I just took a good knock to the noggin. She nodded her head (so far her favorite answer for today), yes. "Okay one. Why and how am I dressed?"
"I dressed you I figured if I was going to call for help you would want to be clothed. You've had enough embarrassment for a day." Chloie answered and on the last part she gave a long glare at Frank. This made me laugh. Through the laughter, she continued. "Chris why are you laughing, and what was the other question you had for me?"
"Chlo, may I call you Chlo." She looked like she was confused, but she still nodded yes. Again with the nodding! "Good, I'm laughing because of that glare you gave Frank. You were blaming him for all the embarrassment. When it was my fault, so don't glare at him please. What was the next line of questioning? Oh yeah what was the other question? The second question, right then onward march. Damn remembering was a lot easier a minute ago. Right I 'membered it." I said slurring my words. "I wanted to know your answer to my question that I fainted for."
She smiled slightly but then said something I didn't expect. "Let's get you on your feet, if you're a good boy I'll tell you at the reception." She saw a hand movement from Frank and Michelle. Getting the gesture from Michelle didn't surprise me; although getting it from Frank too, now that was shocking. But I was a little confused at this point in time. Hell I could have just been seeing another Frank and he just looked very feminine. I pictured him with make-up and a dress on it was so funny. I giggled. This was the time EVERYONE started to look at me.
"Chris what's so funny."
Pointing at Michelle, which was rude in its own way, yes. "I pictured Frank in make-up and a dress."
"How did you guess our bachelorette party game?"
I laughed harder if that was possible; but now I was pointing at Frank, but I was still talking to Michelle. "So how did he look?"
She gave me her digital camera and said. "See for yourself." At that Frank snatched the camera right out of my hand tearing the skin on my hand. At the pain, the muscles contracted in my hand. I held my hand to my chest and got blood on the shirt, holding it in the way a child would anything that hurts.
"Great move Frank, now he has blood on his shirt. We can have the wedding with his head wrapped like a mummy, but having blood on the shirt makes him look like his blood spilled from his head." Michelle started to defend me but ended up just hurting my feelings. While those two were bickering and while no one was watching me, I slipped out into the dressing room. Chloie saw me leave and silently followed me. She stayed behind me.
Once I reached the changing room, I undressed, and took off my head bandage. I got into one of the tinted showers because I left so many people, and incase they wanted to follow me. I had lost track of time, just gradually making the water hotter. After about 10 minutes in very hot water my muscles felt as they would melt. I sat down in the large shower to give my muscles a break. After a few minutes I was very relaxed then I heard a tap on the glass. I tensed up and figured out the noise was on the shower pane. I pushed on the glass and it opened a little bit. And there stood Chloie. Trying to act like myself I said. "We have to stop meeting while being naked."
She laughed a little. "I followed you, you know. You're not very perceptive in your present state. This might be why you opened the door without asking who it was. That also might be why you're letting me stare at your naked body. You have a great…. On second thought never mind. But back on track, that bump on your head you are soaking now is gonna hurt like hell in the morning."
"Who said anything about hurting in the morning, it hurts now."
"Want me to kiss it and make it better."
"No."
"NO!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?"
I covered my ears for two reasons one her voice gets really high when she is mad. Two, all the tile in the shower made it echo. "No, meaning you will ruin that dress 30 minutes before the wedding. And don't yell I have a head injury and your voice gets very high when you yell."
Looking surprised by my blatant way of saying what was in my head. She just replied. "Oh you thought all that out that fast."
"Nope, I thought it out when I smelled your perfume while you were tailing me. So please open the door." As she did so I turned off the water and stood up and grabbed a towel. When she turned around she made a playful sad groan.
"Aw did you have to put the towel on. You have you get changed you know."
"I know;" I replied calmly, "Now stay on this side of the wall. If you peak as I'm getting dressed I will know; so, you will just have to control those urges. I'll tell you when you can come down and sit so we can continue this conversation. Um Kay, pumpkin."
