I'm back! Yes I disappeared off the face of the Earth and deleted a lot of my stories. Sorry. Loooots of shit going on. .
But it's all ok nao!
Except fro Cinema Bizarre breaking up. NOT OK!
I don't own Death Note! Or The Dead End Dating Series by Kimberly Raye!
You would think that after being alive, or dead, for two-hundred-and-fifty-four years I would have learned by now not to answer my phone without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello, Chocolate Covered Hearts. If you've got the money, we've got the time! How may I help you?"
Yeah, it sucked as far as names, and catchy jingles went, but give me a break, I'm a guy. A gay guy, but a guy nonetheless.
"You can call me back every once in a while."
I froze and stared at my phone in horror. Fuck me.
"Hi, mom." I said slowly. Shit. I am so screwed.
"Mihael." Anya Keehl said.
Now, I adore my mother, it's just I haven't told her I was gay yet, (and I figured it out when I was eighteen), so she was still on the grandbaby quest.
I raised my eyes to the ceiling, hoping above hope for anything that would allow me to bid my mother goodbye.
"So, I invited Railyn to the house on Sunday for the weekly Hunt."
Every Sunday my family has a giant Hunt, which is pretty much someone runs around with a whistle on their neck and then everyone else goes after them trying to catch them and blow the whistle.
It was also my mother's perfect opportunity to play Matchmaker, which is quite hilarious, since she absolutely abhors that I chose finding love for Manhattans loneliest as my profession.
"Oh… that's um… great mom! That's great." Not.
At that point my door choose to open and reveal a guy with raven black hair and dark, owl-like eyes.
Thank you whatever deity looks after my undead ass. "Hey, mom? I'm going to have to call you back. And for the love of all things good and glittery in the world call me Mello." I slammed my phone down and took a moment to close my blue eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again and plastering on a brilliant smile.
"Sorry about that, welcome to Chocolate Covered Hearts, my names Mello and I'm the owner, how may I help you?"
"My names L, and obviously I am looking for a date."
I raised an eyebrow. This guy was completely monotone. "Okay then, have a seat and I'll set you up with a profile. Hell, I'll even throw in the first three matches free." This guy would need it.
I handed him the paper and told him to fill it out before going online and looking like I was busy, when in all reality I was just shopping. The heel on my favorite boot had snapped and I needed a decent replacement, pronto.
The paper was placed on my desk and I quickly picked it up and scanned it over.
Name: L Lawliet.
Age: 21
Birthday: December 1st
Looking for: Male Female Both
Oh that made my job oh-so-much easier. It was impossibly simpler to be able to hook someone up with anyone who meets the requirements without having to specify by gender
Likes: Sugary foods. Mysteries.
Must Haves:
IntelligentI said another mini-prayer to the BVU (Big Vamp Upstairs), finally someone who didn't virtually rape the "Must have" box.
3 3 3 3
I stared at the couple I'd most recently hooked up, one Light Yagami and L Lawliet, and decided that this would be a good time to haul ass.
L was smiling innocently at Light. Light was glaring at L, clearly wishing him to go into a diabetic coma.
"Бог помогает мне..." I muttered. God help me.
I started to back away slowly, hoping that they'd be too distracted to notice. Thankfully they were, and I went from a sexy, gay, Russian matchmaker, into an awesome pink bat (ever-so-manly am I not?). Shimmy-Shimmy-Cocoa-Pop.
Just in time to see L practically attack Light with his lips. Wow. That was fast.
Running away now.
I hightailed (or high winged) it back to my apartment and had about nine messages from my mother on my machine. Jesus.
"Михаил, будет остановить, избегая мне и ответить на ваш телефон?" Mihael, will you stop avoiding me and answer your phone?
No mother I will not. At least until you stop trying to hook me up with Railyn Hathaway, and start calling me Mello. Which will happen around the same time monkeys decide to fly out of my ass. Credit to Angela Two, the blond half of the Angelas, for that.
I had a text from Dayne, asking if I was on for shopping tomorrow. Do men only have one real "must have" (vagina), unless they're gay?
R u nuts? Of course we r!
I use text speak, first and foremost to annoy the crap out of my mother, and second because I am too damn lazy to actually spell out the words "You" and "Are".
I shrugged off my leather vest, toed off my boots, and left my pants in a crumpled heap on the way to my bathroom.
The sun was going to rise soon as I was dead tired after all that drama with those last two clients. L and Light were going to somehow find a way to ruin my day. I can feel it!
I took a shower, fed my cat, Pixie, gulped down some O Neg, had my daily fix of chocolate (legends are full of shit, and that's all I'll say on the matter), slapped on some moisturizer and went to bed.
And walla! The prologue for Chocolate Covered Hearts!
Review?
Bitte?
I'll give you a…. BORIS APREL PLUSHIE!
For those of you who don't know, Boris Aprel is a Ukrainian singer. Look him up. Right now.