"Okay, I won't peak; I want to, but I won't."
I pass along the wall into the men's changing room. I reach my locker. I open it using my combination, 1-1-0-1-9-1. My suit and dress shoes are right where I left them, inside the locker. Such shiny shoes. I put on my new, never been worn boxers and called Chloie in. she casually walked in like she doesn't have a care in the world. "Hello so how were those thirty seconds."
Without missing a beat she replied so fast. "Well it was touch and go watching you walk away, but somehow I managed to pull it together to obey your request." She quipped.
"You're very funny and pretty. Sorry right now I have trouble keeping my thoughts in my head." I got all my clothes on with the help of Chloie. Also she helped me stay awake.
*****
It was five minutes before the wedding. So we decided to go get into our positions. Now since I am the best man and Chloie is the maid of honor we got to walk down the isle, together. The whole time down the isle I am trying to not notice how soft her skin is. When we got to the alter we split up and went to our own personal step. They way the church had set the alter up, all the grooms men and brides maids got to stand on their own step. So Chlo and I were standing face to face, just four feet away. The wedding march had started to begin. Frank, all five foot eleven inches of him, Came down with his mom. His mom left him to go to the first row on his side just before he reached the end. He came up right to me and asked me "if I was okay."
"Dude, don't worry about me, I should be the one asking you that." I got the weirdest look from him so I answered. "Yes I'm fine, now shut up and just say I do."
"I Do." Frank said listening to me hoping the ceremony was that long. Instead he got strange looks from the guests. Now Frank is in his Tuxedo. The white bow tie really complimented his white shirt. His hairy legs are covered by black slacks. His jacket was black too. If you looked at him he looked like a skinny, tall penguin. He had his hair parted to the side. As the English would say 'he looked very posh'. His brown eyes watched down the isle to look upon his bride. When everyone started to stare at him for saying 'I do'. All he did was chuckle nervously. Then all of a sudden his jaw dropped. I tapped him on the shoulder to ask what happened. He only mumbled his answer. Only one word was understandable "Door". He said it twice, so I looked towards the door. My mouth dropped too. I whispered to him. "Dude what is she doing the 'here comes the bride' thing hasn't started yet, has it?" not two seconds later the march started. She really did have this planned to a tee. Everyone else stood up in respect for the beautiful bride. She was just a few inches shorter than Frank possibly two inches shorter. Not much. As Frank stared at her, never taking his eyes off hers, I noticed his chest stopped moving. I whispered, "Frank BREATHE, you need to be alive by the time she gets to the alter." He inhaled; on his exhale he said something about her eyes. I think it was about the strange and wonderful color her sea green eyes made.
"Like looking into the ocean." He said that like no one was around. Her brown hair was curled a little bit at the tips and the stylist placed her hair around her face hiding her ears. Her veil covering her precious face with white lace. Her dress was classic white. She was one of the few brides who could wear white honestly. Her dress was strapless with a short train (the material that drapes behind the dress). The dress covered her feet. I kept thinking she was going to trip over her dress and fall. How could she, she's not walking, it looked like she was floating. The top half of her dress was covered in beads and sequins. They were sown up to create a pattern. But when ever I tried to look at it Frank would hit me and tell me to stop staring at her breasts. When she finally reached Frank, I turned a ways so I could look upon the ceremony.
But as I turned, these two brown eyes turned to catch mine. Those eyes belonged to Chloie. Through out the whole ceremony we stared at each other. When it was time to give Frank the ring I was still staring at her. I reached into the wrong pocket and felt around. I had a worried look on my face. I thought I had lost the ring. But the Chloie patted higher on her chest and motioned for me to do the same. When I did so I felt my hand collide with something that wasn't my chest. I had found the ring. "The one ring to rule them all." I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when everyone just looked at me.
I continued to stare at the beauty across from me. She blushed at me and smiled. I continued to watch her movements. And she went back to squirming. What seemed like five minutes actually was 30 minutes. After this length of time had elapsed, the wedding was over. Nothing more but a mere memory. I would have broken into the chorus from Cats. But I didn't know the words. We piled into our limos to head to the reception. The automated driver had already started to move and had closed the doors. I sat in the middle of Frank and Chloie. I noticed, again, that she had really soft skin. Not caring who heard me I decided to say it out loud.
"Chloie you have soft skin." It came out so fast I don't think any human ears understood me. Chloie was so cute, in her little plain pink dress. It wasn't one of those dorky ones. All it had was a little embroidery on the top, it flowed to her ankles. Where she had wrap around, high heel sandals. She had her hair similar to how Michelle had her hair done up but some how it was different. Her brown eyes gave me an odd look. She asked the driver to do something.
I figured out what it was. It was to re-play my voice slower so she could understand it. Very soon I heard my voice slowed down. "Chloie you have soft skin." Came blurting out of the speakers. She blushed.
"Yes Chris my skin is soft. I don't use anything, it's naturally soft." She said as calmly as she could without blushing. If I could I would have fallen over all over again. We reached our destination. The reception was held on the cliff in Michelle's backyard. I got out first to help out Chloie, then Michelle. Frank reached for my hand and before I grasped it, he pulled his back and said.
"I can get myself up, thank you." So I left the door open and jogged to catch up to Chloie.
"I'll get us so champagne, Chloie."
"So you can get me drunk, and not have to pay to see a stripper."
"So Chlo you heard me, huh." Michelle said sheepishly. "You weren't supposed to hear that. And the fact that I was playing with the nervous guys. It didn't work Chris got all defensive. Saying how it was an innocent vampire marathon. Complete with wine for blood."
"It was." Chloie and I said in unison. We blushed, not being able to stand the awkwardness.
"Anyone else want something, say like champagne." I asked. Chloie's hand shot up in the air.
"Get me drunk please!!!" She said stupidly. Getting a few grins for her blatant joke was a good thing. I went to get the champagne. When I returned Chloie took the glass and thanked me for it.
"So when I asked you out and then you kissed me I heard you start to say something but I had fainted by then. By any chance could you tell me what it was?" I thought it was a good question and its answer would calm my nerves or you know make them worse. Depended on the answer. She pulled me and said.
"Let this speak for itself." She moved into kiss me but I stopped her.
"I think I fainted enough for one day and if fainted again I know Michelle would never forgive me, we're right in front of the cake and last time I fell backwards I think. I don't remember too much."
"Fine ruin my fun, I said yes I would love to have dinner with you. I said that word for word. So allow me to kiss you. I'll catch you if you faint. But I think you fainted last time because of the shock. But you weren't shocked in the shower when I visited then. You weren't shocked last night when I came over to 'watch movies'."
"Seriously I had the movies ready, Frank was there. It was an innocent Vampire Marathon." I started to scream. I was tired of people thinking I have ulterior motives. They day people think I'm an honest man with no agenda is the day vampires walk in sunlight; which I hear that only Dracula can. I have the weirdest thoughts. "I swear the day that people understand that I do not have ulterior motives. Uh I can't even speak. Why people are always thinking ill of me."
"Uh Chris, I was joking!"
"Sorry I didn't mean to snap, I think I've been slowly going crazy for years. I think it started 11th grade." I apologize I didn't mean to…. I'm just sorry."
"Its fine Chris, I know what you meant. It's fine. I still like you. Don't worry." She comforted me yet again. I made a wish. At that moment that the world would stop right then so I could stay with this beauty forever.
At that exact moment God gave me my wish. Or some version of that wish. The A-I unit that the worlds scientists have been creating rejected their way of thinking. The machine then uploaded its self into the world's mainframe. At that moment the world had only one ruler. The speakers came on and the news was broadcast worldwide.
